kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,536
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jan 23, 2023 1:44:44 GMT
So many complicated feelings... I'm sending you love and light. Having a parent in the ICU is no picnic, no matter the circumstance.
Your doggos are ADORABLE!!!
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,599
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Jan 23, 2023 1:47:40 GMT
Hugs!! I can understand the mixed emotions you are feeling.
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Post by SallyPA on Jan 23, 2023 1:54:18 GMT
Just chiming in to say I am so sorry you’re in this position right now. Big Hugs.
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janeinbama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,177
Location: Alabama
Jan 29, 2015 16:24:49 GMT
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Post by janeinbama on Jan 23, 2023 2:31:18 GMT
(Hugs) you are doing the best you can do and it sounds like your sister is too.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 15, 2024 4:26:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2023 2:43:32 GMT
Well I just exited the group text. They are hailing my sister a hero for coming. I don’t really need to see that. My mother could’ve had two daughters coming.
hadn’t cried all day. Just took a shower and the tears came
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Post by tmarschall on Jan 23, 2023 2:47:33 GMT
Well I just exited the group text. They are hailing my sister a hero for coming. I don’t really need to see that. My mother could’ve had two daughters coming. hadn’t cried all day. Just took a shower and the tears came I hated to "like" your post. I'm just so sorry. I know my cousin will be the martyr/hero when the time comes for my mother. I hope your tears were cleansing, and that your pups and loved ones bring you comfort. ♥️
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Post by pajamamama on Jan 23, 2023 3:46:33 GMT
I am so sorry. I think the plans that are in play are correct. Be kind to yourself.
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Post by scrapmaven on Jan 23, 2023 4:46:42 GMT
I would stay where you are and just do your daily thing. If you can plan some fun stuff so much the better. Your mom is not a mommy and you owe her absolutely nothing, not even sadness. It's a complex situation, because she was so narcissistic and wasn't loving. You don't have to to be loving either. If she passes it's up to you whether or not to bother going to her funeral or even mourning her. I suspect that you've already mourned the loss of a mother, anyway. It's OK to find things that make you happy right now. This is your sister's problem and if your mother doesn't have your loving care that is her fault and she's deserving of absolutely nothing from you. If your sister is angry then that's her story to tell and not your problem. You have my permission to be apathetic. Your mother's health is not your problem. Your sister can choose to handle it or not. That's btwn your sister and her mother.
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Post by brynn on Jan 23, 2023 5:01:51 GMT
It is so hard, and your's is more difficult. ((Hugs))
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390
Aug 16, 2014 23:15:53 GMT
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Post by peaname on Jan 23, 2023 10:40:37 GMT
Your boundary is really being tested and it’s not easy. I’ll just add another ‘take care of yourself’ No one in full possession of the facts would think you should be there.
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 23, 2023 12:30:02 GMT
Hugs, dear friend. Just hugs.
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Post by fruitysuet on Jan 23, 2023 12:37:19 GMT
What a difficult situation. There are so many emotions that go into bad parents, but at the core I think we always mourn the relationship that never was. Let your sister deal with the details and give her support--for her own sake, not your mom's. This is what I was thinking, in your other post you said there weren't issues with your sister. As the one who will be dealing with your mom (who sounds difficult to say the least) if you can think of any way to support your sister or show her you are thinking of her that may help. She may well not have wanted to be 'the golden' child and be the only one your mom relies on and I would hate for there to be any further resentment within the family dynamics because of your mom's choices. I understand the range of emotions you must be feeling, but I'd keep that step back away from your mom herself, she doesn't deserve you expending any more emotional energy on her.
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Post by gramasue on Jan 23, 2023 13:24:01 GMT
Your two sweet pups bring you joy. Your mother does not. Take a breath and focus on that. Your sister will look after the rest. Sending you a big hug.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 15, 2024 4:26:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 23, 2023 14:13:44 GMT
It was not a good night. The issues with my mom didn’t begin when she threw me out of the house in 7th grade. I sent my sister the following text this morning
You know…I forgave mother many, many years ago. Like I told you before I always told myself she did the best she could. But this hurt that has resurfaced due to her continually excluding me, treating with disregard and failure to acknowledge goes back even before she kicked me out. I remember coming home from school and not being able to go in. I had to sit in the garage like I was a fucking dog. You got to go inside. While still in elementary school, I unlocked my bedroom window so that I could sneak IN. Just to be able to go inside like a human. Like my sister got to do. She learned of this and drove a nail into the lock on my window so that it couldn’t be unlocked. You said before that her issue with me may be that I was more like her than you were. Just how does a mother determine before her child is 10 yrs old that the child is so faulty that warrants treating that child with such disregard. This isn’t me not moving on or living in the past. I got plenty of reminders even after I forgave her, and , most recently her two friends that are like daughters being named and her daughter Carol being named. Her utter disregard for me that started in 4th grade continues to present day.
This is what I wished Scott, your kids, charla Ann, ralene and Lois knew. Instead, they all probably think I’m some giant fuck for not being as involved as you are.
I was not a bad kid. I did not deserve what I got from her.
No reply from my sister yet but honestly…what is she supposed to say. I truly forgave my mom…if for no other reason than to bring myself peace. But these new events and most recent (last week) behavior of excluding me…plus the fact that there’s a chance she will not live, it’s just stirred all my past up. It’s not pretty.
These issues with my mother are just a portion of my childhood hell. I’ve got plenty of stories of bad things that happened from people I lived with.
It’s truly a miracle I’m a functioning member of society. Sure I’ve got plenty of flaws but I’m still standing. I’m s mother…not a perfect mother by any means, but considering the role model I had, my kids are incredibly fortunate.
Gonna be a long day at work
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Post by malibou on Jan 23, 2023 15:29:53 GMT
My heart breaks for you.
No matter how old we get, how good of a life we've made for ourselves, how many people tell us they love us, there is still that inner child that needs attention and love. When the person an inner child expects to rely on is not reliable, it's difficult to understand and even more difficult to cope with as the natural instinct is to look inside one's self for the answers as to why.
Continue to nurture that child. You know the cause and effect of the disconnect and pain, don't let anyone else suggest that you are wrong for knowing what you know, they haven't actually walked in that little girl's shoes.
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Post by knit.pea on Jan 23, 2023 16:37:05 GMT
I’m so sorry for the cruelty you have endured with her. A mom is supposed to be a safe place. My daughter has a lot of the same traits/reactions I had as a child, and I’ve made it a point to talk her through her feelings, because I know how the feelings affected me growing up. (We’re both redheads with short tempers.) You can be proud that you got to where you are because of who *you* are. That is a big accomplishment. It’s not fair that you had to struggle with it, of course, but you are truly your own person.
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Jan 23, 2023 18:00:28 GMT
((HUGS)) I'm so sorry that you have endured so much from your mother. No words of wisdom, but I will say that your mother is the problem. There is no way that a normal mother would put their child out in 7th grade. There is something very wrong with her!!
There is also something wrong with your sister too if she doesn't acknowledge this. While there's nothing she can do about it, I hope she at least realizes that your mother's behavior is not normal.
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Post by disneypal on Jan 23, 2023 19:02:30 GMT
truly forgave my mom…if for no other reason than to bring myself peace. But these new events and most recent (last week) behavior of excluding me…plus the fact that there’s a chance she will not live, it’s just stirred all my past up. I am glad you were able to forgive her, that is not an easy thing to do. I'm sure all of what is happening now is stirring up a lot of emotions and bring up a lot of bad memories. ((HUGS))
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