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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 27, 2022 15:20:45 GMT
I've been trying (with the help of my therapist) to work on balance. Apparently I run according to Newton's first law of motion. Hahaha...no but really under normal circumstances, my bipolar cycles rapidly. So I could have two days up and then a down day and then 3 days up and then 2 days down. I cycle like this under normal circumstances. Recently, with my grief, I've been kind of down. Like really down. Brain fog, depression, just no motivation, etc. And it's really frustrating me. I'm beating myself up about all the things I want to do but can't seem to do. I finally talked to my psychiatrist about this and she did add in an antidepressant which I started taking yesterday. I've been fighting this for far too long now and I had to finally admit, I'm not finding success with just trying to push through.
My therapist thinks that I have an issue with balance. When I feel up, I go, go, go and do, do, do. I have always felt like it is because I'm waiting for myself to crash. She thinks this ultra productivity on those days is causing my crash or at least contributing to it. So she has recommended that we try aiming for more balance in my life. Don't quite push so hard on the up days and don't quite give up on the down days.
Sharla's post got me thinking about this because I've only recently started putting my phone away after dinner. I had tried one whole day away from social media/message boards/communication about six weeks ago and it was heavenly to just unplug for a whole day. So I've been trying to recoup some of that with the compromise of I can be online/available up until dinner but then after that, I'm just unplugged.
Today I went into work and I made two lists. One with tasks I needed to get done today. They were absolutely my must dos. The other are things that I have more time to work on. She suggested to me that when I accomplish a task, I physically cross it off my list because that will give my productivity nut self something visual to see what I did. And she recommended that when I accomplish something that takes me a few hours, I walk away and do something else for a bit. Like use my elliptical or play my bass for a half hour. Then go back to work and back to my task lists. Now, I do realize that this approach won't work for everyone but since I have flexibility at my job on hours and days and I'm working from home, I have a little more leeway than others do.
She said she just wanted me to focus on my work this week and we will regroup next week and see what worked and what didn't work and how we can move forward.
But I am wondering how you find balance? Work? Kids? Household chores? Hobbies? Just around how you subdivide things and prioritize them. Are you able to sit still for long periods of time and accomplish big things? Do you break big tasks up into little tasks? Do you find your phone/social media/message board/communication interferes with your ability to accomplish hard tasks? Or is it a welcome break when you break big tasks into little ones? Is that what you do to refresh yourself when you need a break from work/kids/chores/etc? Is it actually refreshing (because I'm beginning to feel like it is but it isn't, again the word balance. LOL!) Do you incentivize yourself when you are facing something that seems overwhelming? Like if I accomplish X, then I get Y.
Anyway, I'm basically looking for your tips and tricks, input and insight. If you are good at it, please share. If you are struggling with it, please share.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jul 27, 2022 16:00:08 GMT
Have you ever heard of the concept of an ABC list? Your A list contains the things that you must do today. Your B list consists of things that you must do, but if done tmw that's OK. Your C list consists of the things that you will need to do, but it's not imminent. Each am you would sit at your desk and pull out your lists(hopefully a day planner) and review your lists making any necessary changes. For instance, maybe an A list item is really B list. Then at the end of the work day do the same, creating your list for tmw. This method keeps you organized, but it also helps you feel accomplished, as well. Balance is hard when you deal w/mental or physical illness. That's why we have to accept that we need a different path and we also have to be very gracious w/ourselves. Remember to give yourself permission to do things differently. When you have a task that must be done then you complete it, but if you don't complete other tasks it's OK. Taking a bit of a break to play bass is a great form of self care. You got your promotion for a reason. You are good at your job and right now you're doing the best you can at balancing a new position and grief. |
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Post by disneypal on Jul 27, 2022 19:24:25 GMT
It can be hard to find balance but I am a list maker (as you mentioned above) and that helps me. I think I just realized that I don't need to do everything and if something doesn't get done, it isn't a disaster. I prioritize. Of course there are things that NEED to get done at work and home (like a report that is due or a bill that must be paid), there are things that SHOULD be done (like organize some files or wash the dishes) and there are things I WANT to do (like write up new procedures or crochet an afghan). I think balance is knowing the difference. Do the things you NEED to do first, then if you have time, do the things you SHOULD, then the things you WANT but remember...they don't ALL have to be done at the same time. Don't schedule every minute of your day, schedule only what it needed but leave some time open to just let the day take you where it goes.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Jul 27, 2022 19:26:17 GMT
For me, it's not my phone it's my desk top computer. I very rarely do online or app stuff from my phone. My phone is for calls, texts, checking email while at work(in case there is breaking news), using the verbal map directions when needed.
My desktop computer is and can be a huge time taker.
Social media, message boards, pinterest, pinterest, pinterest, pinterest......did I mention pinterest(so many ideas and things to see).
Since covid, and work being slow and having more time at home, I have learned that I need to manage my time. Otherwise, I end up spending way to much time online doing less constructive things (browsing pinterest, social media, message boards).
I work best from lists (index cards).
I usually have a daily >> evening routine to do list (basic housework >> wash dishes-wipe counter-sweep floor-etc.., straighten purse, go over-write down next days to do list).
I have a day to day list (store, Post office, call and make whatever appt, whatever needs to be done, etc...). Somethings need to be that day, or in the next day or two or three. If I don't complete something it gets transferred to next days list.
I keep a list of occasional projects that need to be done periodically. Go through closets, drawers, cupboards. Monthly paperwork sort through-trash or file, monthly straighten up car-trunk, general email cleanup, etc...
Then there is my fun stuff >> scrapbooking, journal, reading, and my latest idea of writing a sort of book.
Then there is the not as fun but necessary stuff >> exercise.
When I have more than the usual amount of time off, meaning more hours to fill (when work is slow and not working as many hours), I try to be cognizant of not filling all my time with "online time". I make sure to look at my list, do an extra project, do one or more of my fun things, etc..
My personal operating systems work best with "rewards" and something to look forward to.
I often tell myself that I can go online, after I do chores, do however many scrapbook pages, call-facetime someone to catch up, shower and do a full leg shave and eyebrow grooming, etc..
I also tell myself (because I am watching-limiting my sugar) that I after I do dishes-wipe counters-sweep and mop floor-etc..., then I can have one small treat.
These types of things, help me hold myself accountable. My operating systems function best when I have personal accountability and self care responsibility.
Without personal responsibility and accountability....I flounder, slowly spiral and my emotional, mental and physical state of being suffers.
Currently operating on a "one day at a time" status, because that all I can currently do.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762 
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Post by pantsonfire on Jul 27, 2022 20:09:03 GMT
But I am wondering how you find balance? Work? Kids? Household chores? Hobbies? Just around how you subdivide things and prioritize them. Are you able to sit still for long periods of time and accomplish big things? Do you break big tasks up into little tasks? Do you find your phone/social media/message board/communication interferes with your ability to accomplish hard tasks? Or is it a welcome break when you break big tasks into little ones? Is that what you do to refresh yourself when you need a break from work/kids/chores/etc? Is it actually refreshing (because I'm beginning to feel like it is but it isn't, again the word balance. LOL!) Do you incentivize yourself when you are facing something that seems overwhelming? Like if I accomplish X, then I get Y. Anyway, I'm basically looking for your tips and tricks, input and insight. If you are good at it, please share. Because of the needs of ds early on, I had to become a schedule every second of every hour kind of person. And I really had to look at what was important to me. I had to assess what needed to be done right away. What could be done within the day. What could be done by lunch or dinner. What could be done by weeks end, what could be done am or pm or weekend. When he was on TPN I first scheduled his ramp ups, ramp downs, medicines intake, when his blood sugar had to checked, his weight ins, his pulse and O2 levels, TPN prep and when he was to be connected and disconnected. Those were the priority items. With in those time blocks, I could then fit in other needs that I prioritized - therapy for both kids, doctors appointments, meal insurance/doctor/home health pharmacy phone calls. Then after that I scheduled in home tasks - meal prep, cooking meals, laundry, cleaning, errands. Yes errands and simple tasks had to be scheduled because I couldn't be doing med piggy back infusions or blood sugar checks or TPN disconnections or connections at a store or in the car. I got really good at blocking out my day. Since then I have loved to continue he to make lists to check off as well as time blocks. I still to this day prioritize the big things and then keep going down my list fitting in down to the small every day things. Seeing the list helps motivate me. Checking off items makes me feel like I have accomplished things. I never sit for long because one of the kids may need something. Really Really longest I sit in for about 1 hour and 10 min each Wednesday when dd has her infusion. I have to be near her in case something happens. I do also schedule in me time for crafts. I will schedule time in my nook and let the kids know and on the weekend dh that I will be upstairs crafting and ask that the kids go to dh for anything unless it's medical and needs my attention. I tend to like to get the big things done in the morning so that leaves the afternoon for smaller tasks. Just how I best work. Big tasks have sub parts but I don't compartmentalize the big task. I just write down the nitty gritty so I can mentally prepare. I like to just get it done. I don't like to take breaks. Then I tend to sit and get unmotivated to finish. Not sure if it answered all your questions but for me lists help as does breaking down what is urgent to what can be done by x time/day. |
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762
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Post by pantsonfire on Jul 27, 2022 20:09:51 GMT
Oh and my reward is knowing I got things done and checked off. I don't use food or my phone as a reward.
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Post by mollycoddle on Jul 27, 2022 20:10:16 GMT
When I go back to work, I will make lists. I do a priority list, and a list below that of things that need to get done at some point. I add notes to them and redo them when they get messy. It really helps to keep me on track.
For tasks that I dislike, I set an amount of time that I will work on them, and walk away when time is up. So weeding, for example. I will work a set amount of time and then move on to something else. If I have to write an IEP, I get several sections done, update my to-do list, and finish it another time.
I am getting my car serviced today, so am stuck at home. Yesterday I was on the move all day. Today I am being lazy and enjoying myself. I love lazy days.
ETA: I do make some lists on my phone or iPad, but my work lists are on paper. I like crossing them off as they get done.
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Post by papersilly on Jul 27, 2022 20:51:15 GMT
i find balance in routine. i also don't have kids so that makes things easier to balance. i spend an inordinate amount of time on my devices but nothing else gets neglected because of it.
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Post by lisae on Jul 27, 2022 21:00:53 GMT
or me, it's not my phone it's my desk top computer. I very rarely do online or app stuff from my phone. My phone is for calls, texts, checking email while at work(in case there is breaking news), using the verbal map directions when needed. This is me except it is a laptop and a tablet. I check the news, Twitter, here and my email several times per day. Sometimes I'm genuinely looking something up but mostly I just feel I might be missing something if I don't check in. My phone's Wifi is always off unless I want to check something so there are no alerts. The TV isn't on unless someone is watching a specific program. If big news happens in the world, I don't know it unless I'm actively looking. I don't know why I feel I must know but I do though not enough to set up alerts and be interrupted for what others consider breaking news. I'm especially bad at this time of day, late in the afternoon when I don't really feel like I have the time to get into anything or I'm hungry and I"m killing time until at least 5:30 so I don't eat so early and then get hungry later. I'm good about staying productive in the am through lunch, it is mid afternoon on that is more of a struggle. As for finding balance, I'm fortunate to be in a position right now where no one really needs me to do that much for them so I have lots of time for my hobbies and interests. I cook lunch, do the housework and handle some tasks for DH. Otherwise, how I spend my time is up to me. I do have some volunteer work coming up but it is short term projects. I want to commit to an ongoing volunteer opportunity but I can't settle on what I want to do. Time is like closet space, whatever you have you will fill up and it is challenging to clear it out and make room for new things. |
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May 15, 2024 11:37:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 27, 2022 22:56:38 GMT
DD34 has a hard time with balance. During her "up" modes she was extremely creative to almost a compulsive point. Then she'd hit her "low" point. Hers is much more balanced these days, but her meds do contribute to her being sleepy and appearing to be "lazy". Part of it is continual depression.
Balance for me has COMPLETELY changed since DH passed. I used to be great at balancing work, cooking/cleaning, spending time with DH and spending time on Facetime or the phone with loved ones.
Once DH passed, I began to do ONLY what I needed to do. This was entirely tfor me. My home wasn't neat as usual. I stopped cooking and having the energy to clean like I did. Even my self-care took a huge hit. I figured that this period was how I was dealing with my own grief. It's changed over these 8 months and I slowly added back some things, but I'm still FAR off from where I always was. I had the "up" period, always! I had boundless energy. Now? Not so much, but I'm trying not to stress myself over it.
As far as online time, it's been pretty easy for me. When I'm working, I barely go online. I come home and just get the bare minimum done. If I have time, I'd go online. I'm not obsessed with checking my social media, and my cellphone is a crappy one that barely supports it anyway.
So, right now I'm still just rolling with my own emotional needs. I find that I can't watch tv/movies, etc. too much. I don't get excessive with that. I guess I balance my days with doing what's absolutely necessary to do and then I speak to family/friends when I can.
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Post by flanz on Jul 27, 2022 23:53:28 GMT
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cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
Posts: 7,437
Location: Fergus, Ontario
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Post by cakediva on Jul 28, 2022 12:02:40 GMT
This is something I struggle with - but in a different way.
Because I work for myself, and my cake studio is in my home, I feel like I'm always "at work". I've always tried to keep "hours" for things like answering my phone and replying to people. But sometimes after dinner I'm sitting and answering all the emails of the day.
I don't consider my silly ipad games or Instagram scrolling being "on" - that's my down time and how I choose to spend it.
But I am taking steps to pull back on the work side of things. I've made the decision that going forward it will be wedding cakes exclusively. No more weeks of 10 birthday cakes because "I need to make all the money". I want to enjoy what I do and birthday cakes were burning me out. I want to enjoy the process of making pretty wedding cakes, and tweak how I price/offer things. I want to be able to take a day in the office so that every day after 9-5 of working ON cakes, I'm also not 5-9ing it on emails/office crap.
Sure, in January/February, I may not have many orders. But I also know that is when people are wanting to book cakes for the coming year, so deposits would still be coming in And that is when I will deep clean my space - empty it out and give everything an overhaul. This January we will replace my floor and repaint - 12 years of pink & brown is ending lol. Time for a new clean fresh look that goes with my branding.
Now I'm rambling lol....
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Post by jeremysgirl on Jul 28, 2022 13:09:26 GMT
Have you ever heard of the concept of an ABC list? Your A list contains the things that you must do today. Your B list consists of things that you must do, but if done tmw that's OK. Your C list consists of the things that you will need to do, but it's not imminent. Each am you would sit at your desk and pull out your lists(hopefully a day planner) and review your lists making any necessary changes. For instance, maybe an A list item is really B list. Then at the end of the work day do the same, creating your list for tmw. This method keeps you organized, but it also helps you feel accomplished, as well. So many of you are list makers. I'm trying it today. I made a list for work, home, and hobby. Must do vs. Can do. I'm going to give that a shot today and see if it feels good to me. Balance is hard when you deal w/mental or physical illness. That's why we have to accept that we need a different path and we also have to be very gracious w/ourselves. My therapist said she doesn't know if it's a chicken or an egg thing. She definitely said (and I know I've posted about it here before) that I have real issues with productivity. I know I do. I know I feel like I need to be doing all the things all the time. Not just work and home but also hobbies. I tend to beat myself up about not doing things. So she was hoping the lists would coral my need to do all the things and show me exactly what I am doing so I can feel good about it. She thinks I'm doing a heck of a lot more than I'm giving myself credit for. My personal operating systems work best with "rewards" and something to look forward to. I often tell myself that I can go online, after I do chores, do however many scrapbook pages, call-facetime someone to catch up, shower and do a full leg shave and eyebrow grooming, etc.. Thank you for your honesty. I feel like maybe a reward based system might be able to help me too. These types of things, help me hold myself accountable. My operating systems function best when I have personal accountability and self care responsibility. Without personal responsibility and accountability....I flounder, slowly spiral and my emotional, mental and physical state of being suffers. Currently operating on a "one day at a time" status, because that all I can currently do. I understand that too. My self care is suffering too. And I need to chunk it down to a one day at a time philosophy. I need to stop looking at the big picture sometimes and just focus on what's in front of me right now. I tend to like to get the big things done in the morning so that leaves the afternoon for smaller tasks. Just how I best work. I'm a morning person too. After 7 pm I'm damn near worthless. lol Oh and my reward is knowing I got things done and checked off. I don't use food or my phone as a reward. I'm going to start with this approach a slight bit modified. Because I want to schedule hobby time too. And I think I will view that as a reward. For tasks that I dislike, I set an amount of time that I will work on them, and walk away when time is up. This is a good idea. I really like this plan. Time is like closet space, whatever you have you will fill up and it is challenging to clear it out and make room for new things. I added the questions about social media and such because I'm filling up my time with that. And that feels very unproductive to me. With that said, I'm trying to at least view peas as social time. Like interacting with a friend. Because I feel a personal connection. Once DH passed, I began to do ONLY what I needed to do. This was entirely tfor me. My home wasn't neat as usual. I stopped cooking and having the energy to clean like I did. Even my self-care took a huge hit. I figured that this period was how I was dealing with my own grief. It's changed over these 8 months and I slowly added back some things, but I'm still FAR off from where I always was. I totally get you, girl. I know that I'm trying to navigate grief too. I know that I'm not going to be 100% for a very long time. I just can't operate at 0%. There's got to be something in the middle (balance), I can shoot for. Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World Kindle Edition by Cal Newport Thank you for this recommendation. Because I work for myself, and my cake studio is in my home, I feel like I'm always "at work". I've always tried to keep "hours" for things like answering my phone and replying to people. But sometimes after dinner I'm sitting and answering all the emails of the day. I want to be able to take a day in the office so that every day after 9-5 of working ON cakes, I'm also not 5-9ing it on emails/office crap. Yes, I can see how this would be overwhelming. I'm glad you are recognizing that what you are currently doing isn't working for you and you can take a step back and make your business run smoother. |
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May 15, 2024 11:37:11 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 28, 2022 16:32:00 GMT
"I totally get you, girl. I know that I'm trying to navigate grief too. I know that I'm not going to be 100% for a very long time. I just can't operate at 0%. There's got to be something in the middle (balance), I can shoot for."
And I get this. 0% has been my new norm for months, but I've been trying to be kind to myself. While I've never had an instance of depression or anxiety, etc., I am paying attention to this grief and making sure that I'm not experiencing an issue with depression. It's TOUGH to navigate. My suggestion is to try to accomplish ONE thing every day. Your grief is SO very new, so it's tough to say, "Buck up and carry on".
You do have a therapist, so you're ahead of the game. And you're working (you got that job recently?). Other than that, it's normal to feel the depression from grief. ONE THING per day is what I aimed for. 8 months later I'm able to accomplish much more but I'm still far away from being my "normal" self.
Hugs to you. It's good to talk about it here and with your therapist, and with anyone who will listen and offer kind advice. But right now I'd just try to take care of yourself and not be too harsh. Distract your mind in your downtime (if you have any!) and maybe start a journal. I did that and wrote compulsively the first few months.
I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of love and compassion. It WILL eventually get a little better. xoxo
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