Teacher question. How to approach parent

I don’t have any real advice in the situation, but our son was diagnosed with Asperger‘s when he was 12. (His preferred label.)

We had moved so much when he was younger that I thought his social issues were due to the moves. We were also pretty involved parents and reached out to other kids for play dates and such to try and help him make friends because we moved so often and he was always the new kid.

He is incredibly smart, and we Blamed his lack of social skills on that. He had a lot of trouble relating to other kids, and was not empathetic, and we just blamed it on him being ahead of the curve and more mature. But he was also immature in other ways and didn’t deal well with rejection or failure. It took another parent, asking me how long he had been diagnosed for that caused us to seek a diagnosis.

I went back and asked his fifth grade teacher (Who was a former sped teacher) why she never said anything and she said that legally she couldn’t bring it up. She also said that she thought I knew. I was using a lot of the terminologies like quirky and lacking empathy, and she thought I was just holding back.

Sometimes you can’t see the forest for the trees.

Wow! What a difficult position. 

In our school, any teacher can come in any classroom to work without parental permission. There would be absolutely no impediment to having a SPED teacher and/or school counselor and/or school psychologist come into my classroom and observe the whole class, while paying specific attention to one or more children. I had this happen a few times last year when I had challenging students that I brought to our Local Screening Committee (and one was the child of a teacher). 

I have a SPED teacher that pushes into my math class, she helps ANY child who needs it, while paying closest attention to the kids with IEPs, but she works with all my students - again, no parental permission needed. If I were to refer a child to our LSC, her observations of that child will also be used - I say this because I will be referring one who currently does not have an IEP. 

Teachers also can refer the child to Local Screening without parental permission. The meeting will take place - parents invited, of course - and formal assessment cannot happen without parental permission - and the committee decides whether to further evaluate only with parental permission. The observational data gathered by other staff (SPED teacher/counselor/paychologist) is often very important in this process. 

But, it is awful that you need parental permission to get another set of eyes on the child before talking to the parents about your concerns and referring the child for discussion and/or assessment. 

If I were you, I would start with discussing with the parents that you have concerns about there child - share your concerns - and ask permission for someone else to simply observe your class. Once you have observational data, if the specialist has the same concerns, have a small group discussion. Hopefully, when it is more than just you with concerns, the parents will be open to local screening and assessment (if your staff determine that assessment is necessary).

I guess my other question would be how are the child’s grades? If the child has a C or better average across subjects, my school would not recommend school conducted assessment - it is costly, and only happens for children whose issues are preventing them from accessing the curriculum. 

How old is the child?

Does your school not have a team that allows you to discuss concerns for kids, interventions, and next steps?

Here's what I did no matter how or what the parent reacts......

I will say to them that testing of any sort for anything will give everyone involved answers and education. It's what is done after the test results are shared where decisions are made. People want to be educated. Testing gives them an education. Each person does their own thing with their knowledge/education.

Leave it open......once professionals administer any evaluations/testing the parents may see what is going on.

Are his inability to focus and his self-removal to the book area affecting his academic progress? If so, I'd approach the parents from that standpoint. And as others have stated, simply share what you have observed without labels.

I don't know if this applies to the situation ---FWIW: My sister (a kinder teacher) had a student that she felt needed an evaluation. Parents needed to sign a permission slip for any individual testing to be done. Parents refused. After some back/forth, my sister suggested that they come observe the way the child was interacting with other students and the teacher and also notice how/what other kinders were doing. (She had a screen of some sort in the room where parents could slip in back door of classroom (it had 2 doors), sit behind the screen and observe.)
She invited the parents to come for a morning (8-12). Parents came and stayed about an hour. The next day the permission papers were returned and signed. My sister always thought it was because they saw what other kinders were doing and how their child was not in the same place. I can't remember if the child was SE or needed speech or just what was going on, but that observation brought the parents on board with getting the child an IEP.

Lots of parents are in denial, unfortunately. Some will go so far as to switch school districts when one gets close to a diagnosis or label, forcing the new district to start the process over again. It’s said.

I had an eight year old piano student who had severe issues of some kind. I couldn’t begin to say what. It manifested as toddler-style tantrums when she could not immediately play what she was working on. Hitting the piano, kicking, little screams, etc. I was very patient with her but mom and I together decided that piano lessons were not a good fit for her. I do hope they get that child some help.

I am also a first grade teacher (27 -gasp-years). Whenever I visit with families, I ALWAYS start with questions. How is the year going so far? Any questions or concerns? What does your child tell them about school? Then I listen. Often parents will open the door before I have to and I can add my observations as well. If that doesn't happen, I might say that I have observed some behavior I wanted them to be aware of and then I go back to the questions...Do they notice it at home? During preferred activities or chores? How do they do independently with multi step directions (brush teeth, use potty, get a book).

I do share my observations, but only after asking and listening. You learn so much more and it can be so much less aggressive if you start with a listening ear versus hitting parents with these things right out of the gate. I also work hard to approach it from an educational standpoint and I point out how these observations could hinder academic advancement or social development. Short sentences, listening ear, kindness above all else. Any resistance and I back off asking them to keep an eye out and we can discuss it later. Sometimes folks just need think time and forcing them to solve all the issues in one short meeting isn't effective. But you know your families best. Some are ready to jump in ten minutes ago.

Depending on how the conversation goes, you could suggest that they talk to their doctor if they have concerns, or you could ask someone else to come in and observe (mention who and by name so they aren't shocked with a phone call). I always talk with parents about gathering information and sometimes that means crossing things OFF a list in order to figure out the right thing.

These are babies and you're talking about a families' most prized little human. It's so helpful that you already have a relationship with them. Makes it 100 times easier. Good luck.

I think your observations are quite specific, and several are directly academic related. I would describe them to the parents very much as you did above. 

It isn't used much anymore for two reasons:

1. Asperger's syndrome is level one autism. It is not a separate thing from autism- autism is a spectrum.

2. Hans Asperger was a Nazi that was responsible for killing children under the Third Reich. Yuck.