AKathy's "What's For Dinner?" 8/11

Hi. I'm having a slow day today. I'm really glad about that. I figure two more spending reviews and then I'll just coast for a while. I feel like my brain is already on the weekend. I paid a mountain of bills today. I have a tendency to just wait it out and then pay a bunch of bills all at one time. Don't even ask me about my pile of mail! But at least everything that is not on an autopay is caught up through the end of the month. I also put in a huge grocery order to pick up this afternoon so I'm not sure what Jeremy will want for dinner but there are a number of choices.

I have no plans for the weekend so I'll probably just craft. I told Chloe she could by for a visit. But I saw her at moms last night so at least I did get to visit with her.

Hi everyone...TGIF, right?
No idea what's for dinner. I'm in a funk. I suspect this is going to be the longest post ever. Can we talk a little more about flaky friends? I'm sure you have heard plenty from me on this subject. I do have some wonderful people in my life, friends for many years, that I love very much. I've been over this in my mind for YEARS, convinced first there was no way to accept flakiness without thinking ppl who do this are cruel, to trying to accept it's not personal, that a lot of people let life get in the way or have more drama than most, to not knowing what to think. I will also own that 5yrs ago I moved from Indpls where most of these folks are, and the majority of the responsibility is on me to make plans, travel, invite, etc.

This weekend probably my best gf was supposed to come for the weekend. I have not seen her in person in 2 yrs. We don't really do phone calls, but we can usually just pick right up wherever we left off. We text and do fb. She's not very social once she gets home, puts jammies on and turns on a documentary after a long day as a social worker. She also helps with her grandchildren quite a bit. She asked if I would do her granddaughters senior pictures up here at the Dunes. I don't really do portraits anymore but I said yes. This is the 2nd time we have scheduled it. She asked for the dates. She was going to stay with me, and her daughter was bringing the girls and staying in a hotel. (As an aside, her daughter is high drama, which she is not, and she knows it. I've had to basically say, call off your daughter, lol, when she has blown up my phone trying to micromanage this thing). It's also tricky bc the pictures are dependent on weather, which woukd such for them to get up here 2.5hrs from home and if it rains...🤷‍♀️. Anyway, she tells me yesterday plans have changed, daughter isn't coming, is it okay to just bring the granddaughter and both stay with us. Sure, no problem. An extra houseguest is worth not having to deal with the daughter. I texted last night to see if theyvwould eat dinner on the road or with us. No answer til this morning. She has to cancel and begs to reschedule. She says husband has shingles (ouch!). Okay, stuff happens. Last time it was her car needed work. Which probably she knew that before the morning of.

Last fall we created a new pretty guest room out of what used to be my office but wasn't working well for me. It required having Nick share the smaller room I have used for clothes. It's not the best but it is okay. (We have very little closet space in the house.). We busted our behinds to get that guest room ready bc my other friend asked to visit with her husband. She picked the dates. I was excited to see them and excited to have another room to decorate. New bed, mattress, linens, everything...it turned out great! She cancelled. Said her husband had to work. Not called in to work. Scheduled to work. And she wasn't coming without him I guess.

This pretty guest room has set empty ever since. Still unused. I've gone to Indy for plans made weeks in advance and various ones confirm and then cancel. Does confirm not mean anything anymore? I check with people and work around their dates. Or they ask for specific dates. We confirm and they still cancel. One of my oldest friends (with a terrible history of this) confirmed for a reservation for my birthday dinner, but apparently decided to drive to Louisville the night before, supposedly got stuck in traffic (likely just didn't bother to leave early enough), didn't show, didn't apologize, and I have not heard from him since. That was May! He is waiting for me to get over it and call. I'm not. It's bullshit. All I wanted was an I'm sorry...let's get together soon.

Between tough weather, covid, car trouble, and something's-come-ups, I've been disappointed quite a bit. Not just folks from Indy...you may remember my neighbor/friend from this spring. Another friend/former student who I am trying again with (we have a get together scheduled, so we'll see!).

I am self-aware. I am a very good friend. I try to have good boundaries but also stay flexible. I understand that plans that sound great in the moment and will likely be fun, sometimes seem inopportune or overwhelming when they actually roll around. That's why I'm not too torn up over trying to finish cleaning the house and getting work done, etc in tine for their arrival today.
But seriously.

jeremysgirl your comment the other day about needing to accept your friend's flakiness or cut them loose is on my mind. I did cut the one loose that left me waiting at the coffeeshop and insisted I was partially to blame. We didn't have a lifetime of memories like these other ones. I don't want to lose these people. I love and enjoy them. They are grown adults and aren't likely to change, despite the conversations over the years. It's hard to think "well, I'll make plans with this person knowing going into it that it might now happen." I would never do that to someone else.

I guess I'm just venting. Either I accept it or I don't. Neither seem like good choices.

Also, I know if the shingles excuse is legit, it's terrible and not an evil plot against me, lol. Which reminds me, we need to get our shingles vaccines...because we do NOT WANT THAT.

Anyone have suggestions about how to manage my feelings/expectations? Want to vent about your own shitty friends to make me feel better?
Taking applications for new friends...the bar is low!

Sadly I was called in last night and worked 5.45 hours OT, I could not nap when I got home as I had some things to do, and a lunch date with a work friend who is on Medical leave.
I did my errands and walked the dog, I am just waiting till its time to leave for lunch Which is a great location right on the beach😎Yes, I picked the restaurant since I am treating!!!

Dinner will be salmon and a salad, I have tomatoes from my garden and a cuke from a work friend....just need to pick another veggie to go with, perhaps corn...TBD

I hate to say it tmarschall, but all you can do is stop inviting these people to your place.   

They don't appreciate or respect your invitations and you are going to continue to be disappointed by them ...


I need to take my own advice when it comes to my girlfriend who takes advantage of me ... she has no money for Uber but is now talking about buying Barbie's!!!    

cadoodlebug. I am scrapbooking tomorrow and Sunday locally. It’s at a really nice fire hall and it’s 10 minutes from my house. My friend Betsy, who scrapbooks also and lives about 45 minutes from me is also going to go and she’s just gonna spend the night at my house. So today I spent just putting stuff together to take. No idea what’s for dinner

It's hard to hear and it makes me sad. We have so much fun when we are together. I wish we were closer and could just get an impromptu lunch or something so the stakes aren't so high when something cancels.
I'm sorry you have a clueless friend. I said it before...entitled much? My mother used to pull that. Guilting me for cash for kitty litter and toilet paper while purchasing stuff off Craigslist...that she was trying to get my husband to borrow a truck and go pick up for her (a sewing machine)! I was furious. She knew I wouldn't go for that and tried to get him to keep it secret. Luckily we don't play that.

Hope she gets the Barbie corvette for when she needs a ride next time. Barbie Uber?

Bwahahahahaha!!!!!   

((((Hugs))) tmarschall - that's hard. And making new local friends isn't necessarily any easier. I lost my only local friends over Covid/Trump

dinner tonight is lemon flounder, quinoa, and some sort of veg plus cherries and there are leftover cookies

I have had this conversation with my BFF and she always turns it into that I don't understand how miserable she is at that particular time and I'm being unreasonable. I tried to tell her I was disappointed with her not reaching out to me after Esther died and she started crying and saying she stayed away because her anxiety was so out of control she couldn't be a friend to me. So basically she shamed me to the point where I felt awful for even saying that I needed her to be my friend. I left feeling like I didn't have any right being disappointed at all, I left feeling sorry *for her*. And I have looked back at how fucked up that conversation was and I'm like, I lost my child. If there is ever a time when you can make a claim on needing a friend, isn't that it?

Just typing that out made me feel disappointed all over again.  This is why my therapist was like, this is who she is, take it or leave it.  (But she thought I should leave it.)

Today has been a day of phone calls. Out flight has been booked, the movers have been scheduled but now I'm looking for the best price for someone to pick up junk we are not taking. We have thrown stuff out we but have heavy things that neither hubby or I can lift and want to get rid of. I would also like to hire someone to clean up the house when everything is empty. We have an early flight and don't want to be exhausted the day we leave.

For dinner we are having rotisserie chicken with a sweet potato and mushroom salad.

tmarschall I do wonder if your friend gets anxiety and is overwhelmed and then cancels because of that. 

jeremysgirl It's hard when there is not a give and take in the relationship.  I have a dear friend who is like that.  She is now diagnosed as an alcoholic.  She can be a lot at times but she is like a sister to me having known her for over 40 years.  

I had a friend who was very oversensitive and and so we dropped out of relationship and then a year ago or so through facebook and texting exchanged a few texts and talked on the phone. Then the other day she sends me a text regarding her dog with some questions.  I answered back with what I knew from my step-mom's dog which she didn't agree with and put a dislike symbol on my text and then didn't answer my follow up texts.  I'm at a loss with her.  

Well the pupper's procedure is now canceled until next month since his stomach issues continued through to this morning. Kind of a bummer.  

Today we had thai food for lunch and will just snack later.

No real plans for tonight that I know of.
SO works tomorrow AM so I will either take DD shopping or work on some cards.