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Post by bratkar on Apr 17, 2015 13:06:03 GMT
I'm 49, I expect the feeling of knowing when it's time to have a baby to kick in any day now... I'm 45 and expecting to have that feeling any day now too..... And have been married almost 22 years now too.
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Post by seikashaven on Apr 17, 2015 13:14:45 GMT
Wanting a child has dominated our marriage since the very beginning. I don't really remember NOT wanting a child. We'd probably been married just a year when we had the "let's do this!" conversation. It took us five years and a team of medical professionals to get my beautiful son here. Now I've been trying for another year for baby #2. In fact I'm at the doctors office as I write this about to start a whole new round of drugs. For me, the desire to have a child is like a physical pain. It's a hunger and a void that I've given up a lot to fill. My heart hurts today and I'm not in a good place emotionally.
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Post by lovinlife on Apr 17, 2015 13:33:50 GMT
We got married in 99...I'd just turned 21. We knew we wanted a family some day. I had my 1st dd at 23. I had issues with bc and became pregnant with 2nd dd and had her 2 weeks after my 25th bday. Over the years we had an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage that were all surprises. We thought we were done and surprise my 3rd dd was born when I was 32. Again thought we were done and got pregnant again when I was 36. Another surprise lol. Unfortunately we lost that baby along with major complications so I was told not to get pregnant again...it could put my life at risk.
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Post by gillyp on Apr 17, 2015 14:13:01 GMT
I wasn't particularly bothered about having kids until I hit 21 (was married at 17). Then my hormones started screaming at me and within a month I was expecting our first. It wasn't that easy the second time around and it took 2 1/2 long years. I knew I wanted to stop at two even though I thought I wanted six, and never once felt broody again. So in my case I knew when my hormones told me.
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Post by cynipidae17 on Apr 17, 2015 14:34:18 GMT
I was 28 when I married and always wanted kids. I promised my husband a year of just us and then we would start trying. Well, he got 6 very frustrating and emotionally exhausting years before DD1 arrived. It took 4 years working with a reproductive specialist to get our girl. A little less than 2 years later we had her sister. I had quite a few health issues with my second and she spent 6 weeks in the NICU because of that we decided we are done. I would love to have another, but since I am now 40 I am hoping the urges start to go away.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 17, 2015 14:38:12 GMT
We married right out of college. I knew I wanted some time to establish my career before having kids. My husband didn't want to be "old" parents, and we knew the risk of potential issues increased after 35. We waited almost 10 years. I hit a particularly important milestone in my career and decided I was ready. I'm really glad we took the time. It strengthened our marriage, and certainly gave us more of a financial cushion. But I do know that I was a bit naive on just how much motherhood would take over my life and rearrange my priorities. I think it would have been harder for me mentally with the upheaval if I hadn't accomplished some of my personal goals before having kids.
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Post by Linda on Apr 17, 2015 14:38:26 GMT
Wanting a child has dominated our marriage since the very beginning. I don't really remember NOT wanting a child. We'd probably been married just a year when we had the "let's do this!" conversation. It took us five years and a team of medical professionals to get my beautiful son here. Now I've been trying for another year for baby #2. In fact I'm at the doctors office as I write this about to start a whole new round of drugs. For me, the desire to have a child is like a physical pain. It's a hunger and a void that I've given up a lot to fill. My heart hurts today and I'm not in a good place emotionally. ((((Hugs)))) and prayers - my first was an unexpected blessing but we battled secondary IF afterwards and it was HARD
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Post by winogirl on Apr 17, 2015 14:58:21 GMT
Never. People don't do it anymore since I'm over 50, but it used to irritate me when they would say crap like "you don't know what you're missing". No, I know all I need to know.
One revelation for me was an episode of the Cosby Show where Claire Huxtable wanted another baby. They already had 5 and Dr. H couldn't understand why another? Well, she explained it to him and she was explaining it to me too because I never experienced any feelings like that.
I don't remember most of my crazy dreams, but I do remember a dream I once had where I was the mother of twin boys. I was packing my bags and running away in the middle of the night.
I love being a wife (30 years next month! ) and I love my cat, but I've never had any desire for children whatsoever.
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on Apr 17, 2015 15:00:34 GMT
im 28 (will be 29 soon) and feel we are at the time. We both have good career paths, we've been married 3 years and have traveled a bit, and have some savings built up. Im really excited to start this chapter
I had a lateish miscarriage a couple of years ago and ever since then have wanted a child but also had a fear of what happened, I think Im finally over that and excited now instead of scared
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loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
Jun 26, 2014 16:15:45 GMT
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Post by loco coco on Apr 17, 2015 15:07:09 GMT
Wanting a child has dominated our marriage since the very beginning. I don't really remember NOT wanting a child. We'd probably been married just a year when we had the "let's do this!" conversation. It took us five years and a team of medical professionals to get my beautiful son here. Now I've been trying for another year for baby #2. In fact I'm at the doctors office as I write this about to start a whole new round of drugs. For me, the desire to have a child is like a physical pain. It's a hunger and a void that I've given up a lot to fill. My heart hurts today and I'm not in a good place emotionally. Big hugs and good luck!! Im sorry your heart hurts. just remember that beautiful boy you have and dont give up
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 2, 2024 3:51:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2015 15:07:59 GMT
I was 29 when DH and I got married, but lived together for 4 years before that. We weren't sure we wanted children at first. DH was always told he couldn't have any because of kidney issues and medications he was on when he was a child. I think he used the "I don't want kids" as a defense to keep from being upset that he "thought" he couldn't have children. We decided to try and get pregnant and see what happens. We knew if we couldn't have children naturally, we would not go to specialists or go through any kind of fertility treatments. Not long after we began trying I found out I was pregnant with ODS. I was 31 (almost 32) when I had him. YDS on the other hand was a COMPLETE surprise, I was on bc and followed my routine to a "T", so I can't say what happened there. But I was 36 when I had him.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 17, 2015 16:05:14 GMT
DH and I were together for four years before we got married at 21. He always said he wanted two kids, I always said I wanted none because he was such a big kid himself. Even though we had a house right away, he needed to finish school, then I went back for two years, and then we were self employed and broke and working 70 hours a week each for a number of years so the timing wasn't good. It wasn't until we were 40 that our finances were under control, we were working more reasonable hours and DH stopped spending every nickel we ever made on big boy toys and we could have a grown up discussion about it. I went off BC and was still ambivalent about the thought of having a baby, but would be fine with the idea if it happened or not. I got pregnant in May of 2009, miscarried five weeks later and DH was devastated. Seeing how much he *really* wanted that baby changed something in me too. Once I got the all clear from my OB/GYN we were happy to find ourselves expecting again a couple months later. We had our very much planned DD after we had been married for almost 21 years! To say that we completely shocked every one of our family and friends was an understatement. I will add that after my truly "advanced maternal age" pregnancy (complete with extreme carpal tunnel, gestational diabetes and ending up with an unplanned c-section and two carpal tunnel surgeries after the fact), I can honestly say I had NO desire whatsoever to repeat that process again. We're happy with our one. We took permanent steps to make sure it wouldn't when DD was almost a year old. I don't regret having her, and I certainly don't regret waiting as long as we did to be in a very good place before bringing her into the world. She is a blessing, to be sure, and we love everything she brings to our world. Yes, I'll have a seven year old when I'm 50, but hey, if my mom could do it so can I! She always said we kept her young so I hope she was right. I don't think I would have been a very good parent back in my 20's anyway. I'm more laid back and patient now, and have a little more life experience to draw on. I'm comforted by the fact that I'm not the only "old mom" in the carpool lane, but I'm always surprised when people ask me if we're ever going to have another. Seriously people? I'm 48 years old! How about no?
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Post by pierkiss on Apr 17, 2015 16:37:54 GMT
There was this weird, almost instantaneous desire for a baby. Babies were suddenly everywhere! All of my friends were having them, my clients parents were having them, cousins, Etc. Talked to hubs about it and he was all for it, so we tried to make t happen. It took 2.5 years, a lot of dr visits and some Clomid to get that 1st baby. Definitely not an easy road for us.
But really, you just know.
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Post by scrappyoutlaw on Apr 17, 2015 17:23:09 GMT
I'd give DH a little more time before I started getting nuts. 30, maybe. Congrats on the shiny-new law degree! Thank you! I am so excited to be done with higher education, it's been NINE years. ugh! I haven't gotten nuts or anything, I just for the first time last week brought it up and I guess I was shocked by the way he brushed me off. We've been married almost two years, he has a solid job with a great income, (he's an engineer) and we bought a house the week we got married. School was always an obvious reason not to even consider kids yet, but now that I'm wrapping that up I thought it was time to start thinking about it. He reacted like I was 19 and broke suggesting having kids! I think I just need to ease him into the idea, I don't think 28 or 29 and trying to start a family is unreasonable lol! Not to mention most of our friends started having kids a year or two ago. I have always wanted children from the time I was a teenager, but wanting kids in your heart and knowing it's the right time using a reasonable brain are two different things. Am I fueled by my long time desire for kids, or am I really to the point of being ready for that? Hard to say, wish hubby would hear me out and reasonably discuss it with me.
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gina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,228
Jun 26, 2014 1:59:16 GMT
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Post by gina on Apr 17, 2015 17:26:49 GMT
When people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would say, "A mother." That's all I ever wanted. Same! Honestly, I wasn't even married to my husband yet when I decided to start trying. I worked a little backward. I had my babies at 22, 23 and 27. I will be 44 when all of my kids are in college or already done with it. While we may have not had time to ourselves in the beginning of our marriage, I am looking forward to us being young and doing LOTS of stuff together when the kids are out of the house.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 17, 2015 17:35:21 GMT
Well, I was married at 22. Then when I was 24, I got so drunk on my sister's 21st birthday that I forgot to put my diaphragm in that night. So that's how I ended up pregnant the first time. It was OK. We owned a house and he had a good job so I could quit mine and stay at home. We decided to start trying for a second child when our DD was 9 months old because I wanted my kids close together. We got pregnant on the first try and DS was born 18 months after DD. I wanted another baby but ex DH did not. He scheduled a vasectomy when our son was 2 months old and did not even tell me. I always wanted more kids so I was a little disappointed. But then I divorced him and remarried and have 3 stepdaughters so I got my big family in the end.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 17, 2015 17:36:30 GMT
Wanting a child has dominated our marriage since the very beginning. I don't really remember NOT wanting a child. We'd probably been married just a year when we had the "let's do this!" conversation. It took us five years and a team of medical professionals to get my beautiful son here. Now I've been trying for another year for baby #2. In fact I'm at the doctors office as I write this about to start a whole new round of drugs. For me, the desire to have a child is like a physical pain. It's a hunger and a void that I've given up a lot to fill. My heart hurts today and I'm not in a good place emotionally. Prayers that you get the baby you want to have.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 17, 2015 17:37:15 GMT
I haven't gotten nuts or anything, I just for the first time last week brought it up and I guess I was shocked by the way he brushed me off. We've been married almost two years, he has a solid job with a great income, (he's an engineer) and we bought a house the week we got married. School was always an obvious reason not to even consider kids yet, but now that I'm wrapping that up I thought it was time to start thinking about it. He reacted like I was 19 and broke suggesting having kids! I think I just need to ease him into the idea, I don't think 28 or 29 and trying to start a family is unreasonable lol! Not to mention most of our friends started having kids a year or two ago. I have always wanted children from the time I was a teenager, but wanting kids in your heart and knowing it's the right time using a reasonable brain are two different things. Am I fueled by my long time desire for kids, or am I really to the point of being ready for that? Hard to say, wish hubby would hear me out and reasonably discuss it with me. I forgot to say congrats on the degree, so, congratulations! Now that you're almost done with that though, are you going to be stuck with a boatload of student loans to repay? If so, that alone might be a good enough reason to delay starting your family just a little longer. I would personally be uncomfortable taking on the financial challenges of a new baby if I was already saddled with a lot of debt, knowing that I would want to take at least a little time off of work to be home with my little one at first and probably not getting paid.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Apr 17, 2015 17:38:11 GMT
I was 11 when I knew I wanted kids. I was 19 when I got together with my ex. I was 20 when I got pregnant and miscarried the first time with him (my actual 2 miscarriage but the first one is another story altogether) I knew right then that I would go off the pill and if I ever got pregnant again I would have a baby. almost 2 years later I got pregnant again but lost that baby also. At that time the doctor told us I might never be able to carry a baby to term. I knew right there that I wanted a baby and would try anything to get pregnant and stay pregnant to term. and when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter and the doctor said gain weight I was 135 pounds and he wanted me to gain 3 times the amount of weight that normal woman gain in the first 3 months because I had problems with losing weight and miscarrying by the time I was 12 weeks. so I went on a eating kick. I ate healthy but I did have a very large calorie diet the doctor put me on. I did start gaining weight and that made me not miscarry. That helped me develop a very healthy baby. I was 23 when I had her. then I got pregnant with my son and had him 3 months before I turned 25. I had to do the same thing with him I did with my first baby. I knew then I was done having babies. I had all we wanted. ex had a vasectomy and everything was great until we split. then I went back on the pill. then when I was 26 I got pregnant again. I had no problems. except she was 12 weeks early. and I knew then that this was going to be my last baby ever. I got my tubes cut and tide.
I am really happy that all 3 are very healthy adults now.
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Post by scrappyoutlaw on Apr 17, 2015 17:40:19 GMT
Now that you're almost done with that though, are you going to be stuck with a boatload of student loans to repay? If so, that alone might be a good enough reason to delay starting your family just a little longer. I would personally be uncomfortable taking on the financial challenges of a new baby if I was already saddled with a lot of debt, knowing that I would want to take at least a little time off of work to be home with my little one at first and probably not getting paid. Thank you, it was hard work so I'm very proud of myself for making it through to the end. DH and I are very fortunate to both have gotten through our eduction with no student loans. We worked our buns off and got very lucky with scholarships and stipends! Just a mortgage to deal with in our budget.
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,080
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Apr 17, 2015 17:44:02 GMT
I decided when I wanted to stop and counted backwards. We wanted two or three before I turned 35 so started at 27 to allow recovery in between. Had one at 28 and one at 30 and almost died with second so did not go for third.
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blue tulip
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,987
Jun 25, 2014 20:53:57 GMT
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Post by blue tulip on Apr 17, 2015 19:09:03 GMT
we were ready to start trying after we got married. I was 24, he was 25, we'd been together for 3+ years. didn't expect it to happen *immediately* but yes, we got pregnant on our wedding night. that it happened so quickly was a shocker! then our second beat us to the punch- we were talking about starting to try again the next month, and were using natural family planning because I'd never gone back on pills. well, one math error the month before we were going to start trying resulted in pregnancy. we were very lucky to get and stay pregnant easily both times. now that 'm a bit older, I have so many friends struggling with infertility. I had no idea back then.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 3:51:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2015 19:18:56 GMT
I'd give DH a little more time before I started getting nuts. 30, maybe. Congrats on the shiny-new law degree! Thank you! I am so excited to be done with higher education, it's been NINE years. ugh! I haven't gotten nuts or anything, I just for the first time last week brought it up and I guess I was shocked by the way he brushed me off. We've been married almost two years, he has a solid job with a great income, (he's an engineer) and we bought a house the week we got married. School was always an obvious reason not to even consider kids yet, but now that I'm wrapping that up I thought it was time to start thinking about it. He reacted like I was 19 and broke suggesting having kids! I think I just need to ease him into the idea, I don't think 28 or 29 and trying to start a family is unreasonable lol! Not to mention most of our friends started having kids a year or two ago. I have always wanted children from the time I was a teenager, but wanting kids in your heart and knowing it's the right time using a reasonable brain are two different things. Am I fueled by my long time desire for kids, or am I really to the point of being ready for that? Hard to say, wish hubby would hear me out and reasonably discuss it with me. Did you discuss children before you got married? Were you both on the same page?
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Apr 17, 2015 19:27:17 GMT
After going through a long slog to get pregnant when ever anyone asks me this questions I tell them if you want kids, and aren't ready by the time you turn 30... go get tested.. both you and your partner so that if there is an issue you have time to sort it out.
I was 35 when I got married and we started trying right away... my OB didn't even want to talk about fertility until we had tried for 2 years.. so I was 38 by the time I saw a fertility specialist... 39 when I had my daughter. We tried IVF twice after having her and the second time I had 0 eggs even after going through all the injections etc.
Remember you are born with all the eggs you will ever have. So if you are choosing to wait you should make sure that there are no obvious issues. My xh had terrible sperm, low numbers, poor motility, so we were always going to have to do ICIS i always felt if we had started a year or two earlier we might have been able to have a second child.
Which is also why when I heard he " accidentally " got his 22 year old girl friend pregnant.. I thought "Paternity Test"!!!!
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Post by anonrefugee on Apr 17, 2015 19:46:30 GMT
I always wanted kids, but now realize I wanted my profession more... We assumed kids would happen, eventually, but had alternatives if they didn't. My friends were career oriented too, there wasn't any social pressure. My parents knew we'd be good parents but wanted us to be happy, again, no pressure.
To answer your question, there wasn't ever a plan. It was more like a window opened up and it was time. It could have been too late, but we had already talked about how we would (hope) to handle it. So pregnant at late-30 and 40.
My children are the best thing that have ever happened to me. But I must say - having time to concentrate on a career I worked hard to achieve was also wonderful.
You can tell by the variety of answers on this thread - the biggest gift each of us can receive is being happy with our individual "schedules". It's not entirely in our hands anyway!
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Post by vspindler on Apr 17, 2015 19:51:52 GMT
I was ready before dh really was. When I realized the crying of babies belong to other people sent me to a bit of longing instead of irritating me, I knew I was ready lol. It took the death of his grandfather to get him over the fear. We never "tried" but rather put ourselves in "not trying to prevent" mode. Fortunately/unfortunately I was a fertile myrtle who was off the pull all of three months (between two kids!) before getting pregnant.
i actually thought the first was an easier decision than the second.
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Post by scrappyoutlaw on Apr 17, 2015 19:57:41 GMT
Did you discuss children before you got married? Were you both on the same page? We discussed generalities but didn't exactly create a schedule. We always said definitely not until I finish school, so I thought now that I'm finishing school... We more agreed on the fact that we want a small family and how we wanted to raise children. Somehow we missed going over the "when" question in any detail.
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Post by anonrefugee on Apr 17, 2015 19:58:16 GMT
Wanting a child has dominated our marriage since the very beginning. I don't really remember NOT wanting a child. We'd probably been married just a year when we had the "let's do this!" conversation. It took us five years and a team of medical professionals to get my beautiful son here. Now I've been trying for another year for baby #2. In fact I'm at the doctors office as I write this about to start a whole new round of drugs. For me, the desire to have a child is like a physical pain. It's a hunger and a void that I've given up a lot to fill. My heart hurts today and I'm not in a good place emotionally. Is your son in your profile? He is beautiful! Hang on, and hang in, sending you good thoughts.
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Deleted
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Jun 2, 2024 3:51:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 17, 2015 20:26:16 GMT
Did you discuss children before you got married? Were you both on the same page? We discussed generalities but didn't exactly create a schedule. We always said definitely not until I finish school, so I thought now that I'm finishing school... We more agreed on the fact that we want a small family and how we wanted to raise children. Somehow we missed going over the "when" question in any detail. We discussed and agreed that we were both fine with no children, however, my husband is a lot younger than me so I do worry that he will change his mind. I suppose no amount of discussion really sets anything in stone.
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Grom Pea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,944
Jun 27, 2014 0:21:07 GMT
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Post by Grom Pea on Apr 17, 2015 21:10:41 GMT
For me it was my husband that convinced me. I've never been a kid or baby person so I think I would have been content never having kids, but I'm so glad my husband wanted kids. I basically was that person who didn't get why women would quit their job after having a baby, but when I had ds1 and we were having layoffs at work I requested to work from home for the last couple of months. Dh watched ds while I worked but I got to nurse him and I think that just created this bond. When I agreed to have kids it was also when we decided to get married but I wanted to have our honeymoon first, we got married in may and were planning to honeymoon in October but the tour we wanted was not popular enough so they canceled it. We waited until March-April for our trip and then started trying in the summer after we returned with the goal of a spring or summer baby. Ds was born in may so we tried again but I lost two early on and decided that we'd just go for whenever instead of trying to time things so ds 2 has a February birthday. Basically it's very hard to plan these things and the older you get the harder pregnancy is, I have a friend who decide for a 3rd about 5 or 6 years after her 2nd and she wrote me that this last pregnancy is kicking her butt. I'd say don't wait too long but you have to be on the same page as dh because it's not all smiles and laughter, things can be tough emotionally so you will want someone who can support you versus someone who won't because he didn't want kids in the first place... I know a coworker who had that scenario and it was not good. For me I had to be convinced but now I can't imagine life any other way. My life has totally changed from bring a career go getter to bring a sahm with two amazing kids. I am glad I waited until I was ready though as if I hadn't I think I wouldn't enjoy such a drastic life change.
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