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Post by fiddlesticks on Oct 13, 2023 19:12:56 GMT
I just needed to put this somewhere. My parents just moved into an independent living place that has transitions to assisted living and eventually memory care because of my mom’s dementia. I have a very complicated relationship with her.
This morning I called and she didn’t know who I was. She answered and said hello. We talked about the weather. I asked for dad and she asked “who is this?” I said my name and she said he wasn’t there and she was sure he didn’t have my phone number so wanted to write it down. And then asked me my name.
I knew it was coming. And I’m sure it will come and go. But this is the first time and it’s such a mind fuck.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,331 
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Post by amom23 on Oct 13, 2023 19:17:45 GMT
Hugs! I know it's hard as I am going through dementia with my mom. It will get easier as crazy as that seems right now. Somedays I think my mom still senses I am someone important to her, but most days probably not. I have her in a good care facility and that brings me comfort.
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Post by **GypsyGirl** on Oct 13, 2023 19:17:51 GMT
I am so sorry for you having to go through this. My grandfather had Alzheimer’s and I was there the first time he didn’t know my mom. The most heartbreaking thing I have ever seen or felt. Dementia and Alzheimer’s are such cruel diseases and so hard for the families. Please take of yourself.
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,768
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Oct 13, 2023 19:21:01 GMT
Big hugs to you, unfortunately I had a similar experience last night on a phone call, my mum thought I was her sister. Tonight, she was perfectly fine. It's a rollercoaster of emotions for sure. Hugs
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Post by hop2 on Oct 13, 2023 19:25:23 GMT
Hugs
I’m sorry. That’s tough.
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Post by Lurkingpea on Oct 13, 2023 19:40:01 GMT
I am so sorry. Such a terrible disease. I am glad your mom is somewhere where transitions for levels of care will be smooth.
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Post by Gem Girl on Oct 13, 2023 19:44:06 GMT
I'm sorry. That's a startling realization with hugely sad implications. I hope that you can do something to soothe yourself today. Hang in there.
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peasquared
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,454
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Post by peasquared on Oct 13, 2023 19:56:19 GMT
I am so very sorry. That has to be heartbreakingly difficult. My heart goes out to all of you in the same shoes.
Life is hard sometimes.
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Post by gar on Oct 13, 2023 19:59:24 GMT
Nothing prepares you for that does it 🫤
I’m sorry ((hugs))
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,019
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Post by mimima on Oct 13, 2023 20:38:13 GMT
Oh, hon. Hugs. I'm sorry.
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Post by flanz on Oct 13, 2023 21:04:30 GMT
That must really sting. I'm sorry. ((( hugs )))
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ddly
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,947
Jul 10, 2014 19:36:28 GMT
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Post by ddly on Oct 13, 2023 21:06:46 GMT
Oh no! I’m so sorry! That must be heart wrenching!
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 13, 2023 21:08:01 GMT
Just no words for this. I am so sorry though.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 13, 2023 21:14:02 GMT
I remember that day.
I'm so sorry.
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Post by KelleeM on Oct 13, 2023 21:15:32 GMT
I’m so sorry. I’ve been there. At the end my mom called me “the girl who brings the cookies”. It’s so hard. Sending hugs.
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Post by SnoopyFan on Oct 13, 2023 21:46:39 GMT
I am so sorry. Sending you lots of love and hugs.
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Post by Merge on Oct 13, 2023 22:14:38 GMT
I'm so sorry. We went through this with my grandmother as well. Be gentle with yourself - it's not easy.
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Post by mom on Oct 13, 2023 22:18:16 GMT
I am so sorry. That is hard.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 13, 2023 22:35:08 GMT
I'm sorry. How upsetting. That's probably my biggest fear as my parents get older.
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Post by librarylady on Oct 13, 2023 22:38:55 GMT
It is very hard....
I saw my mother on spring break that year (March). I knew she could not have said my name, but her face showed she knew my sister and I were "her people."
She was a killer player at the domino game "Forty-two). She played with us that day and did well, beat us a couple of times.
By the last week of May she was unable to eat and mercifully died June 3rd that year.
I send you a hug of comfort.
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Post by lisae on Oct 13, 2023 22:51:32 GMT
I'm sorry; it's awful. Her memory of you will likely come and go. She may never totally forget. She may mistake you for another woman in her family at times.
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Post by brynn on Oct 13, 2023 22:54:21 GMT
((Hug))
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 13, 2023 22:58:11 GMT
They often say that dementia is harder on the family than it is on the patient. My sil and dh will tell you that their father was gone years before he passed away. It's very sad stuff. You see the mother that you love, but she is not present for you. I'm so very sorry that you have to endure this level of pain.
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TXMary
Pearl Clutcher
And so many nights I just dream of the ocean. God, I wish I was sailin' again.
Posts: 2,811
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Post by TXMary on Oct 13, 2023 23:00:30 GMT
I’m so sorry.
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
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Post by katybee on Oct 13, 2023 23:09:36 GMT
I’m so sorry.  |
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,953
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Oct 13, 2023 23:12:58 GMT
Big {{{{hugs}}}}. My mother has dementia as well. It is so sad. I haven't had the experience of her not knowing who I was yet, but that has to be heart wrenching. I will pray for her and you.
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cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
Posts: 7,443
Location: Fergus, Ontario
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Post by cakediva on Oct 13, 2023 23:18:32 GMT
I’m so sorry….
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,742
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Oct 13, 2023 23:25:20 GMT
Ah damn, that's hard. Next time you speak to her she may remember you, if the internal stars align. It may be only your name that she can't place, not you yourself.
My Grandma had dementia, and it was so difficult for my dad, her son when she stopped remembering him off and on. Finally it got to the point where she only remembered her best friend from primary school, who married her brother, but she only remembered her sister-in-law's maiden name.
Your mother is still your mother though, whether she remembers you or not. Hugs.
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Oct 14, 2023 0:04:37 GMT
That has got to be difficult. My Mom went through something similar and it was tough.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,880
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Oct 14, 2023 0:06:13 GMT
Sending hugs your way. It's so hard to watch a parent deteriorate.
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