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Post by Mel on Oct 27, 2023 14:42:17 GMT
I posted this on the SB board too... My DD is a Senior in HS. She will not be allowed to go to her Sr. Prom because she is graduating early (January) & it was a choice between going to prom or walking with her class for graduation. This is a really stupid rule IMO. Anyway, she went to her Jr. Prom last year with her first boyfriend. We took a million pics (I'm not even sure I have any of just her alone). They have since had a very bad break-up, to the point of an order of protection being sought against him(she has a temporary one in place) because he is stalking/harassing her. This relationship started out really good, he was on a good path for his life and tossed it all away when he started drinking(he seriously blew his life up, kicked out of the army, flunked out of HS with one class left to finish, etc.). He got in with some questionable people and boom!! He is in all of the prom pics. What should I do?? Cutting him out (or editing him out) will probably not work. Do I scrap them in the moment since they were a "happy" couple at that time? Do I not mention him at all (even though he's in the pics)? I've never had to deal with this sort of thing. I have family that don't speak to us anymore but I've scrapped those pics because it was a happier time, and eventually I'll make a page (or maybe not) about them leaving our lives. I am divorced, but it was amicable and even 8 yrs later it is still. Plus, he is their Dad, so he really needs to be in the pics. LOL Help??
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Oct 27, 2023 15:22:22 GMT
How does your daughter feel about it? I would defer to her preference on this one. Or make a page for you and don’t include it in her book if you want the memory yourself and she does not.
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Post by christine58 on Oct 27, 2023 15:24:02 GMT
I wouldn’t put any picture of him in any scrapbook. If she has an order of protection against him, put the pictures away someplace. The other thing you could do is find someone that could photo shop or whatever you wanna call it him out of a picture of just her. I know that if I had an order of protection against someone that person would not be in any picture or a Scrapbook or any memorabilia
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Post by katiescarlett on Oct 27, 2023 15:24:10 GMT
I would scrap it like you were doing the scrapbook pages at that point in time. I wouldn't go overboard as I would if they were still a happy couple, but I would document the event and who she went with.
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Post by littlemama on Oct 27, 2023 15:48:22 GMT
Normally I would say that the ex was a part of those memories, but in this case, with their being a restraining order against him, Id prob just crop him out of all the pics. Except maybe one.
If your dd still has the dress, maybe she would put it on and let you take a few pics
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Post by myshelly on Oct 27, 2023 15:58:34 GMT
I guess this doesn’t help you now, but we ALWAYS make sure to take individual pics as well as couple pics.
Individuals, couples, friend group, and with parents.
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Post by roundtwo on Oct 27, 2023 16:28:34 GMT
One of my dd had a stalking ex and I had to toss all the pictures from that time - they were just so upsetting for her, understandably so. I would ask your dd what she would prefer first of course. Hopefully at least one can be photoshopped to have him removed.
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Post by twinks on Oct 27, 2023 17:03:12 GMT
I have my wedding scrapbook. I have given it to my daughter. My daughter’s scrapbook that includes pictures of the day she was born has a picture of her father holding her. There are no other pictures of her father because we left when she was 3 months old.
I would defer to your daughter. She probably doesn’t want a physical representation of her prom. While her Prom was happy, it could bring up the bad memories every time she saw the pictures. Let the happy Prom remain in her memory without a physical representation. Personally, I don’t like my wedding book or the physical representation even though they were happier times.
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Post by hopechest on Oct 27, 2023 19:32:36 GMT
In the case of such a traumatic break up, I'd say don't scrap them. There is no rule that says you have to document everything that happened. Even if you have other memorabilia to scrap, it's not like it's attached to a pleasant memory all things considered.
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Post by snugglebutter on Oct 27, 2023 19:51:11 GMT
Is there a chance that her friends might have some other pics they could send you?
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Post by lucyg on Oct 27, 2023 20:06:00 GMT
Normally I would say that the ex was a part of those memories, but in this case, with their being a restraining order against him, Id prob just crop him out of all the pics. Except maybe one. If your dd still has the dress, maybe she would put it on and let you take a few pics I agree with all of this. Normally I’d say to scrap one pic of them together, but not if it was a traumatic break-up. I scrapped my brother’s first wedding 15 years after the fact. They were divorced by then and it was not a friendly divorce. I included one nice photo of the two of them without making it really prominent, and filled the rest of the two pages with photos of our families (my brother is still friendly with her family) and friends. If they were still married, there would have been a lot more pages. I made an entire fat album from the pictures of his second wedding.
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akkaren
Junior Member
Posts: 73
Jul 16, 2014 5:09:00 GMT
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Post by akkaren on Oct 27, 2023 20:17:52 GMT
I might do one picture with him in it. It will eventually be a part of her history and a reminder that she can overcome that sort of ordeal. I just wanted to share that my scrapbooks were used in a way I never thought they would be. When my ex and I divorced my son went into therapy - he was struggling so much at 14. He claimed he had no good memories. The therapist asked me to bring in the scrapbooks I had done to remind him of life "before" the divorce. (She knew I scrapbooked.) I never dreamed they would be used this way and I'm glad I was able to provide a reminder of better times.
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Post by Mel on Oct 27, 2023 20:40:51 GMT
I guess this doesn’t help you now, but we ALWAYS make sure to take individual pics as well as couple pics. Individuals, couples, friend group, and with parents. So do we!! I have NO idea why we didn't! This is truly the only event (and it's a big one) that we don't have any of just her!
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Post by Mel on Oct 27, 2023 20:42:35 GMT
Thanks girls!! I knew I'd get some good advice here!! I'll talk to her about it when the time comes that I'm doing those pages.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 27, 2023 21:37:46 GMT
Just weighing in on the WTF of walking or prom for a January graduate, I might be making a few phone calls on that cause I think it's totally unfair! But to answer your actual question. I think it's very different when things have escalated to the point of a protective order. I mean I might create a scrap book page with a few knives in his eyeballs, but the right answer is to probably just pass on the whole thing. I can't imagine there will be any joy or happy memories of seeing those pics, and isn't that really what scrapping is all about? Honestly even if you could chop him out or had a pic of her solo - the memory is her going to this event with someone who made her life very difficult - I'd just skip it.
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Post by peasapie on Oct 27, 2023 21:56:44 GMT
If you need help photoshopping a few, I can do that for you.
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,907
Aug 14, 2015 21:47:17 GMT
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Post by pilcas on Oct 27, 2023 22:05:12 GMT
That’s not something I would scrapbook. You really don’t need to scrap every single event.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Oct 27, 2023 22:05:55 GMT
So question for those talking about photoshopping or even if you'd thought to take a pic solo - does it really matter? I see it as there's no way any pic of that event is going to be anything more than a reminder of her date who ended up causing her so much drama. I will own that I'm not that scrapbooky - I'm more the one you are making them for (my mom was the one who dragged me here). I think sometimes we force this stuff. If it's just all a bad memory why exactly do we have to memorialize it - even if was "prom" - I can guarantee you 99.9% of prom pics are buried forever because no one takes the trouble - sometimes I think those taking the trouble should evaluate whether it actually makes sense.
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Post by 950nancy on Oct 27, 2023 22:30:10 GMT
Any chance she still has the dress? Have her get dressed up and take some nice fall pics in this dress and skip scrapping the old event.
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Post by epeanymous on Oct 27, 2023 23:17:19 GMT
I would ask her what she wants about cropping him out I guess but I wouldn't scrapbook photos of a guy my daughter has a restraining order against because I don't want want to see that either.
I have scrapbooked my own exes because my breakups were civil and it's my own ex.
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anaterra
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,827
Location: Texas
Jun 29, 2014 3:04:02 GMT
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Post by anaterra on Oct 27, 2023 23:49:36 GMT
Sooo... ok... I have a lot of pages done with my ddil.. her n my son have since split... and it isnt super friendly... i still have events to scrap...
In future spreads i will pull out her pics and try to avoid them.. Definitely toss the "couple" not so much with the grands....
Old spreads will be dealt with by putting them in an album for just those grands...
I think in ur case... id just avoid scrapping that event for now... i agree with others that not everything needs to be scrapped
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,375
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Oct 28, 2023 2:55:54 GMT
Is there a chance that her friends might have some other pics they could send you? That's where I would start
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,204
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:16 GMT
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Post by gina on Oct 28, 2023 16:57:56 GMT
A 'normal' ex I would include here and there. Someone my daughter has an order of protection against? There's no shot in hell I am scrapbooking him into an album!
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Post by scrapmaven on Oct 28, 2023 18:23:13 GMT
I graduated early, too. I think it's a stupid rule that she can't attend both prom and graduation, since she did graduate and is entitled to do both things. In my case, I went on to college and didn't want to go backwards, anyway. However, it should be her choice.
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,612
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Aug 29, 2014 18:57:20 GMT
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Post by hannahruth on Oct 29, 2023 10:45:36 GMT
I would scrap the pictures as the photos are a part of the time. It may not have had a happy ending but it was was it was. I probably would not name him or any other details but only refer him as ‘her partner’
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Post by dmopal on Oct 31, 2023 12:45:42 GMT
I would definitely check with friends but your daughter may have taken pictures at the prom with her phone, ask her if she has any. They might be real fun ones with her friends!
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