RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
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Post by RosieKat on Feb 23, 2023 19:57:12 GMT
UPDATE #2 - Suddenly heard loud screeches...the sprinklers just came on in the middle of the party! Everything is fine, but OMG!   UPDATE - So it is 10:45 pm our time, and they have 9 people out there having a blast. She really just wanted it to be silly fun, and they've been watching movies on a screen on the fence and playing tether ball and chasing each other with silly string and making s'mores and eating tons of crap. The friend who'd really ticked her off about the soccer game actually came over early to help her set up and then came back over here just a few minutes ago after the game was over - it turned out he felt really bad about it but was kind of caught in the middle of divorcing parents trying to win his love. Mom decided he was going to the soccer game, so he kind of had to. We sent a bunch of extra food home with the friend who traveled in from college, and I think we'll just end up with the normal amount of leftover food. (I always vastly overbuy food for any party/gathering, because people will always gather around the food and chat when things go into quiet mode.) Boyfriend didn't make it, but that was expected. So, I think in the end most of the people she really cared about being there were able to come, and judging by her cackles (she has a great laugh!), she's having fun.  Original post - She hasn't been able to have a bday party since she was about 4, and always wants one (she just turned 17). We decided to make it work this year, and it's been planned for the 25th for several weeks, and she checked with several people to make sure they could make it. We've bought 90% of the stuff for about 20 people, ordered some catering, blah blah blah. She just found out today that a lot of them have now planned to go to the season opener for our local soccer game, which is smack in the middle of her party, so you can't realistically come to the party and the game. (I do know these people legitimately like her, this isn't a convenient excuse or something, not that she's convinced of that now.) Realistically, she has to cancel. She doesn't want to push it back another week because then it won't even be her bday month any more. I told her we could make it work on the 24th or sometime on the 26th, but she has to work the night of the 24th and there are a lot of people with conflicts on the 26th. My heart is breaking for her. She has had a lot to have to deal with in life and this year was finally shaping up to be better. This is going to just crush her. We've only texted about this so far, because she's in the middle of the school day. But man, kids are thoughtless jerks sometimes. I also now have a zillion dollars worth of chips and sodas that we don't even eat/drink, and had bought all kinds of yard games and movie screens and stuff because it was just going to be a fun night in the backyard. We even bought a fire pit.  |
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Post by scrapmaven on Feb 23, 2023 20:00:35 GMT
I'm so sorry for your daughter. Those kids need to learn manners. When you commit to something you can't just walk away, because something else pops up. Can you get a refund on the catering and maybe do a special mother/dd weekend together, someplace relaxing and fun? Make her feel special and worthy! Mama ((((HUGS)))).
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 21:38:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2023 20:01:59 GMT
So instead of keeping their commitment to celebrate a friend's birthday, they're going to a game that they could attend any other time? She has shitty friends. Someone needs to remind the friends that they already made plans.
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Post by workingclassdog on Feb 23, 2023 20:03:09 GMT
That sucks! I would just try to move to the following weekend. It's still the same concept, birthday time, but if it could work out, why not? It is a bummer.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 21:38:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2023 20:04:45 GMT
Is there anyway to make it a tail gate type party instead (I'm not sure where you live climate wise) or find a place near the soccer game where you could set up? I'm just trying to figure out if you can pivot somehow. I am SO very sorry she has had this happen. That completely sucks and is not right.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Feb 23, 2023 20:23:51 GMT
She just found out today that a lot of them have now planned to go to the season opener for our local soccer game, which is smack in the middle of her party, so you can't realistically come to the party and the game. I'm sorry, that sux that would choose to do that after saying they'd be at the party! Can you adjust the time for the party so that it starts earlier? Or even later, after the game? |
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jimmysgirl
Shy Member
Posts: 28
Jun 15, 2015 4:32:58 GMT
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Post by jimmysgirl on Feb 23, 2023 20:29:04 GMT
How many are still saying they will come to the party? I would still go ahead with whoever is still coming. Perhaps when the word gets out that the party is still going, some will realize that they actually DO want to be there. And if not, take a thousand pictures of all the tons of fun that was had and make sure she plasters it all over her social media so the rude kids can see what they missed!
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Post by Basket1lady on Feb 23, 2023 20:35:24 GMT
She just found out today that a lot of them have now planned to go to the season opener for our local soccer game, which is smack in the middle of her party, so you can't realistically come to the party and the game. I'm sorry, that sux that would choose to do that after saying they'd be at the party! Can you adjust the time for the party so that it starts earlier? Or even later, after the game? This was my thought. Can you just pivot with the time? I know we're not supposed to generalize a generation or say, "kids these days" but I found that that happened so often with my kids' friends. The friends just don't realize what goes into planning any sort of food celebration, but it's incredibly frustrating. I think a lot of has to do with the fact that so many celebrate out at restaurants these days and don't realize the planning that goes into it. Happy Birthday to your DD! |
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Post by tmarschall on Feb 23, 2023 20:48:29 GMT
Does it really matter if it's not the birthday month? It's always nice to get together to celebrate someone. If I'm not free on Valentine's day (or like last week I was sick) i don't pass for the whole year...we celebrated over the weekend. Have a party a couple more weeks out, and say it was a belated birthday, no?
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 23, 2023 20:51:47 GMT
I would try to shift the time later in the day so the party starts after the soccer game ends, but on the same day if you can. That is so thoughtless for her friends to cancel so they can go to something they could do any other week.
Having said that, we almost never had our kid’s parties on the day of her actual birthday. Maybe once in a dozen years. Sometimes you just have to be flexible and punt. I think a lot of people think if it’s just something you’re doing at home there isn’t as much planning or expense but they would be wrong.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 23, 2023 21:02:52 GMT
So these kids knew about it but are now bailing? and just how many? I would absolutely go forward if it's even still a half a dozen kids - you don't need 20 for a party. And if possible adjust time a bit earlier - even if they really want to go to the game, I can't imagine they need to be there right at the beginning. I'm sorry for your daughter!
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Post by littlemama on Feb 23, 2023 21:05:39 GMT
I hate the attitude the younger generations have regarding committments- they either dont commit because they are waiting for a better offer or they do commit and then cancel if they get a better offer.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,528
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Feb 23, 2023 21:09:15 GMT
I'm so sorry.  |
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Post by Lurkingpea on Feb 23, 2023 21:12:14 GMT
That stinks. If I couldn't switch times I would just carry on with who shows up.
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Post by supersoda on Feb 23, 2023 21:42:52 GMT
That stinks and I’m sorry. Kids that age are just shitty sometimes. I‘ve definitely wanted to throttle some of my kids’ friends on occasion.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Feb 23, 2023 21:55:38 GMT
I would adjust the time, if it helps, but I would not reschedule - there is always going to be something else that may pop up. I like the idea of a pre-game party. but honestly, while I think this generation shows great kindness in lots of places, they also show great inconsideration too |
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Post by AussieMeg on Feb 23, 2023 21:57:31 GMT
Those kids really are shitty friends. I'd be so upset for my daughter in that situation.
I don't think I'd change the date, because something else could pop up for the shitty friends and the same thing could happen. I'd think about changing the time, or maybe just going ahead with a smaller party.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Feb 23, 2023 22:25:34 GMT
Did they know that it was an actual birthday party and not just hanging out that day? If so, that is really inconsiderate of them. How many are going to the game and how many are still planning on the party? I think I would still continue with the party with the people who will be there. I'm sorry this happened. |
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Feb 23, 2023 22:46:02 GMT
As someone that has never had a real birthday party, I can totally sympathize with your daughter. IT SUCKS. There was always something going on during my birthday so it got added to another event if something was done at all. We were part of the Country Kitchen birthday club, so we would go there to eat.
I would like to say it gets better, but we tried to have a party for my 50th birthday and literally one person showed up.
OP, please do not think I am in any way talking bad about you and not planning something. I am sure you have made every birthday special for her and this was going to be even more special and it is just not working out as planned. It sucks.
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RosieKat
Drama Llama
PeaJect #12
Posts: 5,405
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Post by RosieKat on Feb 23, 2023 23:34:23 GMT
Just to answer a few questions, this party is already almost a month after her bday - she picked the date to accommodate as many people as possible. It was important to her to have it within the birthday month. Changing times isn't really feasible for what she had planned, and the soccer game with travel time etc. means people are unavailable from about 6:30 till about 10:30 or 11 pm. We can't move it to earlier in the day because she has work that morning. There were a few kids who said from the beginning they couldn't go, and she totally gets that. But a bunch dropped yesterday and then one of her best friends bailed today. Her boyfriend probably can't come but she knew that from the start. (He is crazy busy, so she wasn't "supposed to" try to plan around him. He will come if possible.)
She is just feeling like she drops everything for them, but never the other way around. And that is somewhat true, as she is a pretty thoughtful and mature kid, whereas the others are more regular teens. I am encouraging her to think about the friend who is still coming over after DDs work to help get things ready, or the one who graduated last year and is driving in from 4 hours away to be here. Not every friend is always a bestie all the time, even the good ones.
She sounds at the moment like she's going to go ahead with however many show up. I'll keep y'all posted, but meanwhile, thanks for the tea and sympathy. Anyone wanna go slash tires with me? (Kidding...mostly...)
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Post by quinlove on Feb 23, 2023 23:38:56 GMT
Oh I’m so sad about this. When our children are sad - we as parents, are 10 times sadder. I’m so sorry.
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,298
Location: Michigan
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Post by iluvpink on Feb 24, 2023 0:44:54 GMT
I'm so sad for her. I hope she still manages to have a party and have fun with those who show up.
My dd has had some shit in her life and been screwed over by a few friends, it really sucks.
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Post by lisae on Feb 24, 2023 0:53:21 GMT
I hate the attitude the younger generations have regarding committments- they either dont commit because they are waiting for a better offer or they do commit and then cancel if they get a better offer. I'm not sure it is just the younger generation, or maybe not just this younger generation. I'm sorry your daughter's plans are having to change. I hope she will find another fun way to celebrate her birthday. |
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Feb 24, 2023 1:17:41 GMT
That sucks!! My kids have summer bdays, so it was hard to get a big group together. Especially ds who’s bday is right after school lets out.
Did she actually do an invite, either by texts or email? Or was it a general hey if I did this, could you make it? Either way it stucks.
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Post by malibou on Feb 24, 2023 2:33:27 GMT
Where are these kids parents?! I would never have let my kid bail out on a friend in this manner. Not cool.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Feb 24, 2023 2:58:25 GMT
Where are these kids parents?! I would never have let my kid bail out on a friend in this manner. Not cool. They're 17 - I don't think I had the first clue the particulars of my kids' social engagements at that age. I can obviously hope I'd taught them earlier about obligations and not bailing on friends. |
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Post by Bobomommy on Feb 24, 2023 5:01:48 GMT
My 16th birthday party was planned for weeks, but at the last minute one of my “friends” (I’ll call her Molly) decided to go bowling instead. She invited a bunch of people and they all went. One girl showed up for the party. We had a great time even though I was sad and disappointed that the others didn’t come.
I moved away and Molly and I didn’t stay in touch. Her parents and mine did, though.
Fifteen years later, Molly’s 30th birthday rolls around. Her husband is planning a huge party for her. It happens to be on the same day as my wedding. Her parents tell him they are attending my wedding, so he cancels the party.
Karma…
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Post by malibou on Feb 24, 2023 7:51:13 GMT
Where are these kids parents?! I would never have let my kid bail out on a friend in this manner. Not cool. They're 17 - I don't think I had the first clue the particulars of my kids' social engagements at that age. I can obviously hope I'd taught them earlier about obligations and not bailing on friends. Yes, I did teach my kid earlier than 17 about obligations and the whole walking in other's shoes stuff. I'm pleased he listened and thrilled he understands. |
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 24, 2023 13:48:09 GMT
Oh, your poor daughter. That is really lousy behavior on the part of her friends.
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Post by lucyg on Feb 24, 2023 21:42:03 GMT
aww, I am so sorry. Poor girly. People can be so thoughtless. Especially teens.
I think she should go ahead and have the party even if it’s the wrong month. And maybe invite a few more people for back up.
ETA now that I’ve read your update, I agree she should just go ahead with the party for those who will attend. But still maybe invite a few more less-close friends? Maybe if they show up, they’ll become better friends.
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