purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,738
Jun 27, 2014 20:37:34 GMT
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Post by purplebee on Aug 1, 2023 14:31:14 GMT
Raised by Catholic parents, product of 12 years of Catholic school, church every Sunday and Holy Day. Met and married Dh who was not raised in church and not a church goer, and basically stopped attending.
Still a believer, but not in all the Catholic teachings of my youth. I pray regularly, try to tap into my spiritual side, have attended a few non-denominational churches over the years but nothing ever stuck. I live in the South, in a very red state, and the politics of the area, which have contaminated most of the churches in this area, will keep me from ever wanting to attend. Honestly, at this point in my life I have no desire to be part of a congregation, but I know that is largely influenced by the hatred sowed by so many self-professed “Christians.”
If there was a UU congregation close to me, I might consider it, but there is nothing nearby.
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Post by Bridget in MD on Aug 1, 2023 14:31:27 GMT
I want to share an article with you from The Atlantic on this topic. NOTE: I do not want to hear that you stopped believing in God. I don't want to hear about sky-daddy or anything disparaging about people who believe in God. I am wondering about those who do believe who have fallen away from the church and/or those who are still church-going, what drives them to go. The Misunderstood Reason Why Millions Stopped Going to ChurchI think this is an incredibly shallow piece of journalism. I don't think it paints a complete picture which is why I'm asking here to get a bigger sense of what is going on with church attendance. With that said, I normally attend a Unitarian Universalist Church. I am spiritual and believe in God, but not Christian. Prior to the pandemic, I was a regular church-goer. I loved the experience of attending my church. The pastor there is very good and he always left me thinking about the theme of the week. When the pandemic hit and churches were no longer in person, our UU Church started streaming on YouTube. For the first 4 or 5 months, I watched regularly. But then, it just fell off. My church is still streaming and they are back in person too but I have fallen away from it. I don't know why but I feel like 10:30 on Sunday morning feels inconvenient now. Wouldn't I rather stay in my pajamas and just putz around the house? And if I can simply watch at my own leisure, why am I not even doing that much? I haven't worked it all out in my head. I miss it, but in this post-Covid life, it just doesn't feel like a priority anymore. Although, I will also say, I've fallen away from my morning prayer/meditation time too. So I'm curious why you have fallen away from attendance and/or what is still driving you to attend? Or even what you think is driving others away. Again, this post is for believers of all religions. If you don't believe, move on. jeremysgirl you hit the nail on the head for me. Before COVID, we went weekly. Both my kids were confirmed in the Lutheran Church, which meant not only classes, but church attendance. Before COVID, it was 8am or 11am. Due to sports and other committments, the 8am service is what we typically attended and I know my kids (and even me) dreaded getting up to get there on time. When COVID happened, they streamed online, and I would tune in occassionally, and now they are back to meeting in person but there is only 1 service, at 10am, and that is just not convienent for me. I feel like my day is gone by the time I get back and I just don't feel super pressed to make it a priority. We also got a new minister shortly before COVID, and he rubbed me the wrong way, so I don't have that connection to the pastor anymore either. My husband has asked every once in a while did we want to go back, but I just don't have the pull. I still try to say a little prayer before bed, or if I hear of someone who needs prayers, but I just don't feel the desire to go and worship at 10am, SUnday morning.
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garcia5050
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,734
Location: So. Calif.
Jun 25, 2014 23:22:29 GMT
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Post by garcia5050 on Aug 1, 2023 14:43:30 GMT
I grew up catholic. Went to Sunday mass in Spanish with my mom and then the English mass by myself. I did this through middle and high school. I enjoyed it back then. When I got married, i went to church sporadically. When I had kids, i went more regularly, took them to religious education classes for first communion and all that. We kept going, but then the 2016 election came along. At the last mass before Election Day, the priest closed with ‘remember, when you go vote, you are first a catholic. Not a democrat, republican, man or woman. You know what that means. So be good Catholics at the ballot box.’ And I could not get past that. I don’t believe in single issue voting. He was better off keeping his mouth shut about voting. I never went back. I’ve found that I don’t miss it.
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Post by littlemama on Aug 1, 2023 14:46:27 GMT
I will say, too, that back in the day when men worked and women stayed at home, weekends were actually free- for activities, church, visiting, trips, etc. Now, when both spouses need to work, weekends are for catching up on housework and errands- previously those things could be done by the stay at home spouse. Church isnt a priority when you have to do everything else on the weekend
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Post by librarylady on Aug 1, 2023 14:47:41 GMT
I attended and held many positions of responsibility for 42 years in my church. I stopped attending in February 2023. We are a congregation led church--meaning the members vote on the leadership and big decisions. We got a new minister and she is running the church as her personal dictatorship. The current congregation leader was head of the committee who selected her so he doesn't want to voice disapproval. Many are unhappy but no one wants to lead the rebellion.
She selected church officers without the committee doing so. She hired a second minister, no congregation meeting for approval. She told the adult SS class what they would be studying (for 40+ years the class decided what to study)......
I am voting with my feet and my money.
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Post by psoccer on Aug 1, 2023 14:50:13 GMT
I stopped going when Covid came. I was never an avid church goer but I’d go a couple times a month. I found I can watch the service live, or even recorded. I really like the pastor and I miss seeing people. There’s no reason not to go in person, now I’m just lazy.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 1, 2023 14:58:04 GMT
Frankly because I'm lazy. I have two days at home that I am not working and by the time chores, errands and so forth are done, I'm just not in the mood to go. I occasionally catch the live stream but I am not even good at that. I know I should put God first and everything else second.. but I don't. I saw this and thought "yep, same". Sad but true. I did not like the church that we attended. It's huge, non-denominational, concert feel and it's not how I want to worship. I've been too lazy to search for a church that is more my style, and I have filled the time with other things.
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Post by ntsf on Aug 1, 2023 15:01:21 GMT
I still attend a presbyterian church and am active in the leadership. It is extremely tiny and most members are older. but we have active programs in food pantry, programs for adults with developmental disabilities and several big groups use our building for dance classes. the volunteers for our programs mostly come from the dancers.. and we look at the volunteers for the programs and all attendees as part of our larger family.
we are open and welcoming to all. not just happy talk. the sermons are thoughtful and personal.. we don't do any screens or high tech.. just the bibles, the hymnals and what we hear and do..so it can be informal. we have too much old building so we are on a long term plan to use our land for housing with a community/worship space.
I am reluctantly back on the governing board.. but there was no one else with the right skills. I also sing in the choir.. and we have a part time professional musician leading us.. so we get to sing some tricky and fun classical music.
it is a place of peace for me.. so sometimes it is a pain to get up and going.. I do it. all finances are transparent.. we have had great part time pastors.
during pandemic we put services on youtube, but have just gone back to in person services.. most wear masks.
I am spending some time in idaho and in the resort town, most the churches are conservative, so I will miss going to church. can't attend one of those.
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SweetieBsMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,618
Jun 25, 2014 19:55:12 GMT
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Aug 1, 2023 15:03:48 GMT
12 years of Catholic school. Mass weekly, holy days, and daily during lent. What pushed me out: The sex scandal and when it came out that the church knew what was going on and was shuffling the priests around. I am in MA and the Boston Globe Spotlight team broke the store. It was HUGE here. Secondary to that, when I was trying to sign DS (who has autism) up for CCD, the woman went OFF on me when I asked if they had any accommodations for DS. Basically came out and said if he can't handle classes how they are, he isn't welcome. That was the nail in the coffin. Thank you and goodbye. DS was baptized as a baby but that was it. Every now and then I think about researching other denominations/churches but just haven't done it.
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Post by aj2hall on Aug 1, 2023 15:08:10 GMT
We recently attended a Catholic funeral mass. I grew up in a Congregational church and attended one as an adult, so the mass was really unfamiliar. Congregational churches are welcoming, somewhat relaxed, informal and relatively simple, probably the polar opposite of the Catholic Church. Congregational churches are likely on the far end of the spectrum of Protestantism, far away from the Catholic Church. I understand the rituals can be comforting. But, I was really put off by the priest and the mass. This might be true for all Catholic masses, but the priest only encouraged Catholics in good standing with regular attendance to receive communion. I understand only Catholics receiving communion, but this just seemed a little extreme. There were no directions given on when to kneel, sit or stand. The eulogy was cut short and everything had to be related to the church. Politics aside, after that experience, I’m not at all surprised numbers are declining in the Catholic Churches.
Growing up I was active in our church. I attended Sunday school, sang in the choir, was confirmed in the church and actively participated in the youth group. We did a lot of fundraising and took several week long service trips to rural West Virginia and Tennessee with a project similar to Habitat for Humanity. In college, I kind of drifted away from church, but found my way back when we got married and had kids. My boys were baptized in a church and attended vacation bible school and Sunday School. Then we moved and didn’t really put in the effort to find a new church. My husband worked every other weekend, the boys were little and it seemed like a big effort to get them ready and take them to a new church where we didn’t know anyone. We occasionally go to Christmas Eve services at the local church, but I never really connected with the pastor there.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,748
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Aug 1, 2023 15:08:57 GMT
The Church is always asking, asking, asking. I'm feeling guilty for not doing more. I'm also not liking doing what I can do, and the pressure, so looking after myself feels like an excuse for getting out of doing it. I feel no peace, either from attending or from not attending. First, I am sorry you have been put in this position. It's definitely not a good place to be and after all you've been through, I'm glad you are prioritizing yourself. With that said, I think this is probably a good reminder to many that services don't just happen by accident or magic. And maybe if some of us want to reap the rewards of going, we need to step up and help out a bit. Definitely makes me pause and think. Exactly. For every hour that the clergy put into making a service happen, there are many, many hours of volunteer work behind the scenes: music, tech, laundry/cleaning/renovations, PCC and other meetings, fund-raising to pay for the electricity, tea and coffee, transport... the list is never-ending. And then hearing people grumbling because things aren't to their liking, without actually doing anything about it, is just soul-destroying. I'm burned out.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,677
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Aug 1, 2023 15:12:41 GMT
I stopped going because I didn't see the benefit of surrounding myself with hypocrites. People who acted so godly and lead classes on how everyone should live their lives as a christian, and then did the exact opposite once outside the doors. I had a bible study leader who went on and on about not sleeping with your partner out of wedlock, only to find out from his girlfriend when they broke up that they were indeed having sex. Our small group leader was a man who thought "we" were better than others because of the area where we live and made comments weekly about it. Once he was asking for volunteers to make sack lunches for the many homeless people in a neighboring city; as he was explaining what went into the lunches he said, "It's nothing you and I would want to eat." The churches I attended when I was younger weren't like a concert; we sang hymns. Every church now is in a big auditorium with a band. I always feel sorry for the elderly members and wonder if they like the loud music. I don't, not at church. I'd rather spend my Sundays outside enjoying God's nature.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Aug 1, 2023 15:17:09 GMT
I used to work for a church. I haven't gone simply because I got burned out from working at a church and having to be there every Sunday. That, except I was the child of the church secretary. We were there for Sunday school & church on Sunday morning, Training Union and church on Sunday evening, Wednesday night church, as well as youth group and choir practice. There was no skipping any of it unless you were at death's doorstep sick. Heavens, how would it look if we weren't there??? Add in the fact that by high school I realized I had a major difference of opinion in beliefs with that denomination (Southern Baptist). In college I switched denominations (Episcopal) and never looked back. DH was raised in the same denomination but quit going in high school for the most part. When DD was born I did want to raise her in the church and he was agreeable as long as it wasn't our original denomination. No worries there! While DD was raised in church, I took a much more lax approach. If we had something else to do or just didn't feel like church, then we didn't go. I was not about to burn her out the way I was. Once she left home, I pretty much only go for Easter and Christmas Eve. DH, who rarely went over the past 30+ years, started going regularly about 5 years ago, but it is rare for me to accompany him. Part of me is still burned out and the other part is still rebelling against my childhood. I still believe, I still do an annual pledge (donation), but just don't feel the need to go to services. Maybe that will return with time, maybe not and I am good with either one.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,748
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Aug 1, 2023 15:37:14 GMT
pantsonfire - I'm so horribly sorry for your experience. What a rubbish way for people to behave. That is not my experience of Church in the UK at all, not any of the ones I've attended. Our ethos is "suffer the children to come unto me" even if it means that the rest of the congregation can't hear anything that's going on! hop2 - YES I feel the same way. I don't like the part in the Creed that says "We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins." Most religions have at their centre guidelines for getting along with the rest of the community. Loving God and loving each other. I believe it's the same God, energy, life-force, chi, whatever name humans might use. I do not believe that good people who believe in God, but do not believe that Jesus is the only way to salvation will not "go to heaven". There. I said it. {waiting to be struck down for blasphemy}
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Post by jeremysgirl on Aug 1, 2023 15:44:33 GMT
We kept going, but then the 2016 election came along. At the last mass before Election Day, the priest closed with ‘remember, when you go vote, you are first a catholic. Not a democrat, republican, man or woman. You know what that means. So be good Catholics at the ballot box.’ This is so gross. I will say, too, that back in the day when men worked and women stayed at home, weekends were actually free- for activities, church, visiting, trips, etc. Now, when both spouses need to work, weekends are for catching up on housework and errands- previously those things could be done by the stay at home spouse. Church isnt a priority when you have to do everything else on the weekend I agree with this. My free time feels so precious, my weekends are short. I have filled the time with other things. I think this for me too. But then I challenge myself about how much time I just waste and ask myself if church would be worth the sacrifice of my time. It apparently isn't enough to compel me. we are open and welcoming to all. not just happy talk. the sermons are thoughtful and personal.. we don't do any screens or high tech.. just the bibles, the hymnals and what we hear and do..so it can be informal. This sounds incredibly pleasant. I can see why you like going. Secondary to that, when I was trying to sign DS (who has autism) up for CCD, the woman went OFF on me when I asked if they had any accommodations for DS. Basically came out and said if he can't handle classes how they are, he isn't welcome. That was the nail in the coffin. This is awful. Just awful. Our small group leader was a man who thought "we" were better than others because of the area where we live and made comments weekly about it. Once he was asking for volunteers to make sack lunches for the many homeless people in a neighboring city; as he was explaining what went into the lunches he said, "It's nothing you and I would want to eat." I am truly horrified by this comment. But, I will say that many people act in ways that treat those in lower socio-economic classes as though they should have no dignity. It makes my blood boil.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762
Jun 19, 2022 16:48:04 GMT
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Post by pantsonfire on Aug 1, 2023 16:03:35 GMT
I will say there is a lot that I am still unpacking from my experiences. Even as a child going to the neighborhood church. Things that I am not like whoah. That happened. Or behaviors. Or things said. The use of tokens and prizes to get us to fill in line.
It is definitely a process/journey of finding my faith so to speak.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Aug 1, 2023 16:08:57 GMT
Every church now is in a big auditorium with a band. I always feel sorry for the elderly members and wonder if they like the loud music. I don't, not at church. Neither does DD - and she's just 35! Last year she attended a 'contemporary' service with friends at a local methodist church and was not a fan. I wouldn't like the loud music/band either.
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sarahruby
Full Member
Posts: 300
Jul 1, 2014 0:40:17 GMT
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Post by sarahruby on Aug 1, 2023 16:10:51 GMT
I grew up Catholic, but no longer practice. I am a Christian. Growing up I went to church every Sunday and went to Catholic school. I eventually stopped going. I never felt connected to the church. I did start attending an Evangelical Free church, and really enjoyed it. I felt connected! Looked forward to every Sunday. Eventually I stopped going. I deal with social anxiety. Being around a lot of people makes me uncomfortable. DS is 13 - I feel bad that we don't go to church. We pray and talk about God often. I did have a talk with DS about why I don't go. Recently I met a retired pastor and his wife, who do a bible group in their home on Sundays. Very small group. I have been going to that.
I do listen to Joyce Meyer and others. My faith is very important to me.
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Post by wordyphotogbabe on Aug 1, 2023 16:29:04 GMT
My fiance & I attend church most Sundays and always attend when we have the kids EOW. Our 9yo has kids' programming and our 14yo volunteers in the nursery while we attend the regular service.
Both my fiance & I were raised in families who regularly attended church (although he was expected to go on his own once he hit school-age as his parents worked) so I'm sure part of it is tradition. He's done a ton of personal research into various religions so while I'm not sure (and he's not sure) what, exactly, he believes or doesn't believe, he finds going to our church & to service valuable. Our church is non-denominational so it's self-governing and that helps both of us to feel comfortable attending there as they are very pro-LGBTQ+, social justice-oriented, community service-minded, etc. and can do what they want when they want without needing to get approval from any particular church or denominational governing body aside from the board & those who attend. Many of my close friends are actually some flavor of agnostic or atheist so I enjoy going to be part of a community of Jesus followers + having other Jesus people to discuss things with.
Part of it is also due to my past/baggage. When I was married to my ex, he refused to attend church with us so I would have to get both kids, who were young back then, ready & out the door & into church every Sunday. This was a different much larger church where I could slip in & out without anyone even noticing. There were many many problems with that marriage but they were never more apparent & I was never more lonely than when I went to church and saw all the couples together with their kids and then sitting together during service and I was very much alone with a husband who knew how I felt and didn't care.
I know many people who attended church before COVID and now do not. Most of their reasoning or explanation has been that it's just easier not to (especially if their former church streams it so it can be watched at any time) and now they have time to relax or sleep in or their kids have sports or extra-curriculars that sometimes take place on Sundays.
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Post by stampnscrap1128 on Aug 1, 2023 16:56:23 GMT
I stopped going because I didn't see the benefit of surrounding myself with hypocrites. People who acted so godly and lead classes on how everyone should live their lives as a christian, and then did the exact opposite once outside the doors. I had a bible study leader who went on and on about not sleeping with your partner out of wedlock, only to find out from his girlfriend when they broke up that they were indeed having sex. Our small group leader was a man who thought "we" were better than others because of the area where we live and made comments weekly about it. Once he was asking for volunteers to make sack lunches for the many homeless people in a neighboring city; as he was explaining what went into the lunches he said, "It's nothing you and I would want to eat." The churches I attended when I was younger weren't like a concert; we sang hymns. Every church now is in a big auditorium with a band. I always feel sorry for the elderly members and wonder if they like the loud music. I don't, not at church. I'd rather spend my Sundays outside enjoying God's nature. I agree with everything Rhondito said. I was baptized and confirmed Lutheran (ELCA) and my daughter was too. My late husband was agnostic but he would attend any church function that I asked of him. He was also one of the most morally upright people I knew. After dd got confirmed, we all stopped going to church. This was years ago, even before the conservatives ruined Christianity (for me). Too many hypocrites in too many so-called Christian churches. They may talk the talk but they sure do not walk the talk. I consider myself a generic spiritual being. Many different ways to heaven (or whatever afterlife) and many different versions of God.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,682
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Aug 1, 2023 16:58:41 GMT
I haven’t read the responses yet but basically my parents shoved religion down my throat as a kid/teen. I distinctly remember (30 years later) one of their church friends telling me that men will do whatever it takes to have have sex, they’ll do it “with a tree if they have to” and she knew this because she’d been molested as a kid. I knew then how f’ed up that was. (Oh, btw, my parents told everyone I was sleeping with my boyfriend, that’s why this women felt it was appropriate to share this with a 17yo 🙄).
I turned 18, moved out and basically never looked back. I’ve gone to weddings and funerals and various things, we were married by a minister (not in a church). Every once in awhile dh will mention maybe we should go to one or maybe we should have when the kids were young and realistically I know they’re not all the same but I can’t get past that f’ed up shit from back then.
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 1, 2023 17:00:17 GMT
When I was a very small child I attended a LOT of church services. I had a very old, wealthy, religious great aunt who was very non-denominational and attended a different religion every Sunday. She took me with her. They loved to see her coming as she would donate big each time she attended.
With her I went to Baptist, Lutheran, Church of the Nazarene, Seventh-Day Adventist, Pentecostal, Catholic and a few more. They all catered to me to butter her up and for the most part I really enjoyed the experiences. I stopped going with her when I was around six years old as she got too old to get out and about.
My regular church that my family attended was Presbyterian. I attended church and Bible School regularly until Junior High School. Around that time I had seen too much truly awful behavior from church people and just flat out refused to attend any more.
Organized religion represents everything that I am vehemently against, lies, racism, misogyny, hypocrisy and willful ignorance. I do not tolerate those things in my life and that stance has served me very well.
I am a great admirer of Jesus and church people for the most part don't even come close to following his teachings. As an overall non-believer I try very hard to follow the teachings of Jesus because, for me, it is the right way to live my life.
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Post by roundtwo on Aug 1, 2023 17:11:45 GMT
How funny to see this topic this morning as I was just thinking if it is maybe time for me to go back to church.
I just had a whole long sad story typed out but the details really aren't important. The reason I don't attend anymore has nothing to do with the church - I had only good experiences, save for one place, at the churches I attended as a kid and on the various bases I lived in as an adult.
I don't attend anymore for exactly that reason - it reminds me so much of happy times with my family but the ex just shattered it all and it brings me to tears thinking about how much he destroyed every time I try to stay for a service.
I am back and better and my kids are all doing well so really, it probably is time to try again, as I was thinking last night.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,811
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 1, 2023 17:16:45 GMT
I will start by saying that I did not read the article, I am just going to answer the question.
I never really went to church on a regular basis. Growing up we didn't go to church often but on holidays.
When I got married, we moved away and never went to church or sought one out. Once we came back, it was again, only on holidays.
But I did start to go to Bible study and honestly got a lot out of that.
Then recently, I talked my SO into going to a Christian church. He was raised Catholic and I was Lutheran. I went to his church and I can honestly say I was bored and didn't care for it. I was not getting anything out of it other than being annoyed that I was there. We finally did a Christmas service last year at the Christian church by us. And he loved it. We have been going pretty much every Sunday since then. I am a big believer that you have to find the right church. We feel comfortable there and enjoy the singing (live band). It has really been a growing process for the both of us. This is what keeps me going back.
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Post by jackietex on Aug 1, 2023 17:21:05 GMT
We were members of the same church for over 20 years. There was some drama that happened at a time when it was becoming more difficult to make it to services and extra stuff, so we did an Irish farewell. I believe we are still considered members even though we haven't attended in over 10 years. We've always been "all in or nothing" people when it comes to church, so we haven't gone anywhere. I want to be part of a church community again, but between laziness and making sure that it is LGTBQ accepting, it just hasn't happened. There is a good chance I might go back to our original church.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,811
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Aug 1, 2023 17:27:24 GMT
Every church now is in a big auditorium with a band. I always feel sorry for the elderly members and wonder if they like the loud music. I don't, not at church. Neither does DD - and she's just 35! Last year she attended a 'contemporary' service with friends at a local methodist church and was not a fan. I wouldn't like the loud music/band either. Our church does have the loud music and live band (not too big of a place). And elderly members. Giving their all in the songs.
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Post by MissBianca on Aug 1, 2023 17:56:27 GMT
I will preface this by saying I’m a non-believer in the sense that there is only one god and there’s specifics in terms of heaven and the pearly gates, etc. I think there is just a lot we don’t know about the universe in general so I don’t feel like we really know what happens when we die. I do follow more of the Buddhist believe of be a good person while on earth and attempt to live a good life and have a positive impact on those around you. I also believe in the more Pagan/Wiccan/Native American thoughts of Mother Earth and grounding yourself with the planet, being one with nature, animals being spirits etc. We were baptized and had first communion in the Catholic Church. But my mom pulled us out when the Sunday school teacher told my brother that dinosaurs didn’t exist. They were very anti-science and my brother was/is like Mensa smart and knew a ton about science and dinosaurs and carbon dating. My boys did go to Catholic school for a middle school and my daughter went for elementary and middle because I do believe knowledge is power and public school became untenable due to the verbal and eventually physics abuse at the only public school in our town. But they were really turned off by some of the things other people have said here. Things like the holier than thou attitude, the need to “save” people aka make them believe what they believed, even the way the Sister in charge treated the outgoing parents because if their kids were 8th graders we weren’t of use to her anymore so she cast those families aside in favor of new parents. They fired a teacher from the school because she was engaged to a Christian and not a Catholic, and he was divorced. They didn’t even give them the time it took to ask for an annulment even though they knew the paperwork had already started. Although I truly suspect the reason they fired her was because her husband was black and she was white. The list kind of goes on and on with the political climate today plus all the abuse cases (including recently the diocese my kids school is attached to). And I would honestly say Jesus would be disgusted with what people are saying and doing in his name. pantsonfire1. What we call fake Christian. Inside the church the persons were very Christ-like. Kind. Obedient. Spoke about their perfect family and marriage. Bragged about all the wonderful things they were doing to help the less fortunate. But underneath that fake layer was a lot of hate. A lot of turmoil. A lot of bigotry. A lot of lies. This reminds me of an NPR story I heard years ago. They had a pastor on for an interview and he said he sees a lot of church goers but not a lot of Christians. The word of god seems to not carry on beyond the doors of the church. Then that reminds me of the family at the schools church that would actually kick people out of the front pews so their family can sit there. They also homeschooled because they felt the school wasn’t religious enough because they “let our kind in” aka non Catholics, yes they said that to our face. Church should only be in Latin. The final straw with that family was when a mutual friends father died, that family pushed themselves in front of the grieving family to get communion first. I’m like dude, god can see you no matter where you are in church and what you are wearing. I’m actually considering petitioning the Vatican to scrub my baptism from the records but I don’t even know how to begin doing that.
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Post by Lexica on Aug 1, 2023 18:00:03 GMT
My mom took us to church when I was little, after she and Dad divorced. She went into the big church and we went to children’s classes. Then one Sunday, Mom gave me the money for tithing and my allowance at the same time, which happened to be the same amount. I went into my class, pulled my money from my pocket and the teacher saw that I was only giving her half of what I had. She asked for the other half. I explained that it was not my tithing money, that it was my allowance for the week. She insisted I give it to her. I refused. I said I did many chores at home and had earned that money and it was my allowance! She got angry and tried to take it from me. She ended up knocking me to the ground and ripping my little fingers open and taking my allowance from me. I started crying and ran out of the room. It was partially the money, partially the scene she caused, but mostly that she didn’t believe me.
I knew I wasn’t supposed to go into the big church and bother my mom so I went to the parking lot and checked to see if the car doors were locked. They hadn’t been (it was a very different time back then) so I got in the car and waited for church to let out. When I saw people leaving, I got back out and went to where Mom would meet my sisters and I. I started crying all over again as I tried to explain that I had been sitting in the car rather than stay in the class. Mom was furious. She took me by the hand back into my classroom and confronted the teacher. She was pissed. The teacher said that I just looked like I was lying (which I have to say is something that I would have never ever done because I so valued the truth and that insulted me to the core) Mom made her return both the tithing money and my allowance, giving both to me to make up for what the teacher had done. After thinking about it, Mom decided that I could stay in the car and listen via the speakers if I didn’t want to go to the classes anymore.
The church was Rev. Robert Schuller‘s church, which started out as the little drive-in church. He would stand on top of the snack shack to preach and we all listened from the car. He also rented out a church a couple of miles away and held regular in-person services, but I never went to that. He eventually purchased land and combined the two, a regular church and a drive-in facility in one. It was at this one that the tithing money fight occurred and was long before it became the enormous Crystal Cathedral church and televised Hour of Power.
Well, knowing that I was allowed to remain in the car, my sisters pitched a fit, demanding to be allowed to remain in the car as well. So mom would let the three of us stay in the car while she went inside. After listening to the regular services for a while, we would get bored. I got the bright idea of sneaking the Sunday newspaper and a book into the car, shoving them under the seat. Then when we were tired of listening to the service, I would first read the comics out loud to my younger sister, then give her crayons and paper and read my book. I honestly can’t remember what my older sister did, whether it was listen to the whole service or read her own book. It wasn’t too much longer that Mom decided to stop attending. I’m sure she must have had her own reasons for wanting to stop going too, and my incident was just the catalyst for stopping.
Then when I married, my husband wasn’t a church goer and didn’t want to start. When we divorced, I decided I wanted to go. I found a church that was run by the son of the church I had attended as a child. I decided my son and I would attend there to see if it felt like home. I put him in the nursery and attended the services. After a few Sundays, I asked about what volunteer items were needed. They told me that the person in the babysitting room was leaving and would I be interested in doing that. I had always loved children so I was quite happy to volunteer for that. I was disappointed at the size and condition of the room. There was this very old toy chest that was built before the law required the piece that stopped it from slamming shut. It made me nervous so I took it home, painted it, installed the pieces on the side to make it close slowly, and created a padded piece to attach to the top so you could sit on it comfortably.
I enjoyed my time with the children, but then more and more were coming in and they also accepted infants. There was only two cribs and I was expected to put multiple infants in each crib. I didn’t feel safe taking care of so many infants and toddlers at the same time by myself. I asked for an assistant, but they kept saying they couldn’t find anyone. And I got tired of having to return at night to hear a service for myself since I was needed in the nursery for both morning services. After over a year of working in the nursery, I told them I needed to stop so that I could attend Sunday morning services myself. Sunday’s evenings were needed to get my son ready for the following week and my own things ready for school. That didn’t seem to go over well. They wanted to pressure me into remaining. I gave them a month to find someone else to stay in the nursery, but told them, again, that they needed two people at all times and really needed a bigger room. Kids could only stay sitting and listening to stories being read for so long and they needed room to run around.
I started going to the Sunday morning services but it just never did feel like a church home to me. I found it difficult to keep focus. It felt like the son was so much like his father in the way he spoke and handled himself. It could have been just that they were a lot alike, but all of the physical motions and speaking mannerisms were the same and made me feel like that little girl back in the drive-in parking lot. I stopped attending. Eventually, the son left that church to become the head pastor of his father’s now mega church, the Crystal Cathedral, to allow his father to retire. I no longer lived in that area so I never attended. I did read that after two years, his father removed him and put one of his daughters in as head of that church. I don’t know what happened with the son or the church because I quit reading about it.
Several years after that, I started attending another church that had started up in my area. The word on the street was that it was a very relaxed atmosphere, fantastic pastor, and that I would love it. I started going there. This also eventually developed into a mega church. This was Rick Warren’s church. I loved it. Rick was engaging and the atmosphere was indeed very relaxed, yet appropriate. Over the years, I put my name in on three different occasions to join a small group and never heard back from anyone. I decided the church must just be too big to pay attention and I felt lost in the huge crowds. And interestingly, as they grew and started satellite churches, they eventually took over the building where I attended Schuller’s son’s church too. When I stopped going, it wasn’t that I found anything wrong with the content of the services or the pastor, I liked him. And while some people change when their church gets too big, he really didn’t. I think if it had remained a smaller church and I had been able to join a bible study small group, I would have remained.
When I arrived here in Oregon, the day my realtor was meeting me at the house to get my keys, the next door neighbor popped over to invite me to sing in the church choir group that he formed. I told him I sadly had absolutely no singing voice and would have to decline his invitation. I appreciated that he didn’t then insist I come to his church with him. I eventually heard from others on the street that they considered him extremely cranky and advised me to avoid him. I have had several interactions with him since and find him to be a lovely man that I haven’t had a single issue with. He hasn’t mentioned his choir or his church again, which I appreciate.
And I have decided that I am just no longer interested in finding a church home. It isn’t so much the history of the little things that went wrong or I should say that I didn’t care for, I’ve just decided that I feel my own connection to my spirituality and don’t feel the need to find a church.
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Post by marysue63 on Aug 1, 2023 18:02:07 GMT
I grew up Catholic and faithfully attended every Sunday and ever holy day of obligation. Once I was out of the house I stopped going. After I had my DD I started to attend the Lutheran church with my mom and really loved it. I think I was in the right frame of mind to hear the word and the message and really drank it all in. And I loved the pastor! It was so nice to see a woman in the pulpit and many times I felt like she was talking right to me. Now, 20 years later, I'm still going, sometimes. We have an awesome pastor and he works very, very hard, and his message is always spot on. But Covid really did a number on us. We weren't a large congregation to start with, plus mostly elderly, and we had 20% of our congregation pass away. That, plus not meeting in person, really shrank our numbers. Even when we started back up in person a lot of people didn't come back. I think they saw that they could live without church and just continued after we came back.
So now my problem is is that we still want to do all the 'things' that we did before (Laundry of Love, school kits, bazaar, food drive, etc) and there just aren't the people to do it. But instead of cutting back it's the same people, me included, doing all the work. And I'm tired! I laugh to myself at our council meetings that it's just the same people rotating positions.
I love my church, and I love the people there, but we can't continue like we have been. We ARE currently looking to partner with another church in town, maybe share bible study, or do some community service projects together, but it's a slow process. We have reached out to other ELCA churches in our area about joining but that's a huge decision and will take some time.
But the biggest kicker for me, the one thing that WILL make me walk away is that our pastor asked us to think about becoming a Reconciling in Christ (RIC) church which means we would publicly state that we welcome ALL, including LGBTQIA+. People are balking at that for reasons I can NOT understand. If our church decides to not becoming RIC then I'm out. Jesus tells us to love EVERYBODY and welcome EVERYBODY to him. If we don't, I'm out.
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Post by Merge on Aug 1, 2023 18:03:35 GMT
I mean, losing faith in the existence of god is a pretty good reason to stop going. I'm confused why those who have experienced this are excluded from posting here. I don't need to disparage anyone else's belief, and perhaps that's really what you don't want to see here. But if you want a true look at why people stop attending, I think perhaps the loss of belief needs to be considered.
As it happens, though, that's not exactly why I stopped attending. I went through a searching phase in my early 20s and did a lot of reading on scripture and apologetics, and came away from it with a strong feeling that all the stuff I'd been raised to believe was not true. But most of any approval I received from my mom was based on church attendance/faithfulness, so we kept going for years. I was a cantor at Mass. Had my kids baptized in the church (though the younger one was baptized in the "wrong" church, and my parents did not attend).
I quit going when my parents died. If I didn't believe in what was being said, and didn't need to fear withdrawal of my parents' love and approval, then it didn't seem necessary to go. That's why I stopped attending.
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