Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,548 
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Post by Just T on Jun 7, 2022 9:01:49 GMT
I haven't been able to sleep tonight. I fell asleep early, around 8, and woke up at midnight wide awake. I've dozed a few times, but I have been awake since, so I finally decided to get up and make some coffee and work on a project for work.
Yesterday, we got a wedding invitation for my niece who is getting married in August. This girl is my husband's sister's daughter. It was addressed to "JustT and family." I handed it to my husband and said, "Wow, it's sad when YOUR family addresses a wedding invitation to ME that doesn't even have your name on it." They don't know what has been going on, but some of them suspect. Also, in the fall of 2019, two other nieces got married and went to the weddings and he didn't go.
It's going to be a strange day. Thankfully, I won't have to look at him today because he is leaving for an out of town trip and will be gone for a week.
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Post by KelleeM on Jun 7, 2022 9:04:29 GMT
I’m sorry. Sending hugs and good thoughts for you. I’m sure your life is calmer when he’s not around. Take care of yourself.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 7, 2022 12:28:04 GMT
I’m sorry. What a difficult day. Men can be horrible.
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Post by Lexica on Jun 7, 2022 12:34:09 GMT
I'm sorry. As a person who has been where you are, I can tell you that life does get better when you come out on the other side of this. Have you actually filed for divorce yet? I know it is an emotional rollercoaster, but as many women here can tell you, peace and happiness await you once the healing is done.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,630
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jun 7, 2022 12:37:01 GMT
I'm sorry. This is just awful.
What was his reaction to the invitation? You hope he feels like shit somewhere in his shriveled raisin of a heart.
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cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
Posts: 7,463
Location: Fergus, Ontario
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Post by cakediva on Jun 7, 2022 12:46:52 GMT
Hugs....
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 7, 2022 12:51:53 GMT
I'm sorry. I can only imagine how hard this all is. Let yourself grieve for the relationship.
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Post by KikiPea on Jun 7, 2022 13:56:30 GMT
Big hugs to you! 🤗
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Post by ~summer~ on Jun 7, 2022 14:38:44 GMT
Hugs to you. Is there any plan for him (or you) to move out?
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naby64
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,954
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Post by naby64 on Jun 7, 2022 14:49:03 GMT
hugs
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Post by mellyw on Jun 7, 2022 15:19:50 GMT
I’m so sorry. He’s a piece of shit who doesn’t deserve you
You should head to Narwhals as soon as they open and enjoy a nice adult milkshake and toast yourself, because you are worth it
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Post by scrapmaven on Jun 7, 2022 15:24:29 GMT
This is a beginning. You're getting rid of a huge load of crappy baggage. You feel sad today and that's normal. Just remind yourself that this is more of a beginning than anything. He is a rotten person and you deserve so much better in your life. You will have it, too.
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Post by jenjie on Jun 7, 2022 15:54:45 GMT
I’m so sorry. Gentle hugs for you today.
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Post by freecharlie on Jun 7, 2022 15:56:43 GMT
I'm sorry.
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Post by malibou on Jun 7, 2022 16:18:07 GMT
Sending you a full 20 second silent hug.
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Post by destined2bmom on Jun 7, 2022 18:10:35 GMT
I am so sorry.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 7, 2022 18:13:04 GMT
I'm so sorry.  |
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luckyjune
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,685
Location: In the rainy, rainy WA
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Post by luckyjune on Jun 7, 2022 18:19:08 GMT
I'm so sorry. None of this is good. Sending hugs.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,548
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Post by Just T on Jun 8, 2022 14:06:06 GMT
Have you actually filed for divorce yet? No, not yet. I have a meeting later with my attorney, and I think I am ready to move forward with at least a legal separation. What was his reaction to the invitation? You hope he feels like shit somewhere in his shriveled raisin of a heart. He had NO reaction at all. He just looked at it and set it down on the kitchen table. Is there any plan for him (or you) to move out? No, not yet. I am working on that. I would love to move out. The problem is $$$. Everything around here is sooooo expensive. Even rent on most decent apartments is the same or more than my mortgage payment, and I can't afford that on my own, either. Thanks so much everyone, for the kind words and thoughts. Yesterday was a rough one. I came home from work and sat on my porch reading and drinking wine. A friend called and chatted with me for a bit after I texted to tell her about my day. We are going to try to work out a weekend for me to visit her this summer, which will be awesome. Today is a new day, I have an appointment with my attorney this afternoon. Hopefully, I can go. I also woke up feeling poopy, and one of my coworkers is sick with Covid. She started feeling sick last Thursday night after I sat next to her talking all day at the office.  I'm going to take a test later, and pray that it's negative. I really want this meeting, plus, I am supposed to leave tomorrow for a trip to MI. |
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jun 8, 2022 14:09:28 GMT
Your anniversary milestone just served as a reminder of all that goodness you should have not being present in your life right now. Once you see the attorney and file, start setting new significant dates for yourself. Before long you'll be celebrating anniversaries of independence and accomplishment. We're here to get you through the bad stuff and cheer you along to the good stuff. |
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Post by mellyw on Jun 8, 2022 14:09:49 GMT
So hoping that Covid test is negative and your meeting and trip can happen
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Post by malibou on Jun 8, 2022 14:25:24 GMT
Please let your test be negative so you can meet with your atty, and get a much needed head space break in Michigan.
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lisaknits
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,370
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Post by lisaknits on Jun 8, 2022 15:48:59 GMT
hugs for everything you're going through
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 8, 2022 15:58:56 GMT
Sending hugs your way, Just T! |
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,548
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Post by Just T on Jun 8, 2022 17:57:58 GMT
Please let your test be negative so you can meet with your atty, and get a much needed head space break in Michigan. I did a home test, and it is negative. I think I am going to go in for a test too, just to be sure, since I am traveling this weekend. I would hate to leave Covid as a hostess gift. |
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Post by Lexica on Jun 8, 2022 18:45:36 GMT
Just T, I'm happy to read that your test was negative. Just continue to take precautions while traveling too. You don't want to catch something and end up having to stay in a hotel until you are well enough to continue with your trip. And you might be feeling a bit sickly due to all the stress you are currently under. I understand the concerns about finances. I didn't even have a job when I told my ex I was done and that he had to move out. I also had a newborn! My son was born on December 22 and I told my ex I wanted a divorce on New Year's eve. Fortunately, and I think mainly because of our son, he moved in with some friends and continued to write me a check so that I could pay the bills. He didn't want me to file at all. He absolutely did not want a divorce. He thought I just needed a little time away on my own and that I was going to let him move back home. We had been together from junior high onward and he just assumed this was a bump in the road and I would get over it. Especially after seeing how hard it was to single parent a newborn. He underestimated me. I did not want him back. I was not going to let my son grow up watching his father disrespect me, teaching him that was the way to treat a woman. And especially not after I discovered he had an affair (well, at least one that I know of) while I was pregnant with our son. He was sleeping with this other woman and still having sex with me. He was just lucky that he didn't give me some disease that affected the baby. Ask your attorney about the finances. Your husband can be ordered to pay support while the legal proceedings are underway. You don't have to rely on just your income. Do you have any girlfriends in the area that would consider getting a place together? Or maybe rent you a room in their home? What about temporarily staying with one of your children? You mentioned doing something for work in your original post so you are at least employed. Hopefully, with what you make and what he is ordered to pay you, you can make it work somehow. And even if money is tight in the beginning, things have a way of working out. You say things are expensive where you are living. Are you required to stay in that area? Can you transfer to another more affordable location with your current company? So many of us have been where you are and have made it through to the other side. You are stronger than you realize with heretofore untapped resources of strength. When the dust finally settles on the other side of a divorce, you will look back and be amazed at what you went through and how you handled it all. Life is too short to waste it on a man who does not value you. It is better to be single than to be tied to a cheater who does not treat you well. And remember, no matter what happens, the peas have your back. You can talk to one of us any time of the day or night. You are not alone in this.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,548
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Post by Just T on Jun 8, 2022 19:05:26 GMT
Just T , I'm happy to read that your test was negative. Just continue to take precautions while traveling too. You don't want to catch something and end up having to stay in a hotel until you are well enough to continue with your trip. And you might be feeling a bit sickly due to all the stress you are currently under. I understand the concerns about finances. I didn't even have a job when I told my ex I was done and that he had to move out. I also had a newborn! My son was born on December 22 and I told my ex I wanted a divorce on New Year's eve. Fortunately, and I think mainly because of our son, he moved in with some friends and continued to write me a check so that I could pay the bills. He didn't want me to file at all. He absolutely did not want a divorce. He thought I just needed a little time away on my own and that I was going to let him move back home. We had been together from junior high onward and he just assumed this was a bump in the road and I would get over it. Especially after seeing how hard it was to single parent a newborn. He underestimated me. I did not want him back. I was not going to let my son grow up watching his father disrespect me, teaching him that was the way to treat a woman. And especially not after I discovered he had an affair (well, at least one that I know of) while I was pregnant with our son. He was sleeping with this other woman and still having sex with me. He was just lucky that he didn't give me some disease that affected the baby. Ask your attorney about the finances. Your husband can be ordered to pay support while the legal proceedings are underway. You don't have to rely on just your income. Do you have any girlfriends in the area that would consider getting a place together? Or maybe rent you a room in their home? What about temporarily staying with one of your children? That really isn't possible. My one daughter just moved in with her boyfriend. My other daughter lives in a tiny one bedroom apartment. One son still lives at home, the other son rents a room in a house in Denver. (I live in the St. Louis area)
You mentioned doing something for work in your original post so you are at least employed. Hopefully, with what you make and what he is ordered to pay you, you can make it work somehow. And even if money is tight in the beginning, things have a way of working out. You say things are expensive where you are living. Are you required to stay in that area? Can you transfer to another more affordable location with your current company? I work for a non profit. The only office is the one I work at. I am probably going to get a part time job working a couple of nights a week. My lawyer already advised me to wait until alimony is settled as if it looks like I have more income, that will affect alimony.
So many of us have been where you are and have made it through to the other side. You are stronger than you realize with heretofore untapped resources of strength. When the dust finally settles on the other side of a divorce, you will look back and be amazed at what you went through and how you handled it all. Life is too short to waste it on a man who does not value you. It is better to be single than to be tied to a cheater who does not treat you well. And remember, no matter what happens, the peas have your back. You can talk to one of us any time of the day or night. You are not alone in this. Thank you so much. You and everyone else. This is not anyplace I EVER expected to be at my age. But then I guess does anyone ever expect it?? I remember years ago, I used to be so confused as to how anyone could stay married for so many years and then divorce. I get it now. Honestly, I should have left years ago, I was just too chicken, and I didn't know he was cheating. Now that I do know, I can't wait to get away. Almost worse than the cheating is the financial aspect---my god, the money that man spends traveling with her. Our house could be paid off. At my age, I am more worried about the financial future. Thankfully, my children are all adults, so I don't have that worry.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,548
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Post by Just T on Jun 8, 2022 19:07:35 GMT
Just continue to take precautions while traveling too. You don't want to catch something and end up having to stay in a hotel until you are well enough to continue with your trip. And you might be feeling a bit sickly due to all the stress you are currently under. Thankfully, I am driving, so I won't get "stuck" anywhere. I will take precautions, though. I will take another test tomorrow just to be sure before I head out. |
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Post by fiddlesticks on Jun 8, 2022 19:31:17 GMT
I am so sorry. You will get through this. (((HUGS)))
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,868
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Post by teddyw on Jun 8, 2022 19:33:04 GMT
I’m sorry. This is a hard time for you.
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I'm going to take a test later, and pray that it's negative. I really want this meeting, plus, I am supposed to leave tomorrow for a trip to MI. 
