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Post by 950nancy on Oct 14, 2023 3:11:11 GMT
My oldest waited until he was 16.5 to turn into a giant turd. Lasted about a year. When he was dating his girlfriend (turned wife) years later, she asked him (in front of me) what I had done wrong. He just looked a little embarrassed and said that it was probably nothing and I was just dong the things moms are supposed to do. It is interesting how their perspective of the same events can change as they age. I also promised myself that if my kids did complain, I would look at what they were saying and make changes IF I thought they might be right. We were pretty open with our kids and tried to be honest, but you'll never be perfect in the eyes of a kid who really wants to do something you know is not a good idea.
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Post by lostwithout2peas on Oct 14, 2023 5:30:18 GMT
My adult son is now so embarrassed when we bring up how awful he was in his teenage years. He hates to hear it! He always apologizes for how awful he was. And now he has a son of his own, and I giggle in delight anytime my precious grandson gives him a hard time! And he isn't even 2 yet! 😂
It was rough. Really rough. I could say the sky was blue, and he would disagree. It broke my heart to become the enemy for no apparent reason. Dad was golden, but no, I was the most horrible parent in the world. But after being hurt so much by him, I did tons of reading and research, and came to find out that sometimes the parent they are closest with are the ones they push back with the most cause we are their safe space and know we are never gonna turn our backs on them. I, unfortunately, or fortunately, am my children's safe space for everything emotionally. So, I was always the target during their teenage years.
Just about when all three of them hit 18ish, it got way better! And now that my youngest, dd, is gonna be 20 in a few months, we all made it thru to the other side and have great relationships, and even all live under the same roof happily!
So while it was hard, so hard going thru it (man, sitting in with my daughters therapist for her own issues, and being blamed for stuff while DH sat there with his halo shining brightly was like an arrow straight through my heart), it will get better once they come out of this horrible stage!
And I tell them like my momma told me, man, you guys are gonna pay when you have kids of your own!! 😂
Good luck momma, parenting teenagers is not for the faint hearted!! ❤️
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,509
Member is Online
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Oct 14, 2023 13:31:56 GMT
Teens can be brutal. One time the mom of my daughter’s best friend and I were talking about the mean things our daughters said to us and it was very helpful to know that it wasn’t just our kid. My daughter also thought one of her friends had the coolest parents and now as an adult she recognizes that they were kind of effed up. I found it interesting that my daughters cut their dad all sorts of slack. His untreated anxiety ruined all sorts of things and limited what they could do, but I was the bitch. ETA - I understand that he could not help it and eventually I got him to get some help for his anxiety. It made a huge difference for him. But during his worst years it was hard on everyone in our family. I am very quick to advocate for seeking assistance based on our experience.
Hang in there.
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Post by jovifan on Oct 14, 2023 14:17:52 GMT
I’ve been estranged from my soon to be 18 year old. Blind sighted by her needing a break and she’s been gone for over a year and a half. No contact for almost a year. She’s cut everyone on my side of the family out. And she won’t tell me why. Looking back, a lot of people in my life feel her dad has been grooming her to do this. He’s a total narcissist. Just when you think he can’t stoop lower, he pulls something else. The hurt I have is indescribable. I cry daily. I’ve learned to look for the good in bad times and the good is my relationship with my son has improved so much and we keep getting closer. When I get low. I remind myself of that. I feel one day we will mend our relationship but I don’t think it will be for a while. I look forward to when my heart will feel whole again.
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artbabe
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,045
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:10 GMT
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Post by artbabe on Oct 14, 2023 15:38:55 GMT
I'm not a mom but I've taught 13 year olds for 30 years. It is just that age- they hate you, they love you. It is all over the place and it is kind of maddening. It is the nature of the beast.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Oct 15, 2023 1:37:01 GMT
I’ve been estranged from my soon to be 18 year old. Blind sighted by her needing a break and she’s been gone for over a year and a half. No contact for almost a year. She’s cut everyone on my side of the family out. And she won’t tell me why. Looking back, a lot of people in my life feel her dad has been grooming her to do this. He’s a total narcissist. Just when you think he can’t stoop lower, he pulls something else. The hurt I have is indescribable. I cry daily. I’ve learned to look for the good in bad times and the good is my relationship with my son has improved so much and we keep getting closer. When I get low. I remind myself of that. I feel one day we will mend our relationship but I don’t think it will be for a while. I look forward to when my heart will feel whole again. That has to be so difficult. Hopefully soon she will realize what a mistake she has made.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,763
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Oct 15, 2023 16:25:07 GMT
You aren’t alone. Teen girls can be wicked creatures. Don’t take any of it personally. With teens, if they are mad at you, your doing something right.
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