pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 12, 2023 23:14:17 GMT
So this is for peas who have anxiety.
Have you been able to find a happy medium when it comes to community involvement and attacks on marginalized persons/groups?
Or have you had to back off with certain things?
Can one find a happy medium?
My problem is I have been involved in school board meetings for some time now. Gosh, probably 8 years. It started when dd and I both gave community input that got the ball rolling on a social group program for SDC/SAI students at Jr high and elementary schools.
In March or April I no longer chose to be involved with a group I help start as it was just too much. But since then I have continued to be involved to protect students and my community.
I have noticed that about 1 to 2 days post a board meeting, I get antsy, have trouble sleeping, am in a fog, feel blah, am very tired and just have no energy. I will also sometimes have a headache.
This is any board meeting. And I ha e figured that it is the build up of the meeting with certain groups, comments made at the meetings, and things said post meetings.
Have you ever had to just walk away and noonger be involved in a particular thing...whatever that was?
And if so were you ever able to go back to doing it?
I seem to be at a crossroad. On one hand I want to protect my peace, myself, and my mental health. On the other, I feel obligated to keep up and make sure students in my district receive needed services and are not harmed.
I have learned what my triggers are, and they do ebb and flow. And I get new ones here and there. Some I can not walk away from (medical stuff) and others I have no issue walking away from.
But this one has me perplexed.
I can't just watch certain sections of the meetings because comments are throughout. You have agenda item comments and then regular public comments.
Just curious what others have done and how you have handled situationsike this.
I will say, I also noted that when I do read and stay up to date on the group I was part of, that is itself a trigger. And it sucks because they are making waves but it's a lot. It's a lot to constantly process.
Anyways, would just like some feedback from the wise Peas.
And sorry this is long. ❤
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dawnnikol
Prolific Pea
'A life without books is a life not lived.' Jay Kristoff
Posts: 7,857
Sept 21, 2015 18:39:25 GMT
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Post by dawnnikol on Oct 12, 2023 23:26:48 GMT
I have not found a happy medium, but I know that I absolutely have to force myself to step back from things. Even watching our SB Meeting last week caused me to lose sleep because I couldn't stop spiraling. M4L and GAG showed up and have started wanting to remove books. At first, I was on FB to respond to misinformation. Then I'd post and would dwell on that, then seeing a response would start it over. I e-mailed my SB and Superintendent and finally had to stop logging into FB. I considered going to a SB meeting but I just don't think I can do it. I don't know if that makes me a coward or not at this point, but I do what I can where I can. This year and last year I'm in charge of the yearbook for our elementary school and I refuse to go to PTO Meetings because I know how bad my anxiety will get and I can do nothing to stop it. That was the only way I could take over the yearbook again. It's 100% been a better experience.
Thank you for sharing and I hope you can find a happy balance. I don't know that there are any one size fits all approaches and, unfortunately, it all kinda sucks.
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Post by fiddlesticks on Oct 12, 2023 23:52:56 GMT
No. No happy medium here either. As much as I would like to help the greater good, my family suffers when I am not well (obviously, I am suffering too but...). I hope someday I will be able to broaden my circle, for now, I have to focus on my locus of control. I do donate to organizations that are doing the work I can't and keeping myself informed and well-read so I am not just sticking my head in the sand. It is hard though, wanting to do more but not being able to.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,406
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Oct 13, 2023 2:09:55 GMT
I’d back off.
I ended up in weekly therapy last year because my anxiety was sky high all the time. It was talk therapy and it helped so so much! I haven’t had bad anxiety in a good many months and lord knows I’ve had more than enough to give me bad anxiety!
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Post by mikklynn on Oct 13, 2023 11:34:01 GMT
I have been seeing a therapist for anxiety recently. She diagnosed me with depression, along with anxiety. That really surprised me! Once I really thought about it, I could see it.
My anxiety is the result of caring for DH during his 15 year cancer battle, as well as caring for my MIL during that time. It was one crisis after another. When my dad broke his hip and my mom suffered a concussion, I realized I wasn't coping in a normal way.
To get to your point, I've had to back off on all volunteer activities. Even the thought of committing to something on a regular basis triggers my anxiety. For now, for my own mental health, I stick to regular financial support. I also limit my viewing of news to checking headlines in the morning and watching the news while cooking dinner.
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Post by Merge on Oct 13, 2023 15:37:01 GMT
I have pretty severe anticipatory anxiety about most things - going to work, teaching private students, travel, etc. and it can really derail me. I can spend a lot of time thinking about all the things that might go wrong in any situation. To some extent, meditation and grounding and visualization techniques help me cope. My daily meds take the edge off. That’s really all I’ve got.
Any kind of contentious event (like a SB meeting) is a huge trigger for me and I mostly just avoid them.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,722
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 13, 2023 16:32:39 GMT
Thanks for the replies. Hate to say this but glad I am not alone with SB meetings being a trigger.
I have sat among proud boys, 3%ers, J6ers, M4L, LTB, and other hate groups at SB meetings.
I have tried doing a next day follow up but even that is triggering. I feel it is the style in which the write up is done.
I have fully stepped away from the group I was part of and have here and there given some info I heard or found in case they werent aware. But it has become very tiring. I feel the constant in your face approach is what does it.
You just really can't get away from it. It's on my regular FB oage, it's in the groups (except my Le Creuset groups. Those truly are happy places on FB). Twitter. IG. Here.
I just feel bad for giving up because my community needs all hands on deck but it isn't fair to myself, dh, or the kids.
I will definitely itely be taking a break from it all. Even writing in. I will continue up to reach out for other needs as I see fit but going to just fully step away.
Again thank you all for the replies.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,406
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Oct 13, 2023 17:03:51 GMT
pantsonfire you cannot give from an empty vessel. For your health please step back. Mute the Facebook/writter/ig groups for 30 days and see if it helps. I have to do that sometimes. Let someone else step up. I know it's easier to say than do but please consider it. Once you are feeling better mentally decide what you can take on again. MUCH love!
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,722
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 13, 2023 17:36:44 GMT
pantsonfire you cannot give from an empty vessel. For your health please step back. Mute the Facebook/writter/ig groups for 30 days and see if it helps. I have to do that sometimes. Let someone else step up. I know it's easier to say than do but please consider it. Once you are feeling better mentally decide what you can take on again. MUCH love! Great ideas! I thought just removing myself as an active team member would have helped and it did for awhile but then just even checking the pages or info flared it up. I know it is they way the come at the community. Attention grabbing photos and write up and that triggers an attack. Not healthy for the community or myself. |
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Post by hop2 on Oct 13, 2023 19:30:04 GMT
There are just certain things I can not/will not do. One of which is a zoning board meeting. There’s just too much going on. I can’t function prior & post meeting.
Logic does not prevail, emotions run high, data, research & proof are ignored, & shady deals sometimes go on in the sidelines. It’s just a full no for me.
And it’s ok for it to be a no.
OP your health is important don’t disregard it
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Post by Gem Girl on Oct 13, 2023 19:41:37 GMT
Logic does not prevail, emotions run high, data, research & proof are ignored, & shady deals sometimes go on in the sidelines. It’s just a full no for me. All of these are reasons that it's daunting to fight the right-wing extremist insanity. They have the advantage of loving & thriving on chaos. Normal people do not. Doing the correct thing is exhausting, and fighting feels like setting one's self up for a bashing or worse. So depressing. |
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Post by Texas Scrap on Oct 13, 2023 19:57:33 GMT
Just another person affirming that it is both hard to step away when you feel strongly about supporting something AND you have to remove - at least for a time - things that trigger mental struggles. It’s SO HARD for those who feel that strong sense of responsibility because you feel like you are letting people down. I’ve struggled with long Covid and related anxiety and depression and the hardest part is saying no to things I used to be able to do but I just can no longer mentally handle.
As others have said, meditation, muting FB accounts, taking a 30 day break from social media, and disengaging with in person meetings are all things I have done as well to help stay in a good mental space.
I have to say this thread is very affirming - we are all just navigating one step at a time and doing the best we can.
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lesserknownpea
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Post by lesserknownpea on Oct 13, 2023 21:52:59 GMT
I’m another one who’s had to step back from many things I feel strongly about. It’s hard, but the physical symptoms, ( including migraine), just disable me. I even tell those close to me to please not discuss certain topics when I’m with them. Not because I disagree with them, simply because I find the subject distressing.
I think the word I would use for myself is spent. So if there are situations I cannot do anything about, I need to avoid thinking about them.
There is still plenty distressing things I’m still dealing with. After frequent out of state trips to help with medical emergencies of my elderly father, this time he fell and broke his hip and back. I’m here helping my 90 year old stepmother deal with all of it. He’s in a rehab center, and last night he fell trying to get out of bed and go to the bathroom, and had to be taken to the hospital for a cat scan. Amazingly, he didn’t break anymore bones this time, just bruised and sore.
So like you, OP, there are things you MUST do. And you preserve your mental and emotional reserves for those.
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Post by lilacgal on Oct 14, 2023 12:49:45 GMT
Another vote to step back and preserve yourself for you and your family. I have terrible anxiety and depression. Since last school year ended, I’ve been working to remove things from my plate, even low anxiety producing things like being team lead for my grade. I’ve had quite a few people remark on how I seem more relaxed this year, and I am. I still am fighting the anxiety monster big time, but I feel like I’m able to get control of that monster faster because it doesn’t get as big with fewer triggers. Having that handle on it hasn’t made life perfect, but it’s made it more manageable.
Step back and let others take the reins. You’re worth fighting for too. 💜
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Post by littlemama on Oct 14, 2023 13:26:31 GMT
Why do you think that you are the only person who can "protect students"?
You stated that you chose not to be involved, but that you are still involved. What does that mean?
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Post by peasapie on Oct 14, 2023 13:38:56 GMT
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,722
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 14, 2023 13:56:16 GMT
Why do you think that you are the only person who can "protect students"? You stated that you chose not to be involved, but that you are still involved. What does that mean? Where did I say I was the only person who could save them. I said multiple times it takes the community. I am no longer a group member. I was one of 5 people who started a group that fights far right extremists in our city and schools. We did a mask drive during covid and delivered over 500 masks (all top quality) to the school district. We did a backpack and school supply drive. We did food drive. When I say I stepped back that is what I stepped back from. I left my role in that group. I still helped by writing to the board, going to meetings, watching, looking out for things and letting the group know. That is how I was still involved. |
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,722
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 14, 2023 14:02:46 GMT
Why do you think that you are the only person who can "protect students"? You stated that you chose not to be involved, but that you are still involved. What does that mean? The hate groups and one local group have tried to get the board to enact: Book bans Parental notification system aka ousting policy Ban all Pride Flags, items, pens Ban Pride Club Ban masks and reopen school fall 2020 Remove teachers/fire them for supporting students Fire the BSU teacher because he had a BLM (and other flags) in his classroom Remove city board members for their pro stance on LGBTQ+ community members and support. Threatened board by giving out addresses and saying we will show up with weapons. Bringing weapons to school board meetings. Charging at board members and handing them papers to resign. Called proud boys a few times to attend, one which followed me after a board meeting to my vehicle and the half way home. Hang banners of hate on freeways. Posted swastikas around one members home and their neighborhood. There's more but not going ti list it all. Having been in a drive by shoot at a public library freshman yr of college and those Jenks veining guns certainly didn't help my anxiety also the constant Intel group would gather. So yes veing an active member was too much but I still wanted to help. Now I see that isn't feasible and that is okay |
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,722
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 14, 2023 14:04:00 GMT
I posted this one:  |
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,722
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 14, 2023 14:07:21 GMT
Oh and yeah one of the local crazy far right buttheads also posted videos of his weapons/guns/knives and made direct threats. But supposedly that isn't against the law. 🤷♀️ make it make sense.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 14, 2023 14:07:38 GMT
But since then I have continued to be involved to protect students and my community. I feel obligated to keep up and make sure students in my district receive needed services and are not harmed. |
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,722
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Post by pantsonfire on Oct 14, 2023 14:20:48 GMT
But since then I have continued to be involved to protect students and my community. I feel obligated to keep up and make sure students in my district receive needed services and are not harmed. Yeah I did because it takes a COMMUNITY to fix this issue and more hands on deck the better. Jesus |
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Post by Gem Girl on Oct 14, 2023 20:25:39 GMT
Why do you think that you are the only person who can "protect students"? You stated that you chose not to be involved, but that you are still involved. What does that mean? The hate groups and one local group have tried to get the board to enact: Book bans Parental notification system aka ousting policy Ban all Pride Flags, items, pens Ban Pride Club Ban masks and reopen school fall 2020 Remove teachers/fire them for supporting students Fire the BSU teacher because he had a BLM (and other flags) in his classroom Remove city board members for their pro stance on LGBTQ+ community members and support. Threatened board by giving out addresses and saying we will show up with weapons. Bringing weapons to school board meetings. Charging at board members and handing them papers to resign. Called proud boys a few times to attend, one which followed me after a board meeting to my vehicle and the half way home. Hang banners of hate on freeways. Posted swastikas around one members home and their neighborhood. There's more but not going ti list it all. Having been in a drive by shoot at a public library freshman yr of college and those Jenks veining guns certainly didn't help my anxiety also the constant Intel group would gather. So yes veing an active member was too much but I still wanted to help. Now I see that isn't feasible and that is okay Dear Lord. No wonder you feel besieged. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. |
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