|
Post by hdoublej on May 8, 2015 2:06:43 GMT
When my dd had a boyfriend that treated her poorly, I knew I couldn't say to much or she would pull away from me and go to him. Instead, I started asking her questions about what she thought a relationship should be like. Things like...do you yell at each other?, do you talk mean to each other?, are you kind?, how do you expect to be treated? I never directed the conversation to her bf, just a conversation about expectations of relationships. A few days later, she broke up with him, she said she got to thinking about it and decided she didn't like the way he treated her.
Not saying that will work in every situation but it worked for us.
|
|
|
Post by sunraynnc on May 8, 2015 2:27:06 GMT
Three words: sleep away camp.
|
|
likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
|
Post by likescarrots on May 8, 2015 13:57:25 GMT
Honestly, everything in the op sounds like typical early teen relationship stuff to me. I don't really see the big deal. They are both young and navigating new types of relationships, and are bound to make mistakes.
I'm glad i grew up in a time when i could carry out new experiences without my parents over analyzing everything that was said or done between me and my friends/"boyfriends"/etc.
|
|
likescarrots
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,879
Aug 16, 2014 17:52:53 GMT
|
Post by likescarrots on May 8, 2015 14:06:07 GMT
I think you have a very clouded/weird view of men and boys. Not to mention young women who are apparently all cunningly using their bodies to seduce men into losing all control over their minds and give them every thing they want. Obviously that's how we women have managed to maintain world dominance...
|
|
|
Post by maryland on May 8, 2015 14:08:39 GMT
I think parents can lay down the law, but kids will "date" when they want to. Maybe the kids aren't seeing each other out of school much, but they still consider it going out and do it behind their parents' backs. I see kids in elementary school doing it too. For that reason, I didn't ever set a magical age. My youngest met his gf in junior high in seventh grade. They lived about 7 miles apart so they just saw each other at school and then sometimes if one was at a friend's house. I was good with that. By seventh grade, there had been multiple talks about sex and I was very frank. Fast forward more than five years and they are still dating. Our last conversation was about the g-spot and my son was joking (not) that it was just an imaginary place. I bought my oldest son condoms at 17 and know he would have been a dad if the girl he was seeing had it her way. He was responsible and I had to support him. I have always been very open about sex after they reached sixth grade. Anything they wanted to know I answered, and I knew it was more important for me to teach them than for them to get their info from friends. Part of me worried that if I started talking to them about sex they would think I was giving them my blessing. After a lot of thought, I decided it was just more important to be realistic and know that kids are going to have sex when they think they are ready, not when I thought they were ready. We ended up taking my son's gf to Jamaica with us. We got a room where she had her own space. She was 3 weeks shy of 18. We all had a great time and no one on that trip had sex. We must have very similar parenting styles when it comes to this kind of thing. I agree with everything you said!
But it does seem that at least in our large high school, most kids don't date. They hang out with groups of friends, but very few have girlfriends/boyfriends. My 17 yr. old had a boyfriend last year, but now they are just best friends. My 15 yr. old has lots of boys that she is friends with and she hangs out with them all the time (they play soccer, go to the movies, etc.). She loves having boys to hang out with because she says there is no drama there.
|
|
|
Post by scissorsister7 on May 8, 2015 14:30:26 GMT
@johnnysmom Do you think she could use the word shy when she really means she is awkward socially? She may not know how a girl is supposed to act in many social situations so having a boyfriend is a way that she only has to deal with one person socially. She may be controlling and jealous because that is how her parents act towards each other. She may only know how to emulate what she sees other people in a relationship do (her parents). And mom may be the same way so she doesn't know how to encourage daughter to have healthy relationships with girls her own age.
I say this because I have a daughter and a step-daughter that are both so socially awkward and they seemed to always want to just have a boyfriend and no girls their age for friends. We didn't realize this until they were older though so I don't have any great tips for you on how to work it out. Sorry!
|
|