|
|
Post by Pahina722 on Jan 12, 2015 4:00:52 GMT
I am finding this fascinating but unbelievable at the same time. How could it not be absolutely demoralizing for the wives to have their husbands checking out and commenting on every cute guy who walks past? And, yes, straight husbands might comment on a cute girl who wanders by occasionally, but it appears that these guys are so sexually repressed that they are constantly looking at other guys! It would drive me crazy if my husband were that focused in scoping out others (male or female).
|
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Jan 12, 2015 4:02:32 GMT
My BFF and I are sitting here watching it together and we said the same thing -
These men are using their "SSA" <eyeroll> as an excuse to just be assholes.
|
|
|
|
Post by psoccer on Jan 12, 2015 5:52:01 GMT
I am watching it and I noticed how upset the wife got when her husband said he was going camping. I just feel like everyone is in denial.
|
|
|
|
Post by chaosisapony on Jan 12, 2015 6:32:37 GMT
Watching it now, but I doubt I will watch it until the end. It's an odd show. I don't really care how people choose to live their lives so making a big deal about this to have it on a tv show seems very strange to me. You're married to a woman and attracted to men. Ok, got it, moving on.
In life I know two women married to men that are attracted to women. One of them identifies as bisexual but they both choose to honor their marriage (neither is religious at all) and not act on their attractions. So maybe because of these acquaintances this seems more normal to me than it does to other people.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 6, 2024 1:59:42 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 12, 2015 7:03:35 GMT
I don't watch Tv but I got an email from change.org to get TLC to take this off the air. (I don't think we get TLC anymore either...have to watch at friend's house if I want to see it).
So without judgment, woman is married to a man. Man is 'attracted to other men' in a sexual way but won't act on it? Man though is NOT gay. Because....he isn't gay?
To me there is a difference between attraction to and finding attractive. I think Beyoncé is attractive but I am not attracted to her. These men are thinking about men in a get it on kind of way?
|
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Jan 12, 2015 7:12:23 GMT
I recorded it but who knows when I'll get around to watching.
|
|
|
|
Post by julieinmd on Jan 12, 2015 13:33:21 GMT
I'm a live and let live kind of person, and I haven't watched the show at all so maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Somehow I feel sorry for these women for accepting this type of love/life. I can't imagine what it must be like to live like that. What makes them think they don't deserve something better, someone who gives their whole heart to them? I feel sad for anybody who settles for a life with somebody they know is not completely 100 percent invested in the primary relationship. I agree with Elannah about the difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to them. How these circumstances must erode the self esteem of these women! I think they deserve better.
|
|
|
|
Post by Pahina722 on Jan 12, 2015 13:48:10 GMT
I don't watch Tv but I got an email from change.org to get TLC to take this off the air. (I don't think we get TLC anymore either...have to watch at friend's house if I want to see it). So without judgment, woman is married to a man. Man is 'attracted to other men' in a sexual way but won't act on it? Man though is NOT gay. Because....he isn't gay? To me there is a difference between attraction to and finding attractive. I think Beyoncé is attractive but I am not attracted to her. These men are thinking about men in a get it on kind of way? Yes, they are thinking about other men in a "get it on kind of way." They even have a "danger" rating system. One means they'd notice him; two means he'd get a second look; three means they'd turn around to stare at him. Four means it would be dangerous for them to be in a dark place with that guy. If that isn't thinking about him sexually, what is? |
|
mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253 
|
Post by mallie on Jan 12, 2015 13:53:27 GMT
Sexuality is generally an essential part of our emotional bond to another human being as a long-term life partner. I think that's especially true of men. In an otherwise physically and emotionally healthy adult, without the sexual component that actually works for you on the deepest level, is the bond complete?
Not acting on a sexual impulse is not the same as being wholeheartedly in love and committed to your spouse. I'd venture to say that someone willing to accept an incomplete commitment either doesn't understand, is in denial, or has low self esteem. ALL of the women I know who married gay men had very low self esteem.
I know several gay men who thought they were "just" sexually attracted to men and could ignore it because they thought sexuality and love were unrelated. Significantly, none of them were entirely comfortable with identifying as gay. It was not until they actually fell in love with a man and that they had the "AHA!" moment of realizing that sexuality and emotions were connected and that their orientation was not just about sexuality, but about who you are going to fall in love with in a complete way that includes sexuality. Until they fell in love with a man to whom they were also sexually attracted, they had not realized they were actually gay. They all have commented that they had not realized what they were missing and that their life had a missing puzzle piece. As one of them said, "It's like you have a 1000 piece puzzle and most of the pieces are there and you can squint and make out the picture, mostly. Then someone gives you the other pieces and you put them in and suddenly you can see the entire picture clearly. And it's beautiful in a way the incomplete puzzle was not, but you didn't even know the puzzle could be that beautiful. And while you'd eventually throw out a puzzle with missing pieces, you're far less likely to throw out a complete puzzle."
|
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on Jan 12, 2015 15:41:05 GMT
The more I think about this, the less strange it's becoming. There are lots of bisexual people who are in monogamous relationships. The whole tabloid packaging is bullshit but this isn't something that is totally off the map.
|
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Jan 12, 2015 16:09:18 GMT
I am watching it and I noticed how upset the wife got when her husband said he was going camping. I just feel like everyone is in denial. That's because "camping" is their "guy" time for those guys who aren't "gay". I haven't watched this yet, but let me tell you. These guys are going to end up with Paparazzi pictures of them in compromising positions with other men. If they are checking out other guys the way that someone else mentioned, then they are most certainly acting on it. I've seen this way too much. I was just recently talking to friends who the wife is encouraging her husband to explore his sexuality and try having sex with a man. Now, this male friend identifies as straight, "says" he's never even thought of having sex with another man. I'm telling you, the wife always knows, and my friend knows that her husband is gay or at least bisexual, and wants to find out now so both of them can move on, they love each other a lot, and are great friends. I think he just can't come to terms with everything. If I was these wives, I'd be checking for the gay locator apps on their husbands phones. And the whole title of the show is misleading. You're gay if you want to cross swords with another man, whether you actually ever do or not. |
|
|
|
Post by stacy71 on Jan 12, 2015 16:23:46 GMT
It was a weird show and sorry they are gay. I am sure they are answering and acting on secret craigslist ads. Strange and weird!
|
|
|
|
Post by mztfied on Jan 12, 2015 16:25:54 GMT
Interesting but probably not going to be a show that I watch again.
|
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Jan 12, 2015 18:25:17 GMT
The more I think about this, the less strange it's becoming. There are lots of bisexual people who are in monogamous relationships. The whole tabloid packaging is bullshit but this isn't something that is totally off the map. The trouble with this theory is that there's a world of difference between someone of whatever sexuality who falls in love with someone else of whatever sex and decides to make a life with them, as opposed to these men who are actively trying to repress their own natures and deny themselves by marrying women and living the proper Christian lifestyle that's expected of them, even though their true desire is to be with men. Two very different scenarios. I don't think the second one is destined to end well. (Of course, in this day and age, neither is the first. So whatever.)  |
|
|
|
Post by myshelly on Jan 12, 2015 18:30:53 GMT
For me, it wasn't about the fact that the husbands might be gay.
It was the fact that the husbands treated their wives horribly.
If my husband, whether gay or straight or bi or anything else, constantly talked to me about being attracted to other people, the danger of him cheating on me with other people, ranked people on a danger scale, hung out with people he's likely to cheat with, hung out with people who validated his feelings of attraction to other people, etc. there is no way I would put up with that being treated like that.
I just think they're using the SSA as an excuse to act like teenage boys putting their wives in the position of mommy keeping them in check.
|
|
Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
|
Post by Dalai Mama on Jan 12, 2015 19:18:47 GMT
The more I think about this, the less strange it's becoming. There are lots of bisexual people who are in monogamous relationships. The whole tabloid packaging is bullshit but this isn't something that is totally off the map. The trouble with this theory is that there's a world of difference between someone of whatever sexuality who falls in love with someone else of whatever sex and decides to make a life with them, as opposed to these men who are actively trying to repress their own natures and deny themselves by marrying women and living the proper Christian lifestyle that's expected of them, even though their true desire is to be with men. Two very different scenarios. I don't think the second one is destined to end well. (Of course, in this day and age, neither is the first. So whatever.) In the end, I guess it comes down to whether they are sexually attracted to their wives (bisexual) or not (gay). Meh, with a 50% divorce rate, it's probably all moot anyway. |
|
|
|
Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jan 12, 2015 19:20:20 GMT
I will never watch that show.
|
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Jan 12, 2015 21:23:56 GMT
Okay, we just watched it. Kind of surreal, kind of endearing actually ... but it's a very weird lifestyle all the same. In the end I guess it's up to the individuals how they want to live. I saw some nice people who could be very, very defensive. The wives maybe seemed a little less at peace with their lives than their husbands, the younger ones, at least. I thought the single friend who's looking for a girl to fall for was kind of adorable.  But some of the scenes, especially in the men's shop, were absolutely bizarre. For men who say they're committed to the monogamous, heterosexual "life style." Yeah, not entirely. |
|
|
|
Post by scrappersue on Jan 12, 2015 21:30:27 GMT
We watched it. It was really different. My take is that these are all LDS men whom can not be openly gay in their religion. So this is how they continue to be Mormon (marry a woman, have kids). But calling themselves SSA instead of gay is weird. They are definitely attracted to other men sexual, whether or not they act on that attraction or not. What I found weird was how this group of couples deal with it - like this husbands have something like ADHD - oh, don't mind him he has SSA.
|
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Jan 12, 2015 23:31:53 GMT
I think the title "My Husband's Not Gay" is a complete misnomer. Every one of those guys is gay. But they are in a faith/religion that will not accept their homosexuality. To get to heaven, they have to marry a woman and have kids.
They are in marriages with women so they can fulfill the requirements of their faith. So correlating it to those who choose to ignore or put aside sexual feelings, they are basically choosing to be celibate in their orientation, but having sex with their wives to procreate. I guess they can successfully choose to ignore feelings of desire for men, and be faithful to their spouse, but they are still gay.
I wasn't too sure why the couple felt the need to tell their little girl that they are having another baby when the other infant just died. I would have waited until I was further along. But that's me.
|
|
ingrid
Full Member
Posts: 490
Jun 26, 2014 0:52:41 GMT
|
Post by ingrid on Jan 12, 2015 23:50:08 GMT
My gay brother and I watched it last night. He was in stitches while the wives were talking about their husbands having "guy time" at the gym instead of at a strip club.
"A hot, sweaty locker room with open showers? I mean, what better place is there to have 'guy time' with your not-gay friends? That's where I'd totally go for 'guy time'. Oooh, look, that guy with four wives is on next!"
Living with me for a month has turned him into a TLC junkie.
|
|
|
|
Post by padresfan619 on Jan 13, 2015 0:41:09 GMT
I watched. I couldn't get over the "Danger Scale." And if my husband went on and on a out how he was attracted to others while being married to me, there would be some serious talks going on. I am not naive, I realize that my husband is going to think other women are attractive. Just like I think other men are. But there is no need to go on and on and on and on and on about it!
Also I just about spit out my water at the previous poster who said they treat SSA as casually as ADD. So true.
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Jan 13, 2015 7:31:28 GMT
Haven't seen it and probably won't be what is SSA?
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 6, 2024 1:59:42 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2015 7:56:03 GMT
SSA is same sex attracted. It's a very common term in LDS culture. I have lots of gay LDS guy friends. None of them are married although I do have a friend married to someone with SSA. I figure if it works for them good for them. I do worry a bit about the kids because I have friends who have struggled with it. I think it was more of the hiding that affected them. I totally would have married my guy friend if he had asked me even knowing he was gay because he truly was my best friend.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 6, 2024 1:59:42 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Jan 13, 2015 8:18:43 GMT
I can think banging Brad Pitt a few years ago sans 10 kids and Angie would be something hot.
I also think if Ellen weren't madly in love with Portia I could change my mind at least on a laminated list name. Not full time.
Gay and Lesbians DO deserve rights a straight person enjoys this is my philosophy and I stand by it. Any man who finds another man's willy anything but disgusting is LYING to himself , his wife, God and anyone else that matters.
Be gay. This isn't the 1920's anymore. It's ok to be gay. Just stop effing lying about it and hurting other people.
|
|
|
|
Post by shescrafty on Jan 13, 2015 12:28:36 GMT
I watched it On Demand last night after reading this thread. Those guys seem to be thinking about other guys A LOT. The whole danger scale? That is not what I would want my husband to talk about with other women, much less men. If those men just accepted that they were gay and were able to be in a relationship with people they were sexually attracted to they would probably less focused on who was "dangerous" because they would not be longing for what they wanted deep down but was forbidden because of the LDS teachings.
I felt bad for the wives. The husbands were pretty clear that they were not really 100% sexually attracted to them. That has to be humiliating to some degree.
The one that had the biggest red flags was the guy going camping and the wife getting clearly upset. That guy obviously had acted on his attraction before when they referenced the "sleepover" they had before and how things got out of hand. So sad that he can not be who he is and she has to live with a person who is so clearly longing for something else.
|
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Jan 13, 2015 15:23:35 GMT
So I watched the show on demand last night. Had to see what everyone was talking about. Here are my thoughts:
*The wife who got really defensive about her husband being called gay, the same wife who got upset about the camping trip, the same wife I think that prompted the girls just showing up at the basketball court. She has caught her husband with other men. He went way deep into the danger zone, and let me tell you...he sleeps on the bottom bunk.
*The guy who said he waited 16 years to tell his wife about his SSA...he told her because she caught him with someone, and it was his way of getting out of it.
*The "Danger zone" Those SSA guys were so far into the danger zone the whole time its not funny. It's the same as the rating game me and friends used to play. There was traditional 1-10 for every day guys. There was a 20 for a guy who you knew would make your eyes curl in the back of your head, and 100 meant a guy you knew would make your eyes permanently curl multiple times in the back of your head.
*I have no doubt there is love there between the couples. Friendship love, not sexual love. Been there, done that, it doesn't last.
*This show is now what will be used by religious people to tell gay teens, see if they can do it, so can you, you don't have to act on your attraction, and will lead to a whole new level of humiliation and degradation for gay teens growing up in the church. It's sickening.
|
|
