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Post by holly on Apr 16, 2015 15:58:54 GMT
How often do you let your parents babysit? Or if you are a grandparent, how often do you get the grandkids?
Reading that thread got me thinking about my SIL. She hardly ever let my mom have my niece. And I don't think she ever let her stay the night. At the time they lived about 30 min away from each other. I had my son a year later and we lived almost 2 hrs away from my mom. We saw each other probably twice a month. I let my mom have him all the time. If we went to dinner, she watched him for us. We didn't have anyone we knew where we lived, so our date nights happened at her house. Which was where we had both grown up.
My mom's house didn't have issues with it. She was young and healthy. Really no reason not to let my niece come over. She never let her come to our house either. Just what it was I guess. My mom moved out of state when my son was about 2 1/2. She then moved to the state we live in now about 12 years ago. I have a DD now too. Both my kids have stayed at her house countless times. My niece has been to our state one time (she was 15 at the time). My kids have an awesome relationship with my mom.
All this to say that Karma is coming back to my SIL she is a grandma now and her DIL won't let the kids stay at her and my brothers house. Again no problems with the house or family issues. The DIL just can't let go. The oldest is 6 and youngest is 3 and I think the oldest just finally got to sleep over there this past year, once. They are rarely asked to babysit.
I pray to God that my DIL will share her babies with me. I would be heartbroken. I know my DD will share them.
There is nothing like a grandparent relationship, our kids need one if they are lucky enough to have access to one!
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 23:23:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2015 16:04:53 GMT
We live across the street from my parents. The last time they babysat was last June. Our oldest two DDs had a band performance, and we didn't want to take the two youngest girls with us. The performance was about 2 hours long, one evening. I asked my mom if she could babysit.. she said she'd have to think about it. She wasn't sure. She hmmed and hawed over the course of a week or so. Then the day before the performance she said she wasn't sure she could babysit my two kids in the evening, because she takes full time care of my nephew during the day.  She ended up taking the kids but only after I told her that we had figured out another solution, and it was this big "ooh, let me help you!!!" show from her, as she was doing us this huuuuuuuge favour. It was so stressful. And then when we got home she complained about how long we were gone and how she had to walk around the front yard with the baby in the stroller and it was hard to roll the stroller on the grass. I have not asked her to baby sit since. |
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quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,703
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Apr 16, 2015 16:10:53 GMT
I am a grandma. With the first gc, ddil was really hesitant to have the baby at our place, not sure of the reasons, but she really didn't know us that well and we were going thru a marriage issue. I/we were allowed to babysit at their place without problems. There was a hiccup period again during the separation and divorce (xh & I), however, I simply stayed true to myself. It was really really hard on me, not being able to simply call & go over to see dgc. That has since passed.
In the past two years, I have had dgc at my home, overnight and even in the indoor pool in my building. I have even gone on a trip with him to Toronto (about 100k away) for a weekend and have done other stuff with him.
Now that my other dgc was born in early December, I am their extra hand. I come over every day in the morning & afternoon to give ddil some time to take dgc to/from school, I have stayed with the baby so she could take a shower, sleep or do errands (very cold here in winter).
We have a good relationship. She trusts me. My baby dgc lights up whenever I come to them. The older dgc trusts me and we have a good grandparent/grandchild relationship.
Not sure of the relationship with my xh & the grandchildren. Both of them are less trusting of him, due to decisions / lifestyle that he has made / continues to make.
As a grandparent who has a son, it is best to come to terms very early, that a son is a son until he takes a wife and a daughter is a daughter is all her life. No flames, however, the ddil knows how her mom raised her and has a more endearing (or not) trust in the family structure.
edited to add: As Ashley has mentioned above, family relationships play a huge part. My own mil wasn't overly "open arms" with watching my children. Somehow though, she had all the time for xh's brother & wife and the sister & dh. Family are sometimes hard to understand. |
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Post by myshelly on Apr 16, 2015 16:12:54 GMT
My parents don't babysit. They are simply not physically capable. I do take my kids over there to visit, but I won't leave them there without me, sadly.
On the other hand, I love my MIL and let her see my kids whenever she asks. She gets them all day every Saturday (unless we have some other obligation like a bday party, in which case I will let her choose another day). When I need a babysitter I always ask her. I don't *expect* her to always be free to babysit for me, but when I had my oldest she asked me to always ask her first and I agreed (basically she gets right of first refusal, lol). My kids adore her and they have such a special bond. She's an amazing grandma.
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Post by Fidget on Apr 16, 2015 16:18:50 GMT
I am a Grandparent, in my late 50's. DH and I both still work full time, I do love having my grandchildren though. If DS & DDIL ask me to babysit and I'm free I always say yes. Sometimes they wait until the last minute and I'm not free, in which case I say no.
I won't cancel my plans to babysit unless it's an emergency. On average I probably babysit twice a month and keep them overnight once a month. I do have Sunday dinner almost every week!
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johnnysmom
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Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Apr 16, 2015 16:21:20 GMT
My relationship with my parents is strained at best. In-laws are better but busier and further away (about 1.5hrs). In-laws probably babysat about a year ago, my parents a few years ago. I have no issue what-so-ever with either set of grandparents babysitting or asking to take the boys for a day/weekend/etc, but they never ask to. We have a great babysitter we use for when we want to go out no need to bother the grandparents.
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by gina on Apr 16, 2015 16:21:39 GMT
Often. My Mom lives down the block and my husband is heading to the firehouse for a 24 hour shift tonight. I have to be on 3 different lacrosse fields from 5-9pm, drive a dance studio carpool and I have an incoming 6th grade meeting at the middle school tonight at 7pm for my son. If my Mom couldn't help me watch a kid here and there tonight, there's no way I'd be able to do it all.
I'd say maybe 1x a week I ask for help and she will watch any or all of my 3 kids, pending on what I am doing. It is usually because I need one kid watched while I drive the other two somewhere (my youngest is 6 so too young to be left alone) or two kids lacrosse practices are ending at the exact same time on different fields. She will pick someone up for me if my husband is working.
I rarely ask my in-laws. They live in the same town. Its not that I don't like or trust them, it is just that my Mom is so close and knows our routine like her own. I just feel more comfortable asking her. My in-laws babysit all 3 kids *maybe* once every 4 months or so when we want a date night. It is never to help me with my daily routine like my Mom does.
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Post by lumo on Apr 16, 2015 16:22:08 GMT
My parents live about 25 minutes from us, and I let them take DD whenever they want! She most recently spent 2 nights with them last week over spring break. They've been keeping her since she was tiny...I think we left her for a full day with them when she was maybe a month old. I have no qualms about it.
Both DH's parents have died, so leaving her with the ILs isn't an issue, but he has no problem letting her stay w/my folks.
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 23:23:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2015 16:23:20 GMT
Both sets of grandparents adore DS but neither is really the babysitting kind. Plus, they don't live close (one is two hours away, one is three hours away), so there are significant logistics involved to make an overnighter happen, and generally it makes more sense for it to be a whole family thing than DS only.
They have both helped out when I have had to travel for work. DH works weird hours (generally about 4 or 5 PM to midnight or 1 AM) so regular babysitters aren't much of an option when I'm out of town. That's about twice a year.
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Deleted
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May 12, 2024 23:23:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2015 16:23:28 GMT
My parents live 12 hours away from us. From the time the kids were 1 and 2 years old, we'd take them to my parents' house and let them stay for a week without us. Sometimes my brother's kids would join them. My mom called it Grandma Boot Camp and even had T-shirts made for all the grand kids. When my dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness and she had to focus on caring for him, the kids could no longer stay without us. I don't know who was more disappointed by that change, the kids or my mom. I am so grateful for the many fun memories the kids share with my parents as a result of that time.
My in-laws live 4 hours away from us. The kids stayed at their house for a weekend once while DH and I went on an anniversary getaway weekend. Then they adopted my sister-in-law's children and no longer had time for our kids. It's probably been 10 years since my kids have spent any significant time at all with them.
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Post by anxiousmom on Apr 16, 2015 16:26:22 GMT
Eh. My mom took the kids whenever she wanted. She is about 25 minutes away and the kids would spend days, or nights, or weekends, or weeks or however long she wanted. When the kids got a little older, they would call and invite themselves over to spend time with her. Even now as teenagers, they will go over and spend the night just to hang out with her-and drive themselves over. LOL My ex-in laws are further away, but the visit my ex often. Even back in the days when we had a visitation schedule (it's almost non-existent now that they are older) whenever they come to town, I sent (or send) them over to spend time with them. Often they are babysitting my ex's younger kids, so in essence when my kids were younger their grandparents were overseeing them as well. My mom would take the kids for "grammy camp" every summer for a week or two. And she took (still takes) them on separate vacations as well. I welcome her (and my ex's parents) participation. I want my kids to have a relationship with their family-including a relationship that is separate from me. I  my mom so very much. |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 16, 2015 16:29:42 GMT
Well, my mom had Alzheimer's and my MIL had serious health issues and was an alcoholic when DD was born. Both of her grandpas passed away before she was born. So no, she never stayed overnight with either of her grandmas. They both passed away right after she turned one.
The only one of my siblings that we would trust her with overnight lives 15 hours away. DH's sister doesn't even want to take care of her own kids so we have no interest in leaving ours with her either. We knew going in that it would be this way, and we are good with it.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 16, 2015 16:33:07 GMT
Quite a bit. I've always thought my kids are incredibly lucky to have really wonderful grandparents who adore them. I've done everything I can to foster that special relationship. My kids have stayed with both my parents and inlaws many times - sometimes in their homes, sometimes in ours - we've lived in different states then both sets of grandparents so it depends on the length of trip, logistics etc. When they were babies, we always took advantage of visiting family to sneak in a date night or two. Once they were done nursing, they stayed over night and we could have actual weekends away together! I've always seen it as a win-win.
Do the grandparents follow every rule - absolutely not. I still remember when they came home from visiting my inlaws and we were talking about dinner and my son said "You know that doesn't sound too good, I'll just have Mac and Cheese". I had to remind him that Mommy doesn't make special meals like Grandma. I know there are family circumstances where a grandparent is simply not suitable - for a variety of reasons. But I think it's sad that a parents would rather hire a sitter who will do things exactly the way they want - versus a loving grandparent. I always felt a 100% better when my kids were with their grandparents than any sitter. If God forbid disaster struck - I know that they would die to save my children.
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 16, 2015 16:33:16 GMT
My parents kept my children frequently. My in-laws had no interest in any interaction with my kids, except if they were getting an award, but that is another story!
It took my DIL a while to get used the idea I wanted to keep our granddaughter for a day or two. She had elderly grandparents she rarely saw. She was a good sport about it and learned to take advantage of our willingness - in a good way!
Now they live 850 miles away. We do keep the grands overnight at the hotel when we visit. They love it
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2015 16:39:04 GMT
Before we moved, we *asked* our parents to look after the boys one week a year. If it was at all possible, they were always happy to do it. They came to us because we couldn't have the youngest missing a whole week of school. we lovingly referred to it as campnanapawpaw.
We lived about 450 miles apart at that time.
Now that we live less than 2 hours from all of them, we see them on a weekly to monthly basis and the boys enjoy spending time with them. The boys are older now and require less supervision but they love the occasional night with nana or grandma, and the accompanying special treats that come with each.
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Post by eebud on Apr 16, 2015 16:42:55 GMT
We are grandparents. We are both young, work full time and are very active and busy. We don't babysit a lot but I have no issues helping out when needed and when we can. DSS only has 2 of his kids 1st, 3rd and 5th weekends as well as more time around holidays and times when the kids are out of school. The last thing I am going to do is ask him to give up some of his time with 2 of his kids. We will have one of the kids over to help bake cookies or something special but they don't usually stay the night. The youngest lives with him full time. He is the one that we are more likely to help out DSS with. DSS doesn't typically need a babysitter to go out. He is always strapped for cash and lives very frugally so he doesn't go out for nights on the town where he needs a sitter. What is more likely to happen is we take all of them out together somewhere fun or they all come to the lake house or they all come over to swim. We love spending time with the grandkids. Heck, it gets more fun the older they get!! We also love spending time with DSS. It works well for us.
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Post by shamrock on Apr 16, 2015 16:49:06 GMT
I have no issue with my parents watching my boys, neither does DH. They come to their sports & school events, call to see how they are doing, celebrate little success and try to be as involved as the boys, us & they can be. My parents live here in town. They have watched them while we've gone out of town and for date nights. My parents are older than inlaws by at least 5 years.
I have issues with inlaws watching my boys. DH kind of does, they are his parents so its harder. They have watched them when we've gone out of town. This was after they offered, we didn't initially ask. But when we return we are greeted with how they won't do it again, only to have them beg us to go somewhere so they can watch them. Kids are late elementary age, have 1 practice a week each & 1 game a weekend each. So it isn't like MIL/FIL are having to spend lots of time with them bc friends take to & from practices & games since we knew it was "too stressful." They spend their days playing golf and drag our children to dinners with business contacts. Inlaws are from out of town, but they lived here for years so are very familiar with everything. We then hear from family friends & DH's brother & his wife that MIL says how much we expect them to do. I leave NO instructions other than what time school starts, what time practices & games start & who is taking them where. I have lunches made & dinners (if they choose to use them) in the freezer. Brother & his wife know MIL makes up tales. They live in the same town as inlaws and hardly have them watch their daughter for many of the same reasons. Inlaws won't go to the boys school/sports events even if they are in town. Haven't called on a birthday in a few years. Actions speak louder than words, but in their case both show we aren't valued.
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Post by gar on Apr 16, 2015 16:49:25 GMT
We lived over an hour away (I know that might not seem much to you guys!) from parents and in-laws so they didn't often have them for short spells - it was days/overnights and weekends more often than not. When they were about 6 and 8 we went away (long haul) for 10 days for our 10th wedding anniversary which was bliss. My Dad promised me they'd look after them 'as if they were our own' - which promptly made me cry  It was great all round - mums and dads really got to know and enjoy the girls, the girls enjoyed a close and fun relationship with the grandparents and we got to enjoy some non-parenting time together over the years which was special. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 16, 2015 16:55:17 GMT
I got lucky, my mom is a very involved grandma. She was always good with the kids when they were little too. Now that my kids are older, she is still wishing they would come visit her more often but realizes it just isn't as much fun to go to grandma's as when they were younger. They do go for an overnight 3 or 4 times a year. When they were little, it was probably about once a month. My mom is involved with all 11 of her grandkids, though. And she has my nephew for visitation every other weekend since my brother passed away.
My dad has helped out in pinch. I have asked him to help and he has never said no. But he does not generally initiate the contact himself. He is like that with me, though, too. I have to invite him to visit.
My ex in-laws never, ever wanted to spend time with my kids. It was very rare that we would ever take them over for a visit. My exMIL was a bit OCD and her house was spotless. It was not the place for small children. So when they felt like visiting, we would host. Since our divorce, they have had a falling out with my ex so my children haven't seen their grandparents on that side in over 3 years. It is a really sad situation.
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Post by maryland on Apr 16, 2015 16:59:38 GMT
How often do you let your parents babysit? Or if you are a grandparent, how often do you get the grandkids? Reading that thread got me thinking about my SIL. She hardly ever let my mom have my niece. And I don't think she ever let her stay the night. At the time they lived about 30 min away from each other. I had my son a year later and we lived almost 2 hrs away from my mom. We saw each other probably twice a month. I let my mom have him all the time. If we went to dinner, she watched him for us. We didn't have anyone we knew where we lived, so our date nights happened at her house. Which was where we had both grown up. My mom's house didn't have issues with it. She was young and healthy. Really no reason not to let my niece come over. She never let her come to our house either. Just what it was I guess. My mom moved out of state when my son was about 2 1/2. She then moved to the state we live in now about 12 years ago. I have a DD now too. Both my kids have stayed at her house countless times. My niece has been to our state one time (she was 15 at the time). My kids have an awesome relationship with my mom. All this to say that Karma is coming back to my SIL she is a grandma now and her DIL won't let the kids stay at her and my brothers house. Again no problems with the house or family issues. The DIL just can't let go. The oldest is 6 and youngest is 3 and I think the oldest just finally got to sleep over there this past year, once. They are rarely asked to babysit. I pray to God that my DIL will share her babies with me. I would be heartbroken. I know my DD will share them. There is nothing like a grandparent relationship, our kids need one if they are lucky enough to have access to one! It sounds like your sister is getting the same treatment that she gave your parents. I see that happen so much. My sil is wonderful and she may not agree with everything my parents do, but she always lets them spend time with the grandchildren. That makes me love my sil even more! And my brother treats her parents well too, letting them spend lots of time with the kids.
My parents and inlaws live out of state, but they always get to see us equally. Yes I would love to spend every holiday with my family (and my husband would with his) but we know that marriage is a compromise. I think that is important to show my daughters that they need to respect both their inlaws. And I wouldn't want my future son in law to keep their kids away from us.
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grammanisi
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by grammanisi on Apr 16, 2015 17:00:33 GMT
We are grandparents to 3 and soon to be great grandparents! Yay! Unless we have big plans(which is very seldom), we never say no to having the kids here and never have. I have kept all 3 of them since they were newborns, at their house and at out house. The kids have always referred to our house as their house. Their other grandparents only keep them when it is their idea.
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Post by Linda on Apr 16, 2015 17:05:07 GMT
My mother watched Simon for 2 days when I was in the hospital for knee surgery back in 1993 (he was a toddler). That's the only time she's ever babysat. She doesn't have any interest in it. I've never really gotten the impression she especially likes children
My MIL watched Simon and Cathleen for several hours when I had my d&c with my first m/c (Simon was 13 and Cathleen was 5) and again overnight when I had Annabelle (they were 14 and 6 then). She also picked Cathleen up from school once a week for a semester and drove her to our house in 4th grade. We try not to ask her to babysit because the rest of the family tends to take advantage of her kindness by dropping off their kids (her great grands) for days or weeks on end - she had 8 of them ALL last summer - and we refuse to contribute to that.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2015 17:15:32 GMT
My ILs and my dad are each 71 years old. They're all agile, the men are still working, and they're active and lucid, so they're all young 71s, but 71 is still 71! So I let him go as often as they want, but I hesitate to ask because at 34, a 4 year old boy exhausts me, so I can only imagine how tiring it is for them! They adore him, but I feel like I'm asking a lot when I ask him to stay the night. I think he's stayed with my ILs about 5 times in his life. He was breastfed til he was 2 though so it's really 5 times in 2 years. My mom is 2 hours away so I've never asked her to keep him overnight but a couple of weeks ago she offered to take him home with her when she was leaving so I said yes and she had him for 4 days and they had a grand time. So I have no desire to keep him from them, but I don't have a good gauge for how much is too much. My ILs next closest grandchild is 12, so they were much younger when they did this last, and my parents have no other grandkids.
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Post by finally~a~mama on Apr 16, 2015 17:28:15 GMT
I grew up with grandparents that I loved dearly. One that was very involved and the others less so (but we still knew we were special & loved by them). We almost always saw them as a family. Babysitting/overnights were rare.
My children have 2 grandmothers (one on each side). Until recently they lived 1 1/2 hrs & 2 1/2 hrs away. Babysitting/overnights aren't all that practical with that kind of distance. They have both babysat when we asked (when our daycare provider took vacation, we had evening work events, etc). We've never done overnights. What are we supposed to do drive 2 1/2 hours drop off our kids, drive home 2 1/2 hours and then do it again the next day? Besides my children would not sleep well without us there. It's bad enough when we are there. I don't see how grandparents staying up half the night with an anxious, scared toddler would be any fun. Maybe other kids are just more flexible than mine.
I'm not really comfortable with my MIL babysitting now because she made a spectacularly bad choice while watching my oldest child a couple years ago. The kind that could have gotten my child seriously hurt or worse. If my DH was on board she would never have babysat again. But I'm sure if you were to ask her I'm the mean DIL who doesn't "share".
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Post by gorgeouskid on Apr 16, 2015 17:35:13 GMT
My ILs babysat DS overnight on our second anniversary. He was just over one. It was fine. My mom didn't have DS overnight by herself until he was about ten and has stayed with her for a week each summer since, flying unaccompanied minor to her town. DS went back east with my MIL for a ten day trip without us.
Both sets of grandparents do not live locally, and having him spend time with them overnight or extended would never have been a problem. Both are competent and loving.
His not staying with them more often is more a consequence of location rather than not trusting them or not wanting to let go.
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Post by leannec on Apr 16, 2015 17:39:20 GMT
My mum watches dd's whenever she can - now that dd #1 is 16 she doesn't sleep over there anymore but dd#2 is 11 and still does ... I've never had a problem leaving them with her ... they have a great relationship as a result |
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
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Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Apr 16, 2015 17:39:30 GMT
My mother used to beat the shit out of me when I was a child. I didn't let her watch my dd until my dd was old enough to tell me if grandma was mean to her. At five my dd went to stay with my mom for a couple days. I got a call after about 36 hours that my dd wouldn't stop crying, and wanted to go home. My dd has never spent the night with my mom without me there ever again. It's sad, but I didn't, and still don't, trust my mom. My dd is now 18 and it's her choice to stay with my mom, and she always politely declines.
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Post by agengr2004 on Apr 16, 2015 17:43:21 GMT
We live in the same city as my FIL and he babysits at least once every two weeks. Sometimes at our house and sometimes DD spends the night over at his house. They've been able to develop a really wonderful relationship and I like the fact that she's close enough to him that she has another adult she fully trusts and can go to with anything. My parents and my MIL live further away and DD spends a week each summer with them and has since she was 3 (she's 6 now).
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Post by jemali on Apr 16, 2015 17:45:31 GMT
My kids are too old to need a babysitter now, but when they were little they frequently went to both their grandparents houses. Whenever we needed a sitter, they would take them if they were available. I never had any worries for their safety.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Apr 16, 2015 17:49:58 GMT
My MIL watched our kids on occasion, especially ODS. Not long after YDS was born she was diagnosed with Pulmonary Fibrosis and was physically unable to watch the kids. The thing was, she still would have if we asked, but we knew it was a burden on her and her husband. We took them over almost every weekend to visit and she LOVED that! My FIL has never watched our boys. We've asked when the boys were younger and they always said no. My mom isn't mentally or physically able to, she has a brain injury and is not quite herself. My dad also has too many things going on health wise to be able to do it. YDS is 6 and has been diagnosed with Autism, so he can be a handful at times and will not sit with anyone outside of our immediate family. With that being said, my DH and I haven't had a date night in 4 years and I really miss having time alone with him.
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She ended up taking the kids but only after I told her that we had figured out another solution, and it was this big "ooh, let me help you!!!" show from her, as she was doing us this huuuuuuuge favour. It was so stressful. And then when we got home she complained about how long we were gone and how she had to walk around the front yard with the baby in the stroller and it was hard to roll the stroller on the grass.
my mom so very much.
