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Post by lurker on May 10, 2023 18:09:52 GMT
Orangutan I am so very sorry. We had a close friend who faced the same situation. When DH was diagnosed, that friend's experience greatly influenced DH's treatment choices. I wish your family peace.
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Post by lurker on May 10, 2023 18:11:39 GMT
bethany102399 Does DH have a date for his follow-up? Been thinking of you both.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,540
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on May 10, 2023 20:50:06 GMT
bethany102399 Does DH have a date for his follow-up? Been thinking of you both. Thank you, follow up is Monday. The more I look at the documents in his portal the more I become convinced the office doesn't have the results back yet.
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Post by Tamhugh on May 11, 2023 13:49:42 GMT
A little over a month ago, I was diagnosed with colon cancer. The waiting for results is brutal. Both after the colonoscopy and my subsequent surgery, I have had to wait almost two weeks for full pathology to come back. I will know on Thursday if I need further treatment. I hate to hear you are dealing with this. I'll be hopeful for you that the results are good. Thanks for the kind words, you guys are right he's processing it in his own way. I was talking to my SIL about this tonight and said this is just new for us, in the sense that neither of us has had a serious illness to deal with in our almost 25 years of marriage. We're both figuring out how to handle it in our own way. It would seem that all the advice given in this thread has landed exactly where it needed to for you. I'll hope for the best for you two when the results come in. [ br] Thank you. It has been a rollercoaster here but surgery went well and I am optimistic. Just scared. The control freak in me is struggling. 😀
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charlatan
Full Member
Posts: 319
Feb 7, 2015 3:53:07 GMT
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Post by charlatan on May 11, 2023 17:23:38 GMT
bethany102399 Does DH have a date for his follow-up? Been thinking of you both. Thank you, follow up is Monday. The more I look at the documents in his portal the more I become convinced the office doesn't have the results back yet. If you're going to keep checking the portal, please make sure you're fully prepared to see what gets posted. It's possible that you'll see the records that indicate your husband does have cancer, and the stark, clinical expression of such a scary thing can be difficult to deal with. Hopefully you and your husband have discussed how you want to handle it if you do see his results before his followup. My best friend was fairly certain she had cancer (her doctor said as much) and she and her family were preparing themselves as much as possible for the results of the biopsy. Even so, she said it was very hard to handle when her patient portal results informed her of the truth before her face to face meeting with her doctor. All the best to you and your husband.
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,505
Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on May 11, 2023 20:43:28 GMT
As a survivor of first colon, then cervical cancer, I say give him a pass.
It's a pretty scary thing to be told you may have cancer and people deal in different ways: I was pretty much the same. When you feel your life is out of your own control it can help ( at least it did me) to take control over what I could and plan around what might happen.
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Post by mikklynn on May 14, 2023 13:54:00 GMT
I'm praying for good results tomorrow.
If he does have cancer, I think you should bring up his anxiety with his primary doctor or oncologist. DH wouldn't do it. He frankly wouldn't bring up anything! I did several times over the 15 years he dealt with his illness. He really benefitted from Trazodone to help him sleep and later from an anti-depressant.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,051
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on May 14, 2023 14:27:52 GMT
My dad elected to do radiation instead of surgery. Surgery can have side effects like incontinence and impotence, so I think that is not the best option if you can help it.
Dad had 42 radiation treatments. This was 8 years ago and the cancer has not come back. Now they have developed a kind of radiation that only has 8-10 sessions- my uncle recently did that.
I'm sorry he is looking at the worse case situation. That is so stressful for both of you.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,748
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 14, 2023 15:50:08 GMT
I had my cancer diagnosis over 2 years ago, and it took over a month from when I found the lump to getting the first of the biopsy results which were positive for breast cancer. I didn't get the negative lymph node biopsy results until 3.5 months after finding the lump. 3.5 MONTHS.
You go into mental shock, but you don't feel as if you are. Nothing feels real. If you're the type of person who needs control (I am) you look as if you're functioning, but you feel as if you're treading water, alone, 10 miles out to sea. You want to find out about everything, but you don't remember what you've just read or heard and you have to write everything down. You can't sleep and you can't concentrate.
I wouldn't even take painkillers until this and I actually accepted sleeping pills.
All that to say that your poor man is processing all the what-ifs to try to be prepared for the worst case scenario. He's not persuading himself it's going to be bad news, or being pessimistic - it's a survival technique. I can honestly say that the not knowing was the absolute worst part of having cancer. Worse than the surgery, the chemo, the drug effects, the pain, the loss of "self". I would rather hear now that it's bad news so that I can prepare myself and work out a plan, than wait for a month to be told everything is OK. That stage was awful.
Every day is a day closer to getting his answer, and whatever the results are, "day by day" becomes the mantra.
I wish him and you the very best and pray for quick results. Hugs.
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean. God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Posts: 2,818
Jun 26, 2014 17:25:06 GMT
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Post by TXMary on May 14, 2023 21:38:30 GMT
I had my cancer diagnosis over 2 years ago, and it took over a month from when I found the lump to getting the first of the biopsy results which were positive for breast cancer. I didn't get the negative lymph node biopsy results until 3.5 months after finding the lump. 3.5 MONTHS. You go into mental shock, but you don't feel as if you are. Nothing feels real. If you're the type of person who needs control (I am) you look as if you're functioning, but you feel as if you're treading water, alone, 10 miles out to sea. You want to find out about everything, but you don't remember what you've just read or heard and you have to write everything down. You can't sleep and you can't concentrate. I wouldn't even take painkillers until this and I actually accepted sleeping pills. All that to say that your poor man is processing all the what-ifs to try to be prepared for the worst case scenario. He's not persuading himself it's going to be bad news, or being pessimistic - it's a survival technique. I can honestly say that the not knowing was the absolute worst part of having cancer. Worse than the surgery, the chemo, the drug effects, the pain, the loss of "self". I would rather hear now that it's bad news so that I can prepare myself and work out a plan, than wait for a month to be told everything is OK. That stage was awful. Every day is a day closer to getting his answer, and whatever the results are, "day by day" becomes the mantra. I wish him and you the very best and pray for quick results. Hugs. Yes. All this. It was exactly one month from finding the lump until finding out it was cancer. And the waiting is by far the worst part. So much uncertainty. So much beyond our control. I learned very quickly that things move so very slowly with cancer or a potential cancer diagnosis. Continued prayers for both of you. I hope you get good news and soon.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,540
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on May 15, 2023 3:35:52 GMT
Thank you all for sharing your stories, and your kind thoughts. We see the doctor for the results tomorrow late afternoon. I will keep you all updated.
A couple of things I've learned through this: DH and I have very different perspectives when it comes to medical stuff. I can't go worst case scenario until I'm told what's going on. I've learned if I have to sit with uncertainty, that I need to maintain positivity until we can know more. DH is the opposite, his feeling is if I know the worst that can happen then I'll be prepared. Both of us take information that has no context and mold it to fit our version of events. Case in point, on the patient portal it indicates the type of visit tomorrow as cancer discussion. DH takes that as the results were positive and dire. I take that as an unfortunate choice of words for a billing code- they're seeing him to determine if what's going on is cancer, not kidney stones.
My dad was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was in middle school. This was the first in what turned out to be many battles with cancer throughout my young adulthood. The first thing I learned was it takes ages to get results back, and this was back in the 80s before Al Gore invented the internet and there was no patient portal. Dad was often very sick and mom did not handle it well (she would argue that point). I remember many, many days of tension around what was going to happen with dad's health as it would take so long to get results. This is opposite of DH's experience with his dad who has heart issues. Because time is of the essence with those his dad is often triaged first and they're used to getting fast results. All of this means not only is DH struggling with how long it's taking so are his folks.
What we know is that the areas of concern are localized to his prostate and have not spread any further. If this is a significant cancer it's treatable, and at this stage not life threatening. I keep repeating that, both to myself and DH. I'm just happy to get answers tomorrow so we can move forward.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,748
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on May 15, 2023 9:01:05 GMT
Thank you all for sharing your stories, and your kind thoughts. We see the doctor for the results tomorrow late afternoon. I will keep you all updated. A couple of things I've learned through this: DH and I have very different perspectives when it comes to medical stuff. I can't go worst case scenario until I'm told what's going on. I've learned if I have to sit with uncertainty, that I need to maintain positivity until we can know more. DH is the opposite, his feeling is if I know the worst that can happen then I'll be prepared. Both of us take information that has no context and mold it to fit our version of events. Case in point, on the patient portal it indicates the type of visit tomorrow as cancer discussion. DH takes that as the results were positive and dire. I take that as an unfortunate choice of words for a billing code- they're seeing him to determine if what's going on is cancer, not kidney stones. My dad was diagnosed with thyroid cancer when I was in middle school. This was the first in what turned out to be many battles with cancer throughout my young adulthood. The first thing I learned was it takes ages to get results back, and this was back in the 80s before Al Gore invented the internet and there was no patient portal. Dad was often very sick and mom did not handle it well (she would argue that point). I remember many, many days of tension around what was going to happen with dad's health as it would take so long to get results. This is opposite of DH's experience with his dad who has heart issues. Because time is of the essence with those his dad is often triaged first and they're used to getting fast results. All of this means not only is DH struggling with how long it's taking so are his folks. What we know is that the areas of concern are localized to his prostate and have not spread any further. If this is a significant cancer it's treatable, and at this stage not life threatening. I keep repeating that, both to myself and DH. I'm just happy to get answers tomorrow so we can move forward. The bold part - I'm like your DH. I can relate to that perfectly. The first confirmation that I had that it was cancer was when a letter came through the post for an appointment with an oncology surgeon. Yup, that arrived before anybody rang me to tell me my results. Brutal, right? I'm so sorry your childhood was shadowed by your experience with your father. Your poor family. I'll check back in a couple of days for his results. And my fingers remain very crossed for him.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,540
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on May 15, 2023 21:50:18 GMT
Fantastic update in OP
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Post by Basket1lady on May 15, 2023 22:02:21 GMT
What a wonderful update. I'm so happy for you both.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on May 15, 2023 22:13:14 GMT
It's wonderful that you got good news. Now that the worry is gone, you and your husband can have some fruitful conversations about what you've learned from this about how you each handle it. It's a great opportunity to strengthen your marriage going forward.
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,540
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on May 15, 2023 22:21:20 GMT
Now that the worry is gone, you and your husband can have some fruitful conversations about what you've learned from this about how you each handle it. I agree, I feel like we need to talk about how we handled this and how to work at it when it inevitably comes up again.
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Orangutan
Junior Member
Posts: 72
Location: Australia
Dec 21, 2019 6:03:37 GMT
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Post by Orangutan on May 15, 2023 22:38:18 GMT
I am very happy to read your update, that is wonderful news. Your DH may just need blood tests to keep track of his PSA but that is such a relief for you both xx
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Post by don on May 15, 2023 22:41:20 GMT
I have to kinda side with him, in that I wouldn't want to be out of the country and have something flare up. I'm on my 2nd go-round with bladder cancer, after I was "cured". I don't travel more than 5 hours from home.
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on May 15, 2023 23:04:16 GMT
I am so happy for your dh and you! Huge relief!
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Post by AussieMeg on May 15, 2023 23:19:21 GMT
I'm so glad that you got good news, what a relief for you and your husband!
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Post by Scrapper100 on May 15, 2023 23:22:39 GMT
So happy to hear you got good news. I bet you are beyond relieved. Such a stressful wait.
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Post by mikklynn on May 16, 2023 15:26:51 GMT
Yay!!!
Also yay for finding a great doctor. They are priceless.
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Post by lurker on May 16, 2023 17:37:00 GMT
Great news! So happy for you both!
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bethany102399
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,540
Oct 11, 2014 3:17:29 GMT
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Post by bethany102399 on May 16, 2023 17:38:23 GMT
Also yay for finding a great doctor. They are priceless. YES, DH is very angry that we had to wait so long with no word. My comment to him was we learned a great deal from that wait AND found a good doctor.
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Post by KikiPea on May 16, 2023 17:38:34 GMT
That’s fabulous news! Such a relief. 🥰
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Post by revirdsuba99 on May 16, 2023 18:38:50 GMT
Great news!!
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