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Post by epeanymous on Apr 26, 2023 19:11:05 GMT
A friend of mine is getting divorced but just started the process, so there are no legal agreements/orders. Her oldest is starting college in the fall. I'm going to fake some numbers here, but let's say that the total cost of college is $60,000 at the kid's chosen school. My friend and the STBXH both work full-time. He is in the private sector and makes around $700,000. She works at a university and makes about $100,000. Her university job comes with a tuition benefit that permits her kids to get substantial discounts on college costs at participating colleges; her child's chosen college is one, and, because of the tuition benefit, the college will actually cost $20,000.
What is the fair division of costs? Should each parent pay half? Should he pay (not doing the math here) 7/8 of the $20,000 while she pays 1/8? Or should he pay the whole $20,000 because she is contributing the benefit? Or some other thing I am not considering?
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Post by librarylady on Apr 26, 2023 19:13:57 GMT
Each parent pay $10,000 and be done with it.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 26, 2023 19:18:31 GMT
Fair would be each paying according to their income, but I doubt that is going to happen. I think they should look at how much of a benefit her working at the college gives the student. If it is more than half of the cost, then the other parent should foot the bill. College parent could help pay for books and incidentals.
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Post by busy on Apr 26, 2023 19:21:47 GMT
Each parent pay $10,000 and be done with it. In what world is that possibly fair? That’s 10% of her gross income and 1.4% of his. I think they should pay proportionally according to their income. Or, perhaps simpler would be for him to cover all of the college costs and her to assume some other substantially lower shared cost that needs to be allocated. |
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Post by holly on Apr 26, 2023 19:22:40 GMT
I think with that much discrepancy between their pay, I would ask him to pay the whole amount. If they were still married I assume he wouldn’t have an issue paying for it. She should get some credit for the discount if he’s an ass and don’t want to pay a fair share.
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Post by librarylady on Apr 26, 2023 19:25:56 GMT
I think with that much discrepancy between their pay, I would ask him to pay the whole amount. If they were still married I assume he wouldn’t have an issue paying for it. She should get some credit for the discount if he’s an ass and don’t want to pay a fair share. That is logical. |
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Post by librarylady on Apr 26, 2023 19:28:45 GMT
Each parent pay $10,000 and be done with it. In what world is that possibly fair? That’s 10% of her gross income and 1.4% of his. I think they should pay proportionally according to their income. Or, perhaps simpler would be for him to cover all of the college costs and her to assume some other substantially lower shared cost that needs to be allocated. I said that because he will resist and they will spend time and emotional energy arguing about it....meanwhile the university will want money and someone will have to pay.
If he is an ass and won't step up and do the right thing..as I said, just pay and be done with it.
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Post by MichyM on Apr 26, 2023 19:50:02 GMT
I think for the first year he needs to pay for it and be done with it. Thereafter, hopefully they'll have their finances enough in order so the judge can determine what is fair for each. That is if judges take into account grown children's college expenses. I suppose the couple's attorneys can just add it to their agreement. Anyhow....all rambling aside, higher earner (especially since there is such a discrepancy in salary between the two) needs to just buck up and pay it for the time being.
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peaname
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Post by peaname on Apr 26, 2023 19:54:21 GMT
There is no fair when it comes to college. How many of us felt like our siblings had more help with college than we did?
A good solution is something both parties agree with.
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Post by ~summer~ on Apr 26, 2023 20:04:45 GMT
He should pay all. Her job is already covering half and he can easily afford it.
Can’t they start mediation asap and agree on temporary division of child expenses?
Surprised they don’t have a 529 plan.
(Signed mom with 3 kids in college…)
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Post by Lexica on Apr 26, 2023 20:06:31 GMT
I think the education should be split between the parents according to income percentage, with the mother being given an upfront credit for the benefit amount of $40,000. Is the child going to be living with either parent or on their own in an apartment or college dorms? Figure out the entire cost including full tuition before discount, living arrangements, books, and incidentals and split it according to percentage of income.
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Post by ScrapbookMyLife on Apr 26, 2023 20:31:28 GMT
Just my personal opinion.
Paying for College is not an obligation or responsibility of Parenting, or divorce settlements and support payments.
Parental financial support for College and expenses is more of a bonus type thing.
Each Parent can contribute whatever they want. Otherwise it is up to each child to secure loans, scholarships and grants.
Disclaimer: I am not a Parent
Every Parent has a different thoughts and perspective as to what is and isn't provided for (College, first car, extra curricular activities and the expenses involved, School related amusement park visits-travel and trips abroad, technology (the latest and greatest smart phone, etc...).
I grew up in a home with a narcissist Parent, and the extras were not included (no College, no first car, no Wedding help, no class ring, class trips we were given $1-$5 and we had to use our babysitting money to fund the rest).
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Post by Basket1lady on Apr 26, 2023 20:33:12 GMT
Maybe have the higher earner pay the remainder of the tuition and the lower earner pay for books and incidentals? It would be easier to just pay the smaller amounts as you go along vs always renegotiating with Dad.
Mom is still sort of paying a cost, as she is unable to move jobs will the student remains a student there.
Also consider dining hall meal costs, activities costs, books, costs for class projects, etc.
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Post by busy on Apr 26, 2023 20:38:17 GMT
In what world is that possibly fair? That’s 10% of her gross income and 1.4% of his. I think they should pay proportionally according to their income. Or, perhaps simpler would be for him to cover all of the college costs and her to assume some other substantially lower shared cost that needs to be allocated. I said that because he will resist and they will spend time and emotional energy arguing about it....meanwhile the university will want money and someone will have to pay.
If he is an ass and won't step up and do the right thing..as I said, just pay and be done with it.
I guess I don’t assume all men are asses and some still do the right thing by their children and exes, even in divorce. |
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kate
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Post by kate on Apr 26, 2023 20:39:46 GMT
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Post by Basket1lady on Apr 26, 2023 20:40:40 GMT
Just my personal opinion. Paying for College is not an obligation or responsibility of Parenting, or divorce settlements and support payments. Parental financial support for College and expenses is more of a bonus type thing. Each Parent can contribute whatever they want. Otherwise it is up to each child to secure loans, scholarships and grants. Disclaimer: I am not a Parent Every Parent has a different thoughts and perspective as to what is and isn't provided for (College, first car, extra curricular activities and the expenses involved, School related amusement park visits-travel and trips abroad, technology (the latest and greatest smart phone, etc...). I grew up in a home with a narcissist Parent, and the extras were not included (no College, no first car, no Wedding help, no class ring, class trips we were given $1-$5 and we had to use our babysitting money to fund the rest). While true, I would imagine that the student has grown up with the expectation that there will be college after HS. Especially after living in a household with that much income. It’s almost impossible for a student to earn even $20,000 with a job. And it’s equally almost impossible for an 18 year old to emancipate themselves, so any request for loans/grants wouldn’t happen with a parent with a $700,000 job. College costs have risen substantially since we were in college, and it was expensive then. |
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 26, 2023 20:40:43 GMT
What happens if mom gets a different job? That needs to be considered as well. In a sense mom is covering the majority of it with her job, therefore ex can pay the difference. When my sister divorced the ex paid for all of the college (minus the 529 they had in place) since he was the main bread winner in the family.
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Post by workingclassdog on Apr 26, 2023 20:43:46 GMT
Just my personal opinion. Paying for College is not an obligation or responsibility of Parenting, or divorce settlements and support payments. Parental financial support for College and expenses is more of a bonus type thing. Each Parent can contribute whatever they want. Otherwise it is up to each child to secure loans, scholarships and grants. Disclaimer: I am not a Parent Every Parent has a different thoughts and perspective as to what is and isn't provided for (College, first car, extra curricular activities and the expenses involved, School related amusement park visits-travel and trips abroad, technology (the latest and greatest smart phone, etc...). I grew up in a home with a narcissist Parent, and the extras were not included (no College, no first car, no Wedding help, no class ring, class trips we were given $1-$5 and we had to use our babysitting money to fund the rest). If it isn't an obligation of the parents (which in theory) is not, but when I worked for an accountant that specialized in divorce matters, the majority of the clients had some kind of plan in place for their kids for college. This were parents that were mainly well above the average family. I would say this family is well above the average family |
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uksue
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Post by uksue on Apr 26, 2023 20:51:31 GMT
I never understand why the parent earning the most doesn't automatically offer to pay the higher portion.
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Post by Merge on Apr 26, 2023 21:01:06 GMT
All I know from recent experience is that the $20K you think you're going to pay turns into $30K pretty quickly when you factor in other expenses like transportation, so that should be taken into account as well. Plus the possibility of having to meet your deductible and OOP expenditures in case of medical need.
I know logically that some people make $700K/yr, but I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it. And also why that parent wouldn't just pay for all of it. If mom is making $100K/yr at a university, it must be a pretty high COL area. And in this case the cost of college is a tiny fraction of what dad earns. I'd say it's on him and mom can pick up the incidentals like transportation and fun money.
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Post by maryland on Apr 26, 2023 21:27:08 GMT
This is just my opinion.
Because it's her job that makes the tuition much lower, that should count for something. Her spouse makes so much more, so I really think he should pay most (or all) of the tuition. She could be in charge of other things - keeping up with what the student needs to turn in, sign up for, etc. Of course that's the students job, but maybe she could check in and make sure student gets it completed (turn in housing agreement, medical forms, etc.). There are lots of "behind the scenes" things that need to be done and maybe she could over see that. And maybe she could buy the stuff her student needs to take to the dorm. Maybe she could be in charge of the move in, etc.
I haven't read many replies yet, so I may be missing important details, but I can read and learn! Just trying to think of how she could do a lot without having to pay as much as she makes much less. Of course if financial status of either changes, she may need to pay more.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 26, 2023 22:01:12 GMT
He should pay all. Her job is already covering half and he can easily afford it. Can’t they start mediation asap and agree on temporary division of child expenses? Surprised they don’t have a 529 plan. (Signed mom with 3 kids in college…) I'm utterly shocked they don't have a 529. Makes me wonder if the assumption about his income is correct. To the OP, even if his income is less than assumed, I would give her credit for discount due to her job and he should pay the balance. |
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Dani-Mani
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Post by Dani-Mani on Apr 26, 2023 22:15:22 GMT
He should pay all. Her job is already covering half and he can easily afford it. Can’t they start mediation asap and agree on temporary division of child expenses? Surprised they don’t have a 529 plan. (Signed mom with 3 kids in college…) I'm utterly shocked they don't have a 529. Makes me wonder if the assumption about his income is correct. To the OP, even if his income is less than assumed, I would give her credit for discount due to her job and he should pay the balance. In my experience, wealthy people don’t save for college because they’re capable of writing a check when the time comes. |
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Post by Basket1lady on Apr 26, 2023 22:18:31 GMT
He should pay all. Her job is already covering half and he can easily afford it. Can’t they start mediation asap and agree on temporary division of child expenses? Surprised they don’t have a 529 plan. (Signed mom with 3 kids in college…) I'm utterly shocked they don't have a 529. Makes me wonder if the assumption about his income is correct. To the OP, even if his income is less than assumed, I would give her credit for discount due to her job and he should pay the balance. We didn’t have a 529 for either of our kids. 26 years ago when #1 was born, it was state dependent. Meaning that it only applied for the state that you paid in to. That changed fairly quickly, but by then we already had accounts set up. The Post 9-11 GI bill also came into play for them and we knew 100% that we would use that vs their account. So there are solid reasons for the decision and I think that we made good choices. Both graduated without debt and used their initial accounts for their post graduate degrees. But I can see how it makes sense to have a 529 in place in case of a divorce. It seems like it would make it a lot simpler. |
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peabay
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Post by peabay on Apr 26, 2023 22:19:10 GMT
I'm utterly shocked they don't have a 529. Makes me wonder if the assumption about his income is correct. To the OP, even if his income is less than assumed, I would give her credit for discount due to her job and he should pay the balance. In my experience, wealthy people don’t save for college because they’re capable of writing a check when the time comes. I agree. I live in an area where people just write a check - some have 529s but many, many do not. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 26, 2023 22:42:27 GMT
He should pay all. Her job is already covering half and he can easily afford it. Can’t they start mediation asap and agree on temporary division of child expenses? Surprised they don’t have a 529 plan. (Signed mom with 3 kids in college…) I'm utterly shocked they don't have a 529. Makes me wonder if the assumption about his income is correct. To the OP, even if his income is less than assumed, I would give her credit for discount due to her job and he should pay the balance. My state offers a substantial tax credit in state taxes so it’s rare here for those with big tax bills to not take advantage. |
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Post by JustKim on Apr 27, 2023 2:23:31 GMT
My experience was 1/3 each, includes the student to pay a part and they had to pass all classes. I made less but not the amount of difference op has. Mine was done through the courts.
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Post by AussieMeg on Apr 27, 2023 2:35:29 GMT
That's a tough one. Or maybe it's not. I think it would be fair for each parent to pay a percentage based on their income. So she pays about $2,500 and he pays about $17,500. I don't think the fact that her job is allowing them to get a discount should be brought into the equation. She is fortunate that they get a discount, otherwise she'd be paying $7,500 instead of $2,500 in my scenario. (In Australia the kid would be paying all $20,000 themselves!  ) |
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Apr 27, 2023 9:35:11 GMT
My experience was 1/3 each, includes the student to pay a part and they had to pass all classes. I made less but not the amount of difference op has. Mine was done through the courts. This was our agreement. But we took scholarships off my daughters part. ( So she had nothing to pay out of pocket) My work covers some of it. (nice benefit) that covers some of my part. My ex in theory is supposed to pay the bulk of it. He is a jerk, so sometimes he doesn't pay, and I cover it. |
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Post by hop2 on Apr 27, 2023 10:02:21 GMT
When I was divorced the ‘value’ of my job benefit if health care insurance was considered. It ties me to that job. It has value. A portion of it comes from my pay. He had to provide something of similar value to the children or reimburse me half.
I think that the value of the tuition discount she ‘provides’ ought to count. But, if they have other kids the college costs need to be spelled out in the agreement in case any choose a different path.
For us the arbitrator did all expenses proportionally to our incomes. And by that I mean post divorce incomes so mine included alimony & his after alimony was deducted - which made it a 60/40 split. As long as the alimony remained
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