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Post by epeanymous on Mar 14, 2022 16:07:49 GMT
Update: for those of you who saw me respond later in this thread that my parents were exiting my dad from hospice, they have decided to stay in the program. I would say it's a big relief, and it basically is, but unfortunately they decided not to do it because my father's health has declined a lot this week (particularly his mental health -- his anxiety is through the roof), and they decided they really do need the sort of services hospice provides (eg, they sent a worker out for hours in the middle of the night when my father had a severe anxiety attack last night).
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I posted here a week ago about my dad entering hospice. The original thought was that he was doing OK but that he was fading a bit, but yesterday was the first day in several days that he was able to get out of bed, and my mother is really struggling emotionally (partly because the reality of death is getting worse and partly because she does not do well having strangers in her home and even when the hospice workers are by necessity helping it is really stressing her out). On Saturday, I was at the twins' last soccer game of the season, and ended up having to leave the sidelines for a while because my mother was threatening to (in the middle of this) move out of her condo because the new manager was asking for proof of her renter's insurance, she gave the wrong email to the renter's insurance company, and she was too angry about being asked for proof in the first place to call them back.
Meanwhile, when we moved here for work fifteen years ago, dh's parents lived in Manhattan, with a place in the Hamptons. Maybe eight years ago, they sold their place in Manhattan and bought a huge place in Florida. We told them at the time -- we're here in Seattle, this is where our jobs are, it is going to be really hard to get to your place in Florida, it's fine, but do you want to consider maybe having your home be either near us or near dh's brother? (He lives in Philadelphia). No, absolutely not, we want to be where are friends are, and our friends are buying places in Florida. Well, now, most of their friends are either deceased or homebound, and my MIL's health (she was diagnosed with Parkinson's thirty years ago) has declined to the point where she probably has developed dementia, and his father has been calling all week to say things like "she won't use a walker so she falls down ten times a day; I guess if she falls down and dies, I won't have to worry about it". So now DH has to go out there to try to help manage the situation, because it's getting bad from what we can tell from here.
I'm not really asking for advice or anything -- I am just some combination of sad, tired, and frustrated. For everyone.
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tincin
Drama Llama
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Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Mar 14, 2022 16:14:08 GMT
I’m sorry that your parents are having such a hard time. Will they consider a move closer to one of the kids? Would your Mom after your father passes? My parents were only 2.5 hours away and that was trying at times. I can’t imagine cross country.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Mar 14, 2022 16:18:42 GMT
I'm not really asking for advice or anything -- I am just some combination of sad, tired, and frustrated. For everyone. (((hugs))) It's so overwhelming. I don't have any advice for you, sadly, but I do have a hug and empathy. (I'm the youngest of 4, and I lived in AZ for most of my Mom's decline, and during my dad's entire health decline / death. My older sisters, who lived closer, did it all... the distance / expense of traveling was a hurdle, but if I'm honest, for me it was also somewhat of an 'excuse' to stay out of things. And we don't have kids- it has to be a TON harder with kids involved, as far as scheduling, etc.) |
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Post by busy on Mar 14, 2022 16:22:46 GMT
I'm so sorry. It's so much to deal with, especially when simultaneously raising kids. I'm in a similar situation - but only have one kid, so a far smaller load than you - and I still feel overwhelmed. I wish you all the best.
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Post by monklady123 on Mar 14, 2022 16:23:08 GMT
Yes. I completely understand, and I wasn't that far from my parents (4 hours). In the end, after my father died, we basically kidnapped my mother to assisted living here in Virginia, one mile from me and just across the river from my sister. She still says she wants to go back to Pittsburgh.  The one good thing that came out of it all for me was the realization that my dh and I WILL NOT do this to our kids. We will be moved out of our house and into a senior apartment somewhere long before we need a lot of help. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Mar 14, 2022 16:23:32 GMT
I posted here a week ago about my dad entering hospice. The original thought was that he was doing OK but that he was fading a bit, but yesterday was the first day in several days that he was able to get out of bed, and my mother is really struggling emotionally (partly because the reality of death is getting worse and partly because she does not do well having strangers in her home and even when the hospice workers are by necessity helping it is really stressing her out). On Saturday, I was at the twins' last soccer game of the season, and ended up having to leave the sidelines for a while because my mother was threatening to (in the middle of this) move out of her condo because the new manager was asking for proof of her renter's insurance, she gave the wrong email to the renter's insurance company, and she was too angry about being asked for proof in the first place to call them back. Meanwhile, when we moved here for work fifteen years ago, dh's parents lived in Manhattan, with a place in the Hamptons. Maybe eight years ago, they sold their place in Manhattan and bought a huge place in Florida. We told them at the time -- we're here in Seattle, this is where our jobs are, it is going to be really hard to get to your place in Florida, it's fine, but do you want to consider maybe having your home be either near us or near dh's brother? (He lives in Philadelphia). No, absolutely not, we want to be where are friends are, and our friends are buying places in Florida. Well, now, most of their friends are either deceased or homebound, and my MIL's health (she was diagnosed with Parkinson's thirty years ago) has declined to the point where she probably has developed dementia, and his father has been calling all week to say things like "she won't use a walker so she falls down ten times a day; I guess if she falls down and dies, I won't have to worry about it". So now DH has to go out there to try to help manage the situation, because it's getting bad from what we can tell from here. I'm not really asking for advice or anything -- I am just some combination of sad, tired, and frustrated. For everyone. We were in the same situation. I validate you and empathize. DH's parents moved from Minnesota to Wyoming and were determined to die there. When MIL developed dementia, FIL was adamant that he could care for her and that they had decided that she would not be put into a home. Fast forward 30 years and they are almost 90. There aren't any friends left and FIL could no longer care for MIL, but FIL was still insisting that they were fine. Well, they weren't but we tried to respect their wishes. Then FIL needed surgery and Covid hit. We had respite care lined up to care for MIL in the home while FIL was in the hospital and then the home health care nurse contracted Covid a week before the surgery. FIL DID NOT TELL US THIS and he had the surgery. It was a nightmare and we had to pay $3,000 to rent a handicapped RV to bring him to Minnesota for rehab. We live in Belgium and my SIL had to drop everything to find a place for them, drive the RV to Wyoming to get them, and then drive them back. Then we had to put two almost-90 year olds into care in the middle of Covid. I get it--they wanted to stay where they knew and were comfortable. They didn't want to be a bother. But then we had to step in and for almost six months, it took every extra hour that we had to get their housing, health care, and finances in order. Learn from them--take care of it ahead of time. |
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 14, 2022 16:28:30 GMT
I’m sorry that your parents are having such a hard time. Will they consider a move closer to one of the kids? Would your Mom after your father passes? My parents were only 2.5 hours away and that was trying at times. I can’t imagine cross country. My parents live here, thankfully (they moved up here about ten years ago). DH's parents are the ones who live far. You are right -- it is much easier to manage my parents' situation, sad as it is, because I can literally go and talk to the hospice personnel while my mother is there panicking. |
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 14, 2022 16:30:07 GMT
Yes. I completely understand, and I wasn't that far from my parents (4 hours). In the end, after my father died, we basically kidnapped my mother to assisted living here in Virginia, one mile from me and just across the river from my sister. She still says she wants to go back to Pittsburgh.  The one good thing that came out of it all for me was the realization that my dh and I WILL NOT do this to our kids. We will be moved out of our house and into a senior apartment somewhere long before we need a lot of help. I know this makes me sound terrible, but part of my frustration with my inlaws is that they could literally afford 24-7 care without it affecting their lifestyle and instead of hiring people my MIL insists that only my FIL should be helping her out and my FIL is slowly going mad. |
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Post by busy on Mar 14, 2022 16:32:57 GMT
The one good thing that came out of it all for me was the realization that my dh and I WILL NOT do this to our kids. We will be moved out of our house and into a senior apartment somewhere long before we need a lot of help. This is what my parents always said, having learned some hard lessons from my mom's mom. And yet... they should have moved out of their home a few years ago. We (the kids) all talked to them about it multiple times, about how they would be better off to proactively sell and move into a flexible senior living community on their own schedule rather than timing being forced on them by some kind of illness or injury. And they kept having excuses why not yet. They have now bought a suitable place but it won't be ready until April of 2023 (if it's completed on schedule). Meanwhile, my step-father's health continues to decline. My point is, I think the perceptions often change. The *intent* may be the same but I suspect my parents see themselves as younger and healthier than we do. So they absolutely don't ever want to put a burden on us about moving out of their house, etc. but they don't think they're nearly as close to that happening as we all do. |
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Post by mikklynn on Mar 14, 2022 17:33:41 GMT
You have my complete sympathy.
I am so angry with my parents, especially my dad. They moved to their dream home on a lake 2 hours aways from all of us. Now dad has end stage Parkinsons, falls down, can't leave the house, mom has memory issues and they refuse to discuss moving to senior living. Frankly, no assisted living will take my dad. He needs full time care. My poor 85 year old mother is doing all his care. They have no neighbors nearby during the week, so they are very isolated. We can't all keep going up there. I want to live my life, damnit.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Mar 14, 2022 17:36:57 GMT
I know this makes me sound terrible, but part of my frustration with my inlaws is that they could literally afford 24-7 care without it affecting their lifestyle and instead of hiring people my MIL insists that only my FIL should be helping her out and my FIL is slowly going mad No- not terrible, at all. You want the best for them, and it's frustrating. Perhaps your MIL doesn't want to face what is wrong with your FIL? Or thinks that accepting / paying for help would make them seem weak, or something? Pride, whatever... there's probably a reason for it in there somewhere. Perhaps it will take some sort of an 'intervention' type situation for her to see that accepting / paying for help isn't a weakness and would actually be a good thing for everyone. I know my mom didn't / couldn't face it- she wanted to be at home, and she knew intellectually it was a burden on my sister (who actually moved into the house, along with her DH) but at the same time, my mom didn't want to get any help till we kind of 'forced' the hospice care on her at the very end. I think my mom saw it as acknowledging that she wasn't able to take care of herself any more and was aging, and that was VERY hard for her to face. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Mar 14, 2022 17:39:23 GMT
I’m sorry - that really does sound like a lot.
I’m starting to feel the pressure of the sandwich generation though not nearly as extreme as your situation.
On the one hand I love that I am near my parents - who are mid 70s and still incredibly healthy and active though they are starting to be more emotionally needy and dealing with the general angst of getting older and the pandemic. I also have a child who is going through a difficult time.
I am the only sibling that lives near them (10 minutes away) and therefore a lot of stuff falls on me. I also feel a bit “trapped” as I think they would be super sad if I moved any where.
On the other hand they are extremely lovely, friendly and generous people so I am thankful.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Mar 14, 2022 17:50:17 GMT
Yes. I completely understand, and I wasn't that far from my parents (4 hours). In the end, after my father died, we basically kidnapped my mother to assisted living here in Virginia, one mile from me and just across the river from my sister. She still says she wants to go back to Pittsburgh. The one good thing that came out of it all for me was the realization that my dh and I WILL NOT do this to our kids. We will be moved out of our house and into a senior apartment somewhere long before we need a lot of help. I know this makes me sound terrible, but part of my frustration with my inlaws is that they could literally afford 24-7 care without it affecting their lifestyle and instead of hiring people my MIL insists that only my FIL should be helping her out and my FIL is slowly going mad. This was my inlaws. We basically had to forcefully move them into a facility closer to SIL and they are doing SO MUCH BETTER. |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Mar 14, 2022 17:53:49 GMT
You have my complete sympathy. I am so angry with my parents, especially my dad. They moved to their dream home on a lake 2 hours aways from all of us. Now dad has end stage Parkinsons, falls down, can't leave the house, mom has memory issues and they refuse to discuss moving to senior living. Frankly, no assisted living will take my dad. He needs full time care. My poor 85 year old mother is doing all his care. They have no neighbors nearby during the week, so they are very isolated. We can't all keep going up there. I want to live my life, damnit. This was my DH, with his parents. He finally set them up as best he could and washed his hands of them. He thought they would call his bluff and really let him help out/make some better arrangements, but they were like, ok, bye... so SIL was spending every weekend up there when things got bad, and finally it was bc she just couldn't keep up, they were moved (against their will) and they are doing just fine. There is always a transition period, but honestly, if they are really in that bad of shape, I think they get used to the new care and actually enjoy it. |
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by pilcas on Mar 14, 2022 18:00:53 GMT
I truly believe older folks start losing their common sense. I’m dealing with a mother with Alzheimer’s and a very stubborn father. At least I live close. Older folks sometimes just refuse to accept they will need help at some point and they need to be near family. I know of so many friends who have the same issue, a parent who moved to Florida and then need help and the kids have to start traveling and making long distance arrangements.
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Post by gar on Mar 14, 2022 18:08:06 GMT
I truly believe older folks start losing their common sense. Don't they just! My MIL (age 89) lives in their big family home which doesn't have even a downstairs toilet, let alone a full bathroom. She wants to stay there until the end of her days but her mobility is lessening yet she won't talk about how she's going to manage when she can't climb the stairs any more, which probably won't be long. So frustrating! OP - you have my sympathy, it's a really tough situation  |
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Deleted
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May 1, 2024 23:30:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2022 18:11:39 GMT
I completely understand and am angry on your behalf. It is awful to spend all of our time and resources helping elderly parents who refused to get things situated while they can. THEY WILL BE OUT OF OPTIONS SOON! We wanted them to have choices. Soon they will not and will have to take what they can get. (FIL just passed in December and MIL was not prepared financially, emotionally, or living arrangement wise. They live in Texas. We are in Illinois and have exhausted quite a bit of savings flying back and forth to help with things. It is a mess. Thank goodness my Dad does not want to be in that position and has his things in order so we don't need to worry about anything. I am grateful for that and trying so hard to be loving and understanding with DH's mom who has altered our future by poor decisions made.
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The Great Carpezio
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Something profound goes here.
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Post by The Great Carpezio on Mar 14, 2022 18:13:09 GMT
I am sorry and I empathize.
My last week: Take my mom to dinner on Sunday. Tuesday morning, kid 1 gets stomach flu, three hours later, kid 2 is down. That evening, my mom gets it. She lives on her own. I now have my sick 14-year-olds at home and my sick mom 10 minutes away. Cleaning bathroom and floor and underwear...
Check on her in the morning before work--called (had told her to call me if she needed me), she says she is "the sickest she has ever been and has had nonstop both ends all night. I quickly call in sick, make sub plans, go to get her Depends and Imodium.
Get there is says she is too sick to go to the ER....she needs to go to the ER. I give her the ultimatum that she goes with me or we call 911.
I spent 7 hours with her in the ER. She gets admitted. I go home and then go back to her house and clean all three bathrooms (yes, walls, floor, toilets, Depends .etc.... See her on Thursday and go to work for the last day of the trimester with students.
Inservice on Friday---Surprise, surprise I have to leave early because now I have it. Sick all weekend. (Luckily my Dh was home and could pick her up from the hospital)
Ugh!
Really, I am sorry; I really do get it. It isn't even all the bigger things like this...it is the fact that since my dad died, I am her "person." She doesn't have friends. I really love her and can't imagine life without her, but I spend an average an hour a day talking/listening to her on the phone or in person. I have a full-time job, plus. I have two teens...one who is a hockey player and travel hockey is a whole other overwhelming entity. It just gets to be too much.
She has a lot of mobility issues --had back surgeries, needs foot and double knee surgery. I can't take care of her house. I can barely take care of my own. (Oh and Dh is gone a ton for his work now, so he is very unreliable for any help)
Ugh again.
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bethany102399
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Post by bethany102399 on Mar 14, 2022 18:20:48 GMT
The one good thing that came out of it all for me was the realization that my dh and I WILL NOT do this to our kids. We will be moved out of our house and into a senior apartment somewhere long before we need a lot of help. I truly believe older folks start losing their common sense. YES to both of these! My dad's health was never the best, so they set things up so when he DID decline mom would be taken care of (long term care insurance, legal paperwork for after his death etc) This was all perfectly fine for mom, but when she declined - amid months of me trying to get her out of her house and into senior living - it was a nightmare starting from checking her into the hospital against her will (she had flu and pneumonia and was out of her mind telling me people were trying to kill her) As she recovered she got about 75% of her mental state back but that quickly declined once she got home. I spent from March to June running over there every weekend and some weeknights fixing problems and being told I was useless, all while trying to get her into senior living. Things came to a head when she starting calling me in the night to help her get to the bathroom. While she recognized the need to get into a senior apartment - this Time with MUCH more care than she would have needed even 6 months ago- she was still furious at having to do it and very angry, usually at me. After her death, the house and it's contents got dumped on me, Ive posted about it here before. It's been three years and I'm honestly considering looking for a therapist as I just can't shake how angry I still am about the whole thing. I refuse to do this to our kids, but I also agree that the best intentions at 48 may not bear fruit when the time comes to need better care and housing. Hugs, I'm sorry it's just not easy and especially hard when they're fighting you. I honestly don't think we could have kidnapped my mom to get her into assisted living. She would have tried to hurt herself or at the very least stop speaking to me. |
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maryannscraps
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Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Mar 14, 2022 19:12:30 GMT
Ugh. I totally sympathize. My parents were living in FL and NY when my dad's dementia started developing. They chose to hide it from us (my sisters and I lived in different states 10-20 hours away). It turned into an emergency with my dad leaving the house and getting lost on the beaches multiple times. They kept getting into car accidents with my dad forgetting how to drive and my mom's almost blindness. My mom needed two knee replacements and kept falling, and couldn't keep up with my antsy dad and kept threatening to kill herself.
We had to fly down and collect them, praying that my dad would make it on a plane ride without causing a commotion, and move them up here near me.
So I had to get all their medical care in order, and move them into an assisted living, while my sisters emptied out two houses. It was an excruciatingly stressful time to help two people who insisted they didn't need any help and didn't want to be a burden. That attitude turned it into one of the biggest burdens ever. All my mom's relatives were calling me and yelling at me for forcing her into a home. I took each one of them on a tour of the assisted living so they could ask questions, while I explained it over and over and over again. All while working full time. It was horrible.
My dad passed away after a few months of that. My mom has had her surgeries, and now lives in an independent-living apartment with meals included. She's in a much better place now, but could have saved some awful years if she'd stopped burying her head in the sand.
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Post by catmom on Mar 14, 2022 19:27:06 GMT
I totally sympathize. We have a similar issue with my in-laws. DH is the only child and they're on the other side of the country, not getting the help they need. It's brutal.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Mar 14, 2022 19:41:05 GMT
I posted here a week ago about my dad entering hospice. The original thought was that he was doing OK but that he was fading a bit, but yesterday was the first day in several days that he was able to get out of bed, and my mother is really struggling emotionally (partly because the reality of death is getting worse and partly because she does not do well having strangers in her home and even when the hospice workers are by necessity helping it is really stressing her out). On Saturday, I was at the twins' last soccer game of the season, and ended up having to leave the sidelines for a while because my mother was threatening to (in the middle of this) move out of her condo because the new manager was asking for proof of her renter's insurance, she gave the wrong email to the renter's insurance company, and she was too angry about being asked for proof in the first place to call them back. Meanwhile, when we moved here for work fifteen years ago, dh's parents lived in Manhattan, with a place in the Hamptons. Maybe eight years ago, they sold their place in Manhattan and bought a huge place in Florida. We told them at the time -- we're here in Seattle, this is where our jobs are, it is going to be really hard to get to your place in Florida, it's fine, but do you want to consider maybe having your home be either near us or near dh's brother? (He lives in Philadelphia). No, absolutely not, we want to be where are friends are, and our friends are buying places in Florida. Well, now, most of their friends are either deceased or homebound, and my MIL's health (she was diagnosed with Parkinson's thirty years ago) has declined to the point where she probably has developed dementia, and his father has been calling all week to say things like "she won't use a walker so she falls down ten times a day; I guess if she falls down and dies, I won't have to worry about it". So now DH has to go out there to try to help manage the situation, because it's getting bad from what we can tell from here. I'm not really asking for advice or anything -- I am just some combination of sad, tired, and frustrated. For everyone. Hugs…. |
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Post by bc2ca on Mar 14, 2022 19:57:20 GMT
I hear you. My dad was in deep denial over mom's decline and would never tell any of us the whole story of what was happening. It really took a combination of events, including the police telling him he had to make arrangements to protect her, for him to finally agree to have her dementia diagnosed. It was still a few more years of trying to keep her at home before my sister said either in-home care or a care home was the next step. He loathed the idea of having anyone in their home, so mom has been in care for seven years. I don't think either of them would be alive right now if she'd stayed in his care at home.  |
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Post by mom on Mar 14, 2022 21:29:57 GMT
I am so sorry. I can hear how frustrated you are...and rightfully so.
Re: your mom --- is there any chance a dr would prescribe her something to help her chill a bit? The anxiety that she normally has is probably being ulitplied by the stress of your dads condition. Not prescribe her anything that will leave her zombies out, but something to just calm her down a notch or two?Something to maybe talk to her about. Add in grief that she is probably already. starting to feel, maybe now would be a good time to consider an antidepressant.
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Post by epeanymous on Mar 14, 2022 23:06:23 GMT
I am so sorry. I can hear how frustrated you are...and rightfully so. Re: your mom --- is there any chance a dr would prescribe her something to help her chill a bit? The anxiety that she normally has is probably being ulitplied by the stress of your dads condition. Not prescribe her anything that will leave her zombies out, but something to just calm her down a notch or two?Something to maybe talk to her about. Add in grief that she is probably already. starting to feel, maybe now would be a good time to consider an antidepressant. My mother last saw a doctor when I was ten. She refuses medical care of any kind and there is zero chance she is going to see a doctor for mental health. That . . . is a whole other thread. She also called me today to let me know that they are opting back out of hospice. Sigh. I am emailing the social worker now to let her know my concerns about the situation; my parents are mentally competent in my view, just making some bad decisions right now. |
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Post by mom on Mar 14, 2022 23:08:26 GMT
I am so sorry. I can hear how frustrated you are...and rightfully so. Re: your mom --- is there any chance a dr would prescribe her something to help her chill a bit? The anxiety that she normally has is probably being ulitplied by the stress of your dads condition. Not prescribe her anything that will leave her zombies out, but something to just calm her down a notch or two?Something to maybe talk to her about. Add in grief that she is probably already. starting to feel, maybe now would be a good time to consider an antidepressant. My mother last saw a doctor when I was ten. She refuses medical care of any kind and there is zero chance she is going to see a doctor for mental health. That . . . is a whole other thread. She also called me today to let me know that they are opting back out of hospice. Sigh. I am emailing the social worker now to let her know my concerns about the situation; my parents are mentally competent in my view, just making some bad decisions right now. Ohh geez. I am so sorry. |
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Post by scrappintoee on Mar 14, 2022 23:13:47 GMT
@epeanonymous---Wow, so many (( hugs )) to you! The worries of your Dad's health AND your Mom's frequent falls must be completely overwhelming! I like mom's idea of an anti-anxiety med for her. I've read every reply, and wow----hugs to everyone else, too!
@thegreatcarpezio....OMG---complete exhaustion and stress! I don't know how you survived all of that ! Many (( hugs )) running over there every weekend and some weeknights fixing problems and being told I was uselessWOW! I understand their anger (I'm dealing with that with my Dad)---BUT----he would NEVER say anything so horrible to us! I am so sorry you had to go through that!  If my Dad ever said that to me, I would NOT be willing to help him with anything! she was still furious at having to do it and very angry, usually at me. I just HATE that some parents take out their anger/ frustration on their kids who are ONLY TRYING TO HELP!  At least with my Dad, his anger isn't at *US*, it's anger about his situation. I know it's sometimes a pride issue, it's sadness/ grief for loss of independence, etc. But to take it out on their kids---ugh! My Dad gets very angry when he can't do something, when he drops things (SO often!), but he just yells out in anger, (which I *HATE!* ) but he would never yell at US! And when he falls, we think he's probably embarrassed, so when DH helps him get back up, we just gently tell him we're glad he's okay. |
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styxgirl
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Jun 27, 2014 4:51:44 GMT
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Post by styxgirl on Mar 14, 2022 23:34:09 GMT
Sandwich generation is a tough place to be! Both of my parents dies fairly early. My Dad unexpected when I was 24 (way before I had kids) and my Mom will an extended illness when I was 38 (My girls were 4 & 6). So I got a bit of the sandwich there. It's not fun and I feel for you. It is hard to juggle it all. Hang in there and take it one day (moment) at a time!
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Deleted
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May 1, 2024 23:30:19 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 14, 2022 23:36:56 GMT
I'm so sorry. Dealing with aging parents is a lot on its own. But with them being so far away it just exacerbates the situation.
I was just talking to my mom the other day. We don't understand why so many people retire and then move to Florida where there is no family there.
I've learned in my life that some people will make their choices despite others' opinions. And that's okay! Just don't expect me to be at your beck and call if it's going to disrupt my family and mental health well being. I mean, they did what was right for them at that time, so I get to do what's right for me at that time too.
I guess in conclusion what I mean is that yes, do all you can for your out of state parents, but don't forsake your own family or health too much. Sorry if I sound like a cold hag, I'm just going through something similar and I think it's not fair that I have to endure stressful hardships for my parents' poor decisions.
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Post by threegirls on Mar 15, 2022 0:26:31 GMT
I'm so sorry. Dealing with aging parents is a lot on its own. But with them being so far away it just exacerbates the situation. I was just talking to my mom the other day. We don't understand why so many people retire and then move to Florida where there is no family there. I've learned in my life that some people will make their choices despite others' opinions. And that's okay! Just don't expect me to be at your beck and call if it's going to disrupt my family and mental health well being. I mean, they did what was right for them at that time, so I get to do what's right for me at that time too. I guess in conclusion what I mean is that yes, do all you can for your out of state parents, but don't forsake your own family or health too much. Sorry if I sound like a cold hag, I'm just going through something similar and I think it's not fair that I have to endure stressful hardships for my parents' poor decisions. I couldn't agree more! After my dad passed, my brother, sister and I tried to talk my mother into moving closer to one of us. She refused. We would gently bring it up every so often but she continued to say, "no". We got it! She didn't want to leave her home that she had lived in for 55 years, her sister and her friends. We decided to get daytime in-home care (part-time), meals on wheels, life alert system, and we took turns checking in on her (via phone or visits). At first I worried but my brother made me see that if that's how she wants to live her life, then so be it. I do admit, she did not have significant memory loss but she was frail. I hope my kids listen to me one day (if I'm not a danger to others). |
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If my Dad ever said that to me, I would NOT be willing to help him with anything! 
At least with my Dad, his anger isn't
