bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,542 
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Post by bethany102399 on Sept 13, 2022 16:35:51 GMT
I feel like I'm back when we were early in our marriage, were flat broke and we just jumped from one broken item to the next.
The car, health issues, etc. we'd have to go to one of our sets of parents and borrow money, then less than a month later the next thing would break. The parents would scream about getting an emergency fund in place and I'd go how am I supposed to do that I literally just paid you back for the last one/we're living paycheck to paycheck.
We finally, finally had a couple of good years, got an emergency fund in place and inherited a small sum when my mom passed. We were able to buy our first house (5 years before she died) and made choices when we went into it being very careful about how much we borrowed. I have gratitude when the mortgage check goes out the door each month.
That said, over the last 2 years we've had to replace the washing machine (twice), the dishwasher, AC unit, hot water heater, microwave, custom doors in the dining room (they were rotting to the point there was a hole), and the back deck. We chose to add in some landscaping to our backyard, DS needed braces which has involved now 2 surgeries, DH has had all kinds of medical issues and is set for another surgery tomorrow (this one is minor, thankfully the others wound up being minor) all of which is adding up.
The emergency fund is well past the red, and now my car won't start this morning. I was so happy when we reached a place of having the fund where we wanted it. I felt like we were finally adulting. While true we're not living paycheck to paycheck anymore, I'm back to that feeling of I just got things put away and they go right back out again. Is this just adulting?
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Post by gar on Sept 13, 2022 16:45:45 GMT
Sometimes yes, that is adulting but that does sound like a rough run and I can imagine how dispiriting that is. Hang in there - things will come good again before long I’m sure.
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Post by sabrinae on Sept 13, 2022 16:55:44 GMT
I’m sorry. I hope it gets better for you. I’m right there with you. I thought we were finally in a good place financially were we could handle emergencies as they come up. 4 ankle surgeries for my daughter, a torn bicep repair for me, car repairs, appliance replacements and having to replace a car — we’re stretched thin and trying to pay off medical bills.
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Post by Zee on Sept 13, 2022 16:56:56 GMT
I'm so sorry! I lived that reality for years. I would read here about how everyone has 5 years salary stashed away, house paid for, millions in stocks and ready for retirement...it could be disheartening.
But I think you sound like you're making it work as best as you can, and your kids aren't going without braces and husband without surgery while facing homelessness. What more can you do? There are many many people in your boat or much worse, so take pride in being able to adult!
I hope things turn around for you 🥰
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Post by workingclassdog on Sept 13, 2022 17:15:11 GMT
I feel like I'm back when we were early in our marriage, were flat broke and we just jumped from one broken item to the next. The car, health issues, etc. we'd have to go to one of our sets of parents and borrow money, then less than a month later the next thing would break. The parents would scream about getting an emergency fund in place and I'd go how am I supposed to do that I literally just paid you back for the last one/we're living paycheck to paycheck. We finally, finally had a couple of good years, got an emergency fund in place and inherited a small sum when my mom passed. We were able to buy our first house (5 years before she died) and made choices when we went into it being very careful about how much we borrowed. I have gratitude when the mortgage check goes out the door each month. That said, over the last 2 years we've had to replace the washing machine (twice), the dishwasher, AC unit, hot water heater, microwave, custom doors in the dining room (they were rotting to the point there was a hole), and the back deck. We chose to add in some landscaping to our backyard, DS needed braces which has involved now 2 surgeries, DH has had all kinds of medical issues and is set for another surgery tomorrow (this one is minor, thankfully the others wound up being minor) all of which is adding up. The emergency fund is well past the red, and now my car won't start this morning. I was so happy when we reached a place of having the fund where we wanted it. I felt like we were finally adulting. While true we're not living paycheck to paycheck anymore, I'm back to that feeling of I just got things put away and they go right back out again. Is this just adulting? I could have written this post almost word for word. Our years are up and down. Finally things have been better. Things are getting tight again and I'm feeling the pressure of not having enough money again. I feel I will never get past this stage. I guess it is adulting. It sucks sometimes. |
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Post by disneypal on Sept 13, 2022 17:18:58 GMT
Oh no! I am so sorry, I have been through times like that in my life and it is so, so stressful. I hope and pray your car issue this morning is something minor (like just needs a battery).
((HUGS)) - I know how tough it can be to go through things like this.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,542
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Post by bethany102399 on Sept 13, 2022 17:21:53 GMT
I'm so sorry! I lived that reality for years. I would read here about how everyone has 5 years salary stashed away, house paid for, millions in stocks and ready for retirement...it could be disheartening. But I think you sound like you're making it work as best as you can, and your kids aren't going without braces and husband without surgery while facing homelessness. What more can you do? There are many many people in your boat or much worse, so take pride in being able to adult! I hope things turn around for you 🥰 Thank you Zee, you're right. We have a warm home with hot water and mostly healthy people in it. As a natural spender I spent a lot of years tracking every freaking penny as we had so little and I could not afford to loose vigilance. I think I let go of that a little bit when I knew we had enough stashed away and it's painful to be back having to track it that closely again. |
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,542
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Post by bethany102399 on Sept 13, 2022 17:23:21 GMT
I could have written this post almost word for word. Our years are up and down. Finally things have been better. Things are getting tight again and I'm feeling the pressure of not having enough money again. I feel I will never get past this stage. I guess it is adulting. It sucks sometimes. Amen. I feel like I need to really go back and look at those years and the things we did without (my year without a car for instance) when there was literally no way we could pay for them. We are not there again, just further behind than I'd like to be. |
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Post by mom on Sept 13, 2022 17:32:16 GMT
I feel like I'm back when we were early in our marriage, were flat broke and we just jumped from one broken item to the next. The car, health issues, etc. we'd have to go to one of our sets of parents and borrow money, then less than a month later the next thing would break. The parents would scream about getting an emergency fund in place and I'd go how am I supposed to do that I literally just paid you back for the last one/we're living paycheck to paycheck. We finally, finally had a couple of good years, got an emergency fund in place and inherited a small sum when my mom passed. We were able to buy our first house (5 years before she died) and made choices when we went into it being very careful about how much we borrowed. I have gratitude when the mortgage check goes out the door each month. That said, over the last 2 years we've had to replace the washing machine (twice), the dishwasher, AC unit, hot water heater, microwave, custom doors in the dining room (they were rotting to the point there was a hole), and the back deck. We chose to add in some landscaping to our backyard, DS needed braces which has involved now 2 surgeries, DH has had all kinds of medical issues and is set for another surgery tomorrow (this one is minor, thankfully the others wound up being minor) all of which is adding up. The emergency fund is well past the red, and now my car won't start this morning. I was so happy when we reached a place of having the fund where we wanted it. I felt like we were finally adulting. While true we're not living paycheck to paycheck anymore, I'm back to that feeling of I just got things put away and they go right back out again. Is this just adulting? I am really sorry you are feeling so much stress over money. I've been there and it really does suck. I just wanted to point out -- you have made a bunch of progress. You were able to order custom doors, repair (replace?) your back deck, added in some landscaping. You aren't living pay check to paycheck any more. Thats huge! So, yes, you are in a bit of a rough patch but you know what to do and are able to do it (you've done it before!). In my life, when we've had to replenish our emergency funds, it usually happens quicker than it did the first time we got our emergency fund together. All this to say, yes, this is adulting. And its the sucky part of adulting. But you know what you've done in the past to get you where you needed to be financially and you will be able to recover from this set back quicker than before because you know what to do. |
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Sept 13, 2022 17:35:23 GMT
I understand. I hope things get better for you sooner rather than later.
A few weeks ago, during a conversation with someone my age, they said "I've never not worried about money". I feel the same way.
I've lived a life of a financial roller coaster ride of >> "every single penny" counts and when I finally build up some savings something always happens to partially or fully drain the savings.
When I do build up to a decent amount of savings, the fear of it being drained by another "what now-shit happens-always something" never truly lets me have a feeling of financial peace.
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janeliz
Drama Llama
I'm the Wiz and nobody beats me.
Posts: 5,633
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Post by janeliz on Sept 13, 2022 17:37:20 GMT
I’m so sorry. It is part of adulting, to a certain extent, but sometimes it can feel like you’re getting more than your share of bad luck. ((Hugs))
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Post by papersilly on Sept 13, 2022 17:38:12 GMT
yeah, that's adulting. it's life-ing. it seems like 2 steps back, one step forward. but my takeaway from your post left me feeling glad that you were able to buy a home and have an emergency fund to help with all the expenses that came with the house. that's something great to be very proud of.
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Post by malibou on Sept 13, 2022 17:50:45 GMT
That is a lot of rough stuff on your plate, on the plus side though, you know what to do. Wishing you a speedy bounce back.
Adulting isn't for sissies.
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Post by maryland on Sept 13, 2022 17:57:39 GMT
It's so frustrating! It seems like they don't make appliances to last and every 5 yrs. it seems you have to buy new. And car repairs are never ending. It truly seems that all you money will go to kid expenses and emergencies. I just want you to know you are not alone.
It does seem like you just can't catch up. I told my kids years ago that they are on their own for weddings. I want to get to a point where we can spend money as we want on ourselves. Who knows if that time will ever come.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Sept 13, 2022 18:00:04 GMT
We pay for appliances on our credit card. It doubles the warranty up to an extra year.
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Post by anniefb on Sept 13, 2022 19:21:16 GMT
I'm sorry you're dealing with so much financially at the moment but as others have said, you have made progress over the years. Hopefully this is just a small blip and you can build up your emergency fund again and get back in a better position.
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Post by KelleeM on Sept 13, 2022 19:38:52 GMT
I’m so sorry. I struggled as a single parent for years, reached a point where I could finally save some money, met my husband and several years later bought my first home with two incomes. It’s been almost 3 years and I’m back to very little savings and struggling again.
I hope things get better for your family soon!
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Post by Lexica on Sept 13, 2022 20:03:22 GMT
You have just described the last several years of my life too. Mine all started pretty much when the pandemic hit. I was given medication that made me severely depressed and catatonic but I didn't realize the medication was causing it so I continued to take it for the following two years. I thought I was just depressed because of the pandemic keeping me from going anywhere and seeing friends and family. But the depression got worse and worse.
Then the dishwasher died. Then I noticed the already packed moving boxes stacked to the ceiling in my laundry room were starting to lean over. When I started moving them to find out the cause of it, I realized there was water toward the back of the room. There had been a slow leak in the wall between my bathroom and the laundry room. And because it was leaking for so long without me noticing, mold was growing.
When I called my realtor to tell him there would be a substantial delay in getting the house ready for the sale, he told me there was a problem with all of the homes in my area developing pinhole leaks from whatever they did to treat the water differently. He said I would either need to give my buyers a $10,000 credit to have all of the plumbing replaced or I would need to do it before putting the house on the market. Since the walls were going to be all torn down anyway, I decided to just get it done. My realtor agreed and said he would have had difficulty selling the house with a known issue like dangerous plumbing. Plus I would have been a nervous wreck hoping there wasn't an additional leak before the house was sold.
My realtor told me he personally knew of over 100 homes that had pinhole leaks in the copper piping over the last few years. I warned my neighbor to start saving up to replace her plumbing too. Just three days later, she got a leak! My realtor listed a house around the corner from mine. They decided to gamble and opted to pay the buyers the $10,000 credit to have the plumbing replaced themselves. Right in the middle of the first open house, water started coming through the wall from a leak! They had to pull the house from the market, replace all of the plumbing, and start over again. Fortunately they didn't have the mold issue and were able to get their house back on the market within a few weeks.
I also had numerous problems with the various construction crews. Then when we were about a week away from being ready to list the house, I walked into the laundry room to wash my sheets and saw water on the floor again! I called the contractor who got the plumbing people out there. He said if the leak was caused by their newly replaced plumbing, they would repair everything at their cost. Was it the new plumbing? Nope. My master bathroom shower pan had failed! Just a couple of weeks to go, but no, it had to fail. That caused another two-week delay and thousands of dollars to put in a new shower.
All together, between repairing things that broke and dealing with the water leak and shower pan problems, I spent over $120,000! That included new flooring throughout the house, paint inside and out, and thousands of dollars in termite repairs. My house has these huge 12-inch exposed beams that run from outside to inside. The end of those huge beams sit in the rain and sun just inviting a problem. It really is a poor design. I hope the new buyers get those beams painted every year to prevent a future problem. Had I known, I would have done that myself.
I went through every dime of my savings and had no family member to borrow from. I cannot work ( I was injured and had to quit work about 15 years before I had planned to stop, severely putting a cramp in my retirement plans) and I was counting on that savings to help me with moving expenses. Fortunately, my realtor hooked me up with a company that lends you money to fix your house up for sale. I had to add them to my house paperwork to protect their investment in it which was a little scary for me but without their help, I would not have been able to sell the house for the price that I got for it.
The house is now sold and I am waiting for escrow to close so that I have the money to buy something new. I am moving out of state so if a house goes on the market that fills all of my "need" list and most of my "want" list, I will have to fly up to look at it. But when I do buy another house, it will be much smaller and more manageable, both financially and physically.
And I am going to put a huge chunk of the proceeds into an account to cover any future emergency needs. This was the first time in my life I have been this broke and I don't ever want to experience this again! So I get where you are coming from! Being broke sucks!
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nursema
Full Member
Posts: 352
Mar 1, 2022 10:14:32 GMT
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Post by nursema on Sept 13, 2022 20:10:18 GMT
You’ve already gotten fantastic advice, so I just wanted to tell you I’m giving you a big hug in my head. You are certainly not alone, but are in good company in regard to your concerns!
As the divorced mom of a kiddo finishing up college, I was just chatting with a BFF about how our “money worries” never totally disappear, but wax and wane. I learned long ago to view bargain shopping as sport and that mindset now extends to all things financial for me. It’s actually fun now, believe it or not - even during the more challenging moments. I take ‘em on and make ‘em my bitch! 😂. A willingness to work and/or be creative about potential streams of income will get us through just about anything.
Another aspect of the same issue that I’ve had a lot of fun with lately is trimming my regular spending. I canceled cable, for starters. It’s amazing how much I am saving after ridding myself of one creature comfort after another - the perks are countless, and some of the biggest ones have nothing to do with money! I’m having a lot of fun doing things I haven’t done in a while because a lot of those things I was spending money on have meant I’ve gotten lazy…🥴🫣😬
Hang in there, it’s going to be ok. 👍🏼
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Sept 13, 2022 20:57:21 GMT
It sounds like historically you've been very careful and made smart choices. This run of bad luck has put a kink on the plans but you can get back of top of it all. You've already proven that.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,596
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Sept 14, 2022 1:45:12 GMT
Hugs! This is the part of adulting that sucks big time. I think so many of us are feeling this right now. When we feel like we are getting a head and in a good spot, wham! I feel that the increase in gas prices and the cost of goods have not helped matters. At least that's how I'm feeling. We were doing well and then around end of spring early summer, it just went to shit. Couple that with dh's health insurance going up $400+ per pay check, I had to have my gallbladder out, ds had to have a wisdom tooth out, and the cost of gas, it's rough right now. I feel there is a small light at the end of the tunnel starting next week. Hopefully.
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Post by epeanymous on Sept 14, 2022 2:31:50 GMT
I am really sorry. I hope you go on a winning streak soon.
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Post by calgaryscrapper on Sept 14, 2022 5:00:57 GMT
At least once a year we go over our bills. We call the loyalty department for our home phone and have it down to $12 per month. We pay around .130 dollars for a Gold rewards membership at Costco and get bonus savings on groceries etc with it. They pay us over 160 dollars at the end of the year. We use the Costco credit card on everything w can (including car insurance) and pay it off every month. Vehicles are fuelled up at Costco. An e-mail comes in every Monday with weekly or bi-weekly sales. We shop in store sales at Costco. When meat has an offer of five dollars off per package we buy the smallest size package. Recently, pork ribs were thirty per cent less in cost than last winter. We stocked up on meat. Last year, Costco gave us over $650 dollars for using the card.
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