House listing spin-off - what immediately says not for me?

Kitchen and bathrooms. It may sound very spoiled but realistically DH and I don't have time or desire at this stage in our life to do a whole lot of fixing up or changing to our preferences. I'm willing to paint and have new flooring installed, otherwise it needs to be pretty much move in ready. Other stages of our lives we would have taken on much different things like renovating, adding on, moving walls, etc. That said, I'm not inflexible and I'm willing to think creatively about a space if it meets most of our criteria...we just can't take on one more project currently.

Parking
I’ve pulled up to houses & not even gone in because there isn’t adequate parking.

1.5 bathrooms minimum
And structural issues are a no

Move this to my #1 No.  This is above anything else.  You can never get rid of the smell, no matter what people say or try to do.

Biggest things for me are the natural light in the house and views out the windows.

And a very good outdoor space.

Honestly, any renovations that need to be done. I want turn-key, most likely new. We are NOT handy and I work from home, and just do not want to deal with the mess and logistics and disruptions. I know that means we're never going to get a deal, and we're fine with that.

-mid century /style layout
-glass block
-oak everywhere
-skylights
-split level
-smoker house
-dark wood

Deal Breaker. Non-negotiable:
HOA. If I were buying, I would NOT buy a home that had an HOA.
Multi-levels. I would want a single story only.
No in-ground swimming pool. I wouldn't want the regular upkeep(cleaning) or maintenance costs involved.
Lots of built ins. I hate built ins!

Things that I don't like, and would be more complicated to change(require permit, inspections, a Contractor, etc..) depending what walls were load bearing.
Too many rooms.
Choppy floorplan.
Lack of storage closets.

Cosmetic things that I don't like, and can be easily changed.
Kitchen wall shelves in place of upper cabinets. I want upper cabinets in kitchen. 
Mismatched kitchen cabinets (meaning upper is one color, bottom is another color, island is another color, etc...).
Carpet
Wall Paper

Flood risk greater than a 3/10 is a nope for me. I also pass on a steep driveway.

We'll be looking to buy soon and the deal breakers for me are:

lots of windows/natural light
in-house laundry area (not in the garage)
kitchen island
non-smoking


some preferred, but not required:

no carpet
white kitchen cabinets
one story
non-pet

Driveway must be paved and in good condition. Also not on a hill/steep. I've had a dirt and gravel driveway. PITA during the winter. I've had a driveway on a hill. Hated it. We also had a driveway in terrible condition. Cost us a pretty penny to dig out and have it redone.

No smokers, no HOA, no busy cross streets.

At this point, I want two bathrooms and no need to update everything. We have a new furnace, water heater and central air in this house but it needs a new roof in a few years and new windows, the sooner the better. We also need to update the bathroom. It's not horrible, just showing its age between the original bathtub and terra Cotta tiles on the floor.

not a lot, my guy does this all time, too close to the street, on a busy street, angel brick on the front, all no's for him. 

i had to sell my house when my marriage ended and now i rent. i would be willing to buy almost anything i could afford, just so it would be mine, as long as it was structurally sounds and not a money pit. 

i tell my bf, you are pretty picky for someone who rents too!

More to do with location than the actual house…I would immediately nope out of a house with a bus stop out front or a community mailbox. I also don’t want to be anywhere near a school. I’m turning into the “get off my lawn” lady.

I would also avoid busy streets.  Currently we are in an area with local residential traffic only, and it’s wonderful. I would not live on a bus route. 

Mature trees are a must have. I know lots of people avoid corner lots but I’m fine with them. Our current house and our last house are on corner lots. 

It can't be located so close to a busy street that we can hear a lot of traffic when we are sitting in our backyard.

When we were house hunting, I always said "no way" to the houses built in the 60s and 70s that screamed "Long Island" to me (I grew up on Long Island and just did not want anything like that.)

What did I end up with? A split level built in 1969 that looks like it could be on Long Island haha. The town, the yard, the 4 bedrooms, having a living room, a playroom and a family room - all outweighed the curb appeal (which I still don't like very much.)