huskergal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,999
Jun 25, 2014 20:22:13 GMT
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Post by huskergal on Aug 29, 2023 16:55:58 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. It sounds overwhelming. Hopefully, you get some peace in your life soon.
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Post by catck on Aug 29, 2023 19:01:29 GMT
Big hugs for all you are dealing with ((()))
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Post by peasapie on Aug 29, 2023 19:40:14 GMT
That's an awful lot for you to handle. I hope you will be able to focus on the happy parts of your life and take care of yourself while all this plays out. Remember, these are not decisions you made nor are you responsible for outcomes over which you have no control.
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Post by gizzy on Aug 29, 2023 19:44:21 GMT
That is a lot to go thru. I'm glad you have your sister to lean against as you guys deal with all of this.
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moodyblue
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,178
Location: Western Illinois
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 21:07:23 GMT
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Post by moodyblue on Aug 29, 2023 20:57:16 GMT
So much to deal with. I'm glad you have your sister to help and collaborate with through the tough times, but I know it isn’t easy. Please take care of yourself and remember that this won’t last forever.
If your father is comfortable now, they most likely can and will keep him comfortable through the end.
The idea about letters is a good one. Unfortunately your brother has made choices that impact others and the timing sucks, but it’s out of your control.
As hard as this is for you, and your sister, your mother is going through as much, with major changes in her life. She is losing her husband, seeing her son go back to prison, fearful of a future “alone” and scared that her husband will not be cared for as she wants in his last days. Since she’s always been a difficult person, she isn’t likely to become a better one now that she’s facing all this. She’s seeing everything through her own lenses and can’t understand or empathize with anyone else.
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Post by Tearisci on Aug 29, 2023 21:06:33 GMT
I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. Having to deal with just one of the issues you are facing would be monumental, not to mention two!
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 29, 2023 21:37:14 GMT
The couple of times that I have had to deal with a lot all at once my mantra is “This too shall pass” and “Thank goodness this is all happening at once instead of stringing the bad stuff out over time, I can get this all taken care of at once and go on in peace”.
I am so sorry everything is hitting at once. It will be over soon. Sending good thoughts daily.
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,947
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Aug 29, 2023 22:47:57 GMT
I’m so sorry you are dealing with all of this! It’s a lot for one person. I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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teddyw
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,848
Jun 29, 2014 1:56:04 GMT
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Post by teddyw on Aug 30, 2023 0:26:30 GMT
I’m sorry you’re going through all this.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Aug 30, 2023 1:50:34 GMT
I’m so sorry you have all this coming down hard on you all at once, Just T! It’s definitely a lot to deal with even one of those things at a time. Sometimes it feels like you’re putting out fires all around you everywhere you look! Hang in there and know we’re all here for you whenever you need to vent.
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Post by beaglemom on Aug 30, 2023 1:55:44 GMT
Hugs, I can't even imagine how stressful all of this is for you.
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kate
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,517
Location: The city that doesn't sleep
Site Supporter
Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Aug 30, 2023 2:02:58 GMT
I'll validate that it's a LOT right now. I'm so sorry.
Praying for peace of heart for all of you involved.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,423
Jun 27, 2014 2:27:09 GMT
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Post by tanya2 on Aug 30, 2023 2:35:37 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. You've had a tough year
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Post by callmenutz on Aug 30, 2023 3:16:22 GMT
I’m so sorry that you are going through all of this. All I know to do is pray for you and your family. May God hold you in the palm of His hand. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
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Post by quietgirl on Aug 30, 2023 3:22:26 GMT
I am really sorry. Take care
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Post by twinks on Aug 30, 2023 3:25:12 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. My heart aches for you.
I don’t want to make this worse but I had this thought and I want you to protect yourself and what you have. I understand your divorce is not finalize and that your jerky STBX is living in the home. I would be very careful with the amount of time that you are away. I would also be very careful and secure anything away from the home for those times when you have to be away. Perhaps have someone keep things for you. I am saying this because once a jerk is always a jerk and he could use your absence as abandonment of the property. It will just make things harder for you. I totally and completely understand you being with your parents at this very difficult time. I just don’t want things to get worse for you on that front.
It happened to me. I was hospitalized and then went to stay with my mother because I had 17 cracks or brakes on my ribs, a broken back, a broken arm that need a rod and pins and had surgery to remove my spleen. I had a 3 month old baby with problems of her own. My mom was taking care of my daughter while I was in the hospital. I needed the help. I decided that I was leaving him the first day I was at my mom’s house. My sister went to get some things for me (mainly my clothes) and he had changed the locks on the house. He reported that I had abandoned the property and it went on so long that I ended up replacing what I needed. My attorney gave me a choice. I could either pay him to try to get my belongings and what was rightfully mine or I could replace it.
I am sorry to worry you about another thing when you are already feeling “piled on.” Please do what YOU need to do to protect YOU. This means emotionally and physically. Sending you a huge hug. You will be in my thoughts.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 30, 2023 13:38:37 GMT
twinks Is it too late to get some Peas to kick your ex in the balls? OMG. I don't think I've read much worse behavior than that. Just T Is there any way to get your mom to the doctor and maybe get her an antianxiety medication? It won't change her basic behavior, but MAYBE it would tone it down? If your brother could call your dad and you hold the phone to your dad's ear, that would be great. When my DH was just hours away from dying, we did that with his sister. He turned his head to the phone and I know he heard her.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,544
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Aug 30, 2023 16:29:33 GMT
I am so sorry you are going through this right now. My heart aches for you. I don’t want to make this worse but I had this thought and I want you to protect yourself and what you have. I understand your divorce is not finalize and that your jerky STBX is living in the home. I would be very careful with the amount of time that you are away. I would also be very careful and secure anything away from the home for those times when you have to be away. Perhaps have someone keep things for you. I am saying this because once a jerk is always a jerk and he could use your absence as abandonment of the property. It will just make things harder for you. I totally and completely understand you being with your parents at this very difficult time. I just don’t want things to get worse for you on that front. It happened to me. I was hospitalized and then went to stay with my mother because I had 17 cracks or brakes on my ribs, a broken back, a broken arm that need a rod and pins and had surgery to remove my spleen. I had a 3 month old baby with problems of her own. My mom was taking care of my daughter while I was in the hospital. I needed the help. I decided that I was leaving him the first day I was at my mom’s house. My sister went to get some things for me (mainly my clothes) and he had changed the locks on the house. He reported that I had abandoned the property and it went on so long that I ended up replacing what I needed. My attorney gave me a choice. I could either pay him to try to get my belongings and what was rightfully mine or I could replace it. I am sorry to worry you about another thing when you are already feeling “piled on.” Please do what YOU need to do to protect YOU. This means emotionally and physically. Sending you a huge hug. You will be in my thoughts. I did think about all that, him saying I abandoned the house, but he is gone most of the time I am. Also, I sure could have used that against HIM this past fall/winter/spring when he was gone for seven months. I wish I would have thought of that, because now I want him to move out and he won't. I should have said he abandoned the home back then, but I didn't even think of that. Also, my attorney is aware I am helping take care of my parents right now.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,544
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Aug 30, 2023 16:30:35 GMT
If your brother could call your dad and you hold the phone to your dad's ear, that would be great. When my DH was just hours away from dying, we did that with his sister. He turned his head to the phone and I know he heard her. Right now, my brother can't make many phone calls. His sentencing is tomorrow (I had the day wrong) and hopefully, he will be able to at least make one call to my dad.
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Post by delila on Aug 30, 2023 18:24:15 GMT
Be kind to yourself, you are dealing with a shit ton of emotions and none of this is easy. XX0O
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Post by lucyg on Aug 30, 2023 21:38:02 GMT
I wish I could give you a hug, too. I’d also be happy to tell your mom for you that she needs to STFU and show some gratitude to the staff. (Have totally lost my filter at this point. I’d probably get tossed out even before she did.)
This is an awful stage of your life, but this too shall pass. Honestly. I promise.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,613
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Aug 30, 2023 21:51:39 GMT
I'm very sorry. that's so much to deal with. Sending love and hugs. Please remember you have to care for yourself too.THAT. Tell yourself, on repeat, that your mom is responsible for her own behavior. If she gets banned, so be it - she brought this on herself. You can only control you - treat the CNAs with kindness when you see them and you can empathize with them that your mom is difficult - but let her suffer the consequences of her own actions. I am sorry you are going through so much.
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Post by mom on Aug 30, 2023 23:46:49 GMT
Just wanted to post that I am thinking of you. You can handle this. It wont be easy or pretty, but you've got what it takes to make it through this.
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 31, 2023 15:55:07 GMT
Sending my daily positive vibes. Your mother is not respecting anyone so she does not deserve any respect. Tell her to STFU with no guilt. It should relieve some of your stress to react honestly to her crappy attitude. In a crisis or hard time no one has time or energy to put up with someone's bad attitude.
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,544
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Sept 2, 2023 0:33:01 GMT
*9/1 UPDATE: Thank you all once again for your kind thoughts and words and well wishes. I appreciate you ALL so very much. A couple of updates. My brother was sentenced to 24 months back in prison. It is what it is, and I can’t even be upset about it to be honest. My dad is still hanging in there, but definitely deteriorating. My sister was there with them today, and she said he was in so much pain, and it was taking them a while to get his pill to him. She said he was screaming for help. UGH She also said his foot is starting to smell really bad, which the hospice nurse told us would happen. I was supposed to have a trip with a friend this weekend that fell through, so I am taking it easy and relaxing this weekend. I have a cold, and today, I took a two hour nap. (I am NOT a napper at all!) Tomorrow, I am going to a friends to hang out by her pool. I will probably go visit my dad Sunday.
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,174
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Sept 2, 2023 0:41:40 GMT
I just read your 9/1 update.
I'm so sorry that this is what it has come to. I wish they could keep your dad a little more comfortable and that your mother would at least show a little bit of gratitude to those that are trying to help him and to her own daughters.
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Post by littlemama on Sept 2, 2023 1:04:41 GMT
Just read your update. If you are sick, you should make sure your friend doesnt mind you coming over and you definitely should not be visiting a nursing home. Illnesses spread like wildfire in those facilities due to fragile health and close quarters. Please dont take your germs to that vulnerable population.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,742
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
Aug 2, 2014 13:03:45 GMT
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Sept 2, 2023 9:54:58 GMT
More hugs. Get well soon, and wear a mask to avoid spreading the cold. What a rubbish time to catch it.
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Sept 2, 2023 11:02:58 GMT
Big (((hugs)))
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Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,544
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
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Post by Just T on Sept 2, 2023 12:52:43 GMT
Just read your update. If you are sick, you should make sure your friend doesnt mind you coming over and you definitely should not be visiting a nursing home. Illnesses spread like wildfire in those facilities due to fragile health and close quarters. Please dont take your germs to that vulnerable population. I should have said I would visit my dad on Sunday if my cold is better. I pretty much decided last night after talking to my mom that I'm not going. I am not even sure if I have a cold. I also have allergies, and they've been bad the past couple of weeks as they always are in the fall. Yesterday, I just overall wasn't feeling great, so I thought maybe it was more. I even took a Covid test as my sister in law told me her son who has covid right now just thought he had allergies at first. It was negative. My friend knows I'm sniffly. LOL We got together for drinks Wednesday night, and we were both feeling the itchy nose thing. She invited me knowing this. This morning, I am feeling great. I think I am just becoming worn out from everything life is throwing at me. For me to nap yesterday was so out of character. Now, I am just back to feeling like I'm going to sneeze a lot. Even if my dad takes a big turn for the worse and I do go visit, the nursing home is making people mask right now as there have been a couple of covid cases there. They won't let you in the door without a mask.
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