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Post by Cupcake on Aug 10, 2022 21:12:42 GMT
And I’m having such a hard time with it, even though it’s been coming for years. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s nearly a dozen years ago in her early 60s. She is 75 years old now. She has been at home with 24/7 care for several years, along with my stepfather who passed away last summer. We (me, older sister, younger brother) promised Mom we wouldn’t move her until she didn’t realize she was leaving her home, and she is long past that point. The kicker… Mom is a retired nurse, and for many years was the charge nurse in a nursing home herself.
In preparation for the move, I bought Mom a bunch of new soft, easy on/off clothes as she has lost weight over the last couple of years. On Monday, I went over to help her try on some things for size and she was complaining to me that her children never visit her, “But it’s ok, I don’t really care.” I was barely able to keep it together until I made it to the car.
Not sure where I’m going with all this, I just needed to vent. I’m sure many Peas have already gone down this road with a loved one. My love and empathy to all of you. Alzheimer’s sucks. 😔
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Post by ntsf on Aug 10, 2022 21:18:57 GMT
my dh moved his mother into a home in july. it has been tough. she is losing memory and needs daily living help. He feels he has already lost the person she was.. which is true.
I think aging parents challenge all of us. I'm sure you know it is the right thing to do but it makes it no less difficult. for us.. it is being a 1000 miles away that adds to the grief.
I'm sure your mother saw this situation over and over and would understand your decision if she could.
take care of yourself and blessings on your family
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Aug 10, 2022 21:22:32 GMT
Sorry. Just remember your mom did not say those words. It really is the disease.
Wishing you peace.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 10, 2022 21:32:38 GMT
I have walked in your shoes. My mother was a nurse and developed Alzheimer's. Fortunately her physician was able to enroll her in the trials for Aricept and she was on that Rx for 5 years before her death. ...and just like you, one day we were looking at old photos (just about the only activity she liked). She picked up a photo of me when I was about age 8 and said, 'This is M___. I have not seen her in a long time." I was not educated enough to know I should just go with the moment and replied, "Mom, it's me M---" She looked at me with a funny look but did not argue.
For awhile we brought her to my sister's home for family meals or holidays. On our way home, we would drive by her home and let her look at the house and see it was being cared for. Eventually she was unhappy that we were taking her back to the facility, but we could get her to go willingly by telling her that we had to get her back in time for her to give the evening Rx to the patients. By the time we made the drive, she forgot she didn't want to go.
We had to stop saying we would "go by your house" because she forgot that home and wanted to see the home of her childhood (at least that is what we think she was seeking.).
It is hard, sending a hug.
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 10, 2022 21:45:58 GMT
I’m sorry that you are entering this next phase. It was rough on MIL when we moved her into Care. But she does seem to be in a good place now with regards to where she lives. She was a former ER nurse and the workers get her to cooperate by telling her they need help with a patient or asking her advice. She often goes into the director’s office to “consult” on a patient. She’s even been known to answer the phone at the charge desk a few times! When we expressed concern about it, we were told that it was ok. “We all know Ann!”
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Post by mnmloveli on Aug 10, 2022 21:48:51 GMT
I’m so sorry you are going through this. My mom was in a nursing home for 3 years before she passed. It was extremely difficult. Try to remember the mom who was well and your good times / memories.
My thoughts and prayers for strength are with you.
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Post by auntiepeas on Aug 10, 2022 21:50:30 GMT
I have no words that can help but I’m sending you gentle hugs.💚
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 10, 2022 21:55:35 GMT
Sorry. Just remember your mom did not say those words. It really is the disease.Wishing you peace. This just made me tear up. As I've aged, I see so many of my friends dealing with this awful disease with their parents. I just can't imagine. |
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Post by mom on Aug 10, 2022 21:59:17 GMT
I am really sorry. I hope tomorrow and the days moving forward you are able to make peace with this decision.
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edie3
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,498 
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Post by edie3 on Aug 10, 2022 21:59:59 GMT
I am so sorry. Hugs.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,887
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Aug 10, 2022 22:02:55 GMT
I'm sorry. It's so hard watching elderly parents slip away. Take comfort that you are doing the best that you can for her. Even if her current self doesn't allow acceptance of that, she would have understood before her decline.
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Post by katlady on Aug 10, 2022 22:08:18 GMT
I am sorry. Getting old sucks. You sound like a wonderful daughter and are doing the best for both of you. HUGS!
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Aug 10, 2022 22:17:09 GMT
When mil went into a care home we kept a book with her name on it beside her bed. Family and friends would sign in when we had been there. It also helped the caregivers explain to her when people had been there to visit.
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Post by mellyw on Aug 10, 2022 22:36:32 GMT
I’m sorry
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Post by gar on Aug 10, 2022 22:43:31 GMT
You have my sympathy…I wish I could say something magical but sadly I can’t…there’s no getting away from the nature of this disease. Wishing you wonderful memories of happier times ((hugs))
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 10, 2022 23:36:10 GMT
Big ((Hugs)) Pea friend.
This part of life is so hard. You are a great daughter.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Aug 11, 2022 0:03:49 GMT
I recently lost my mother after caring for her at home with hospice assistance for five months. There are so many times we second guess and guilt ourselves as we go through these processes with aging parents. But I know I did the absolute best by her that could and I know you are with your mom. I’m sending you a warm hug. I hope it all goes well tomorrow.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Aug 11, 2022 0:06:42 GMT
I am sorry dementia stole my mother. It’s terrible.
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Post by airforcemomof1 on Aug 11, 2022 0:49:37 GMT
I know and understand.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
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Post by katybee on Aug 11, 2022 0:52:36 GMT
Hugs to you and your mom. Alzheimer’s is so cruel.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 5,651
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Post by valincal on Aug 11, 2022 0:57:12 GMT
I’m sorry. It’s so difficult. Take care.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 11, 2022 1:01:54 GMT
Hugs from me. I can't believe it was almost 9 years ago we moved mom into care. Nothing about dementia is easy.  |
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Aug 11, 2022 1:03:24 GMT
I'm so sorry. My mom desperately needs to move to a care facility but there aren't any rooms available. It has to be a secure memory care unit, the facilities won't take in regular assisted living. She's on a waiting list, which basically means someone has to die before she can move in. In the meantime, we are doing everything we can to keep her safe. She isn't ever alone in her house, but it's exhausting. She recognizes her kids, but not our spouses or children and she doesn't know our names.
It so hard, she cries all the time, or sleeps. Watching her decline over the past year has been dramatic. She's going to be so mad at us, but we really have no other choice. She doesn't have Alzheimer's and what she knows and what skills she has fluctuates quite a bit.
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Post by Skellinton on Aug 11, 2022 1:03:28 GMT
I am so sorry. You are, of course, making the right decision, but I know that doesn’t make it any easier. I am just really sorry and will keep you and your family in my thoughts.
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Post by Karene on Aug 11, 2022 1:10:26 GMT
Been there. Four months after my mother finally made the decision to have my dad in a nursing home, she was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor which put her in hospital for 3 months until her death. If she had not already found a room for my dad in the nursing home, it would have been very hard. As it was, I was able to concentrate on visiting her in the few months she had. My dad lived another 7 years. It was very hard to see him downward progression. Luckily, even when he didn't know who he was or who we were, his personality never changed.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 11, 2022 1:13:43 GMT
Been there. Four months after my mother finally made the decision to have my dad in a nursing home, she was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumor which put her in hospital for 3 months until her death. If she had not already found a room for my dad in the nursing home, it would have been very hard. As it was, I was able to concentrate on visiting her in the few months she had. My dad lived another 7 years. It was very hard to see him downward progression. Luckily, even when he didn't know who he was or who we were, his personality never changed. My condolences. That is a rough story. |
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Post by lisae on Aug 11, 2022 1:19:00 GMT
I've been there and it's a really hard but necessary step. You are doing the best thing for your mother. If she were in the present, she would know and acknowledge that. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible. {{hugs}}
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,026
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Post by mimima on Aug 11, 2022 1:26:59 GMT
Hugs to you.
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Post by tentoes on Aug 11, 2022 1:52:39 GMT
I'm so sorry. My sister is living this right now with her husband of 60 years. It's so sad to see what that disease has done to a once very brilliant man. I'm helping her look for a facility.
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Post by tryingtobewise on Aug 11, 2022 3:14:41 GMT
Darn, it is a hard step to take - but the necessary one. Hang in there.
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