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Post by smalltowngirlie on Jul 26, 2023 16:17:50 GMT
Many are describing personal relationships and using terms of endearment, not professional ones. There is a big difference. We also were not there to hear the tone of the voice or see the body language, that can totally impact the meaning behind the word.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,555
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Jul 26, 2023 16:58:00 GMT
Many are describing personal relationships and using terms of endearment, not professional ones. There is a big difference. We also were not there to hear the tone of the voice or see the body language, that can totally impact the meaning behind the word. I guess that the disconnect here is that some people, including me, don't consider saying someone is sweet is the same as using a term of endearment, like sweetie. I often say "Hi dearie," to my daughters. But I would never say that to anyone out in public. But to me, describing someone as a sweet person is different than that. To me, that is the same as saying, "your dad is a nice/kind/whatever" person. If a cashier calls me sweetie or hun, I cringe. If I heard someone say "she is sweet," I would not cringe. We clearly all have different ideas about different words. Again, this place has given me some food for thought. I will never again describe someone as sweet without wondering if I am offending them. I will try to not even do it at all, which may take some time. LOL
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Post by maryland on Jul 26, 2023 17:16:00 GMT
I also never thought of “sweet” as infantilizing. I use it often - to describe my kids (in their mid 20s), elderly people…even dogs. When we were out to dinner there was just the sweetest dog next to us and I keep commenting on him! I agree, I think of it as being a complement to any gender/age. I think of it as meaning the person is very nice and respectful.
But I can understand someone not wanting to be called "sweetie" or any nickname. I don't think I have ever used "terms of endearment" on anyone. That's just not my style! But I am not big on nicknames. I know, I am odd, haha! I have a daughter Emily and I cringe if anyone would call her "Em" or "Emmy".
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Post by smalltowngirlie on Jul 26, 2023 19:28:31 GMT
Many are describing personal relationships and using terms of endearment, not professional ones. There is a big difference. We also were not there to hear the tone of the voice or see the body language, that can totally impact the meaning behind the word. I guess that the disconnect here is that some people, including me, don't consider saying someone is sweet is the same as using a term of endearment, like sweetie. I often say "Hi dearie," to my daughters. But I would never say that to anyone out in public. But to me, describing someone as a sweet person is different than that. To me, that is the same as saying, "your dad is a nice/kind/whatever" person. If a cashier calls me sweetie or hun, I cringe. If I heard someone say "she is sweet," I would not cringe. We clearly all have different ideas about different words. Again, this place has given me some food for thought. I will never again describe someone as sweet without wondering if I am offending them. I will try to not even do it at all, which may take some time. LOL I have not read all responses, but it could also be the tone and body language used when saying someone is sweet. That may be part of the reason it did not sit well with the OP, but I could be wrong. Also, not saying this is about the OP, but if there has already been some history of being talked down to, one can become more sensitive. We are all different and I do believe most are trying to be kind and respectful. I have to remind myself when I feel offended, where was their heart? If it was truly meant in kindness, I need to check myself and see it that way.
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jimmysgirl
Shy Member
Posts: 28
Jun 15, 2015 4:32:58 GMT
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Post by jimmysgirl on Jul 26, 2023 23:33:19 GMT
I don’t see calling an elderly person sweet as infantilizing them at all. I understand you do though. How did your dad feel about it? He thought it was patronizing I totally understand the doctor was being kind. I get that. My dad is really nice and I'm glad that was recognized. I just don't think you should call anyone something that you wouldn't use to describe someone of your own sex and age. If it were my Dad, and his doctor had said that, I would say, "I'm sorry, but you must have him confused with a different patient. He'll be the first one to tell you he's not 'sweet.' So just to be clear, we're talking about Joe Schmoe, right?" LOL
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Post by creativegirl on Jul 26, 2023 23:39:01 GMT
Let me ask this -- is it infantilizing (maybe) or is it feminizing (also maybe). I think it's true that you don't hear men referred to as "sweet" particularly often, but I do feel like people refer to women of all ages as "sweet," and I wonder to what extent "sweet" is just generally to elide the complex adult personalities people have. I think "sweet" is something that in fact women often are told to aim themselves towards, and are supposed to take as a compliment, but one that is often meant to connote that the person makes themselves compliant and pleasant and thinks of other people constantly. I think you get to that later in your post, and I'm thinking about it. I think this is a good point, because I am 39 and get called sweetie, honey, etc pretty frequently and very frequently by men older than me. I'm thinking it is the feminizing thing. I'm guessing this also has to do with the age distribution- one of those things where it's more acceptable to say to someone obviously younger than you, but not older than you.
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caangel
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,485
Location: So Cal
Jun 26, 2014 16:42:12 GMT
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Post by caangel on Jul 27, 2023 16:13:57 GMT
Many are describing personal relationships and using terms of endearment, not professional ones. There is a big difference. We also were not there to hear the tone of the voice or see the body language, that can totally impact the meaning behind the word. I guess that the disconnect here is that some people, including me, don't consider saying someone is sweet is the same as using a term of endearment, like sweetie. I often say "Hi dearie," to my daughters. But I would never say that to anyone out in public. But to me, describing someone as a sweet person is different than that. To me, that is the same as saying, "your dad is a nice/kind/whatever" person. If a cashier calls me sweetie or hun, I cringe. If I heard someone say "she is sweet," I would not cringe. We clearly all have different ideas about different words. Again, this place has given me some food for thought. I will never again describe someone as sweet without wondering if I am offending them. I will try to not even do it at all, which may take some time. LOL This is where I am too, sweet=nice/kind for all ages and genders, but can understand that tone could turn it to be condescending. I also don't like sweetie/hon/dear and can understand how sweet could be lumped in with sweetie for someone. Definitely something I will keep in mind. But as an example of sweet being used in a respectful way just take a look at the thread about the gift from a new DH. Lots of people calling him sweet for his thoughtful gift. I have no idea the age of the DH, but that's the word I initially thought of where I read the op.
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