What not to do. Add yours. Sorry deleted OP

Oh my gosh. My heart hurts for you. Hugs.

I read it. I just want to let you know I understand.

Very few people know the right words at the right time.

Their bungled attempts hide their own pain, discomfort, or need to make it better.

Focus on those who responded perfectly. Hopefully, the others will learn from them.

I am sorry for your loss. Your grace is admirable. But you are also allowed to be angry and throw pillows (just an example--you did not say you did so in the OP)

You are allowed to be upset about what others said. You are allowed to feel what you feel. This is a new experience for you. Go easy on yourself.

Take care.

You are an amazing person.

I'm sorry you were hurt or upset by someone's foolish words. Continued thoughts and prayers for you and your family. <3

I didn't read it but if someone has said something to hurt you at this time then I'm so sorry, people don't always engage their brains first mouth second sometimes

I agree. It is better to avoid the inevitable consequences of certain choices.

You are still an amazing person.

I hear ya.  When my husband passed away, an acquaintance of mine said, "February was such an awful month."  She went on to tell me about her daughter's minor surgical procedure.  

I kinda I chuckle now.  You will go through many stages in your grief.  Some of these emotions will feel uncharacteristic for you but they are perfectly normal.  Even those days when you want to rip someone's head off and stick it up their butt.

I'm sorry; I know exactly what you mean and it's sucky when people let you down like that.

I'm sorry someone said that to you. My first reaction is "how insensitive", and then my second reaction after I think about it a bit is that they didn't know what to say.

But yeah, a simple "I'm sorry" would have been so much better.

Hugs to you.

Just know that people are TRYING to speak from the heart, but only those who have been there know want it is like... they are drawing from their own experiences to relate.... but have not been in the same place as you.... and some never will, even if they experience a similar loss... and others just are afraid to feel any part of your loss

Yes, they are stupid, but know that somewhere in their hearts, they are trying to offer some kind of sympathy.

Btw... I did not see the original pist

That's so true Jen. People don't know what to say. They mean well, they really do, but I think they are afraid. Afraid it will happen to them, afraid they will cry in front of you, afraid they will say the wrong thing.

I remember the things people said to me when my first DH died and when my DD died. It took me a long time to come to the realization the things they said weren't meant to hurt me even though it did at the time.

And even though I know this grief, I have said things to people when they are grieving that probably hurt them. I can think of one that makes me cringe every time I think about it.

I know these people blindside you with their words but you are on the right track to forgive and forget and not let it eat away at you. That's what Satan wants. God does not.

Hugs to you and prayers continue. And when you need to vent, do it here!

I think people try to do the best they can to come up with something comforting to say when faced with death. I'm sorry people didn't think things through before the spoke. When I had my first miscarriage, my SIL told me it was okay because "the baby was probably retarded or something." I know she was trying to help but I still recall those words more than 35 years later.

I'm a little jealous of the person who compared the loss of a pet to a close family member. Eventually they will experience a loss that will bring them to their knees and they'll know it's not comparable. I'm not defending their comment. They should know better. One thing that was hard for me when I lost my mom in a way that was very traumatic is that my grief made a lot of people uncomfortable. I still find it hard to believe some of the people who never said a single word to me about it. I know for many they were worried they'd rock my boat and set off tears, but to pretend nothing happened is hurtful. A simple "I'm sorry" is very helpful. So if you aren't sure of what to say, that is what you can say. You cannot go wrong with that.