Embarrassing kid moments

crowded (rush hour) bus with my 4 year old...who had recently learned to talk -very loudly to the elderly lady sitting next to us "I have a penis. Do you?"...you could have heard a pin drop.

Ds didn't talk until nearly 4, but he did squeal in delight. He was just a bit over a year and we were at the mall, and it was crowded. Ds suddenly runs off and makes a beeline for Victoria's Secret. Because there are so many people, I don't catch him before he runs into the store squealing and heading for a huge display of nicely laid out panties. By the time I reach him, he is gleefully flinging panties everywhere! Mostly people are watching and giggling, but not the store clerk who knew she was going to have to redo the display, she was not amused. I did try to help, but she instead asked me to get my kid out of the store. Her manager saw all that happened and came over and asked her to settle down and let Ds finish clearing off the display, because he was so enthusiastic about it and it was drawing a big crowd!

My second story is about my 3 year old niece. Dh and I were looking after her and had taken her to an El Torrito restaurant. While we are there, she asks to go to the bathroom. I take her and she asks to go into one of the two stalls on her own, because she has to poo. The restaurant is packed, and she is taking a long time, and a line starts queueing up. I am standing outside of the bathroom, because there are several ladies in there waiting. Seriously like 10 min go by, and she is in there singing songs from The Little Mermaid. Finally a woman comes out and tells me her panties are on the floor, so I go in to check on her. As I walk in and is coming out holding her panties and asking for help to get them back on. As I am bending down to help her, she insists I look in the toilet, which is definitely causing some of the ladies, in the really long line, to giggle, and super LOUD says, "Look Auntie Lim, BIG would be an understatement! That's the biggest poo I've ever pooed!" OMG, the whole line erupts in laughter while I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to get this colossal poo to flush down. She wasn't kidding.😲

BTW "Big would be an understatement!" came from a pizza commercial back in the early 90s when this took place.

My son, bored while Christmas shopping leaned on a rack of clothing. It went over, hitting the next rack which also went over, which hit the next rack, and so on. It all happened in slow motion and there was nothing I could do. Five racks of clothes later, an entire row of clothing lay on the floor. Thankfully, the manager was very apologetic rather than angry. My son was only about 6 years old so how his weight made the first rack fall is beyond me. I was mortified.

These are all fabulous! Out of the mouths of babes….

Checking out w/DS at a big grocery store. He’s little enough to be in the kid seat in the cart. Blonde, blue-eyed, chatty. The Cashier bags up a couple of 2 liter Cokes and says sweetie do you like soda pop? He gets this serious look on his face and says - loudly, of course - “No, my Daddy puts his medicine in that.” All I could do was laugh and beat feet outta there as fast as I could.

I know where DS (still) gets it from.  DH was in second grade and his family moved to a new house in the neighborhood.  He told the teacher that they moved because the house got dirty…. Oops!  He’s lucky his Mom didn’t ground him for life.

My brother was maybe 4 and we were coming up from swimming in the elevator of our building. He was wearing this neon green Speedo. The person entering the elevator asked if the elevator was going up, and my brother yells out "Yup! And so is my penis!" My mother almost died. Most awkward elevator ride ever.


This one... actually is mortifying me. My son (7) and I were out last week, and a women and her boyfriend were beside us. She had... generous buttocks? My son turned, smiled at me, and said "Baby got back." Her boyfriend heard, turns, laughing, and high fives my son. While I'm sputtering at both of them to not encourage this, and that it's not appropriate and everyone else is very much enjoying my embarrassment.

(Sigh. I feel like I spend so much time talking to my son about misogyny and trying to undo all the crap the world tells him on a daily basis, and sometimes it's like shouting into the void. Also, I clearly hadn't gotten to the 90's rap / misogyny portion yet. Rest assured, I have now.)

These are hilarious! I'm sure there were many more I experienced with my DDs when they were young but the one that comes to mind right now was when my younger DD was 2 1/2 or 3 years old. We were at church one Sunday, sitting in the second row of pews from the front. The church was arranged in a semi-circle so it was easy to see almost everyone in the church from where you were sitting, except the people sitting behind you. We sat near the front when my DDs were young thinking that if they could see what was going on and who was speaking they might pay more attention. We're at the portion of the Mass at the end of the Prayers of the Faithful when the priest pauses for us to pray for our intentions in silence. I noticed my younger DD fidgeting in my peripheral vision so I look over. She has her finger way up her nose, digging for gold for all of the congregation to see. I whisper to her that it's not appropriate to pick your nose in public, especially in church. She looks at me and says/whines at the top of her lungs, "But I have dried boogers!" I felt my face turn seven shades of red and I looked up to see a good portion of the congregants' shoulders moving up and down as they were trying not to laugh out loud.

That DD is now 25 years old and we still remind her of the "but I have dried boogers," incident!

I was at Dollar Tree with my daughter who was around 3. The clerk says hi, asks her how she's doing, etc. After a brief pause, my daughter with a big smile says loudly, "I AM A NOSEPICKER!"  I have never called her this and I have no idea where it came from. The teenage clerk started laughing, looked at her and said, "well, we all are if we're being honest." 

When DD was 3, we were checking out at the grocery store. I don't know how this happened, but she thought that black people were made out of chocolate. Literally.
She's in the basket facing me, and there is a very good looking black man behind me (picture a very tall Shemar Moore), and she says, Mommy, that man looks yummy. I just want to bite him. Please? Just one bite? And I'm totally red and trying to shush her, and I turn back to apologize. And bless that guy, he laughed and said It's OK, I get that a lot.

my family always dragged out the story that we were at some mostly adult party, and baking came up in discussion. I proudly announced that my mom made her cakes "From scraps".. of course it should have been scratch... I was maybe 3. or so. we did all our own baking cause of my dad's extensive food allergies.

I can't stop laughing. The bolded is totally something I would say, mostly in my head 😂. But I'm not choosey about ethnicity or gender, anyone might make me think that. 

DD was around 4-5 and I was teaching her at home to sound out letters and some letter combinations. We were driving down the Interstate, and there in giant letters, on the side of a hill, in all its glory was the “F word” 😂 So of course DD had to sound it out,…. we laughed so hard we nearly cried! Anyhow, I remember thinking wow those letters were huge to be seen from the freeway! A couple days later, in the newspaper was an article about how someone had mowed six feet letters into the grass on the hill! I guess just a different kind of graffiti 😂
ETA - I guess this wasn’t embarrassing since it was just DH and I in the car, but it was funny!!

DS was about 2 1/2 at the time and infatuated with farm animals.  He would often refer to himself as different farm animals and the same with DH and I.  We were checking out at the pharmacy and the lady was talking to DS, "my you're a cute little boy", "how old are you?" etc.  He took a liking to her and her attention.  When we were leaving, she said "bye honey."  He turned around, looked her dead in the eyes and said "bye cow."  He meant it as a compliment, and I tried to explain it as such, but I'm not sure she bought it!"

 Our nephew did something similar at about 3 years old. He was taken to the toilet in a cafe by grandpa, and when they came out, he announced in his shrill, penetrating voice that grandpa's willy was bigger than daddy's. Luckily daddy wasn't present at the time, because the whole cafe would have looked at him twice! Grandpa walked tall after that one too.