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Post by freecharlie on Feb 18, 2023 13:35:33 GMT
He's been gone since October. He has stealthily entered the house a number of times to take items until I filed for exclusive possession and changed the locks. He is renting a uhaul and coming to get his things today, although I'm still not exactly sure what he is taking. So, anybody want to send me positive thoughts that I handle myself with dignity, that he isn't an ass, and that I don't lose my shit on him? Short update Ya'll, he fucking brought her!!! Guess who got the cops called on her ass. just some notesSo xh showed up with a smallish uhaul to get his stuff. I had moved the cars out of the driveway so he just pulled in, opened the garage and started loading. I have a camera out there so I checked it He brought her!!! Wtf I watched the camera for a while. She did NOTHING she touched nothing, just watched as he did stuff. Then his dad and his one friend showed up. I went to the garage and told them she was not allowed on the property. He argued with me. I didnt yell or lose my cool. I did not direct any words at her. I called the police. Police come and make her go to his truck across the street. She leaves for a little while. Comes back an hour or so later, but stays in the truck across the street. His friend does 80% of the work. He only took the big items on the list and barely fit them all in. I'm assuming his friend is going to help him unload, because there is no way he is doing that himself. Right now I think they are living with her sister in a 3 bed 1 bath little house. There is no way this stuff is going to fit. Got the mail key and the garage opener back. He left behind a bunch of trash and all theittle stuff. He will have to return to help with that. I was calm, polite, and amenable. Even gave his friend out old snow sleds. Turns into the restraining order had expired or something, but because I have exclusive use of the house, I get to say who can be on the property Oh and on Thursday, his petition to not have to pay the retroactive support was denied.  Thank you for the positive thoughts |
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032 
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Post by scrappyesq on Feb 18, 2023 13:38:50 GMT
You will be in my thoughts today. You can do this. You know that we’re all here with you.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,630
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Feb 18, 2023 14:00:50 GMT
Sending my best. Your mantra for today: take the high road.
And breathe.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 18, 2023 14:05:56 GMT
Is there anyway you can have a neutral person there with you? Like maybe someone who has been a friend to both of you? I think that might help if there needs to be any discussion about what belongs to whom.
This is just one more milestone in a journey that feels like forever. But you are almost at the end. Take care.
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 18, 2023 14:06:00 GMT
I can't promise he won't be an ass, but I know you are able to hold it together. Unless he needs his ass kicked - then do it!
Seriously, I hope there is no drama and it's over quickly. Don't let him bully you into giving up anything you don't want to get rid of.
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Post by Merge on Feb 18, 2023 14:08:51 GMT
You’ve got this! We’re all here to support you. Hope it goes smoothly.
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anniebeth24
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,566
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Post by anniebeth24 on Feb 18, 2023 14:12:12 GMT
Sorry he's given you another day of stress. You got this.
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Post by peace on Feb 18, 2023 14:18:08 GMT
You can do this. Say as little as necessary. You were right to change the locks- after my ex moved out, he kept making up excuses to come back for something. I would leave so I wouldn't have to see him but little did I realize he was taking my scrapbooks, photos, & hard drive. He also had a list of demands  If he's bringing a U-Haul, he must have an idea of what he thinks is his. Good luck!! It'll be over SOON! |
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,785
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Feb 18, 2023 14:26:33 GMT
You will be in my thoughts.
If you can, have a friend with you. Is there any chance he will bring the other woman with him? Because if there even an outside chance of that, you need someone on your side too. Strength in numbers.
Hugs
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Post by scrapmaven on Feb 18, 2023 14:29:14 GMT
jeremysgirl gave you great advice. If you can someone there you should, just as a buffer. You legally have the possesions, so you have the right tell him not to take anthing but his own crap from the basement. Do not talk to him unless necessary and yes, breathe, so that you don't lose your shit. The quieter you are the faster it will go. If he starts to rant just tell him that he's there to pick up his stuff and you are not going to talk to him. You can do this. He doesn't have any power over you. It's your house and legally it's your stuff. Good luck.
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Post by librarylady on Feb 18, 2023 14:34:34 GMT
Another vote for a neutral person to be with you.
I do hope it goes smoothly.
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 18, 2023 14:34:36 GMT
You will be in my thoughts. If you can, have a friend with you. Is there any chance he will bring the other woman with him? Because if there even an outside chance of that, you need someone on your side too. Strength in numbers. Hugs If he does, he can't enter the house as I have that order from when she threatened to kill me. |
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 18, 2023 14:36:20 GMT
I wasn't going to have anybody because I didn't want him to think it bothered me.
I do have cameras placed around the house and can record on my phone.
My dad has offered, but I'm not sure HE could keep his mouth shut.
I don't know who xh is bringing. I assume at least the one friend I know and his dad, but other than that...
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 18, 2023 14:38:26 GMT
I must have missed that order after she tried to kill you. Since he's been gone since October, he probably realizes that his life isn't exactly what he'd hoped it would be with her. The facade is probably starting to break, so I imagine if he's feeling vindictive, he might want to take stuff to piss you off. I would ask that my parents be there. So at least he's got someone around to make him behave a little better. Will your kids be there?
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Post by compeateropeator on Feb 18, 2023 14:43:27 GMT
I am so sorry you are having to deal with this but it will feel so much better when this part is done. Good luck for an uneventful day. Treat yourself to something special tonight when it is done. You can get through this.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Feb 18, 2023 14:43:34 GMT
Is there anyway you can have a neutral person there with you? Definitely have someone there. Think of it as just another hurdle to cross on your path to a new life. Every time he acts like an ass, let it remind you of how much better off you are without him. |
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Post by elaine on Feb 18, 2023 14:57:11 GMT
I wasn't going to have anybody because I didn't want him to think it bothered me. I do have cameras placed around the house and can record on my phone. My dad has offered, but I'm not sure HE could keep his mouth shut. I don't know who xh is bringing. I assume at least the one friend I know and his dad, but other than that... I would take your dad up on it. Your dad can say anything he wants to - legally, it shouldn’t affect you, unless your dad assaults him on your behest. (Which I’m guessing would never happen). You should have someone who will stand up for you if he tries to take stuff that isn’t his/is yours. I wish I lived close to you, I would come in a heartbeat. I will send positive strong thoughts your way. |
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Post by Bridget in MD on Feb 18, 2023 15:14:03 GMT
Is there anyway you can have a neutral person there with you? Like maybe someone who has been a friend to both of you? I think that might help if there needs to be any discussion about what belongs to whom. This is just one more milestone in a journey that feels like forever. But you are almost at the end. Take care. I was just thinking this. I thought a friend but neutral is probably good so he can't claim the other person is biased. I was also going to suggest leaving, but do NOT - I would want to see every freaking thing he takes out of that house! what on earth could he have left?  |
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GiantsFan
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,298
Site Supporter
Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Feb 18, 2023 15:17:06 GMT
I'll be thinking of you.
And I agree with the others have your dad (or someone) there. Even if he stays in the backyard and reads a book or plays on his phone.
ETA: When my XH came to get his stuff, I was playing (a cassette tape! that's how long ago it was) of "done me wrong I'm strong now" songs! He noticed and commented on it. haha
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iowgirl
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,145
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Post by iowgirl on Feb 18, 2023 15:26:42 GMT
You will be in my thoughts. If you can, have a friend with you. Is there any chance he will bring the other woman with him? Because if there even an outside chance of that, you need someone on your side too. Strength in numbers. Hugs If he does, he can't enter the house as I have that order from when she threatened to kill me. I wasn't going to have anybody because I didn't want him to think it bothered me. I do have cameras placed around the house and can record on my phone. My dad has offered, but I'm not sure HE could keep his mouth shut. I don't know who xh is bringing. I assume at least the one friend I know and his dad, but other than that... I would absolutely have someone there. After reading about the death threat, I would have Law Enforcement there. That is what they are here for! It is NOT a sign of your weakness or that you 'care' ... it is a sign that you are NOT going to take any BS from him or anyone with him. Tell him when he can come. Not "today" at any time. I would give him the specific time and amount of time when you have someone there. I would let him know when you will have LEO there and that is when he can be there. Period. I hope to goes well for you and you can close that chapter! ♥ |
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pinklady
Drama Llama
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Post by pinklady on Feb 18, 2023 15:28:23 GMT
Why isn’t his shit sitting in the curb?
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,993
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Feb 18, 2023 15:35:46 GMT
I agree with all the others that it would be beneficial to have someone with you. Will say a prayer that all goes well and this will finally be the end of it for you and your boys.
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 18, 2023 15:46:37 GMT
I must have missed that order after she tried to kill you. Since he's been gone since October, he probably realizes that his life isn't exactly what he'd hoped it would be with her. The facade is probably starting to break, so I imagine if he's feeling vindictive, he might want to take stuff to piss you off. I would ask that my parents be there. So at least he's got someone around to make him behave a little better. Will your kids be there? My parents have offered as had ny oldest. My youngest wants nothing to do with him. I don't want my oldest because they'd make him carry everything heavy. He's pissed he has to pay child support. He calls it monthly bullshit. He tried to fight the neck amount and of course, after 3 months, the judge denied it on Thursday, so I imagine he is more pissed. I think I got most sentimental stuff out. |
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Post by freecharlie on Feb 18, 2023 15:47:22 GMT
Why isn’t his shit sitting in the curb? I put it downstairs so he has to come up and down the stairs. I'm trying to do everything by the book so he has no way to come at me. |
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Post by mom on Feb 18, 2023 16:03:36 GMT
You can do this! But don't make it any easier on him than it has to be. And if he is an ass, just use that as reenforcement that you are doing the right thing and will most definitely better off without him.
Also? Check in periodically and let us know you are ok.
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Post by malibou on Feb 18, 2023 16:12:21 GMT
Please have someone there. Even with cameras, he could take things and then perhaps damage them before being ordered to return them. He has shown his true colours. With all of his stuff being downstairs, I would not allow him access to upstairs. If he insists something is his, he will need to ask you for it and you can decide if it really belongs to him.
Wish Wishing you all the strength you need to deal with him.
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Post by tinydogmafia on Feb 18, 2023 16:22:18 GMT
I put it downstairs so he has to come up and down the stairs. I just LOL so much that the dogs came running. You can get through today. You've already been through the worst of it, and we are all so proud of you. Definitely take your dad up on his offer. The moral support is worth it. And if your ex is acting like a fool, you've got someone in your corner. Sending you lots of positive energy. |
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Post by auntkelly on Feb 18, 2023 16:23:58 GMT
I’ll be thinking of you.
I hope you can find someone to be with you. The ideal person would be someone not too involved in the situation who can be firm, but remain calm. Do you have a neighbor who can come over when your X is there?
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 18, 2023 16:24:00 GMT
Definitely have someone there - it doesn't matter what he thinks about it. I hope it goes smoothly!
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Post by sabrinae on Feb 18, 2023 16:27:17 GMT
Definitely try to have someone there. Don’t hesitate to call law enforcement if he becomes belligerent or obnoxious
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