|
Post by lucyg on Apr 17, 2015 15:42:41 GMT
My parents are in their early 70's. Sure they did a great job raising 4 kids. But now they are less energetic, forgetful and really don't make good/logical decisions sometimes. I would be very apprehensive about leaving my 2 and 6 yr old with them. OP has every right to be concerned. OP, you need to go with your gut. If you don't feel comfortable leaving them there, don't. She said they were competent. And not only that, OP is the one who asked them to keep her kids, not the other way around. I'm guessing that it's not like they suddenly became incompetent in the last two months. OP, it's normal to worry about your young kids when you leave them with someone else. It's not normal to cancel your trip at the last minute because you can't cope with the anxiety. If the in-laws weren't comfortable keeping the kids, that would be different. But if you thought they'd do okay two months ago, they're still likely to do okay.
|
|
|
Post by stampbooker on Apr 17, 2015 16:01:11 GMT
jonda, Your nonchalance about children's safety is astounding.
"There are a LOT of what-ifs. If the kids are being eagle-eyed 24/7 how would they have time to climb into unlocked cabinets. Also, the meds would be coming to her house. Is she going to give them the key to her locked cabinet assuming she has one. If her children are so misbehaved that they don't know what they can and cannot get into, then there is a discipline problem already. My grandparents had meds laying out on their kitchen counter, neither me nor any of my cousins ever got into them. My mom keeps her meds in a basket on the end table next to where she usually sits. Not one of the grandkids ever got into them."
Leaving meds out like that is totally irresponsible. Your family was LUCKY that no child ever got into them. You seem to think it is fine to leave meds out like that. You don't think that pond is a drowning hazard. A two year old could certainly drown in that pond, they can drown in a bucket of water.
Of course you think the OP is over reacting.
Julie
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Apr 17, 2015 16:25:34 GMT
My parents are in their early 70's. Sure they did a great job raising 4 kids. But now they are less energetic, forgetful and really don't make good/logical decisions sometimes. I would be very apprehensive about leaving my 2 and 6 yr old with them. OP has every right to be concerned. OP, you need to go with your gut. If you don't feel comfortable leaving them there, don't. Yet the husband is comfortable with it. So even if she's not, he has a say.
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Apr 17, 2015 16:37:44 GMT
jonda, Your nonchalance about children's safety is astounding. "There are a LOT of what-ifs. If the kids are being eagle-eyed 24/7 how would they have time to climb into unlocked cabinets. Also, the meds would be coming to her house. Is she going to give them the key to her locked cabinet assuming she has one. If her children are so misbehaved that they don't know what they can and cannot get into, then there is a discipline problem already. My grandparents had meds laying out on their kitchen counter, neither me nor any of my cousins ever got into them. My mom keeps her meds in a basket on the end table next to where she usually sits. Not one of the grandkids ever got into them." Leaving meds out like that is totally irresponsible. Your family was LUCKY that no child ever got into them. You seem to think it is fine to leave meds out like that. You don't think that pond is a drowning hazard. A two year old could certainly drown in that pond, they can drown in a bucket of water. Of course you think the OP is over reacting. Julie It's not nonchalance, it's being realistic. We weren't LUCKY we were TAUGHT what was appropriate and what wasn't. Like I said, the OP is basing her opinion on the meds based solely on how the meds are in their home when the children AREN'T staying there. Plus unless she has a locked cabinet for them to put their meds in at her house, then they are a bigger threat there than in the GP home. EVERYTHING can be a hazard. But do you live your entire life in fear? Here are things that are JUST as plausible. - 2 yr old at home, in bedroom, jumping on bed, falls off bed lands on the floor and breaks their neck.
- 2 yr old at home, in dining room, climbs up on the chairs, then up onto the table and swings from the chandelier causing everything to come crashing down and ending up in a heap on the table surrounded by glass.
- 2 yr old at home, in hallway, running, trips, breaks a bone
- 2 yr old at home, in kitchen, pulls out drawers, uses them to climb on counter, turns on stove and burns themselves.
- 2 yr old at home, in living room, gets excited watching TV, jumps around and pulls on TV causing it to fall over on top of them and trapping them underneath in a pile of glass.
- 2 yr old at home, sneaks outside, and falls down the same hill MIL had an accident on.
- 2 yr old at home, in bathroom, falls and hits head on bathtub.
Yes, bad things happen, yes we watch the kids, but unless you are going to put them on a leash or in a bubble, you can't control for every potential scenario. And those little ponds are VERY common and not just among the childless crowd. We had access to actual ponds growing up on the property and pools.
|
|
suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
|
Post by suzastampin on Apr 17, 2015 16:56:32 GMT
I haven't read all the posts so this might be a repeat. I totally understand your reservation about the meds. The thing is, at either place they can be left down. I would just remind them again when you drop off the kiddos. I would stop at Walmart or wherever and pick up a couple of those child proof knobs and put them on both of their doors and ask that they use them. Instead of making it sound like you don't trust them, I'd say something along the lines of how quick little ones are and this will make it so they won't have to worry about them skipping out when they turn their back for a moment.
|
|
|
Post by kellybelly77 on Apr 17, 2015 18:03:09 GMT
I couldn't leave my girls with my MIL because she was a drug addict and couldn't even take care of herself let alone a child. She didn't even raise dh because she wasn't capable. But, the medication would concern me. My SIL would routinely let nephew stay at MIL house because she's a horrible parent also. MIL would leave her medication (both prescribed and unprescribed) and her drugs out on a little bookcase in her bedroom. When nephew was about 18 mo he got into the xanax, which she didn't have a prescription for and he ingested some. he almost died. He was in the hospital for days, couldn't walk or talk it was very frightening for us and solidified our position that she would never watch our children. SIL continued to let him go over there unsupervised until Mil passed away.
I realize the situations are different but I would insist she keep the medication locked up. Other than that I wouldn't have a problem since I am assuming your IL's aren't drug addicts! My mom's house is not baby proofed and my kids love going over there to see what kind of crap they can find.
|
|
pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
|
Post by pudgygroundhog on Apr 17, 2015 18:26:59 GMT
Yes, accidents can happen at any time. But why borrow trouble and leave medication out when all you really need to do is just put it away? I don't get the resistance to something so simple.
I'm pretty sure if there was a news story about a kid who got sick from medications left out, people would be all over the parents (or care givers).
|
|
|
Post by MorellisCupcake on Apr 17, 2015 18:52:56 GMT
Our own experiences shape how we perceive things and how we react, so take that into consideration when I say this. I'm not slamming you, OP, ultimately they're your children and you have to decide what's best.
I had DD just before I turned 24 and the kid made me a nervous wreck. I thought no one could take care of her the way I could, and I didn't ever want to leave her with DH's parents. They didn't speak English well, didn't do things the way I did, and so on. I did leave DD with them when she was about 18 months old, and she was fine. I don't know that they didn't give her a taste of wine since they thought that was okay, but no harm done either way.
My point is, loosen up. It was my issue that caused the problem, not that they couldn't take care of her. MIL has since passed away, but we visit FIL and I let him have free rein with my kids. He has some interesting ideas (microwave your fruit since you shouldn't eat it cold, never have ice water it will ruin your stomach, testing DH's blood sugar for whatever reason..) I just let it all go.
It took me while to learn, they're my inlaws but they're my kids' blood family, and they'll be fine with them. I wish I'd figured that out a lot sooner.
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Apr 17, 2015 19:02:31 GMT
Yes, accidents can happen at any time. But why borrow trouble and leave medication out when all you really need to do is just put it away? I don't get the resistance to something so simple. I'm pretty sure if there was a news story about a kid who got sick from medications left out, people would be all over the parents (or care givers). You're assuming that they wouldn't put the medication away while the kids are there. Just because they don't put the medicine in a locked cabinet every day, doesn't mean they wouldn't secure them away from the kids. I don't know any adults (without children) that lock up their meds. And again. does the OP have a cabinet for them to lock the meds up in at her house even? And to assume that they wouldn't take the necessary precautions with the kids, if I were them, I'd be offended if I had been brow beat for 2 months about how unsafe my home is and how you really don't trust me with the kids. Despite how she says it, or how diplomatic she puts it, trust me the grandparents and husband have more than gotten the point.
|
|
|
Post by chlerbie on Apr 17, 2015 19:21:54 GMT
I think it's natural and normal to have concerns. I think it's what you do with them from this point that matters. TELL them what you are concerned about and why and I'm sure that they will understand and comply and then be vigilant in the care because you've pointed out what you are worried about. And if they're getting there at 7, they're going to have a very minimal time there anyway and I bet everyone will be so excited to be there together, it will just be an evening of fun. Try your best to relax and enjoy your trip!
|
|
pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
|
Post by pudgygroundhog on Apr 17, 2015 19:39:34 GMT
Yes, accidents can happen at any time. But why borrow trouble and leave medication out when all you really need to do is just put it away? I don't get the resistance to something so simple. I'm pretty sure if there was a news story about a kid who got sick from medications left out, people would be all over the parents (or care givers). You're assuming that they wouldn't put the medication away while the kids are there. Just because they don't put the medicine in a locked cabinet every day, doesn't mean they wouldn't secure them away from the kids. I don't know any adults (without children) that lock up their meds. And again. does the OP have a cabinet for them to lock the meds up in at her house even? And to assume that they wouldn't take the necessary precautions with the kids, if I were them, I'd be offended if I had been brow beat for 2 months about how unsafe my home is and how you really don't trust me with the kids. Despite how she says it, or how diplomatic she puts it, trust me the grandparents and husband have more than gotten the point. And you are assuming they will put the medication away. We have no idea of knowing from the OP's post. I have no idea what the grandparents will or won't do, but I was just pointing out that putting away medications is a pretty basic precaution. And I think it is reasonable enough for the OP to mention this as a reminder in a non-confrontational manner (not implying that the grandparents are inept, just a friendly reminder how in to things toddlers can be). You just seem so militant in how accidents can happen in many ways and that the grandparents shouldn't change a thing. My counter is that if it's a simple thing to just put something away, why so resistant against it? Enough can happen to toddlers (as you've pointed out), so again, why borrow trouble?
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Apr 17, 2015 19:50:44 GMT
You're assuming that they wouldn't put the medication away while the kids are there. Just because they don't put the medicine in a locked cabinet every day, doesn't mean they wouldn't secure them away from the kids. I don't know any adults (without children) that lock up their meds. And again. does the OP have a cabinet for them to lock the meds up in at her house even? And to assume that they wouldn't take the necessary precautions with the kids, if I were them, I'd be offended if I had been brow beat for 2 months about how unsafe my home is and how you really don't trust me with the kids. Despite how she says it, or how diplomatic she puts it, trust me the grandparents and husband have more than gotten the point. And you are assuming they will put the medication away. We have no idea of knowing from the OP's post. I have no idea what the grandparents will or won't do, but I was just pointing out that putting away medications is a pretty basic precaution. And I think it is reasonable enough for the OP to mention this as a reminder in a non-confrontational manner (not implying that the grandparents are inept, just a friendly reminder how in to things toddlers can be). You just seem so militant in how accidents can happen in many ways and that the grandparents shouldn't change a thing. My counter is that if it's a simple thing to just put something away, why so resistant against it? Enough can happen to toddlers (as you've pointed out), so again, why borrow trouble? I actually don't disagree with you. It is reasonable to do that. I also am not resistant to the grandparents needing to adjust their habits if the grandkids are at their house. I'm basing my view on the apparent badgering of the in-laws regarding staying at their house vs staying at the kids house. It went on for 2 months before they gave in and "agreed" with the OP. It's one thing to casually mention, "Oh DS can't keep his hands out of things. I hope he doesn't get into your meds", it's another to constantly reinforce that the grandparents home isn't good enough.
|
|
pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
|
Post by pudgygroundhog on Apr 17, 2015 20:45:10 GMT
Yea, I guess I don't know what happened in those two month (was it browbeating? was it friendly discussions?). I see both sides of it - the grandparents are probably more comfortable in their own house, but when I first read it I thought in some ways it was easier for the kids to be in their own home. Mainly because of the two year old - not because of the four year old, who sounds very excited to go to Grandma and Grandpa's. In some ways it just easier with child proofing, toys, sleeping, etc - depending on the kid (some kids are very roll with it, some do better in their "known" environment, etc).
It is so hard to tell from just one post involving people I don't know what is going on for sure, so I guess we all just kind of project from our own point of view.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
May 15, 2024 18:49:38 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2015 21:19:01 GMT
My parents are in their early 70's. Sure they did a great job raising 4 kids. But now they are less energetic, forgetful and really don't make good/logical decisions sometimes. I would be very apprehensive about leaving my 2 and 6 yr old with them. OP has every right to be concerned. OP, you need to go with your gut. If you don't feel comfortable leaving them there, don't. She said they were competent. Mine are competent too. But I wouldn't leave my 2 young kids in their care if I were so worried about everything OP expressed. And yes I did read this entire thread. The lack of kindness on this thread is disappointing.
|
|
|
Post by lucyg on Apr 17, 2015 23:32:52 GMT
She said they were competent. Mine are competent too. But I wouldn't leave my 2 young kids in their care if I were so worried about everything OP expressed. And yes I did read this entire thread. The lack of kindness on this thread is disappointing. There will always be some people who say things more bluntly than others. It's a chance we take when we post something here that may be controversial. I don't have a problem with parents deciding not to leave kids with grandparents who may not be competent, especially very young kids. But why ask them to babysit and then turn it into all this drama? Don't ask in the first place and then try to browbeat them into being someone they are not.
|
|
|
Post by OntarioScrapper on Apr 18, 2015 14:46:57 GMT
My parents are a good 10-15 years younger than my in-laws. My husband I both came to an agreement years ago when our oldest was young that my parents weren't to be trusted looking after young kids. Unlike my in-laws my dad was flippant about car seats and other things. My son went on trip with my parents and some of his cousins to Florida. We sent a lift jacket with him because of his age. My dad said yes, he'd make sure he wore it. I got copies of the pictures. There's my son at the beach with no life jacket. I asked him about it and he said he told grandpa he needed to wear it and grandpa said he didn't. There were other things I found out and to be honest it just angered me that my Dad had this attitude that my sisters and I were FINE while growing up and all these new rules were just stupid. My son was the 4th grandchild. When my son was in the carseat that needed an anchor, my dad didn't have the bolt in his car. I told him my son wasn't going in his car until that bolt was put in because his carseat NEEDED it and why in the world didn't he have one in there anyway for the other grandkids?!? Well he did put it in grumbling that it make his car look weird.
Honestly, OP, go with your gut. Our kids went to my husband's parents at a young age but we knew they would be taken care of. They did their best to update anything that needed to be done for the kids to be safe. If they stayed up late and had too much sugar that was okay. They were being "spoiled" however they were also safe.
|
|
|
Post by jonda1974 on Apr 19, 2015 16:36:19 GMT
Curious how things went.
|
|
|
Post by finally~a~mama on Apr 21, 2015 20:28:10 GMT
Did you go OP?
|
|
|
Post by tamiq on Apr 22, 2015 13:53:34 GMT
I am also curious if all turned out well?!
|
|