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Post by Merge on May 9, 2022 13:19:14 GMT
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Sending you gentle hugs.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,600 
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Post by SweetieBsMom on May 9, 2022 13:40:59 GMT
I’m so sorry, cancer SUCKS. My DH battled rectal cancer that had spread to both lungs. We knew it was terminal but for a while chemo was keeping it at bay. But there came a point where it wasn’t and chemo was discontinued. It continued to spread, to his brain, and he was losing function on his right side. He was in pain but was looking into additional chemo to stop the spread in his brain because he was worried about leaving me and DS. I had to keep telling him (whether I believed it or not) that “we will be ok”, those are the last words I eventually ended up saying to him. He fought so hard to stay with us but additional chemo wasn’t going to extend his life, it was just going to make him sicker for no benefit. But I was constantly reassuring him that it was ok for him to rest and that we’d be ok. I will say his hospice nurse was a God send and was, thankfully, with me when DH passed. They’re not just their for the patient but for the family as well, utilize them. Saying a prayer for you and your family.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,598
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on May 9, 2022 13:45:18 GMT
(((Hugs))) craftykitten has good advice. I also think - in addition to doctors/nurses talking with him - that it is okay to just tell him what you told us: that it is okay with you, honestly, if he decides to stop treatment. That you see how hard it is and that because you love him you don’t want him to cause himself more pain if he decides that it has been enough. Cancer is awful. Totally agree. It really is okay. Hugs and much love to you. My heart breaks for you to have to watch someone you love suffer. |
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Post by malibou on May 9, 2022 14:09:24 GMT
I am so sorry you are on this difficult path. I'm tucking you up gently and safely in my thoughts.
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luckyjune
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,685
Location: In the rainy, rainy WA
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Post by luckyjune on May 9, 2022 14:13:58 GMT
That's an awful lot to deal with. Sending you peaceful vibes. (((hugs)))
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,618
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Post by maurchclt on May 9, 2022 14:27:25 GMT
I am so sorry, hugs
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on May 9, 2022 14:47:46 GMT
I'm sorry for this difficult season that you're in. ((hugs))
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scrappinghappy
Pearl Clutcher
“I’m late, I’m late for a very important date. No time to say “Hello.” Goodbye. I’m late...."
Posts: 4,306
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Post by scrappinghappy on May 9, 2022 14:49:43 GMT
Sending hugs!! Having to be strong for your husband and your daughter and helping them both navigate this difficult path is going to take a lot out of you. Please remember to give yourself some grace.
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Post by CardBoxer on May 9, 2022 14:52:51 GMT
I’m so terribly sorry. He is so tender with the kittens, breaks my heart for you.
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Post by Laurie on May 9, 2022 16:04:06 GMT
I am so sorry that you are going through all of this right now.
Could you ask your dh what he needs from you to help make things easier for him? Maybe that will start a conversation?
(((HUGS)))
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Post by destined2bmom on May 9, 2022 16:16:13 GMT
I am so sorry that your family is suffering. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.
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Post by hop2 on May 9, 2022 16:17:43 GMT
My question to you all is, how do I tell him that it is OK and he can discontinue the treatment whenever he wants? The way I did it was I told my dad that I was there for him no matter what he chose, if he wanted to fight it I’d be there, if he was done fighting it, I’d be there. I assured him that I was going to be by his side no matter what he chose to do. And if he chose to stop fighting it that I’d was grown up and I’d be ok. It was probably the hardest conversation I ever had. Giving someone you love dearly permission to let go isn’t easy to do. I am so sorry you are dealing with all of this Hugs |
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Post by withapea on May 9, 2022 16:35:50 GMT
I’m so so sorry. Cancer is so cruel. You’ve already gotten some good advice. Did you have any conversations prior to this regarding his wishes? I have incurable lung cancer that metastasized to bones, so I understand when there is no good outcome. I’s okay to tell your husband that it’s his choice, flat out. I’m sorry your family is going through so much. I’ll be keeping all of you in my thoughts. Please don’t hesitate to reach out.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,821
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Post by teddyw on May 9, 2022 16:42:01 GMT
I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
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Post by papersilly on May 9, 2022 16:42:03 GMT
i'm sorry that your family is going through this. i wish you continued strength and peace and comfort for your husband.
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Post by epeanymous on May 9, 2022 16:47:52 GMT
I am just so sorry. That is all awful.
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Post by marie on May 9, 2022 17:04:27 GMT
I'm so sorry. That's a lot to deal with.
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Post by Lexica on May 9, 2022 17:27:13 GMT
My heart just aches for you and what you and your family are facing. I can't imagine the daily pain. I agree with those that suggest requesting help from hospice or whomever to guide you to having a conversation with your husband to let him know you are going to be ok and that you fully support him if he decides to stop the treatments. Tell him you love him and that you want to do whatever it is he needs. Again, I'm so sorry.
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Post by micpea on May 9, 2022 17:30:01 GMT
I'm sorry you are going through this journey. The terminal cancer diagnosis is a tough one. My hubby became a totally different person when he got his diagnosis, it messes with your head!
He was diagnosed in Jan 2018 & passed in July 2018. There was no cure for his appendiceal cancer. In February 2018 he went on Hospice Care. The Hospice Center came to our house, discussed different options. Bascially - Pallative care was for if he was going to seek any type of medical treatments or Hospice for comfort.
Hubby did not want to be in any type of pain & knew he would be sick with any chemicals they introduced into his body. He also knew that he was terminal & felt like he would be wasting his time being sick & in bed. He knew treatments were not going to change his outcome.
I supported him in his decision & fought back my tears & own thoughts on a daily basis. He had picked up bad habits, made poor decisions but was wanting to live w/o being in pain. It was "his body, his choice" kind of thing.
My husband did what he wanted...fishing, drinking, smoking pot...anything that made him happy.
I knew I couldn't fix him, or save him. I could only be there for him. There were tears, fights, bad words spoken. His fears were real & I couldn't really relate. Therapy came in handy too.
The Hospice Center is a great source of info. I thought they were amazing!
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Post by olbrwneyedgirl on May 9, 2022 18:54:16 GMT
I'm so sorry. That's just awful.
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Post by stormsts on May 9, 2022 20:23:59 GMT
My heart breaks for you and your family. I am sorry!
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Post by mellyw on May 9, 2022 20:37:19 GMT
I’m so sorry, that’s truly a lot to be dealing with
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on May 10, 2022 0:00:39 GMT
I’m so sorry. Use the hospice/palliative care resources available to you and him to start the conversation when you feel it’s time. We’re here 24/7 f you need someone to talk to. (((Hugs)))
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,513
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on May 10, 2022 0:45:04 GMT
Praying for strength and comfort for you, your DH, and DD. That is a heavy load you're all carrying.
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,174
Location: Alabama
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Post by janeinbama on May 10, 2022 1:23:03 GMT
You have so much on your plate. Please know that the PEAS are always here for you. Prayers for all of you.
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Nanner
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,962
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Post by Nanner on May 10, 2022 2:42:09 GMT
I'm sorry. You have so much to deal with.
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samantha25
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,895
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Post by samantha25 on May 10, 2022 2:45:58 GMT
So sorry. He'll know when it's time. My mom refused to take more morphine about 24 hours before her death, clenched her teeth tight. She gave up after about 2 weeks after her 75th birthday. She gave it a good fight for 2 years (parotid gland cancer). Hugs.
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Post by scrapmaven on May 10, 2022 3:11:56 GMT
I told my mom that I loved her more than anything in the world and as hard it would be let her go that she had to find peace. I gave her permission to let go and told her that she would be safe and that we would get through this as a family.
I'm sorry that you have so much suffering around you.
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean. God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Posts: 2,798
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Post by TXMary on May 10, 2022 3:46:16 GMT
I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. Keeping you and your family in my prayers and sending you gentle hugs.
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Post by lesserknownpea on May 10, 2022 7:49:39 GMT
I’m so sorry. Do you get regular respite? It’s essential that you have breaks, whether it’s to hang out and vent to friends, or be by yourself.
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