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Post by aljack on Aug 27, 2023 16:55:15 GMT
Hello all knowing peas,
I have a neighbor who has cancer (he disclosed to my husband several months ago) and I suspect his 4 round is not going well. There have been cars at the house all day night and people coming and going last two days. I haven’t seen him outside in weeks and his wife and adult children are tending to outdoor maintenance, dog duties, mail retrieved. I see them walking my dog. We wave and that’s it. I know Gladys here.
Anyhow, I said to my husband I am fearful this is not good and we should do something. We don’t know them well. Never been in each others homes, exchanged numbers, or friends on social media beyond our association page. Therefore, he thinks I am overstepping and need to stay away and respect their privacy.
My gut is leading me another way and I was thinking of dropping off some food, plastic/paper products ding dong ditch style.
I don’t know what they eat, restrictions, anything.
Any thoughts or ideas? I was thinking of taking over a fruit tray, yogurt, donuts from the famous donut shop we have with coffee, juice, paper products one day. Then another day sending over BBQ or pizzas? But I am second guessing myself.
Thanks for telling me to butt out or jump in with ideas. I really
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,594
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 27, 2023 17:00:38 GMT
I do not think you are wrong. Leave the things - if there's lots of people coming and going, someone can use the items. Your instinct is good and kind. Do it. You won't regret it.
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Post by librarylady on Aug 27, 2023 17:03:11 GMT
If you have seen lots of people, you might consider dropping off paper goods and perhaps a fruit tray.
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leeny
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,630
Location: Northern California
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Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Aug 27, 2023 17:12:54 GMT
I would leave paper goods and maybe grab and go snacks that are non-perishable (granola bars, nuts in single serve packages, etc). And I would leave a card with it that says thinking of you. You don't have to sign the card with your name if you want to be anonymous, but it might be comforting to the family to know that these items came from someone who is familiar with their loved one.
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anaterra
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Posts: 3,827
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Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Aug 27, 2023 17:14:44 GMT
I think its a kind gesture.. i would say dont ddd but actually give ur gift to dw with a prayers positive thoughts here if you need help kinda thing...
Id include gift cards to a local restaurant they can use
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,298 
Location: MN
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Post by smcast on Aug 27, 2023 17:24:37 GMT
I think that's a very thoughtful idea.
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Post by KelleeM on Aug 27, 2023 18:02:15 GMT
You won’t ever regret being kind.
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FurryP
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To pea or not to pea...
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Jun 26, 2014 19:58:26 GMT
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Post by FurryP on Aug 27, 2023 20:14:07 GMT
I thought to myself "what if this was my situation, how would I feel about this?" I think even if I wanted privacy with our family matters, I would still appreciate it that someone cared enough to do this. And I would probably cry a little. But I am emotional like that.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,594
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 27, 2023 20:59:01 GMT
I thought to myself "what if this was my situation, how would I feel about this?" I think even if I wanted privacy with our family matters, I would still appreciate it that someone cared enough to do this. And I would probably cry a little. But I am emotional like that. Agree. I'd be really touched. And even if it was one of my neighbors that I don't know well, I'd be so grateful. On my mom's birthday, the year after she died, someone left me a bouquet of flowers on my front stoop. I still don't know who it was - but it was so thoughtful and kind. |
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MDscrapaholic
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Aug 27, 2023 21:05:33 GMT
As someone who's spouse died of cancer, I can tell you that anything, even a few kind words in passing or a card, is really appreciated. They may not acknowledge it right away, but they do notice.
Paper goods are always welcome, and so are snacks/donuts/fruit. Things they can grab without having to "fix" something. A gift card to a local delivery place would also be welcome.
You are so kind to think of doing something like this.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Aug 27, 2023 21:06:03 GMT
I like the idea of paper supplies and individually bagged snacks. Not knowing dietary issues they are a safe bet.
A note offering some assistance, maybe yard work or such, even though they are doing it, just one thing not to worry about.
Kindness is appreciated.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 27, 2023 21:11:23 GMT
I would opt for either a restaurant gift card or one for a grocery store with a deli so they can get what they can use or would like as opposed to food items I might choose, along with a thinking of you card.
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Post by KikiPea on Aug 27, 2023 21:12:14 GMT
We dealt with this a couple years ago. The son who lives in the house is big into gardening. He lost his father who lived with him. We bought him a really nice plant. He greatly appreciated it, and we still just wave at each other whenever we see each other.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
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Post by katybee on Aug 27, 2023 21:22:53 GMT
As someone who literally just went through this, small gestures like that really brightened our days. It’s very thoughtful of you.
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Post by gramasue on Aug 27, 2023 22:41:30 GMT
You sound like a very kind person and caring neighbour. Show your kindness. These people are going through something really sad and difficult and will absolutely appreciate anything you do for them.
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 28, 2023 1:51:27 GMT
When mil was doing hospice in my house it was a huge blessing when people would supply food for everyone. No one had energy or time to cook and everything people brought was eaten w/gratitude. Feed them. You're a very kind neighbor. It was nice not to have to worry about meal planning at all.
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Post by dockmaster on Aug 28, 2023 2:38:20 GMT
Bottled water. My daughter just had 2 different in laws pass, she brought a case of water and other items. Everyone was great full for the water!
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Post by tryingtobewise on Aug 28, 2023 2:46:21 GMT
Definitely follow your gut and do something simple for them and/or the people coming and going.
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mamallama
Full Member
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Sept 14, 2018 7:30:33 GMT
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Post by mamallama on Aug 28, 2023 6:48:34 GMT
I don’t think that you ever regret being kind. And I don’t think you need to leave it anonymously either. If it were my parent, I would be touched that a neighbor cared enough to do something. If you want to do it anonymously, I would leave a card in the mailbox or taped to the door with gift cards to local restaurants or DoorDash etc.
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CeeScraps
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~~occupied entertaining my brain~~
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Post by CeeScraps on Aug 28, 2023 12:38:12 GMT
Bring food and cut their grass! You could also trim their bushes if that works for them.
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Aug 28, 2023 13:25:20 GMT
My neighbors went through this a few years ago when their son died. They were trying very hard to protect their privacy. It was winter and I was comfortable leaving food on the little bench by their front door knowing it would not spoil. I baked muffins once and another time left a container of chicken noodle soup. I sent a message to their daughter letting her know I put it out there. At his funeral she let me know how much they appreciated it.
Definitely bring something. Do not feel weird about it. They don’t know what they need right now, but they need to eat and you can help with that.
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Post by Lurkingpea on Aug 28, 2023 14:44:40 GMT
You won’t ever regret being kind. Words to live by. I agree about dropping off non perishable snacks or food gift cards with a note. |
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RosieKat
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Post by RosieKat on Aug 28, 2023 14:49:35 GMT
No, you never do regret kindness. I would sign a name just because if some food showed up on my doorstep anonymously, there's no way I would eat it.  I think you have some great ideas here, though. I think I like the ideas of paper products and restaurant/DoorDash cards the best as they'd be useful to everyone. Thank you for thinking of them. |
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Post by gracieplusthree on Aug 28, 2023 15:03:16 GMT
I can't imagine not knowing my neighbors. I know everyone on my whole road, but live in the country in East TN in a rural area maybe that has something to do with it. I do know is common for people to not know neighbors though, maybe I'm the oddball.
That said I would probably stop someone and ask if there's anything I could do. Dropping some things off would be a good gesture though,I would want to know current situation to base what to drop off on though.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 28, 2023 15:04:26 GMT
You won’t ever regret being kind. I agree. I really appreciate everyone who did anything for us when DH was battling cancer. It didn't matter how big or small, any gesture was appreciated. |
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Post by angieh1996 on Aug 28, 2023 15:16:16 GMT
My dad in these situations always puts together a box of paper goods, paper plates, toilet paper, paper towels, coffee and coffee filters. He'll also pick up a dozen glazed donuts and drop them off. His thought is they always need paper goods and he doesn't have to worry about diet restrictions to much.
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The Birdhouse Lady
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Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Aug 28, 2023 23:24:25 GMT
No, you never do regret kindness. I would sign a name just because if some food showed up on my doorstep anonymously, there's no way I would eat it. I think you have some great ideas here, though. I think I like the ideas of paper products and restaurant/DoorDash cards the best as they'd be useful to everyone. Thank you for thinking of them.  This is what I was thinking too. What about putting together a basket with stuff to make sandwiches, bread, cold cuts, cheese, etc. Along with some bags of chips and cookies or candy. Just stuff to make a quick lunch. |
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caangel
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Post by caangel on Aug 28, 2023 23:38:32 GMT
I can't imagine not knowing my neighbors. I know everyone on my whole road, but live in the country in East TN in a rural area maybe that has something to do with it. I do know is common for people to not know neighbors though, maybe I'm the oddball. That said I would probably stop someone and ask if there's anything I could do. Dropping some things off would be a good gesture though,I would want to know current situation to base what to drop off on though. I live in a dense subburb on a short street. I know all 17 of my neighbors, some better than others. But we have also lived her over 20 yrs which helps too. |
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miascraps
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Jun 26, 2014 15:37:58 GMT
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Post by miascraps on Aug 29, 2023 3:41:06 GMT
Go with your gut feelings. Very kind and thoughtful.
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Post by aljack on Sept 2, 2023 17:52:11 GMT
Thanks peas! I did paper products and snacks. They were thankful.
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I think you have some great ideas here, though. I think I like the ideas of paper products and restaurant/DoorDash cards the best as they'd be useful to everyone.
This is what I was thinking too. 
