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Post by jenjie on Jan 20, 2015 23:43:49 GMT
share a story of a friend who has been there for you in your need. Here's my story from right now. We have these friends who are church friends, we have not been super close but slowly building relationship with both husband and wife. We live about 45 minutes away from each other (the church is in the middle, we each drive about 20 mins to get there). We've been to each other's house just once or twice over the years but we have a mutual appreciation. We have reached out to each other and prayed each other through some rough times. Most recently, when my dad was in the hospital they were invested and reached out to me often. With his passing, they were the first to send a sympathy card and the husband texted me every day for two weeks. In our circles we will sometimes send bible verses or say I'm praying or even type out a short prayer. Words of affirmation is my love language ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/Q_m8lDOvc_3Le3r1GKdf.jpg) so I am a big one for this. When dh started having health problems the dh, J, was one of the first dh told. I said he will be giving you a ton of encouragement etc. day of surgery and J is the one person we don't hear from. That's not like him, and I'm hoping I haven't set dh up to be disappointed. Our phones go off while we're in pre-op. It's J's wife, saying J wanted to text that he was praying but was in ER with terrible headaches and a possible brain bleed. It wasn't and he's fine BTW. So while both of us are going through our own stuff we are praying for the other and encouraging each other. It's beautiful. And when I saw dh in recovery after his surgery, one of his first questions was "how is J?" J has texted him every. single. day. since this all started. Me occasionally. I'm stepping back to let them build their relationship. They check on each other. As another thread from today, dh needs a good friend. This is one of the blessings that is coming out of this trial we're in. And his wife has been there for me as I've been there for her. It's been very reciprocal. The latest with dh, this week he has had chest pain and shortness of breath. Long story short, he has fluid on his lung and a partially collapsed lung. They drained a liter of fluid today. Anyway dh can't get comfortable. Last night J and his son brought over his own recliner for dh. He says keep it as long as you need it, I don't care if it's 6 months or a year, I just want you to be comfortable and able to sleep. He won't take no for an answer. Well dh said no but he called me and I said yes. He really wanted to do this for him. Dh dleant want to seem needy, and probably moreso, doesn't want to BE needy. But so appreciates that J wants to do this for him. Dh was really struggling last night, especially while j was here because he was emotional. J tells me he went home last night and cried because he felt so bad for his friend. J texted me this am saying I AM coming to the hospital with you today. It wasn't like we needed company today but HE needed to be there and was available today. Actually he had stuff going on today and cleared his schedule. Almost as soon as we arrived they took us back. He sat all by himself in that waiting room for 4 hours, I was only out there with him while they did the procedure. Good friends. what a blessing. Your turn!!
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valincal
Drama Llama
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Southern Alberta
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Jun 27, 2014 2:21:22 GMT
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Post by valincal on Jan 20, 2015 23:51:06 GMT
Wow, how thoughtful! I hope your DH is feeling better very soon.
I have many kind and caring friends. They really enrich our lives, don't they?
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 13:10:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2015 23:56:00 GMT
Angels among us... ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg)
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 26, 2024 13:10:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2015 23:58:01 GMT
I'm sorry your DH is going through all this and your family, too. But I'm glad you have good friends in your life who can help carry these heavy burdens.
My husband and I have another couple we consider our best friends. They would do anything for us and we for them. It's nice to have someone to count on when the going is rough!
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DEX
Pearl Clutcher
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Aug 9, 2014 23:13:22 GMT
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Post by DEX on Jan 21, 2015 0:00:10 GMT
Jenjie,
That is a beautiful story. I hope your husband is doing better. I have been following your threads. Your positive outlook is infectious.
My husband died 10 months ago. My friend calls me often to ask me to do things so I can get out of the house. Sunday, I went to breakfast with her and her husband and 10 other folks. I needed that.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 26, 2024 13:10:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2015 0:03:11 GMT
We have a family we met through our church. They are enough younger than us that they were literally just kids when we met them. I remember them going to prom as a dating couple in high school. Then they moved away for college. They came back and I helped a bit with their wedding and then they got jobs out of state. They moved back and shortly thereafter, found out they were pregnant, due almost exactly the same time I was due with my son. Our children are the best of friends and as a result, we have gotten to know them now as peers. They came to visit us when my son was hospitalized. They have brought over soup when I am sick, and when I broke my hand, dropped a gift card off at our house for dinner so I wouldn't have to try to cook. Their love language is acts of service and they really show it.
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TankTop
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 28, 2014 1:52:46 GMT
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Post by TankTop on Jan 21, 2015 0:21:50 GMT
You are very blessed.
I have friends who would pick my kids up if I needed them to, but nobody that would do anything close to what you are experiencing. Cherish them.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jan 21, 2015 0:24:30 GMT
I have a great group of friends and we all try hard to be there for each other when times are tough. Mine were my rocks (besides DH, of course) all through my pregnancy and new parenthood stages and later on through both my MIL and Mom's final illnesses and ultimate passing, and then through the lengthy nightmare of dealing with my goofball family and my Mom's probate. I wouldn't have been able to retain even a shred of my sanity without that great group of ladies and their emotional support! ![:love:](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/W4b_Om5roEadLiOzGo_l.jpg)
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jan 21, 2015 0:25:22 GMT
What a great story! TFS!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 26, 2024 13:10:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2015 0:30:33 GMT
That is a lovely story. I'm so glad that you have this kind of in-person support. That's huge!
Sending good thoughts for your DH (and you, too!)
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Jan 21, 2015 1:16:32 GMT
Well, first I *just now* got that saying (a friend in need is a friend indeed). I always thought it didn't make any sense, how is a needy friend a friend indeed? They're not! A friend that is there for you in your need, is a friend indeed- makes more sense but I get it now! ![::)](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/eyesroll.png) Second, what great friends you have. It's such a blessing to have friends who don't just talk the talk but they walk the walk too. How nice for you and your DH to have them.
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 13:10:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2015 1:19:06 GMT
I have a friend like this. She rearranges her life sometimes to help me. I do the same for her.
These are special people!
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Post by littlemama on Jan 21, 2015 1:20:38 GMT
Those friends are a blessing to you and you and your dh are a blessing to them. All too often there is a disparity between what one couple does to support and aid and what the other couple does. I have been at the bad end of this, and while I would not change the things we did for our friends, I am very sad that they did not do the same for us when we went through some similarly tough times. Treasure your friends, they sound wonderful!
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Post by jenjie on Jan 21, 2015 2:16:04 GMT
Jenjie, That is a beautiful story. I hope your husband is doing better. I have been following your threads. Your positive outlook is infectious. My husband died 10 months ago. My friend calls me often to ask me to do things so I can get out of the house. Sunday, I went to breakfast with her and her husband and 10 other folks. I needed that. Dex I'm so sorry about your husband. I'm glad your friend is taking such good care of your heart during this latest chapter of your life. Thank you for your kind words. God has been very good to me and I've learned there is often a blessing to be found even in difficulties.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 21, 2015 2:39:47 GMT
Well, first I *just now* got that saying (a friend in need is a friend indeed). I always thought it didn't make any sense, how is a needy friend a friend indeed? They're not! A friend that is there for you in your need, is a friend indeed- makes more sense but I get it now! I never got it either! I thought like you did.
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Post by genny on Jan 21, 2015 2:42:36 GMT
What a great story!! We have friends like this. J&A's house burned down 2 1/2 years ago. They live down the street from us and we were with them when the fire started and through the whole thing. We gave up our bed to them and slept in our son's twin bed and put him on the couch until the insurance came through and got them a place to stay several days later. We kept their animals for them until they got moved from a hotel to an apartment that would allow pets. That summer our house became ground zero for all events, friends, gatherings, while we salvaged what we could, documented etc. It was truly the best and worst of times. It cemented a friendship that was already strong, and we made the best memories that summer just helping friends that needed us. Fast forward to 2013-2104 - MIL moved in with us during her battle with cancer and was with us until she died. They were there every step of the way - moral support, dinners, helping plan memorial service - cleaning and cooking for guests. They are absolutley the best people. I am blessed to be able to say we have a few couples like this in our lives, but these two are just awesome. We will have each others backs forever - of that I am sure. I have a picture in our pool that I took a week or so after the fire. There were more than a dozen of us that got together at J&A's house to help clear out the debris, including another lady neighbor that we had only spoken to in passing. This neighbor showed up with a bottle of cheap wine and she and A & I became nearly inseparable after that day. Anyway, that day, after scouring through a dozen wheel barrow loads of debirs looking for a tiffany necklace J had bought A on their first anniversary we all went to our house to grill hot dogs, drink beer and cool off. I took that picture of everyone together in the pool and all I could think was "i get by with a little help from my friends". Sigh. I've had a really shitty January. Thanks for helping remember one way that I am so truly rich. ![:love:](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/W4b_Om5roEadLiOzGo_l.jpg)
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Post by AussieMeg on Jan 21, 2015 2:47:02 GMT
Lovely story! ![:love:](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/W4b_Om5roEadLiOzGo_l.jpg) The phrase that comes to mind here jenjie is "you reap what you sow" - in your case, in a good way.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 21, 2015 2:48:30 GMT
genny wow there is a beautiful enduring friendship. You have both put in very hard work to build something beautiful. thank you for sharing. And I hope things improve for both of us.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 21, 2015 2:54:58 GMT
You are very blessed. I have friends who would pick my kids up if I needed them to, but nobody that would do anything close to what you are experiencing. Cherish them. Very blessed. We were blown away. Who does that? Besides genny down thread and her friends. Make that up thread because I am even directionally challenged online! :/
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Post by Daikon on Jan 21, 2015 2:55:38 GMT
I had to have surgery a year ago. I am not the type to ask for help and will do it all on my own. I told my best friend that I needed to have this surgery and I was going to call my mom or dad to see if they could take me. Before I could even get the words out she said she would take the day off and be there for me.
She stayed while I was in surgery, brought me home and took care of me and stayed until SO got there to take care of me. (I didn't want SO there)She never had to do it and I appreciated every moment. I told her thank you and she said there was no need. She was just doing what friends are supposed to do. We have both been to hell and back and been there for each other every step of the way.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 21, 2015 2:57:28 GMT
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Post by genny on Jan 21, 2015 3:00:21 GMT
jenjie How is your husband recovering?
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Post by Pahina722 on Jan 21, 2015 3:16:23 GMT
I have two that come to mind. One friend was my rock when I went through my divorce. She was constantly checking on me, dragging me out to dinner when I wanted to hide in a hole, encouraging me to call at any bizarre hour when I needed to talk. She kept me sane. It about killed me when I got to repay the love by covering her classes when her 17 year old daughter caught a freaky illness and died. Why such a wonderful, loving woman should have to suffer such trauma is beyond me.
More recently, when DH and I were trying to conceive, one of his oldest female friends offered to be a surrogate mother and/or egg donor--out of the blue. It absolutely floored us both that she (and her husband) were willing to give so much for us.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 21, 2015 3:25:09 GMT
jenjie How is your husband recovering? Recovery from his original surgery a month ago is great. This new development, which so far we don't know whether or not it's related, is new. Last wed we went to our family doctor. He sent us for an X-ray and subsequently called in a favor from his personal friend who is a lung specialist. He told us to come right over. He scheduled us for two tests first thing the next morning and also sent us back to PCP for the third time that day for an EKG. There wasn't a whole lot of fluid then so he wanted to wait for our oncologist appt Monday so he could take point. Of course he said If it gets worse, get thee to the ER. Thurs we had the two tests. And by we I mean he. Lol. But I'm in it with him all the way Friday we were thinking he would have his leg biopsied. But that turned into a consult. Monday was oncologist, who said we need more tests and get the fluid drained from the lung, there was a considerable amount. We had to get a blood test yesterday before today's procedure. Dh felt really bad last night with the breathing. We joked that my new song was "every move you make, every breath you take I'll be watching you" and his was "I always feel like somebody's watching me." Lol Today was the fluid removal. They removed a liter. And showed it to me! Yuck'!!! lots of tests being done on the fluid. He is breathing a bit better but the lung still has to reinflate over the next day or so. So it's hard to get comfortable. Tomorrow is the leg biopsy. We have to be at the hospital at 6:45 am. Somewhere in there I had to fit in grocery shopping because we ran out of food. Monday is follow up with the oncologist. I'm tired just writing it all out. Aren't you glad you asked ! ![;)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/Q_m8lDOvc_3Le3r1GKdf.jpg)
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Deleted
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Jun 26, 2024 13:10:22 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 21, 2015 13:13:10 GMT
Jenjie, I hope everything goes really well for your husband. I found out what true friends are when my husband was very ill a few years ago. They held me up through the years of diagnostics and treatments. I never could have stayed sane through all that without the help of a lot of people. Friends stopped by the house to sit with him, dropped off food, took my kids to their activities, let me cry on their shoulders, gave him his IV treatment, and countless other things.
Ugh, I know what you mean about the fluid removal. DH had to have fluid removed from his abdomen twice a week for almost a year. They'd take out anywhere from 3-7 liters. It was just dreadful, and he has like 75 scars on his belly. I hope they can get that under control for your husband.
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freebird
Drama Llama
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'cause I'm free as a bird now
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Jun 25, 2014 20:06:48 GMT
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Post by freebird on Jan 21, 2015 16:05:06 GMT
![:'(](//storage.proboards.com/forum/images/smiley/cry.png) This gives me faith in humanity. What a beautiful human being.
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Post by mikklynn on Jan 21, 2015 16:16:30 GMT
Jenjie, you and your DH remain in my prayers. For you especially, I pray for strength.
I have a number of wonderful friends I am blessed with. One in particular, Ann, has held my hand for the last nearly 8 years through DH's cancer journey. She has made food, let me cry, stood up to my crazy SIL -even offered to hide the body!
Her mother is an amazing friend as well. Even when her own DH was battling cancer (Ann's dad), she still sent cards of encouragement every week without fail.
My neighbors...oh how lucky I am. They shovel my driveway, get my mail, bring food...anything at all.
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Post by tarheelgurl on Feb 3, 2015 13:21:57 GMT
Angels among us... ![:)](//storage.proboards.com/5645536/images/MNrJDkDuSwqIMVw33MdD.jpg) Absolutely!
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Post by jenjie on Feb 23, 2015 1:43:09 GMT
Bumping up my own thread because I need to think on good things.
We are feeling so much love. Friends took my kids to church today. I asked them to stop at the store on the way home, I gave ds money to buy a loaf of bread. Friend tells ds "your money is no good here" and proceeds to buy THREE loaves of bread. "Put it in the freezer!" Only there's no room in the freezer because it is filled up with food from other people!
Somebody brought dinner the other night. Her mom is spearheading meals from our small group. She tells me her mom plans to make a week's worth of meals herself! Who does that? (And see above - where am I going to put all that food?! LOL)
A friend asked if she could come clean our house. She and her sister are coming tomorrow.
Last night when our friends were over I looked out the window to find that somebody had come and shoveled our sidewalk, driveway and walkway. There were 8 people in the house and nobody ever heard them! The dogs didn't bark. I know our church had made arrangements with somebody to take care of it for us. This morning I texted our pastor to ask who to thank for the stealth snow removal. He said "thank the Lord."
Well here's what else the Lord has been doing:
an anonymous person gave us a grocery gift card - signed from Jehovah-jireh (name means The Lord will provide) we received a blank card in the mail with a $100 bill inside
Last week ds was outside and "a lady I never saw before pulled up and gave me a dozen eggs and a card." It was the parents of friends of ours. There was a check in the card.
Friends made plans to bring dinner and spend Valentine's together. The husband was called in to work 4 days of double shifts so that got canceled. Wife told me today that they will reschedule after dh comes out of next week's stint in the hospital.
DH work is having a Beef & Beer benefit.
Our church is also having a benefit.
I have what seems like a hundred people on "retainer" who want to help but I told them I'll need their help later.
In the middle of overwhelming circumstances, we are overwhelmed by the amount of support we are receiving. And it's not just once, people want to help continually. Bright lights shining in the darkness.
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Post by baslp on Feb 23, 2015 2:09:53 GMT
So glad to hear that you have such a great support system. You can focus on your husband and kids. Others can help with the small things.
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