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Post by psoccer on Jan 16, 2024 2:47:58 GMT
My husband is particular about how I respond to him. For example, he asked where our son was and my response was that he was in his room. My husband corrected me that I should have said he was home. Another example is he asked if a blue bag was in the house. I said it was on the kitchen table and he corrected me that this was a yes or no question. I absolutely hate that he does this and it is becoming more and more frequent.
We have a 7 month old puppy that has had some tummy issues this week but has made her messes in the pee pads. On Sunday my husband got up early to go skiing. I got up an hour later and the kitchen stunk because her mess was in the kitchen garbage can. I cleaned out the garbage and there is a bag by our outside garbage can where they go. I sent him a text, and he responded by copying my text and lining out some parts in red certain sentences. I know it sounds whiny but it also is really bothering me. This is the second time he’s done that to text messages. I wouldn’t think of doing that to someone. I guess I’m looking for other points of view. He feels what he is doing is acceptable and I don’t. The text is below.
Just so you know, when the puppy has been having the diarrhea on the pee pads, I don't throw them away in the house. I have a bag outside by the garbage can that I use. The kitchen smelled bad this morning so I removed those pee pads for you and put them outside. Nobody wants to smell that. Next time you can ask me to do it for you, or you can take them outside. Thanks
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Post by quietgirl on Jan 16, 2024 2:50:37 GMT
I'm sorry. I think he's incredibly rude. Not knowing the situation or him, I hesitate to comment further. Well...I think he's rather controlling and a jerk.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
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Post by pantsonfire on Jan 16, 2024 2:54:54 GMT
Yeah um you need to sit him down and have an adult conversation with him and maybe involve a therapist.
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pantsonfire
Pearl Clutcher
Take a step back, evaluate what is important, and enjoy your life with those who you love.
Posts: 4,762
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Post by pantsonfire on Jan 16, 2024 2:56:55 GMT
You both need to talk in person. Not via text. Sorry that isn't healthy.
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Post by compeateropeator on Jan 16, 2024 2:57:49 GMT
I am sorry. I am not really sure how to respond, as his actions and replies would really really annoy me and I would almost feel like he was trying to belittle or shame me. Unfortunately I would probably not act maturely and be very passive aggressive with my texts to him and replies to his annoying ones.
So I don’t have another point of view to give you as I wouldn’t even think about responding to someone like that, typically, either.
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Post by Zee on Jan 16, 2024 2:58:21 GMT
Just from the little bit you posted, you guys have some major issues going on. That's not normal communication between spouses who like each other (I've been there, no judgment).
He's being petty and those responses are ridiculous, but maybe he's reacting to what he sees as you being hypercritical or demanding. Time to really talk this out.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jan 16, 2024 3:09:11 GMT
Just from the little bit you posted, you guys have some major issues going on. That's not normal communication between spouses who like each other (I've been there, no judgment). He's being petty and those responses are ridiculous, but maybe he's reacting to what he sees as you being hypercritical or demanding. Time to really talk this out. Totally agree. His actions and corrections are offense! Besides being petty... |
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snyder
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Post by snyder on Jan 16, 2024 3:12:15 GMT
I'd be kicking his ass to the door. Not really, but that is unacceptable behavior from a partner. If you had said, I'm trying to clean up my grammor, so if you hear or read something I say that could be improved upon and he was giving you feedback, that is one thing, but for him to start correcting you like he does out of the blue, something huge is going on.
Definitely a hard conversation needs to be had between the two of you.
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milocat
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Post by milocat on Jan 16, 2024 3:18:07 GMT
He shouldn't be doing that to anyone. Not everyone knows the proper grammer or cares. Does he think he's so smart and superior to correct you mistakes? Texting is a casual way to communicate. IYKWIM
I'd respond with R U serious?
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Post by psoccer on Jan 16, 2024 3:23:19 GMT
Thanks for the responses. I do like some things done a very specific way so I am sure I come off as bossy. It’s good to see other view points and to hold off on texts if I am irritated so I don’t come off too controlling. We’ve been married for 25 years and he has always been correcting on how I should respond, it’s just been more frequent, and the texting correction is new. He’s getting ready to retire and I’m just wondering if that has something to play in it. I really do appreciate the feedback.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jan 16, 2024 3:26:54 GMT
Texts can often be misunderstood. They do not include facial or body 'speak'...
Direct corrections of you is wrong!!
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Post by Lurkingpea on Jan 16, 2024 3:57:04 GMT
Just from the little bit you posted, you guys have some major issues going on. That's not normal communication between spouses who like each other (I've been there, no judgment). He's being petty and those responses are ridiculous, but maybe he's reacting to what he sees as you being hypercritical or demanding. Time to really talk this out. Maybe his response to the dog text was a reaction, but not the others. I read your post to my husband and he was appalled. Granted English is not my first language so he is used to my grammar errors. Even so he would never respond like that to me or anyone else. Your husband is belittling you. That is not respectful. I would not be ok with that. Nor would my husband. |
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Post by vjlau on Jan 16, 2024 4:35:25 GMT
I would not be okay with that at all, and would be addressing that in person to my DH.
Texts are casual communication. They are not for official purposes. Especially not between family and friends.
My husband would be getting a conversation starting with "How dare you....."
It's very rude and disrespectful.
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Post by jemali on Jan 16, 2024 4:37:48 GMT
My husband is particular about how I respond to him. For example, he asked where our son was and my response was that he was in his room. My husband corrected me that I should have said he was home. Another example is he asked if a blue bag was in the house. I said it was on the kitchen table and he corrected me that this was a yes or no question. To me, you were giving more clarifying information. If he asked you if the blue bag was at home and you just answered “yes”, the next question would have been “Where in the house?” I would be annoyed too. |
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Post by katiekaty on Jan 16, 2024 5:35:33 GMT
He would be get the simplest of answers or no response. The word “clarify” may be a go to text response in all the cases you presented.
Where is sone? Clarify
Response could be on the planet? In the state? On the same house as me? A would be valid
So, get response, clarify, please.
The second question seems to require more information alo, before you can answer, so response is, Clarify, need more information about object in question.
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Post by Legacy Girl on Jan 16, 2024 9:03:25 GMT
I see his behavior as being very controlling -- a red flag that definitely needs to be addressed. Is he by any chance an attorney? I ask because someone in my family is like this and he demands precise answers at all times. Doesn't make it any more acceptable, but perhaps more understandable.
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Post by gar on Jan 16, 2024 9:20:30 GMT
How were you supposed to know what sort of answer he wanted with regards to where your son was? More to the point, did it even matter? Your answer was 'correct' - how on earth does he see it as 'wrong' or maybe it was just an excuse to have a dig at you.
Without knowing more it's hard to say, but on the face of it, it sounds as though there are some unhealthy things going on in your marriage sadly.
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Post by peasapie on Jan 16, 2024 10:47:26 GMT
Those comments feel aggressive.
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Post by littlemama on Jan 16, 2024 11:11:45 GMT
Yikes. There is something going on there. He needs to possibly see his doctor for an evaluation and/or a therapist.
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smartypants71
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Post by smartypants71 on Jan 16, 2024 13:58:30 GMT
His text messages are some petty BS. That would definitely warrant a conversation or two.
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seaexplore
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Post by seaexplore on Jan 16, 2024 14:18:32 GMT
Oh hell no! I’d be sending 1 word answers. He’s being a total ass.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Jan 16, 2024 14:19:57 GMT
That's a classic "we are voiding the real issue by engaging in petty shit" scenario. From both of you. I thought your text sounded a bit passive-aggressive too.
Maybe it's time to sit down and communicate openly and honestly with one another?
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Post by psoccer on Jan 16, 2024 14:30:23 GMT
I did ask him why he edited my text message and he told me that it was too angry. He crossed off the words for you, the sentence Nobody wants to smell that, and Next time ask me or you can take them outside. Either it is getting worse, or I am less busy and have time to focus on me. It is nice to have the validation that it is ok to not like the way he is correcting me. I do look at the way he interacts with his brother, and they both have to be right, it is a constant bicker when they are together. He is an iron worker, so I don't see reason to be so specific, but I am open to therapy to learn how to respond, or to find out what he is really asking.
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Post by littlemama on Jan 16, 2024 14:31:48 GMT
He shouldn't be doing that to anyone. Not everyone knows the proper grammer or cares. Does he think he's so smart and superior to correct you mistakes? Texting is a casual way to communicate. IYKWIM I'd respond with R U serious? It isnt even her grammar he is "correcting". He asks where son is, she says In his room. He tells her the "correct" answer was "at home" Op. I will say that your text to him is passive-aggeessive as well and I believe you both need counseling in order to move forward, no matter what that looks like. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 16, 2024 14:39:28 GMT
I could see asking for more information if an answer wasn’t clear, but to go nuts because you gave him MORE specific information is just stupid and disrespectful. I’d be tempted to go all passive aggressive and just give one word answers to any questions he asks in the meantime, and I’d be scheduling an appointment with a counselor.
As for the text about the stinky puppy pads, I would have just said something like, “The house smelled horrible this morning because of the puppy pad in the kitchen trash. Next time could you please put it in the bag by the outside can? Thanks!”
Sounds like things have been festering for quite some time and are escalating. For my own sanity I would want to address it before things get even worse.
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christinec68
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Post by christinec68 on Jan 16, 2024 15:44:20 GMT
I did ask him why he edited my text message and he told me that it was too angry. He crossed off the words for you, the sentence Nobody wants to smell that, and Next time ask me or you can take them outside. Either it is getting worse, or I am less busy and have time to focus on me. It is nice to have the validation that it is ok to not like the way he is correcting me. I do look at the way he interacts with his brother, and they both have to be right, it is a constant bicker when they are together. He is an iron worker, so I don't see reason to be so specific, but I am open to therapy to learn how to respond, or to find out what he is really asking. I don't know how correcting your text is less aggressive than saying nobody wants to smell dog shit. For texts, tone is interpreted by the reader - so if he thinks it "sounds angry" it's because he is angry...probably because he knew he should have left the bag in the bin in the garage. |
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Post by KikiPea on Jan 16, 2024 15:52:49 GMT
That is an absolute no from me. No one will correct the way I say the things I say.
I’m sorry he’s doing that. It would be extremely frustrating to me.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jan 16, 2024 15:57:16 GMT
Yeah um you need to sit him down and have an adult conversation with him and maybe involve a therapist. Or a lawyer. I'd put up with that crap exactly once. There is no fucking way I would live with someone that condescending. He has absolutely no respect for you. Please don't minimize his disgusting treatment of you. And by the way, your texts were absolutely correct. Not a damned thing wrong with the info that you sent to him. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 16, 2024 16:01:36 GMT
That is just straight up bizarre - he isn't correcting your grammar, he's deciding some arbitrary amount of specificity that is just straight up weird. I would definitely have a frank talk about what's going on here, as those are not even remotely normal interactions. I would stick to your first two examples as they're the most obviously weird and I think the last one about the dog issues just muddies the waters.
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Post by femalebusiness on Jan 16, 2024 16:07:22 GMT
I will add that I would also explain to him in no uncertain terms that people who always have to be right, when they are not and who are constantly putting others down are the most insecure people on the planet. They feel very inferior to others. Every time he pulls that crap I would text him back (or say in person) are you feeling insecure and like a failure today? It shows.
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