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Post by pierkiss on Jun 21, 2015 21:36:14 GMT
So, yeah. I got yelled at (and I mean really yelled at in front of a good chunk of parishioners) in church today. My 2.5 was acting like a 2.5 year old. I had already taken him out of church once for an extended period of time. We came back in at the tail end of communion so that I could receive, and we sat back down with our family for the last blessing and end processional. We're talking 5 minutes of church left tops. My son was yelling "church over We go home" very loudly and we were trying to shush him. Honestly if there had been more time left for the service I would have taken him out again but it was the end. Well Father stood up to do the last blessing right as the music was ending and right at that one silent moment this man whips around and yells very loudly "I dont know if your new to this parish or what but there is a cry room right over there and he needs to be in it. You are very distracting!" Seriously the entire section of our church heard and saw it happen. I was too stunned to respond, as was my husband. My father in law, who always sits with us, was in the back talking to an usher friend of his. My mother in law was up at the pulpit reading the announcements for the week. So, there I sat, absolutely stunned and horrified and unable to react. And then father gave his blessing, the end music started and church was over. Before anyone could talk to this man he had already hauled ass with his family out of the church. We had never seen them before in church (we go every week and sit in the same spot). We had several people apologize to us for that man and encouraged us/asked us to please keep coming to services. My mother in law even had one guy come up to her and apologize to her for what he had said (and she had no clue what was going on). So, as we were cleaning up the church provided crayons and coloring pages my other kids were doing, I started crying. I couldn't help it (and I seriously hate showing emotion in public!!), so then I was horrified and massively embarrassed.  About this cry room, because this is the Peas and I know it's coming. It is a very small glass box off to the side of the church. It has 2 mini pews in it, and it is ALWAYS packed. There is no room in there, and the families that are in there have infants who are literally crying all the time. There simply is not room for all of us who have small children to sit in there with all of our kids. There are literally young children with their families all over the church. And they were ALL noisy and wild today. Especially the other 2 year old who sits up front with his family who yelled and ran across the alter area in the middle of mass. (They did not get yelled at). I am ver conscientious about the noise level and my children. I know that my little kids can be noisy and act up. We take them out when they get too rowdy and too loud. My other son (4) wound up going for a walk w/ grandpa at the start of the homily because he was being too loud and I shot him a look. He went for a walk, they came back and all was fine. I took my 2 year old out as soon as he really started acting up in church. I always do because I really don't want to disturb people who are there, and I am well aware that they do not think he is as charming as I do. I am simply so embarrassed and so hurt. I have never felt more unwelcome there as I did in that moment. And yes, we did have several nice people who said to ignore him, etc, but the words still sting. And honestly, would it have killed him to pull me aside after mass and have a few private words with me as opposed to him yelling at me in front of everyone!? I am staunchly opposed to public shaming, and would never ever do it to someone else, and I never would expect someone to do it in church. I think even the priest heard. So, a big grey cloud has been put on our Father's Day. I'm still upset, and my husband is furious. He brought up the subject of changing churches to the one that's closer to us. Ugh. All I know is I am already dreading going to church again next week (and I already don't like going). Thanks for reading. If you have any words of advice or wisdom that'd be great. Flame away if you must but really it's not needed. |
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SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,355 
Location: Dallas Texas
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Post by SabrinaP on Jun 21, 2015 21:39:55 GMT
Not cool! It doesn't matter if your child was the most ill behaved kid in the history of going to mass, what that man did was so far from Chrisitian it isn't funny! My kids are older, but when they were that age I remember taking them out of mass and some of the looks I got. People should be more understanding!
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maurchclt
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,624
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Post by maurchclt on Jun 21, 2015 21:41:57 GMT
Just didn't want to read and not comment...how awful for you. HUGS!!!!!
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,080
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Jun 21, 2015 21:41:59 GMT
He probably has dementia or beat his children and thinks you should too.
The whole church sided with you.
Let it go.
You are giving him power.
Take your power back.
Let it go.
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Post by myshelly on Jun 21, 2015 21:43:13 GMT
Maybe it's a different denominational thing or a regional thing, but here kids go to nursery (ages 2 and under) or Kids church (ages 3 and up) while adults go to services in the main sanctuary.
It's pretty rare to see kids, toddlers, or infants in the main service.
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 19:07:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2015 21:43:20 GMT
so sorry. that should not have happened.
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Post by gritzi on Jun 21, 2015 21:44:28 GMT
WWJD? I certainly don't think He would have yelled at a parishioner to quiet their child!
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What would I do? I would be seeking a new church next weekend
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Post by myboysnme on Jun 21, 2015 21:46:16 GMT
Well here's the thing - your child was distracting to those trying to participate in the Mass. Did you even hear the readings or homily before receiving Communion? When I was little, my dad stayed home with the little kids and my mom took us older ones, then my dad went to another Mass. If there is no nursery for your 2 year old, then maybe you can try this until your child can sit through the one hour that is a Catholic Mass (if that's what we are talking about). When I raised my kids, they went to nursery until they were old enough for Children's liturgy.
Catholics in general are famous for many things, and one is that their kids cannot sit through a one hour Mass without going to the bathroom, they don't use the cry room when one is available, they are very slow to take their unruly child out, and they feel like they have attended Mass even when they spend 90% of it outside with a kid.
So you all are furious at a man who told you what most everyone else was thinking, I don't care how many people came up to you to act like he was such a meany, because you are a regular. Then there are those who are all about babies and toddlers being in church so they get used to it. With all the family you have there you could take turned watching your child at home and go to different Masses.
You should be apologizing to him. He probably reached the last straw. If Father's Day was ruined, think what you can do differently. Your child is not able to sit through Mass so step away from your indignation. I don't think it makes you any better to have the parish ganging up on him when your child acts out.
How nice for you that people here will tell you how right you are to be so offended, but frankly, if I posted about how disruptive someone's child was who was yelling about wanting to go I'm sure at least some people would agree with me. If you want a parish community to raise your child in, then you have to be wiling to hear what you don't want to hear sometimes.
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Jun 21, 2015 21:46:33 GMT
Matthew 19:14
Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Forgive the impatient, self-concerned and ignoble idiot. He may be dealing with life altering stresses that cause his bad temper.
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Post by jenjie on Jun 21, 2015 21:47:48 GMT
I'm sorry. He was rude and out of turn.
When we first came to our current church we didn't realize they had a Sunday pm class for toddlers. So our little guy was making noise. I grabbed him and made a beeline out of the sanctuary. I was told by the pastor's wife, "it's ok we like kids here!" I never forgot that.
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Post by jackietex on Jun 21, 2015 21:48:32 GMT
Sounds like he was having a bad morning, probably didn't even want to be there. Then, after hearing tons of little kids acting like children (including the two year old running around the front of the church), he couldn't take it anymore and acted inappropriately. I would have gotten upset if I had been singled out, too. But don't over react, don't change churches. Your kids are benefiting, and hopefully you are too, by being in church, especially surrounded by family. Hugs.
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Post by disneypal on Jun 21, 2015 21:51:21 GMT
You have not reason to be embarrassed but I can see why you would be hurt. I would be too. I had a fellow church member send me a 'not so nice' email once about how my taking pictures was a distraction and I should "know better". What she didn't know was that I was ASKED to take pictures and I only took 3 during a 1 & 1/2 hour sermon AND this particular person that sent me the email was sitting right behind me and never said a word to me (she waited to send an email later, what a coward!) - this was someone I considered a friend so it really hurt.
The man that did that to you is the one that should be embarrassed and he probably was after he had a minute to think about it - either that or his family was and they rushed him out of there so no one could say anything to him. He knows he was wrong.
Even if he wanted you to move to the cry room - he could have been polite to you and said quietly "Miss - in case you are unaware, there is a cry room over there where you can take your child" - still a bit rude but nicer than the way he handled it.
How un-Godly of him and he should be ashamed for behaving that way.
I can understand why you hesitated since service was ALMOST over and you were trying to calm him. Just pray for that man - he obviously needs it - maybe Father's day is a hard day for him or something.
Sorry you were yelled out like that - I can see why you'd be upset but don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch.
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Post by pierkiss on Jun 21, 2015 21:54:31 GMT
He probably has dementia or beat his children and thinks you should too. The whole church sided with you. Let it go. You are giving him power. Take your power back. Let it go. I know!!! I think at this point that is what is upsetting me most about this. I have literally heen saying this to myself all afternoon. :/. I think I just need to get it out. |
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Post by janniepea on Jun 21, 2015 21:57:38 GMT
I'm so sorry! So uncalled for, so rude.
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Jun 21, 2015 21:59:00 GMT
I can clearly feel your emotions right through my laptop.
First of all, I'm guessing this man was getting more and more upset by all the other kids that were also making noise, and your child was the one that broke the camel's back.
I'm not excusing his reaction AT ALL. You clearly are very aware of your children's behavior in church and it sounds like you do a great job in teaching your kids their boundaries in church.
I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Above all, please don't let this color your perception of your faith experience. Don't allow one rude man allow you to go to "if this is Christianity, I don't want any part of it." This was ONE parishioner, and clearly many more showed you support.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Jun 21, 2015 22:05:29 GMT
I feel for you! I'm a big believer that kids should be at the services. I mean, how else do they learn how to act otherwise? If the kid was having a major melt down though, I probably would have gone to the car with him, put him in time out so to say. If it really wasn't that bad, and that guy just had a melt down, I would let it go. Maybe he was having a bad day? we don't know what was actually going on with HIM either. KWIM?
Sounds like you got plenty of other church goers support, so I wouldn't worry about it!
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Post by moveablefeast on Jun 21, 2015 22:05:40 GMT
In our church kids come up to the main sanctuary for communion. They belong there. They are noisy sometimes. They are children and they should be welcome in church. You should receive a gentle smile rather than a rude admonishment when your child is disruptive - everyone of us has been there with our children. I sometimes feel like "Church is over go home now" too. I get it.
I am sorry that happened. You and your child would be welcome to sit with me. Don't let it bother you, you're doing just fine.
I stopped going to the cry room when I couldn't hear the sermon. I just boldly sat and nursed my baby in church and kept her occupied with little toys when she got bigger. I got a comment here and there but was always convinced that children should be welcome in church.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jun 21, 2015 22:05:43 GMT
I disagree with those who say go to different masses with your family and that little kids do not belong at a mass. Yes, they are long. And yes, kids will get disruptive. You do the best that you can. You take them out when they get noisy and you shush them when they act up.
And this is why we are losing the younger generation. Because they are not being welcomed with who they are today. PierKiss is a mother with a young family. She should be welcomed and supported. If the Catholic church wants families and lots of babies, they need to welcome those babies and families. And no, kids won't learn how to behave if we never take them out in public.
It's up to you to do your part. Bring small, quiet toys and books for the kids. Heck, I didn't feed my kids breakfast between the years of 2-4 until we got to church. Yep, horrible. But it kept them quiet. I never used the cry room because I felt is was one big free for all circus in there, including the parents. No one made an effort to listen. And no, I didn't hear the entire readings or homily. But I was there and I was doing my best.
I would not change churches because one man had a crabby moment. Maybe there was something in the final blessing or announcements that he wanted to hear. But he didn't handle it well. But if this is a pattern and you don't feel the church is welcoming, I think the summer is a perfect time to try out other churches. See what they have to offer and see if they fit better for you. There is no rule that says you can't go back to the current church if you find out that the grass isn't greener in the other pew. But maybe it is. We're military and "church shop" every time we move. We moved back to the DC area 4 years ago and we did not go back to the same church where the kids had their first communions. The masses were in latin and there wasn't any singing. It had really changed and I'd never liked the REC to begin with. So we moved to a new church and we are very happy there.
-Signed the mom whose DS was never quiet, is now the head altar server, and is off to a Catholic university in the fall.
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Post by threegirls on Jun 21, 2015 22:06:16 GMT
I'm sorry that happened to you. When my middle girl was a toddler I took all three girls to mass by myself and I had a hard time with a young grade schooler, toddler and baby. My toddler wasn't loud but she kept moving around. It was driving me crazy so I attempted to pick her up and my dd's arm hit the back of the young woman in front of us. I apologized and she huffed really loudly and stormed out her pew and moved. I felt soo bad. Heck, I still feel bad. It was a very long, long time before I ever tried going with three kids.
Our church has no cry room, no nursery or anything. If you want to go to church, you have to bring your kids or find a babysitter or take turns with your spouse.
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YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,418
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Post by YooHoot on Jun 21, 2015 22:09:29 GMT
His reaction was over the top.
BUT...I've seen a lot of parents who don't hear how annoying their kids can be. What may have not been a big deal to you, could have been a huge annoyance to others.
I wouldn't give up on church. I would find a place for your little one to go or alter time with your dh so you can switch off from the quiet room.
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Post by tidegirl on Jun 21, 2015 22:11:36 GMT
I love (and totally agree) with the previous post about taking your power back. Excellent post!
I am sorry the man had such little empathy and tact. I would have done the same thing you did so close to the end of mass. As far as the cry room. We have never had one at church. I am glad because I believe children are part of our church family. They learn through experience and exposure.
Just consider it was an off day for the man. You are where your family should be. I am sure your in-laws love having you all at church together. Kudos for you for going to church as a family.
Hugs.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Jun 21, 2015 22:12:07 GMT
Your story brought tears to my eyes. I'm sorry, that sounds really difficult and in church of all places.
Try to look at this from another angle. He was older, and sometimes when you get older you have lesser control over that little voice in your head that tells you to shut up, even could be dementia or Alzheimer's. It doesn't excuse it at all, but might explain it. I suggest instead you take a moment to give him a prayer and ask that God find a way to either heal him or give him guidance. Or both. It might literally be out of his control.
As for the rest, I don't think you did a darn thing wrong. I shot a wedding yesterday (Catholic) and the place was PACKED (large church). You could hardly hear from all the little ones talking. No one batted an eye. His problems are on HIM, not you. Please don't change churches because of one old codger.
Now, take back the rest of your day.
Tell your husband I said happy dad's day.
ETA: I am assuming he was older. If he's not older, then he's just a jerk, but still deserves a prayer of tolerance.
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Post by littlemama on Jun 21, 2015 22:13:38 GMT
I think you should have removed your ds again when he started to act up, whether it was at the end of the service or not. Children should be welcomed in the church, but should not be loud and disruptive. He is two. It will take a lot of partially missed services before he gets the hang of keeping quiet. That said, the man was rude. I wouldn't be crying over it or.considering changing churches, but i would be logically looking at how disruptive my child was being and what I could do differently next time. When our ds was that age, we sat in the back of the church so we could make a quick escape if necessary.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 19:07:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2015 22:18:18 GMT
Honestly, I'd rather hear a little child in church whose parents are trying to teach him how to behave than to hear the entire cell phone conversation spoken in very LOUD whispers of an adult who should already know better.
Keep trying, Mama. Eventually your little one will learn the boundaries and it won't be so hard to keep him quiet. But he'll never learn if you stop going.
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 21, 2015 22:18:30 GMT
Please don't give up on an entire church because of one man who may have been a jerk or may have just had a bad day.
It sounds like you received a lot of support, so that sounds like a great church.
When my FIL got older, he couldn't handle toddlers. He had a screaming fit over the 3 little ones in his home on Christmas Eve. It was awful and I was really mad. But, I came to realize later, it was the beginning of his rapid decline.
Hugs, I would have cried, too.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 19:07:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2015 22:21:20 GMT
Well here's the thing - your child was distracting to those trying to participate in the Mass. Did you even hear the readings or homily before receiving Communion? When I was little, my dad stayed home with the little kids and my mom took us older ones, then my dad went to another Mass. If there is no nursery for your 2 year old, then maybe you can try this until your child can sit through the one hour that is a Catholic Mass (if that's what we are talking about). When I raised my kids, they went to nursery until they were old enough for Children's liturgy. Catholics in general are famous for many things, and one is that their kids cannot sit through a one hour Mass without going to the bathroom, they don't use the cry room when one is available, they are very slow to take their unruly child out, and they feel like they have attended Mass even when they spend 90% of it outside with a kid. So you all are furious at a man who told you what most everyone else was thinking, I don't care how many people came up to you to act like he was such a meany, because you are a regular. Then there are those who are all about babies and toddlers being in church so they get used to it. With all the family you have there you could take turned watching your child at home and go to different Masses. You should be apologizing to him. He probably reached the last straw. If Father's Day was ruined, think what you can do differently. Your child is not able to sit through Mass so step away from your indignation. I don't think it makes you any better to have the parish ganging up on him when your child acts out. How nice for you that people here will tell you how right you are to be so offended, but frankly, if I posted about how disruptive someone's child was who was yelling about wanting to go I'm sure at least some people would agree with me. If you want a parish community to raise your child in, then you have to be wiling to hear what you don't want to hear sometimes. Unreal. I'm so glad I don't do organized religion. This attitude is garbage and honestly not very Christ-like. |
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Post by tinydogmafia on Jun 21, 2015 22:25:38 GMT
I know this isn't what you want to hear, but even if there were 5 minutes left, you should have stepped out with your kid. Sometimes you don't realize just how loud or how much of a distraction they are. Maybe the Mass was particularly meaningful to the man who was upset and he'd had enough of listening to a loud child? Does it make it right that he yelled at you? No. But I certainly have been that impatient person myself, who has heard enough of a child (Or many) interrupting what should be a quiet and reflective time. (Raised Catholic, so I understand the length involved at Mass.) I wouldn't have yelled, but I probably would have turned around to see where the distraction was coming from.
I'm sorry you were hurt. Brush it off. We all have moments when others try to shame us. In the big scheme of things, this is NBD. Your kid cried during Mass, no one was harmed. And no one is going to remember it come next Sunday except you, so let it go now and don't let it eat you up another minute.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 19:07:33 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2015 22:27:06 GMT
{{{{{ hugs }}}}}
That man was WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.
In our church, you would have heard a round of laughter at your son's words! Our parish church is a small stone one built in the 1800's. There is no room for a cry room and we like it that way. As Catholics, we are meant to celebrate the Mass as a community, as a family. That means every one from 1 day to 100 years+ is welcome there.
I hope that man is truly convicted both by his family, his peers and the Holy Spirit to see how truly unChristian his behavior was.
{{{{{ hugs }}}}}
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Post by pierkiss on Jun 21, 2015 22:28:47 GMT
Well here's the thing - your child was distracting to those trying to participate in the Mass. Did you even hear the readings or homily before receiving Communion? When I was little, my dad stayed home with the little kids and my mom took us older ones, then my dad went to another Mass. If there is no nursery for your 2 year old, then maybe you can try this until your child can sit through the one hour that is a Catholic Mass (if that's what we are talking about). When I raised my kids, they went to nursery until they were old enough for Children's liturgy. Catholics in general are famous for many things, and one is that their kids cannot sit through a one hour Mass without going to the bathroom, they don't use the cry room when one is available, they are very slow to take their unruly child out, and they feel like they have attended Mass even when they spend 90% of it outside with a kid. So you all are furious at a man who told you what most everyone else was thinking, I don't care how many people came up to you to act like he was such a meany, because you are a regular. Then there are those who are all about babies and toddlers being in church so they get used to it. With all the family you have there you could take turned watcshing your child at home and go to different Masses. You should be apologizing to him. He probably reached the last straw. If Father's Day was ruined, think what you can do differently. Your child is not able to sit through Mass so step away from your indignation. I don't think it makes you any better to have the parish ganging up on him when your child acts out. How nice for you that people here will tell you how right you are to be so offended, but frankly, if I posted about how disruptive someone's child was who was yelling about wanting to go I'm sure at least some people would agree with me. If you want a parish community to raise your child in, then you have to be wiling to hear what you don't want to hear sometimes. Nope. I take my child out of church. I did not hear any of the readings or homily because we simply weren't there. We were in the hallway or multipurpose room walking not in the church. I absolutely am a mother who does not put up with her Childs bullshit. Had this have been at any other point in mass other than the Very end, I would not have kept him there. I don't want to disrupt other people. They obviously like and get something out of church, otherwise they wouldn't attend, and I don't want to take that away from them. Going to a different mass isn't an option. I don't like church, and I'm not going to go on my own. There is a backstory, but frankly it's unimportant. I also have no desire for the church/mass attendees to help me raise my children. Also, I really think I'm mostly upset over the very public way this individual chose to handle his upset with me. I feel like I would not be nearly this upset over it if he had spoken to me privately after mass. And I hate to say it, because I know how this goes, but how will he learn to sit through an hr+ service if he never attends and we are just home together? |
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Post by txdancermom on Jun 21, 2015 22:29:36 GMT
Don't be embarrassed, if any one should be, it is the man who made a scene and yelled at you. He was out of line, and should not have spoken up at that moment, and it sounds like he is the one who is not a regular.
Your son was doing what 2.5 year olds do - they want what they want when they want it....and he wanted church to be over. there are days I feel the same!
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