peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,632
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 13:02:44 GMT
I will let you know from the outset I'm not going to do anything about this. It's not bothering me that much and it goes against my confrontation-averse nature. I also feel badly for this person and just wouldn't be comfortable making a big deal of this.
So, I'm friends on FB with a guy who was in my dh's fraternity. We were friendly acquaintances - I think he was a year behind me (although he might have been my year - my dh is a year older and I was more friendly with the guys in his year; whatever - not a big deal; but an indication of how well - or not so well - I know this guy.)
For the last year, he has been sending me, via FB messenger, cartoons. Prior to this, we never communicated at all, other than liking each other's occasional FB statuses and pictures and maybe commenting.
Last year, he lost several members of his family to Covid and he was very, very sick himself (like on a ventilator for a long time and had to relearn how to walk kind of sick). I heard about that through the grapevine and sent him a message of support. After that, the floodgate of cartoons opened.
Some are funny, some aren't. And some are kind of raunchy and not my humor at all. A few made me slightly uncomfortable. I fully admit I can be a prude so they may be appropriate and funny to some, but they make me, as I said, a little uncomfortable. 99% are corny, silly cartoons with nothing offensive at all.
Most of the cartoons I just respond with a laughing emoji. The ones I don't like I just ignore. I don't know if he sends them to everyone on his friend's list - we don't interact on messenger other than he sends me cartoons. Fairly frequently. I got 2 yesterday, 4 on Monday - now that I look it's about 2 or 3 a day.
Would you do anything? As I said, I'm fine with how I'm handling it (or not handling it) and I'm not going to do anything about it. Clearly he enjoys passing on the cartoons, I like this guy - he's a good person - and I can easily click and laugh or scroll by and ignore. I was just thinking this morning (as he sent another one) if others would react differently.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by pantsonfire on Aug 17, 2022 13:07:42 GMT
Turn off his messenger notifications. Then you won't get alerts and you can check in when you want.
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pantsonfire
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Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
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Post by pantsonfire on Aug 17, 2022 13:08:28 GMT
Second option is to tell him that you aren't a bug fan of most of his cartoons and would rather not receive anymore.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,632
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 13:10:07 GMT
Second option is to tell him that you aren't a bug fan of most of his cartoons and would rather not receive anymore. I would never do that - but I might turn off notifications. While the cartoons aren't a nuisance, the notifications can be - does that make sense? |
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Post by catmom on Aug 17, 2022 13:11:40 GMT
I think I would do the same thing. I’m very confrontation adverse and I have a fairly inappropriate sense of humour so I’d probably be fine with it, but even if I wasn’t I would just ignore the ones I don’t like.
The exception would be if I was getting racist or misogynist vibes from the jokes. Then I might speak up.
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christinec68
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,141
Location: New York, NY
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Post by christinec68 on Aug 17, 2022 13:12:49 GMT
I would handle it the same say since it's such a small proportion of what he sends. Since it's so frequent and not all urgent, I'd turn off the notifications which I am quick to do anyway.
If it was the other way around, I would ask him to stop.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,632
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 13:13:45 GMT
I think I would do the same thing. I’m very confrontation adverse and I have a fairly inappropriate sense of humour so I’d probably be fine with it, but even if I wasn’t I would just ignore the ones I don’t like. The exception would be if I was getting racist or misogynist vibes from the jokes. Then I might speak up. absolutely. Yeah, he'd be gone if it was anything like that. Not confrontation-averse in that scenario. At all. Nah, the ones I don't love have sexual innuendo - not enough to block him over, but just enough to make me think "ick." |
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Post by lisacharlotte on Aug 17, 2022 13:17:23 GMT
My first thought is he went through a traumatic time and you reached out and offered support. He has grabbed onto that support and has created a bit of a fantasy in his head about you. I would turn off notifications and/or not respond quite so quickly with emojis.
I also would not do any confronting as this is harmless.
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Post by mrsp on Aug 17, 2022 13:20:01 GMT
I am just curious if he is FB friends with your husband and sends these cartoons to him as well? I probably wouldn’t do anything but I don’t have my messenger notification on and rarely check it.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,632
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 13:24:02 GMT
I am just curious if he is FB friends with your husband and sends these cartoons to him as well? I probably wouldn’t do anything but I don’t have my messenger notification on and rarely check it. My husband wouldn't be able to even find Facebook on his computer. He does absolutely no social media whatsoever. I have told him about it though and he knows it's harmless. |
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Post by mollycoddle on Aug 17, 2022 13:34:43 GMT
I’m not confrontation-averse, but even so, I wouldn’t do anything beyond turning off notifications. It sounds harmless enough. If you’re gonna have a confrontation, IMO, it needs to be a very big deal. This is not that.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 17, 2022 13:37:20 GMT
I have the sound or whatever you want to call it to messenger off so my phone doesn’t ping when somebody sends me one. I guess I would just continue to delete them without even looking at them which I think you can do.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 17, 2022 13:37:50 GMT
Turn off his messenger notifications. Then you won't get alerts and you can check in when you want. This is what I do. |
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 17, 2022 13:41:27 GMT
I would just put him on ignore. Same as with FB people who I don't want to unfriend but whose posts I don't want to read. Ignore or unfollow... Then at some point if you want to check out the person's posts (or cartoons in this case) you can go there to check. But meanwhile you aren't being harassed by those darn notification numbers. Makes me crazy to see them so I feel obligated to check the posts so the notification will go away. lol
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,816
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Post by pantsonfire on Aug 17, 2022 13:42:37 GMT
Second option is to tell him that you aren't a bug fan of most of his cartoons and would rather not receive anymore. I would never do that - but I might turn off notifications. While the cartoons aren't a nuisance, the notifications can be - does that make sense? Oh yeah. I have all messenger notifications off so I get it. |
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Aug 17, 2022 13:44:04 GMT
I'm very much confrontation adverse, so the way I would deal with it is to cut off notifications (but I have nearly all notifications cut of anyway) and ignore the cartoons that were icky. As long as he doesn't cross any other lines, then I'd see it as someone reaching out for some sort of connection.
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Post by workingclassdog on Aug 17, 2022 13:48:41 GMT
I have an aunt who does this. I finally put her on ignore and notifications off on her. (at least I guess that is what I did.. it's been forever).. She loves to send those chain type ones. Drives me nuts but I don't want to necessarily unfriend her. She has finally let up on it and now it's only once and awhile (if I see them).
She thinks it's cute to send (My mom called her out on it) and she thinks the younger people like this stuff.. whatever auntie.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 17, 2022 14:22:47 GMT
My first thought is he went through a traumatic time and you reached out and offered support. He has grabbed onto that support and has created a bit of a fantasy in his head about you. I would turn off notifications and/or not respond quite so quickly with emojis.  Does he post regular updates/cartoons, etc., on FB as well? Maybe I use messenger differently than others but communicating this way is so personal IME, that I'd be a bit concerned about cutting someone out who might be in a fragile state.  Maybe check in once a day, respond to your favorite and then skip a day or two before responding again? |
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,632
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 14:24:16 GMT
My first thought is he went through a traumatic time and you reached out and offered support. He has grabbed onto that support and has created a bit of a fantasy in his head about you. I would turn off notifications and/or not respond quite so quickly with emojis. Does he post regular updates/cartoons, etc., on FB as well? Maybe I use messenger differently than others but communicating this way is so personal IME, that I'd be a bit concerned about cutting someone out who might be in a fragile state. Maybe check in once a day, respond to your favorite and then skip a day or two before responding again? Yes, he probably posts every day or every other day on FB. And he seems to have a pretty big support network - a lot of our college friends and a lot of people I don't know. |
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Gennifer
Drama Llama
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Post by Gennifer on Aug 17, 2022 14:29:53 GMT
I have been in a similar-ish situation (but with prayers, not cartoons) and I just turned off the notifications.
I’m one that makes free use of the unfriend option, though. This was sort of a one-off for me.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 17, 2022 14:36:20 GMT
I am just curious if he is FB friends with your husband and sends these cartoons to him as well? I probably wouldn’t do anything but I don’t have my messenger notification on and rarely check it. This ^^
That would give a bit more information on what his thoughts might be.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 17, 2022 14:39:13 GMT
I am just curious if he is FB friends with your husband and sends these cartoons to him as well? I probably wouldn’t do anything but I don’t have my messenger notification on and rarely check it. This ^^
That would give a bit more information on what his thoughts might be.
Nevermind. I see you just responded that your DH does not do FB.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Rhondito on Aug 17, 2022 14:51:57 GMT
Don't you just hate being in that situation? Ugh, so awkward. I would turn off the notifications.
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RedSquirrelUK
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Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Aug 17, 2022 15:01:56 GMT
I rarely unfriend, but I do unfollow. I also have a few people who I don't want to lose touch with, but I don't want to see what they post (sign this petition, adopt that abused animal in another country, bitter/cynical relationship memes, all umpteen per day) and those I snooze for 30 days. When they come up again I read until I lose the will to live/love then snooze them again.
If someone was private-messaging sometimes-inappropriate things to me I would turn off notifications until they got the message and stopped.
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casii
Drama Llama
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Post by casii on Aug 17, 2022 15:09:22 GMT
I agree to turn off notifications. And he has a healthy support system, so you don't need to feel the least bit of guilt about it.
It IS an uncomfortable situation and that's a pain.
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GiantsFan
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Aug 17, 2022 15:23:11 GMT
I'm confrontational-adverse too. Not FB, but I had two people sending me emails.
One was a cousin who sent out the joke-y emails. To his entire email list! Un BCC'd so you could see the whole chain of people where it originated and who he sent it to. This was several times per week. They were stupid time wasters, especially since I had to scroll through all the email addresses to get to the actual funny part. I replied that I receive so many emails a day and I didn't have time wade through the jokes. And to please remove me from his list. He replied Sorry and I haven't received anything from him in years.
Second was DH's aunt. She sent the occasional email (again with the email chain addresses) with scriptures, chain emails that if you sent this to 10 people God would grant your latest prayer, home-remedies, deodorant causes cancer, etc. At first it was no big deal, I just deleted them. Then they became kind of conspiracy theorist-y, so I would reply (to All) with a link to Snopes. It didn't stop. So I emailed her and said the she should send them to DH directly as I really didn't know her (we still have never met in person). She stopped and she doesn't even send them to him.
So the moral of the story is COVID or not, tell him that you would rather not be included in his joke message group.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,632
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 17, 2022 15:33:25 GMT
I'm confrontational-adverse too. Not FB, but I had two people sending me emails. One was a cousin who sent out the joke-y emails. To his entire email list! Un BCC'd so you could see the whole chain of people where it originated and who he sent it to. This was several times per week. They were stupid time wasters, especially since I had to scroll through all the email addresses to get to the actual funny part. I replied that I receive so many emails a day and I didn't have time wade through the jokes. And to please remove me from his list. He replied Sorry and I haven't received anything from him in years. Second was DH's aunt. She sent the occasional email (again with the email chain addresses) with scriptures, chain emails that if you sent this to 10 people God would grant your latest prayer, home-remedies, deodorant causes cancer, etc. At first it was no big deal, I just deleted them. Then they became kind of conspiracy theorist-y, so I would reply (to All) with a link to Snopes. It didn't stop. So I emailed her and said the she should send them to DH directly as I really didn't know her (we still have never met in person). She stopped and she doesn't even send them to him. So the moral of the story is COVID or not, tell him that you would rather not be included in his joke message group.I just could not ever do that. I believe it's just me, not a group, and only if the jokes were truly offensive would I do that. |
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Post by auntkelly on Aug 17, 2022 15:40:10 GMT
It all sounds pretty harmless. Annoying, but harmless.
I'd turn off notifications and send a smiley face emoji back to him every once in awhile in response to the non raunchy jokes.
I wouldn't respond to every non raunchy joke because he might take that as encouragement to keep sending more and more.
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 17, 2022 15:51:29 GMT
This is one of the reasons I no longer do Facebook. Soooo many awkward social situations. My non-confrontational annoyed self just couldn’t take all the weirdness with people posts, and all the implications of liking and not liking, and views into people’s lives and mental states through shared articles and memes. Such a strange social environment.
Anyway, if I were still there, I’d turn off notifications and check once a week for anything important.
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joelise
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Post by joelise on Aug 17, 2022 15:57:02 GMT
I would assume that all his “friends” on Facebook see these. I have several “friends” usually partners of actual friends and family that put things on Facebook that I don’t want to see. I don’t unblock but I change my privacy settings so that their posts no longer appear on my feed.
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Does he post regular updates/cartoons, etc., on FB as well? 
