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Post by PEAcan pie on Jun 26, 2015 12:47:42 GMT
I wish they would make the k-2/3rd grades "primary", not give a label to them, and kids move through in 3-4-5 years depending on how they do. That way the young kid who might be ready for K (but maybe not!) can try it out, the kid at the cut off can see how they do over a period of years, the older kid can move faster. Everyone lands in 3/4 grade with an expected skill set and from there academics proceed yearly. Because kids those ages, 4-5-6-7-8, are so wildly different! And a few weeks or months makes a difference. You know her best! I agree I was on the fence with sending her...she is bright just shy (at the time we had no idea about the dyslexia symptoms!) If we had the gift of time I would of realized our mistake and and would not of sent her.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Jun 26, 2015 13:35:56 GMT
As a fellow mom I'm really surprised you sent your DD in the 1st place since her BD is only 2 weeks before the cut off. Around here practically nobody would do that. Sounds like the best thing you can do for her is to repeat the year. School only gets harder. It really depends on the kid. We have a very late cut off here (December 1) and my daughter's birthday is in mid November. We sent her. She just completed second grade and is doing well. I think in her case holding her another year would've been bad for her.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,643
Location: The Grand Canyon
Jun 25, 2014 20:18:39 GMT
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Jun 26, 2015 13:38:15 GMT
Thanks everyone for all the advice and sharing your experience with me. I have read every post and I could kick myself for not holding her back to begin with but hindsight is 20-20 right. Don't kick yourself! I was in the same boat with our daughter being two weeks from cut off date and thought about it too. It's hard to know what to do and you made the decision at the time you thought was best. You are on top of things, you'll figure it out, and she'll thrive. Don't beat yourself up.
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Post by melanell on Jun 26, 2015 15:12:27 GMT
My husband repeated 1st grade and based on that experience he is now all for holding a child back if they seem to need it, particularly in the earlier years.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jun 26, 2015 15:41:07 GMT
Another way to look at it is what are the Pro's to keeping her in her current year?
I think for kids today there is far less of a stigma to repeating a grade.
My niece repeated Kindergarten, it was the best thing my sister did for her.
I have never seen a kid harmed by repeating a grade.
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Post by peano on Jun 26, 2015 16:42:17 GMT
Thanks everyone for all the advice and sharing your experience with me. I have read every post and I could kick myself for not holding her back to begin with but hindsight is 20-20 right. DS is now in HS and is doing very well academically and socially. But I remember saying exactly the same thing. The thing is, if you don't have a background in child development, you're kind of working blind. I don't know about you; we got no helpful input from his preschool teachers either, but every person I talked to who'd been through it was adamant that having a child repeat a grade, especially an early grade, was always a good thing.
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Post by myboysnme on Jun 26, 2015 17:14:32 GMT
I would not hold her back. I might look for a school with a different approach or curriculum. But if my child was going to the same school I would not hold them back.
I don't like the idea of holding a child back. The whole concept upsets me.
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iluvpink
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,298
Location: Michigan
Jul 13, 2014 12:40:31 GMT
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Post by iluvpink on Jun 26, 2015 17:54:50 GMT
My dd is 15 and going to be a sophomore. I regret every day that I didn't delay her starting school by a year or hold her back in kindergarten/1st grade. The school convinced me not to. It wasn't an age thing as she has an April birthday. But she was and is socially immature and has learning issues. School is still a huge struggle for her and I've noticed in the last two years that she is clearly not as mature as her classmates. She knows she is different and has self esteem and anxiety issues due to this. That is one of a few things I would have done differently with her.
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Post by k8smom on Jun 26, 2015 21:41:49 GMT
I wish I had. My son was super smart but not so great socially and that extra time would have been a help. You don't want your dd to dread school, if it help her to stay behind then I'd seriously consider it if I were you.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 9, 2024 9:12:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2015 21:46:53 GMT
Yes but at a different school, so there would be a fresh start all round.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jun 26, 2015 22:17:03 GMT
All of these decisions are hard, don't second guess what seemed right a few years ago.
And I know you didn't ask but-
Try to have a comprehensive evaluation done. Don't lock into the dyslexia comments. There are lots of little "dys" and training for one can be contradictory for another. In fact training for different types of dyslexia varies. Listen to your gut but let the professionals work too.
I apologize if I've said too much.
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Post by theroadlesstraveledp on Jun 26, 2015 23:24:38 GMT
Vision therapy can be helpful. Does she seem to be having problems with her coordination as well? I agree that more testing is an important factor here. Dyslexia can sometimes be a common diagnosis and CI can be difficult to deal with, which is why I am asking about her coordination.
As far as holding her back have you met with the principal, her teacher, and other support staff about this yet? Being held back isn't the end of the world. If you feel that she isn't ready, there is nothing wrong with checking out options.
Besides her telling you that she feels dumb, and doesn't like school have you found out why she is saying this? Did something happen to cause her to feel that way? For some students, being held back and having the extra year is the best thing for them. I was one of those students who did fine after repeating kindergarten. Best thing my parents ever did for me. Math and I didn't get along then. We have a better relationship now.
She is still young enough that it won't affect her as much, as it would later in her life like say in 7th or 8th grade when it does matter.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 9, 2024 9:12:17 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 26, 2015 23:32:57 GMT
My BFF's niece is somewhat developmentally delayed and has significant hearing loss. She is very, very immature. Her mother tried to hold her back in grade 1. The school said no (but she was at a school for children with all sorts of challenges and it was a very nurturing environment.)
She went to middle school and that was a disaster. Her mother AND father tried to hold her back for grade 8 (instead of going to high school right away). She was still bringing a dolly to school every day, kids used to tease her, and more. The school district wouldn't let the parents hold her back.
She is in grade 10. She is taking 3 classes with the help of an aid and big screen TV and a special hearing aid.
The school district is failing her. She won't graduate with her peers but that's not the issue. She needed another year to mature earlier along the way.
Would I hold a child back? I would have said never ever because I was held back (due to birthday late in the year) and when we moved I got labeled a "retard" because I was older than everyone else. I was ADAMANT that MY SON would not be held back for any reason under heaven. He, too, has a late birthday, but fortunately he was very mature for his grade level.
After seeing this young woman struggle I have changed my mind and seen the damage not holding her back has done for her self esteem and development. If your child needs it, I would think long and hard about it as it was detrimental to my educations but it would have helped my friend's niece.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Jun 26, 2015 23:50:45 GMT
My cousin kept her dd back either at 1st or 2nd grade. It was the beat thing for her dd. She was no longer struggling in school and was much better adapted socially. I love to hear this and glad she adapted well. Thanks for sharing. I now wish I did not try so hard to help her make friends in her grade...I am friends with a lot of the moms and the kids know her and will probably wonder/ask why etc... I know we both will miss some of them. Hoping this does not make her feel bad and backfire on her. If only we could switch school districts. Forgive me, I'm in Canada.... is there only one public elementary school in your district (the US seems to define 'district' differently than we do)? Why can't you change schools without changing districts? Regardless... while I'm normally opposed to holding kids back, in this case it makes sense. One, she's close to the cut off date. Two, there's reason to believe she will catch up and be at grade level after another year. A teacher friend once told me there's no point in having kids repeat something they'll never get; better to put them on an IEP and keep them with their peers. Three - her reaction to it, and the fact that the girls are already not very nice suggests to me she'll be fine socially.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Jun 27, 2015 13:01:20 GMT
We know a boy who was kept back in 1st grade. It was a non-issue for him and his classmates. The other kids seemed very matter-of-fact about it.
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Post by alittleintrepid on Jun 27, 2015 13:22:17 GMT
I'm going to be the lone dissenter! The research on the benefits of red shirting is really mixed. I'd really consider if it was a good plan if your child's teacher is not recommending it. My strategy would probably be to invite lots of kids for one on one play dates (find out from the teacher who is the nicest cool kid) and get the kid involved in some team sports/activities/camp.
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