dani
Shy Member
Posts: 20 
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Post by dani on Nov 28, 2014 21:21:01 GMT
I think my soon to be ex is trying to claim he did not abandon me and does not want a divorce because he sent an email saying he loves me, yet he was doing things in advance to make the move out. Attorney said check to see if still on policy and if not she would arrange an emergency stay to remain on insurance. I want to email him and ask him what does he think will happen or want to happen? I don't trust him. I am going out of my mind with worry. I asked her about temporary spousal support but she said work on insurance and then we go from there. I let her admin know response I received but it is a holiday weekend essentially so no response. She said she didn't know if she could get a emergency document processed in time for surgery anyhow.  I want to text or email him. Update He sent a text asking when we could talk. I didn't respond. It's really hard not to. My girlfriends came over today and I did not tell them. Awkward moment when they ask about him and my DSS. Huge space where the tv used to be. I said the tv was old and needed replacing. Funny that I will tell it here. I am stupid because my family knows. My surgery is Thursday. Cleaning house and doing laundry. 11/30 He called and left me a voice mail a minute ago. He wants to talk and we obviously need to talk at some point and he hopes I read his email because it was sincere and he meant it. He doesn't want to fight and please contact him? |
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Post by pelirroja on Nov 28, 2014 21:41:14 GMT
I totally get that you want to email or text him but DON'T do it (Yes, I'm yelling!). Get the insurance handled then jump thru the next hoop. One step at a time. Of course, you feel overwhelmed. YOU just found out about this but HE has been planning it for quite awhile.
No contact with him right now: nothing good will come of it.
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Post by txdancermom on Nov 28, 2014 22:05:19 GMT
Agree - do not contact him - let your attorney do that, and make sure she has copies of anything he sends you.
stay strong, you will make it
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 28, 2014 22:07:51 GMT
Just checking in to say I am sorry. He has shown you who he is, believe him. Hugs to you!
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Post by sbartist on Nov 28, 2014 22:09:14 GMT
I would think your attorney should be able to file a motion to shorten time, so a motion could be set re: insurance sooner, rather than later.
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dani
Shy Member
Posts: 20
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Post by dani on Nov 28, 2014 22:21:17 GMT
Agree - do not contact him - let your attorney do that, and make sure she has copies of anything he sends you. stay strong, you will make it First problem would be I did not retain an attorney yet. I have only spoken over the phone to one today. I am in process of talking to another one to find out what is best. He has a well known attorney. Fought first wife for custody and won. |
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Post by ~KellyAnn~ on Nov 28, 2014 22:29:01 GMT
As hard as it is, please don't contact your husband. Anything you say or write can, and will be used against you. As soon as you have an attorney, all correspondence should go through them. I hate to see you having to face this, especially with your health crisis, but you have to look out for yourself now. I guarantee he is only looking out for himself.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 28, 2014 22:34:27 GMT
Agree completely with others. Remember anything you say can and likely will be used against you. Don't contact him. Even if you think it's the right thing to say, it may be perfectly wrong. Your first and only order of business is to get an attorney and find the money for the retainer. It's worth every penny you spend.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,152
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Nov 28, 2014 22:42:42 GMT
As hard as it is, please don't contact your husband. Anything you say or write can, and will be used against you. As soon as you have an attorney, all correspondence should go through them. I hate to see you having to face this, especially with your health crisis, but you have to look out for yourself now. I guarantee he is only looking out for himself. Exactly this, he's written you claiming his love for you....i'm guessing hoping you'll tell him he's a moron and you're divorcing him so that he has it in writing that it's you not him that is causing the problem! Has he ever been diagnosed with psychological issues? If this isn't about him trying to turn things around on you, then my other guess was that he has some issues that are rearing their ugly head. Either way don't engage! Come and vent because i'm sure you need to, but take the wise advice that has been given to you and steer clear of him while you iron out your coverage and get this surgery behind you! |
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Post by metaldancer on Nov 29, 2014 0:35:46 GMT
I will echo do not contact him. Yes, he's only looking after himself. I have an entire file folder of any e-mail communication between the ex and myself. Kept that folder for my lawyer just in case. While we're still legally married after 4 years, and things are less tense, I STILL print every single note, no matter how benign, and put in the file.
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 29, 2014 0:44:26 GMT
Is this a good attorney do you trust?
No contact with him. Do not answer the phone. Save all emails
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 29, 2014 0:53:00 GMT
Don't contact him.
I hate to say it this way, but he is now your enemy. He is trying to hurt you. He is trying to trick you.
Trust your attorney. Let all correspondence between you & your soon to be ex husband go through your attorney.
Be strong. Take care of only you now. Think of only you now. The only important thing is getting you healthy.
(((hugs)))
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,505
Location: London
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Post by uksue on Nov 29, 2014 1:03:05 GMT
I thought my ex was a tool but yours really takes the biscuit!
I have been praying for you since yesterday. I am so sorry you are having to deal with this alongside your health problems. I pray that you can get thi surgery done quickly, and get well- everything else is white noise in comparison.
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Post by laureljean on Nov 29, 2014 1:05:06 GMT
I am so sorry for your situation. It really sucks.
I think you're gotten some very good advice.
Do what you have to to get an attorney officially. That way you can move forward with things and protect your rights.
As far as the surgery goes, you might want to contact the hospital and have a meeting with a financial advisor there (most hospitals have at least one). Explain your situation completely and see if there is some way to reduce or delay your monthly payments for the surgery. There are often accommodations that can be made.
I totally agree with no contact with not-so-DH. If he confronts you in person, keep repeating, "I can't talk to you right now." Give him absolutely no ammunition to use against you later. If you don't give him your words, he can't twist them. Once you've engaged an attorney, he can talk to her/him.
Everything you do going forward will need to be for your own well-being. His actions, his feelings, etc. should have nothing to do with it. He will try to be nice, he will try to provoke you; but remember to see those actions on his part as attempts to control your behavior. Don't let it happen. Decide what you need to do to help yourself and ignore his noise.
Stay strong. I will keep you in my thoughts.
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dani
Shy Member
Posts: 20
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Post by dani on Nov 30, 2014 4:18:16 GMT
Thank you everyone fo keeping me strong!
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Post by pelirroja on Nov 30, 2014 11:50:07 GMT
Congratulations on not responding! You're doing great! That's a huge challenge to not respond when your buttons get pushed but you can do this!
I wish I could wave a magic wand and take away your shame: please tell your girlfriends. They love you and chances are they're not going to be surprised by your news. (After all, asking about the TV was the perfect opportunity to tell them and if they noticed it missing, they will not be shocked). They will be a source of strength when you feel like calling or texting him and you never know what advice, info, or guidance they can provide.
C'mon Thursday: I'm glad you've got your surgery scheduled and are moving forward. Put yourself first and foremost: when all of this is said and done, you will be so proud of how you handled yourself and how you get thru this challenge.
So, call your girlfriend who asked about the TV, and tell her the real situation. Unless she is ruthlessly hard-hearted, she will understand, love you, and comfort you. Girlfriends are the best anti-dote to a broken heart. ((hugs))
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
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Post by suzastampin on Nov 30, 2014 12:25:41 GMT
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all his crap in addition to being sick. Go have the surgery as planned. If you can move it up, all the better! Without your health, you have nothing. If it's paid for, great; if not, oh well. Do not give him the satisfaction. Obviously, he's a cold hearted arse, or he wouldn't have said he was going to take you off the insurance knowing full well that you have to have it. I doubt any judge would think highly of him if he actually did, knowing full well what you have coming up. I know that when our son was removed from our policy, there were papers mailed to us to sign before he could be removed. I would think it would be the same for you. If papers arrive, pretend they weren't there until after the surgery. Should you get something by registered mail, do not sign for it or pick it up until after the surgery.
As for an attorney, I realize you were getting free advice from the one you spoke to. I'd like to see one with a better game plan than she has. I would want to see one that would handle more than one thing at a time, I.e., surgery, any temporary spousal support. After all,how are you supposed to live since he's taken all the money and you will be out of work?
As others have said, do not, I repeat, DO NOT engage with him. I'm sure it's killing him that you are ignoring him. He wants to find out what you are planning. Let him stew in his own juices!
Please know that everything will fall into the place where it us supposed to be. Take care of yourself and move that surgery date up.
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Post by Florida Cindy on Nov 30, 2014 13:13:24 GMT
PLEASE, DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!! That's why you have an attorney. IF YOU HAVE CONTACT WITH HIM, IT CAN COST YOU ALOT MORE MONEY. He shat on you. He is the enemy. He will be the enemy until you get everything you can get from the SOTB. He took your heart, ripped it out and tore it apart. Now, let him put it back in. Are you kidding?  ?? PLEASE, DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Florida Cindy on Nov 30, 2014 13:14:11 GMT
As for an attorney, I realize you were getting free advice from the one you spoke to. I'd like to see one with a better game plan than she has. I agree!!!!!!!!! |
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Post by Florida Cindy on Nov 30, 2014 13:15:31 GMT
You are right on target! DO NOT ENGAGE.
IT'S ALL BUSINESS NOW. DO NOT ENGAGE. |
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Nov 30, 2014 14:15:52 GMT
dani will say a prayer and send healing thoughts your way. Take care of yourself now, take care of business with the jerk when you are better.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Nov 30, 2014 14:51:00 GMT
dani, just read your update. I'm glad your surgery date is being pushed up. When I read that, I had a thought that perhaps you want to list your parents as your health care proxy while you are in the hospital on the off chance that you become unable to make any health care decisions for yourself while you are there. Otherwise, if you are unable to communicate your wants/needs your husband will be making the decisions.
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Post by peasapie on Nov 30, 2014 15:14:47 GMT
Update He sent a text asking when we could talk. I didn't respond. It's really hard not to. My girlfriends came over today and I did not tell them. Awkward moment when they ask about him and my DSS. Huge space where the tv used to be. I said the tv was old and needed replacing. Funny that I will tell it here. I am stupid because my family knows. My surgery is Thursday. Cleaning house and doing laundry. Good for you!! Hang tough. It is the smart thing to do. |
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Post by originalvanillabean on Nov 30, 2014 16:10:35 GMT
Stay strong, you are doing great!
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 30, 2014 17:27:09 GMT
Use your girlfriends as support. You will be surprised at the amount who have been there/done that or have known somebody close who has. They will hAve your back.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 30, 2014 18:48:29 GMT
dani, just read your update. I'm glad your surgery date is being pushed up. When I read that, I had a thought that perhaps you want to list your parents as your health care proxy while you are in the hospital on the off chance that you become unable to make any health care decisions for yourself while you are there. Otherwise, if you are unable to communicate your wants/needs your husband will be making the decisions. Very valid point. In fact maybe give one of your parents your medical POA |
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dani
Shy Member
Posts: 20
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Post by dani on Nov 30, 2014 19:05:37 GMT
dani, just read your update. I'm glad your surgery date is being pushed up. When I read that, I had a thought that perhaps you want to list your parents as your health care proxy while you are in the hospital on the off chance that you become unable to make any health care decisions for yourself while you are there. Otherwise, if you are unable to communicate your wants/needs your husband will be making the decisions. Thanks east coast pea. My mother is coming with me tomorrow to doctor's office and we will review the waiver for surgery and will ask for her to be contact point for me if something happens. I guess I knew deep down I was doing this alone because ex never came to an appointment. He was showing his true colors. I get that he has his own life issues but I have been asking for months to see a marriage counselor, for him to find something for himself, anything. Am I being selfish because I am so angry he left me when the battle really begins? Couldn't we have tried to help each other? He wrote several times that he had to leave because he has to get himself help first before he can help anyone else. Between my condition and his son (18 y.o.) who is battling depression and threatening to drop out of school, husband just feels overwhelmed. His ex was trying to keep son in school but husband calls her a gypsy and useless. My child just left. Tears are falling. I am really trying not to be the poor pitiful me. |
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Post by freecharlie on Nov 30, 2014 19:16:33 GMT
You are not in anyway selfish for being pissed. You should be pissed. I'd wager you should be more pissed than what you are.
Who they hell is he to not only leave right before airgery, but then to play the poor me card himself?
HE is the selish ass, not you. You need to focus on you right now. Quit reading his texts and emails. If you think they might be important have someone else, your mom or a trusted friend, read them and then pass on any pertinent information to you.
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
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Post by suzastampin on Nov 30, 2014 19:43:06 GMT
You are not in anyway selfish for being pissed. You should be pissed. I'd wager you should be more pissed than what you are. Who they hell is he to not only leave right before airgery, but then to play the poor me card himself? HE is the selish ass, not you. You need to focus on you right now. Quit reading his texts and emails. If you think they might be important have someone else, your mom or a trusted friend, read them and then pass on any pertinent information to you. THIS!!!! |
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Post by kelbel827 on Nov 30, 2014 19:59:39 GMT
As someone who works in the healthcare field, make sure it is a medical poa, not just contact person. Unfortunately, your husband will trump that legally if something happens.
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