Esther's Cause of Death

We finally have the autopsy concluded and they have issued a cause of death.  They are calling it an accidental fentanyl overdose.  I thought that having an answer would make me feel better.  I thought it would give me closure.  But my feelings are so mixed up right now.  I almost think I was ready to handle it if it had been intentional, but I assume that there was such a small amount of fentanyl in her system and the fact that they found no drugs in my home when they searched everything leads them to believe it was accidental instead of intentional.  And now I have a whole host of other feelings.  I saw no evidence of drug use in the months prior to me leaving for my vacation.  If it was accidental, I feel that this was such a senseless death, not that if it had been intentional, it wouldn't  have been equally devastating, but at least I expected that in some really odd way based on her history.  All I know is I'm sitting here just in tears trying to make sense of all this and my emotions are so mixed up, I can't even work them out.