scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,767
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Nov 4, 2022 0:15:32 GMT
I’m astonished that your family would not understand the REASON why you would choose not to want a huge Holiday this year.
I like someone said your life has been irrevocably changed forever. You get to make choices that give you peace.
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MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,539
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
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Post by MerryMom on Nov 4, 2022 0:45:16 GMT
If anyone persists in asking why or trying to convince you to attend, don’t answer…just stare at them.
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Post by silverlining on Nov 4, 2022 16:05:18 GMT
From everything you've mentioned about your mom and sister, here's my amateur diagnosis: They are remarkably ignorant about... grief alchoholism mental illness how to show love to a family member who's going through life's toughest loss
And they deserve a gold medal in lack of empathy.
You are taking control of your life and prioritizing your happiness and mental health. You NEED to do this and you don't need to get involved in the drama of explaining why to people who are not going to get it or accept it. I wish you a calm peaceful holiday season. You deserve only the best.
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Post by supersoda on Nov 4, 2022 18:31:28 GMT
I'm sorry you're struggling with family in this extra-hard season. I understand having a pushy family that doesn't know how or when to back off. We've taken to traveling frequently on holidays because it's the easiest way to avoid my toxic family with minimal drama.
No good advice--just wanted to offer empathy. Try not to let their pressure and expectations take over what is best for you.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Nov 4, 2022 18:53:30 GMT
You are taking control of your life and prioritizing your happiness and mental health. You NEED to do this and you don't need to get involved in the drama of explaining why to people who are not going to get it or accept it. I wish you a calm peaceful holiday season. You deserve only the best. There is something I am learning in my participation in Al-Anon (for families of alcoholics) and that is that I don't have control over all situations and I don't have the power to change things. You are most likely right that to they will not understand nor accept. So I should probably move on from this in a way that will be easiest for me to handle.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,340
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Nov 4, 2022 18:58:11 GMT
Holidays can so stressful under the best of circumstances. No we can't control others, but we can control ourselves. You absolutely need to do what is right for yourself and your immediate family.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,838
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on Nov 4, 2022 19:41:06 GMT
You are taking control of your life and prioritizing your happiness and mental health. You NEED to do this and you don't need to get involved in the drama of explaining why to people who are not going to get it or accept it. I wish you a calm peaceful holiday season. You deserve only the best. There is something I am learning in my participation in Al-Anon (for families of alcoholics) and that is that I don't have control over all situations and I don't have the power to change things. You are most likely right that to they will not understand nor accept. So I should probably move on from this in a way that will be easiest for me to handle. I am sorry you have this on top of everything else.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,028
Jun 25, 2014 19:25:50 GMT
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Post by mimima on Nov 4, 2022 21:26:10 GMT
No is a complete sentence. Just say that you will not be attending. No need to explain anything. You can add an "I'm sorry" with a smile, but you do NOT have to. Hugs.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 5, 2022 10:36:18 GMT
I think in this case, "No is a complete answer" would be what I stick with.
If I felt like elaborating, or felt pressured to, I would just say that I am having a quiet holiday season this year, and leave it at that.
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Post by KelleeM on Nov 5, 2022 12:00:31 GMT
I’ve read most of this thread and you have received great advice.
The year that Dick died (early October) I went to his brother’s house on Christmas Eve. His three sons and their families were there. It was awful. I felt so out of place. It was me and not them but it just sucked. I left after an hour or so. Sadly, that was the last time I was invited to their home, or to the homes of any of his family. I receive shower and wedding invitations but that’s it.
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