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Post by stacmac on Jun 3, 2015 9:43:50 GMT
My daughter starts school next year and I've narrowed the search down to two local places but I can't decide between them. It's driving me nuts and I'd appreciate some opinions!
The first has a good reputation. I taught there one day, the kids were great and the academic level is high. The problem I have with it is the numbers: big class sizes, lots of kids in the yard at lunch. Very hard to get parking during pick up and drop off. my daughter would probably suit a smaller school with less kids BUT their results are good and have been for years.
The other school feels like a small country school. It has a real community to it and has literally half the number of students. I've heard it described as a destination school meaning not many students actually live within the zone, but families travel their because they like it. My problem with this one is a little girl that it going there! That sound awful when I write it but she's a little girl that has had problems at my daughters kinder. She's exceptionally clever - I'd say gifted! And she seems to show behaviour I'd expect more from a tween, not a kinder kid. She's quite bossy and manipulative, tries to turn the other little girls against each other "you're my friend today, not tomorrow" etc. My worry is that at such a small school she would have a big impact on my daughters year level. She does seek her out often to play with her then another day doesn't like her as much. Hard to explain to a 4 year old.
My thoughts are that social issues can have an impact on how well you settle in at school and whether you feel comfortable and safe there. My husbands thoughts are that you will always come up against kids like that anyway in life and it's better the devil you know! I've had people tell me how much they love the first school and others tell me how there's just too many kids. DH tells me I'm being too precious, maybe he's right. I'm a teacher so I think that's making me picky as well, arrgghh.
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lesley
Drama Llama
My best friend Turriff, desperately missed.
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Location: Scotland, Scotland, Scotland
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Post by lesley on Jun 3, 2015 9:59:04 GMT
I wouldn't let the presence of another child affect my decision. She could move away in a year's time after all. Does the smaller school offer the same amenities and after-school programmes that the larger one does? Is either one within walking distance? The academic results are only an indicator; I always feel that if a child is intelligent, they will thrive in any 'good' school.
I'm no help I'm sure! Write down each pro and con for each school on a PostIt and see which one has most pros!
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gsquaredmom
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Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jun 3, 2015 10:01:19 GMT
Where will she be happy? That is what is most important. If she is happy, she will thrive.
Is it a permanent decision? Can you visit each? Can you try one and change later?
Whoch matches her natural inclinations (which could change)? Does she play with lots of kids centrally at the park or stay peripheral with one or Two?
I think she should be part of the decision, but as you describe each to her, leave your values out. Facts only.
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Deleted
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Apr 27, 2024 3:12:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2015 10:57:38 GMT
Put her in the smaller school, but request that she not be in the same class as the other little girl.
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Post by elaine on Jun 3, 2015 11:10:17 GMT
I wouldn't let one child sway your choice, her family might move, and/or there may be a child with a similar personality at the other school
My kids' elementary school was a very large school - 1100-1200 students. However, everyone lives in the zone because it is very hard to move schools here. Now, while it was a big ES, it included kindergarten and after 7 years together, the stiudents in each grade level get to know each other well. They feed into the same middle school and then high school, so my 9th grader is in classes with kids who have known him since kindergarten - I value that.
When we go to,the local pool, we know the kids there. When we go grocery shopping, out to eat, to the movies, etc., we always run into people we know from school. It is great.
So, while the local school might be bigger, there is something to be said for going to school wth kids who live in your neighborhood.
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Post by monklady123 on Jun 3, 2015 11:18:56 GMT
I was going to say pretty much what Elaine said, although my kids' elementary school wasn't nearly that big. But a "destination" school means that any friends your kid makes will be ones who do not necessarily live in your neighborhood. They might, but they might not. Which means that you will have to be driving your kid to all their playdates, or the other parents will be driving to you. Contrast the neighborhood school like the one my kids attended. Almost all their friends were right around us. We could walk to their houses, or maybe drive two minutes (if we were feeling lazy, or it was raining, etc.). The park up the street was always filled with kids they knew from school. When they were a bit older they could walk to friends' houses alone. They could all meet up to ride bikes. When my dd graduated from high school we had a joint graduation party with eight girls, all of whom had started kindergarten together and who had continued through middle and high school with each other.  If I had a choice between a smaller or larger school, both in the neighborhood, I'd pick the smaller one. But if one wasn't in the neighborhood I'd go with the neighborhood school unless it had a really bad reputation. But then again we wouldn't have bought a house in a neighborhood with a really bad school. |
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 3, 2015 12:06:11 GMT
I agree w/ your husband. I wouldn't reject a school just because of one kid who goes there. There will be mean, bossy kids in every school. I'd choose the one that is best for your daughter.
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Post by Lindarina on Jun 3, 2015 12:13:31 GMT
My daughter has a girl like that in her class, and she has a firm grip on all the girls social life. The minute two girls begin to form a solid friendship she splits them up by spreading lies and allowing one of them into her closest circle. A week later the "lucky" girl is kicked out and the queen bee moves on to destroy another friendship. It goes on and on but as the girls get older they are beginning to see her for what she is.
But I would never let one child be the deciding factor when chosing a school. There could just as easily be one like her at the other school, you just don't know about her yet.
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melissa
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by melissa on Jun 3, 2015 15:58:08 GMT
There are children like that everywhere. This is "the enemy you know" vs the one you don't know. Make your choice based on what the best school for your child is.
My dd attended a destination school. It really was not a big deal. Sure, we had to drive more often for birthday parties and play dates, but that's really how it is in most places today. Most kids, at least in suburbia, are no longer running around the neighborhood as we did when we were children.
This post made me smile as my dd is graduating soon. We went back to her former school for a little reunion recently. There were two girls similar to what you described at her old school. One moved on after 2nd grade. The other moved on after 4th.
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Post by lavawalker on Jun 3, 2015 16:02:14 GMT
I haven't read all the responses, but I agree with your husband. She will come up against someone like that girl many times over growing up, and it sounds like she has two loving parents who can help her navigate those situations. Choose the school that best suits your daughters personality.
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Post by bc2ca on Jun 3, 2015 16:34:28 GMT
I chose smaller destination schools for my kids. In my experience when the overall community (parents, students, teachers) share a common educational philosophy that has made them pick a school very deliberately, the type of behavior you describe is less likely to flourish.
The extra travel for playdates was never a deal breaker for me and my kids always have had friends in our neighborhood as well as from their schools. There are a lot of school choices here and just on our block I know HSers going to 5 different schools. My 2 go to different HSs and the family across the street has 2 teens in 2 different HS than ours.
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Jun 3, 2015 16:39:17 GMT
this little girl is just one of many. It happens everywhere with little girls. I would most definitely not base my school choice on that one child. There are worse out there just lurking and waiting.  I have 2 DDs now 19 & 15, I speak from experience. |
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 3, 2015 16:55:26 GMT
Class size is very low on the scale of effective strategies. Don't let that effect your decision. Go with your gut. Where do you see her coming out with the highest potential for future learning AND being a happy girl?
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Deleted
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Apr 27, 2024 3:12:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 3, 2015 17:22:39 GMT
My daughter attended a school similar to your second one and was tormented by a classmate for 5 years. It's affected her greatly. I would definitely take that into account. I taught her how to cope, how to manage, what to say - but it didn't stop the bully one bit. HOWEVER - how do you know that the other school won't have girls just like that? The odds are good that there's a bully in nearly every class. It's just a sad fact of life. I'd go with my gut if I were you. Which school will help her thrive? A small community school sounds like a very good thing overall.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jun 4, 2015 5:03:23 GMT
I would say send her to the larger school that's in your area with the good reputation. I went to a small private school and it was awful. The small classes meant there were fewer of them and less of a chance to get away from the would be bullies that just loved to pick on me.  I endured seven solid years of torment. Sometimes having more classmates means you are more likely to find a few kids that click with you. At least that's what happened for me when I switched to public school in 8th grade. I was SO much happier there. I only wish my mom would have noticed how miserable I was a lot sooner! Last year we were lucky to find a good preschool program that is housed in the same building where DD will go to kindergarten in the fall, and quite a few of the kids she knows from there and a few from the neighborhood will be in class with her or on the same bus. She was able to get accustomed to the building a little bit, the older kids a little bit and has had some experience with being on the bus coming home so she should be a lot more prepared and comfortable going in than she would have been otherwise. |
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scrappinghappy
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Post by scrappinghappy on Jun 4, 2015 7:30:25 GMT
Do you have or are you planning on having other kids? Do you live in an area where winter can mean school closings?
My older two were in a destination school when my twins were born and it was no fun having two wrap up two babies morning and afternoon to drive. I was lucky to find some people in my town to carpool with but it was still a pain.
Playdates were always far away too. And for some reason a lot of the families came from east of the school and only a few from our area so no one wanted to come to us for a play date when there were more accessible ones for them so I would offer to bring their kids home.
My younger two went to a local school and we all were happy there
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Post by lindywholoveskids on Jun 4, 2015 8:10:36 GMT
When do you have to decide on the schools?
I would say that yes, there are bossy kids/boys and girls alike. At 4 and 1/2 to 5, they are trying on that kind of behavior. Our daughter learned to calmly 'ignore' those bossy kids, and formed friendships with other kids. Some of those friendships have been very long lasting. Fast forward to now! she has a child ready for Kindergarten. He will go to a school with very small class sizes, and emphasis on play based curriculum for K. No pressure at all for academics. He will be fine! And I taught preschool for 34 years!
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anniebeth24
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Post by anniebeth24 on Jun 4, 2015 13:38:42 GMT
I would look into the opportunities afforded by each school. Fun things like girl scouts, Girls on the Run, or after-school science classes. Educational extras like special education programs or gifted programs, numbers of school counselors per student. Even if your child doesn't need these things, her classroom environment will be "better" because the services are available for those who do need it.
Would they both lead to the same Middle School and/or High School? If not, look at the programming offered there. Our neighboring middle and high schools offer many different programs that my kids don't have at their "very good" school. These are things like numerous Foreign Languages, International Baccalaureate Diplomas, honors classes at the Middle School level, organized trips for foreign language students, dual-enrollment at a local college, better sports facilities, many more options in elective classes, vocational technology options offered right at the school.
Some things to ponder. . .
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I endured seven solid years of torment. 
