Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 15:34:01 GMT
December 7 update: The a$$hole finally put the money in our account this morning. I'm sure his lawyer told him he had to. And I guess I need to be prepared that he is going to pull this every month until the divorce is final.  He's always been controlling with money, so I don't know why I thought he would stop now. Sigh. I'm going to the bank to take out everything that isn't needed for our mortgage payment. (My attorney told me it is okay to do this). He hasn't spent money out of that account in well over 2 years other than paying the mortgage, but I wouldn't put it past him not to do so now and I'm not taking the chance. Original post: I posted last week about how my stbx hadn't paid the retainer to the forensic accountant that he was court ordered to pay by Nov. 17, and he also hadn't paid the court ordered temporary alimony that he is supposed to deposit into our joint account on the first of each month. Of course, I let my attorney know, and she was able to get a hearing about it scheduled for December 15. Well, he finally paid the retainer to the accounting firm yesterday, but he still hasn't deposited the money in our joint account that he is supposed to. One of the stipulations is that I am now responsible for paying the mortgage. (He has done that for years) I set it up for automatic withdrawal on the 8th of the month, starting this month, from our joint account. I told him I did this. I was happy to have the stress of him always paying it late as one less thing to worry and fret about. I have no idea why he was constantly paying it late, considering the amount of money the man has. Anyway...it's going to come out on Friday, and there is not money in there to cover it. My attorney emailed me yesterday to let me know he had paid the accounting firm, and I told her he still hasn't deposited the temporary alimony. She is pissed of course, and she told me that she is "going to be filing additional motions against him shortly to try to move his cash to the court registry and compel his compliance with the court's orders on the maintenance." I asked her what this means, but she hasn't answered. I've tried googling but can't really come up with anything helpful. What does "moving cash to the court registry" mean?? He has a very large amount of money between his personal savings and checking accounts, that are not related to his business, that my name is not on, so I can't access any of it. Which burns my butt that he has so much money, and I am still sitting here worrying about the pittance that he is court ordered to give me each month. Thanks for any insight you can offer. |
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Post by littlemama on Dec 6, 2023 15:40:22 GMT
Did you ask your attorney what it means?
On the surface, it looks like the court would be seizing control of the funds to ensure they get where they are supposed to go.
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 15:41:48 GMT
Did you ask your attorney what it means? On the surface, it looks like the court would be seizing control of the funds to ensure they get where they are supposed to go. Yes, I said in my post that I asked her. She hasn't answered and I am driving myself crazy trying to figure it out. LOL I thought some wise pea might know.  |
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pantsonfire
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Post by pantsonfire on Dec 6, 2023 15:44:11 GMT
Looks like the courts will take control of his finances and will be able to directly pull the money themselves and then either put it into your joint account or your own.
Or require him to pay courts directly which can be even more of a watchful eye as if he doesn't do that he will be in big trouble.
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 15:46:41 GMT
Looks like the courts will take control of his finances and will be able to directly pull the money themselves and then either out it into your joint account or your own. Haha...he will be soooo happy about that! Jerk. He probably thinks that once again, he is outsmarting me.  |
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Post by Lexica on Dec 6, 2023 16:41:02 GMT
I don’t know the answer to your question, I just want to commiserate with you over your soon-to-be ex being a jerk. At least when they behave like this, there is no chance we regret divorcing them!
I thanked my ex for being a total ass. He was confused and wanted to know what I was thanking him for. I told him that his @sshole behavior continually reaffirmed my decision to divorce him. He was upset. He didn’t want the divorce and thought I was going to let him move back into the house with us. And he thought that was an actual possibility, regardless of the fact that he was currently living with the woman with whom he had an affair. The affair that started when I was pregnant with our son. He was so shocked that I filed for the divorce. He continually said she was just sex and that he still loved me and wanted our marriage to work. He seriously believed I would let him back in.
Just keep reminding yourself that all this hassle will be over soon and you have the rest of your life to live as you choose without him.
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naby64
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Post by naby64 on Dec 6, 2023 16:48:34 GMT
It seems to mean that the funds, HIS funds, will be directed to a court fund. They will have administrators that will disburse the funds to the correct parties in a timely manner. There is usually no wire transfer, just checks written. And sometimes, I am not sure about all times and different courts and such, there is an administrative fee attached.
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 17:13:01 GMT
It seems to mean that the funds, HIS funds, will be directed to a court fund. They will have administrators that will disburse the funds to the correct parties in a timely manner. There is usually no wire transfer, just checks written. And sometimes, I am not sure about all times and different courts and such, there is an administrative fee attached. I so hope this is what will happen! I will finally have a bit of peace for the first time in almost 3 years! OMG, he will be sooo furious. Oh well. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes, right? LOL |
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 17:17:28 GMT
I thanked my ex for being a total ass. He was confused and wanted to know what I was thanking him for. I told him that his @sshole behavior continually reaffirmed my decision to divorce him. I love this! LOL His sister, who lived with her husband for years as simply roommates and friends, asked me recently if we can just do that and save ourselves the hassle and expense of a divorce. I said NO FREAKING WAY!! I can't stand the man. I don't want to ever have to look at him or see his car in my driveway or even see his name on a piece of mail ever again once the divorce is final. LOL I think I will tell him thank you when it's all over. LOL |
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Post by hop2 on Dec 6, 2023 17:26:40 GMT
I don’t know the answer to your question, I just want to commiserate with you over your soon-to-be ex being a jerk. At least when they behave like this, there is no chance we regret divorcing them! I thanked my ex for being a total ass. He was confused and wanted to know what I was thanking him for. I told him that his @sshole behavior continually reaffirmed my decision to divorce him. He was upset. He didn’t want the divorce and thought I was going to let him move back into the house with us. And he thought that was an actual possibility, regardless of the fact that he was currently living with the woman with whom he had an affair. The affair that started when I was pregnant with our son. He was so shocked that I filed for the divorce. He continually said she was just sex and that he still loved me and wanted our marriage to work. He seriously believed I would let him back in. Just keep reminding yourself that all this hassle will be over soon and you have the rest of your life to live as you choose without him. Mine was much less of an ass post divorce than pre divorce. However, every once in a while he throws a real asshat behavior out there to just piss me off. Like recently he tried to not watch our family dog so I could go away and then had a fit when I was slightly late picking the dog up. ( dog is too old & frail to be boarded ) and I just pondered wtf is ex going to do when the dog passes and he has no means to exert control over me. But long story short thank you Lexica for you’ve given me a better way to look at it when such asshat behavior happens. Thanks ex, thanks for reiterating why we are divorced. Since the divorce I have been happier than I had been in at least a decade. He has not been. 🤷♀️ oh well, you reap what you sow ex. OP I hope your attorney gets this straightened out asap. A court date on the 15th won’t help you for the 8th though. Also, if you are responsible for paying the mortgage, you might want to consider doing it from an account he does not have access to. It would really suck if the court does enforce the deposit and he goes in and removes the money right before payment is due. I mean he has been nothing but a complete very petty ass to you for a very long time, it is not beyond him to mess with you that way. Just a thought about the subject for you to discuss with your attorney how to protect yourself going forward. |
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Post by sabrinae on Dec 6, 2023 17:30:01 GMT
It means the court would take over control of his assets and determine distribution. Think about Donald trump and his inability to move money around his businesses without court approval. It’s a pretty unusual in a divorce case and would indicate the judge is absolutely done with your stbx and his shenanigans
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wellway
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Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Dec 6, 2023 17:37:53 GMT
Just reading as a lay person with no legal knowledge but it seems to be the height of stupidity to not adhere to a court instruction. It's as if he's so intent on making life difficult for you that he's forgotten who the order came from.
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 17:41:52 GMT
It means the court would take over control of his assets and determine distribution. Think about Donald trump and his inability to move money around his businesses without court approval. It’s a pretty unusual in a divorce case and would indicate the judge is absolutely done with your stbx and his shenanigans I sure hope it can happen. I think what is so frustrating to my attorney is the amount of money we are talking about. It's truly an eye-popping amount. And I work for a non profit, and don't even make enough money to pay the mortgage and still pay everything else. I have been living so frugally for the past few years, mainly because even before this, I never knew when there would be money put in our account. That started before I even had my own account. He once spent 5 days at Disney running a series of races, while our checking account was a negative balance. I texted him every day to remind him to put money in the account and he kept "forgetting." Meanwhile, I had to borrow money from my son to put gas in my car so I could go to work. After that, I opened my own account and had my paycheck put in automatically. Since then, I have been about as frugal as I can be. I had some setbacks this summer because he decided to not put anything in our account at all, so I had to live off what I make and what I had saved went down quickly.  |
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 17:45:41 GMT
Just reading as a lay person with no legal knowledge but it seems to be the height of stupidity to not adhere to a court instruction. It's as if he's so intent on making life difficult for you that he's forgotten who the order came from. I know! He is just making himself look like an a$$, even to his own attorney, I'm sure. My attorney emailed his on Monday and cc'd me on telling her that he hadn't made the deposit he was supposed to make on the first of the month. Surely she is telling him he has to do this, right? |
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Post by busy on Dec 6, 2023 17:47:16 GMT
Just a quick question... why do you still have a joint account? You're engaged in an acrimonious divorce with someone who isn't abiding by court orders and has a history of financial dishonesty. Having an account that you are both have legal access to seems highly risky. I'd open your own account and he can ACH or wire the funds he owes into that, but he won't have any way to access those funds and potentially do something that could harm you.
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 17:47:31 GMT
I just got this from my attorney! You all were correct!
"We're asking for his compliance to pay maintenance. The other Motion is the Motion to Deposit. Basically, we'd ask him to put the cash from his bank accounts into the court's registry so he can't deplete it. It means the money will be protected through the case and only accessible via court order. This way he can't spend everything on his own travel and luxuries while you suffer financially."
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 17:50:17 GMT
Just a quick question... why do you still have a joint account? You're engaged in an acrimonious divorce with someone who isn't abiding by court orders and has a history of financial dishonesty. Having an account that you are both have legal access to seems highly risky. I'd open your own account and he can ACH or wire the funds he owes into that, but he won't have any way to access those funds and potentially do something that could harm you. Because he has been using it to pay our mortgage, and sometime put money in it. When money is there, I take it out and put in my own account after the mortgage is paid. My attorney told me I can do that. My account is at a different bank. I have had my own account that my paycheck goes in for almost 2 years. Right now, I have that joint account set up to automatically pay the mortgage, but I think I will switch it to my own account, and when he puts money in the joint account, I will put it all in my account. This court order is new--it just happened on November 8. |
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Post by Lexica on Dec 6, 2023 17:59:01 GMT
Just don’t expect the court system to set your husband straight. Mine did so many illegal things and I meticulously gathered proof for my attorney. When the divorce was finally over, nothing happened to him. His hiding of money didn’t matter. His signing my name on something didn’t matter. His buying a house and putting it in someone else’s name didn’t matter. I guess I just wanted to see some power entity smack him for all of his actions. I don’t know if this is how it goes in all divorce cases. Maybe they just prolong things to wear us down so that all we want is to be free of them.
Your kids are all grown, right? Mine was a newborn when I filed so I had years and years of alimony and child support issues to still wade thrugh.
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 18:03:32 GMT
Just don’t expect the court system to set your husband straight. Mine did so many illegal things and I meticulously gathered proof for my attorney. When the divorce was finally over, nothing happened to him. His hiding of money didn’t matter. His signing my name on something didn’t matter. His buying a house and putting it in someone else’s name didn’t matter. I guess I just wanted to see some power entity smack him for all of his actions. I don’t know if this is how it goes in all divorce cases. Maybe they just prolong things to wear us down so that all we want is to be free of them. Your kids are all grown, right? Mine was a newborn when I filed so I had years and years of alimony and child support issues to still wade thrugh. UGH That all SUCKS!! I can't fathom that in the end, all of his shit doesn't matter. He took out a home equity loan in 2017 without my knowledge. (I just found out about that a little over a month ago!) In 2021, he was sneaky and intercepted almost $21,000 worth of checks from our homeowners insurance company that was meant to be used to put a new roof on our house after storm damage, that I didn't even know we got and he put in his own account and didn't put a new roof on the house. That is insurance fraud. I would hate to think that all of the dishonest crap he has done with money won't matter in the end. That's terrible. At this point, I just hope I get the financial settlement that I deserve so that I can live out the rest of my life in peace. |
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Just T
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Post by Just T on Dec 6, 2023 18:10:21 GMT
Your kids are all grown, right? Mine was a newborn when I filed so I had years and years of alimony and child support issues to still wade thrugh. Oh, and yes, my kids are all adults. They are 32, 29, 28 and 25. They all live on their own, so thank the Lord, I don't have child support to deal with! I can't imagine how much more that would complicate things. My cousin went through a terrible divorce a few years ago and did still have a child at home. Her husband made such an ass of himself that 3 different divorce attorneys fired him as a client. LOL He went several years and didn't pay child support because he kept fighting it. The dumbass thought that he could just put it off, but when it was finally all settled, he had to pay her 3 years of back child support. LOL I'm so glad I don;'t have to deal with that! |
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Post by Merge on Dec 6, 2023 18:15:04 GMT
Please call your mortgage company and loop them in on what is happening so they can cancel the auto withdrawal and you can avoid overdraft fees and fees from the mortgage company. Communicate with them about how and when you will pay going forward as soon as you know. They’re generally quite willing to work with you on extenuating circumstances as long as you stay in communication.
I hope the court is able to pry the money out of your stbx. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
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Post by mom on Dec 6, 2023 18:17:43 GMT
Please call your mortgage company and loop them in on what is happening so they can cancel the auto withdrawal and you can avoid overdraft fees and fees from the mortgage company. Communicate with them about how and when you will pay going forward as soon as you know. They’re generally quite willing to work with you on extenuating circumstances as long as you stay in communication. I hope the court is able to pry the money out of your stbx. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. 1000% this. Please, please dont count on this being resolved before they try and take the payment out, especially at the year end. You dont need or want any extra fees coming out because it didn't go through. If you have any legal showing he is responsible, they will want to see that as well. |
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Post by Lexica on Dec 6, 2023 18:19:11 GMT
Your kids are all grown, right? Mine was a newborn when I filed so I had years and years of alimony and child support issues to still wade thrugh. Oh, and yes, my kids are all adults. They are 32, 29, 28 and 25. They all live on their own, so thank the Lord, I don't have child support to deal with! I can't imagine how much more that would complicate things. My cousin went through a terrible divorce a few years ago and did still have a child at home. Her husband made such an ass of himself that 3 different divorce attorneys fired him as a client. LOL He went several years and didn't pay child support because he kept fighting it. The dumbass thought that he could just put it off, but when it was finally all settled, he had to pay her 3 years of back child support. LOL I'm so glad I don;'t have to deal with that! Mine quit paying his child support the very month our son was diagnosed with what we were told was probably terminal cancer. I will be honest, that just about broke me. I will forever be grateful to my parents for saving my house for us. Dad came over and asked me for all of my bills. He started paying for things while I fought through the court system to make my ex pay. When I was finally able to pay my bills on my own, my mom asked me to still allow dad to do so and to give him the money to pay them. She said it brought him so much happiness to be able to do something for me, especially since I was trying to focus on my son’s cancer treatment. So every month, I drove over with a check and my bills and he would return with a meticulous accounting of my accounts. It took me years and years to pay my parents back and they never once pressured me or made me feel guilty about the loan. My sisters sure did, but my Dad told them to mind their own business. |
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Post by mom on Dec 6, 2023 18:20:00 GMT
Just a quick question... why do you still have a joint account? You're engaged in an acrimonious divorce with someone who isn't abiding by court orders and has a history of financial dishonesty. Having an account that you are both have legal access to seems highly risky. I'd open your own account and he can ACH or wire the funds he owes into that, but he won't have any way to access those funds and potentially do something that could harm you. Because he has been using it to pay our mortgage, and sometime put money in it. When money is there, I take it out and put in my own account after the mortgage is paid. My attorney told me I can do that. My account is at a different bank. I have had my own account that my paycheck goes in for almost 2 years. Right now, I have that joint account set up to automatically pay the mortgage, but I think I will switch it to my own account, and when he puts money in the joint account, I will put it all in my account. This court order is new--it just happened on November 8. He can put money into any account without being on the actual account. All he needs is the account number and your name. But as long as he is listed on the account then there is no way to prevent him from putting money in and then immediately pulling it right back out. |
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Post by mom on Dec 6, 2023 18:20:50 GMT
Oh, and yes, my kids are all adults. They are 32, 29, 28 and 25. They all live on their own, so thank the Lord, I don't have child support to deal with! I can't imagine how much more that would complicate things. My cousin went through a terrible divorce a few years ago and did still have a child at home. Her husband made such an ass of himself that 3 different divorce attorneys fired him as a client. LOL He went several years and didn't pay child support because he kept fighting it. The dumbass thought that he could just put it off, but when it was finally all settled, he had to pay her 3 years of back child support. LOL I'm so glad I don;'t have to deal with that! Mine quit paying his child support the very month our son was diagnosed with what we were told was probably terminal cancer. I will be honest, that just about broke me. I will forever be grateful to my parents for saving my house for us. Dad came over and asked me for all of my bills. He started paying for things while I fought through the court system to make my ex pay. When I was finally able to pay my bills on my own, my mom asked me to still allow dad to do so and to give him the money to pay them. She said it brought him so much happiness to be able to do something for me, especially since I was trying to focus on my son’s cancer treatment. So every month, I drove over with a check and my bills and he would return with a meticulous accounting of my accounts. It took me years and years to pay my parents back and they never once pressured me or made me feel guilty about the loan. My sisters sure did, but my Dad told them to mind their own business.  |
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Post by mikklynn on Dec 6, 2023 18:43:43 GMT
Just T, GIANT hugs. What an ass your STBX is. I think he's really screwed himself now, by not paying the court ordered temporary alimony.
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Post by busy on Dec 6, 2023 19:51:12 GMT
Just a quick question... why do you still have a joint account? You're engaged in an acrimonious divorce with someone who isn't abiding by court orders and has a history of financial dishonesty. Having an account that you are both have legal access to seems highly risky. I'd open your own account and he can ACH or wire the funds he owes into that, but he won't have any way to access those funds and potentially do something that could harm you. Because he has been using it to pay our mortgage, and sometime put money in it. When money is there, I take it out and put in my own account after the mortgage is paid. My attorney told me I can do that. My account is at a different bank. I have had my own account that my paycheck goes in for almost 2 years. Right now, I have that joint account set up to automatically pay the mortgage, but I think I will switch it to my own account, and when he puts money in the joint account, I will put it all in my account. This court order is new--it just happened on November 8. That's awesome. Just the term of joint account made we worry that you could be at risk. Glad you hear you're not 💖 |
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Rhondito
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MississipPea
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Post by Rhondito on Dec 6, 2023 20:18:20 GMT
I just got this from my attorney! You all were correct! "We're asking for his compliance to pay maintenance. The other Motion is the Motion to Deposit. Basically, we'd ask him to put the cash from his bank accounts into the court's registry so he can't deplete it. It means the money will be protected through the case and only accessible via court order. This way he can't spend everything on his own travel and luxuries while you suffer financially." Holy shit. This with the info you have about his last trip for the half-marathon will not look good...
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Post by sabrinae on Dec 6, 2023 21:30:15 GMT
It means the court would take over control of his assets and determine distribution. Think about Donald trump and his inability to move money around his businesses without court approval. It’s a pretty unusual in a divorce case and would indicate the judge is absolutely done with your stbx and his shenanigans I sure hope it can happen. I think what is so frustrating to my attorney is the amount of money we are talking about. It's truly an eye-popping amount. And I work for a non profit, and don't even make enough money to pay the mortgage and still pay everything else. I have been living so frugally for the past few years, mainly because even before this, I never knew when there would be money put in our account. That started before I even had my own account. He once spent 5 days at Disney running a series of races, while our checking account was a negative balance. I texted him every day to remind him to put money in the account and he kept "forgetting." Meanwhile, I had to borrow money from my son to put gas in my car so I could go to work. After that, I opened my own account and had my paycheck put in automatically. Since then, I have been about as frugal as I can be. I had some setbacks this summer because he decided to not put anything in our account at all, so I had to live off what I make and what I had saved went down quickly. I’m so sorry. It’s ridiculous and unfortunately domestic relations courts don’t really have great enforcement mechanisms. They can order an employer to make withholdings and deposit money with the Court buys it’s harder if it’s a personal business. Not impossible, but harder. It does sound like you have a good attorney who is familiar with all the possible mechanisms. Divorce is a terrible ordeal but you will make it through. Continue to rely on your attorney and turn over any information you get and keep detailed records about his bullshit. Hopefully the judge will reach the end of his or her patience and with his shenanigans and start holding him to account and make him pay all your atty fees as well. The judge can take into account all of the above when determining settlements so hopefully he does and ot all comes back to bite him in the ass. Keep fighting for what you’re entitled to. He’s probably hoping that if he keeps dragging it out and making life hard for you that you will decide it’s not worth it. It absolutely is and you should take every penny your entitled to. |
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Post by cindyupnorth on Dec 6, 2023 23:32:30 GMT
“little over a month ago!) In 2021, he was sneaky and intercepted almost $21,000 worth of checks from our homeowners insurance company that was meant to be used to put a new roof on our house after storm damage, that I didn't even know we got and he put in his own account and didn't put a new roof on the house. That is insurance fraud. ”
Actually I don’t think it is. He can do whatever he wants with the money. If he didn’t use it towards the roof though he won’t ever get any more money to put towards a roof. Just like people can find a cheaper person to repair the roof then what they got paid out by insurance.
In regard to the automatic mortgage payments getting taken out, this is probably part of their mortgage deal. And the monthly rate will go up if not taken out automatically
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He's always been controlling with money, so I don't know why I thought he would stop now. Sigh. I'm going to the bank to take out everything that isn't needed for our mortgage payment. (My attorney told me it is okay to do this). He hasn't spent money out of that account in well over 2 years other than paying the mortgage, but I wouldn't put it past him not to do so now and I'm not taking the chance. 
