UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but

polz
UnstopPeable

Posts: 1,384

UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:22:11 GMT Montannie, KikiPea, and 6 more like this

Quote

Post by polz on Jul 24, 2015 5:22:11 GMT

Update:
So, we went away and it was like I had the sweet amazing guy I married back. We talked. A LOT. I cried. I cursed. I asked what was so deficient with me and he said it was never me. It was him. He apologised. He admitted fault. He wants our marriage back and god help me, but I believe him. Except for I'm wary, so I felt the need to check his phone when he was in the shower. Am I crazy? Am I a stalker? I don't want to be a treacherous,sneaky person. I'm a good person.There was nothing there and now I feel bad for checking. Today was the first day since I found out that I didn't feel the need to stalk her on social media. I realise it's not HER. It's HIM. I'm not married to her. Why am I investing so long thinking about her and comparing myself to her? She's prettier than me and thinner and I'm jealous. I'm all in a jumble. I've decided my marriage is worth saving but I'm scared to be hurt again. Sometimes I wish he'd slept with her so I could just be done. I know he didn't because she doesn't live here. I really wish I could push a button and get over it.

And thank you ALL for your support. Never had a seven pager before. I do feel loved. And sending much aroha (love) and awhi (comfort) to those that have been in a similar situation. Thank you for sharing.

Original Post:
I really, really, really need cyber hugs or something. My husband had an emotional affair and I just feel so unloveable and hideous and discarded and not all that special, and lied to, and used, and unknowing, and sickened and like a complete *&^%ing idiot. Just typing that makes me cry. I know I'm suppose to make a fake ID but I just can't be bothered. I don't want to tell anyone in my real life because I don't want pity. I feel sorry enough for myself.

BTW, I've done the type...delete...type...delete so many times on this. I just need to know that someone cares.

EDITED:
Thank you everyone for all your support, pms, offers of cyberhugs and prayers and timtams and help to beat up (not so) DH. It means a lot and I like having a 'safe' place I can vent. We are going away this weekend to talk. It's been rough these past few weeks. I have just felt so alone with no one to talk to. I probably won't be back here for a few days but I just really needed a friend and WOW - you guys were so there for me. I don't like feeling that my whole life was a lie. I'm drained.

Last Edit: Jul 26, 2015 3:30:28 GMT by polz

I'm crazy, but in a good way.

JoP Prolific Pea Posts: 9,380 Location: 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 Wales - Land of Welsh cakes Jun 28, 2014 6:51:28 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:24:04 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by JoP on Jul 24, 2015 5:24:04 GMT Awww polz I'm so sorry to read this (((hugs)))
	Last Edit: Jul 24, 2015 5:24:45 GMT by JoP Fondly remembering Scrapsontherocks, Craftykitten & Phoenixcov Member Since April 2010, 44 forum posts, 0 public projects Location: 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 - Land of Welsh cakes, dragons & song 4 year pea PeaNut #466066 RefuPea #1918

bandjmom Full Member Posts: 197 Jun 25, 2014 23:28:19 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:25:41 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by bandjmom on Jul 24, 2015 5:25:41 GMT I'm so sorry he hurt you.

marmargirl UnstopPeable Posts: 2,363 Location: Portland, OR Jun 28, 2014 3:38:32 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:25:42 GMT crimsoncat05 likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by marmargirl on Jul 24, 2015 5:25:42 GMT I'm sorry. You have people here who care about you and please don't ever feel you are unloved. sending you hugs and love!
	PeaNut 75,452 March 2003 Loc: PDX RefuPea #1890

katybee Drama Llama Posts: 5,378 Jun 25, 2014 23:25:39 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:27:33 GMT marimoose likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by katybee on Jul 24, 2015 5:27:33 GMT So sorry! That sucks. I swear I'll come to New Zealand and kick his ass if you want ...

belgravia UnstopPeable Posts: 1,755 Jun 26, 2014 15:50:44 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:27:26 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by belgravia on Jul 24, 2015 5:27:26 GMT I'm sorry. I've been where you are. It's been a year and a half since I found out. I'll offer you hope that you can get through this and come out the other side. Hugs to you.

950nancy Pea God Posts: 27,793 Jul 17, 2014 19:33:44 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:28:31 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by 950nancy on Jul 24, 2015 5:28:31 GMT No one should ever have that power over you, but I completely understand. How awful. Hoping things look better for you soon.

marianne Pearl Clutcher Not my circus, not my monkeys. . . My monkeys fly! Posts: 4,176 Location: right smack dab in the middle of SC Site Supporter Jun 25, 2014 21:08:26 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:30:38 GMT TheOtherMeg likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by marianne on Jul 24, 2015 5:30:38 GMT I'm sorry you're hurting. Please don't let your DH's lousy choices make you think less of yourself. There's nothing wrong with you. (((hugs))))
	The less you respond to rude, critical, argumentative people, the more peaceful your life will become. ~Mandy Hale~

lucyg Eternal Pea After all this time? Always. Posts: 23,744 Location: wine country Jun 25, 2014 20:41:02 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:31:51 GMT akathy, DinCA, and 5 more like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by lucyg on Jul 24, 2015 5:31:51 GMT We love you! You're cute and fun, and you deserve better! I know it's hard but I hope you can start feeling better soon.
	LUCYG Northern California MoreCowbell says I’m a racist … hmm … 9/10/23 "The old Two Peas forum was American, but this one was set up by a Brit, as no one else could be arsed." --anniebygaslight 5/2/18 "Reality has a liberal bias, I guess." --pierogi 7/9/18

myshelly Pea Guru Posts: 13,540 Jun 30, 2014 14:44:17 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:32:42 GMT via mobile crimsoncat05 and marimoose like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by myshelly on Jul 24, 2015 5:32:42 GMT I'm so sorry he hurt you. There's something wrong with him, not you!

LeaP Pearl Clutcher Posts: 3,939 Location: Los Angeles, CA where 405 meets 101 Jun 26, 2014 23:17:22 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:34:05 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by LeaP on Jul 24, 2015 5:34:05 GMT {{{Hugs}}} I'm sending you cyber Tim Tams and a fluffy. Rest assured that you are loved.
	Old signature: LeaP PeaAddict PeaNut 27,075 January 2002 Posts: 1,020 Layouts: 0 Loc: SoCal

peatlejuice RefuPea Fixture Posts: 705 Feb 10, 2015 19:14:23 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:35:34 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by peatlejuice on Jul 24, 2015 5:35:34 GMT We haven't really interacted with each other, but I've read and enjoyed your posts. You have my love and support, and all the cyber hugs you need.
	Avatar courtesy of MizIndependent!

chaosisapony Prolific Pea Posts: 7,575 Jun 26, 2014 3:27:53 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:37:52 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by chaosisapony on Jul 24, 2015 5:37:52 GMT That just sucks! I think it's very natural to feel what you're feeling in these circumstances. I hope everything works out ok for you.

paget Drama Llama Posts: 6,757 Jun 25, 2014 21:16:39 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:38:06 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by paget on Jul 24, 2015 5:38:06 GMT Oh honey! I'm sorry. We love you, we care. You deserve better.

miominmio Prolific Pea Posts: 9,482 Location: Norway Jun 25, 2014 20:23:37 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:38:21 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by miominmio on Jul 24, 2015 5:38:21 GMT Hugs to you. It's nothing wrong with you! The fault is his, not yours.

Deleted Posts: 0 Jun 1, 2024 21:46:07 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:42:53 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 5:42:53 GMT Well shit. I'm so sorry, that really, really stinks. You are loveable! (((hugs)))

gmcwife1 Pea Guru SamFan Posts: 13,187 Location: Washington state Jun 26, 2014 0:53:57 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:43:48 GMT metaldancer and Nink like this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 24, 2015 5:43:48 GMT I'm sorry. Please do not let his crappy choice make you doubt yourself!
	~ Dori ~ Please don’t doodle the Poodle! SamFan New Pea #504 PeaNut 33,625 March 2002 Posts: 9,769 Loc: Washington state

NoWomanNoCry Drama Llama Posts: 5,856 Jun 25, 2014 21:53:42 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:47:56 GMT via mobile Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 24, 2015 5:47:56 GMT I'm so very sorry. Don't let his horrible choice define how you think of yourself. hugs and love.

freecharlie
Pea God

freecharlie What happens in NSBR, stays in NSBR PeaNut 109,127 September 2003 Posts: 22,066 Layout

Posts: 29,958

Site Supporter

UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:48:22 GMT retrofunscrapper likes this

Quote

Post by freecharlie on Jul 24, 2015 5:48:22 GMT

I hear you. I'm not going to pity you, but I can empathize. I can also be super pissed off at him for you. And her. Want to hold my earrings and I will take her on?

I'd like to refer you to www.survivinginfidelity.com/ you can read, post, whatever. They know and they are there for you without judgement.

And I don't want you to feel worse, but are you sure it wasn't physical? I wouldn't throw it out there, but it could affect your health.

Tribbey: I believe, as long as Justice Dreifort is intolerant toward gays, lesbians, blacks, unions, women, poor people, and the first, fourth, fifth, and ninth amendments, I will remain intolerant toward him! [to Ainsley] Nice meeting you

jumperhop UnstopPeable Posts: 2,113 Jun 25, 2014 23:21:49 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:54:06 GMT marimoose likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by jumperhop on Jul 24, 2015 5:54:06 GMT Huge Hugs sent your way. I care and I know you have value. Keep strong and know you deserve better! jen

patin UnstopPeable Posts: 1,267 Jun 27, 2014 5:38:02 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:54:29 GMT via Tapatalk Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by patin on Jul 24, 2015 5:54:29 GMT Kiwipolz- I'm sorry to hear this. You are not unloveable. The refupeas love you & we will be here for you. Take care of you! Breathe.

anniebygaslight Drama Llama I'd love a cup of tea. #1966 Posts: 7,394 Location: Third Rock from the sun. Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 6:00:09 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 24, 2015 6:00:09 GMT Sorry you have been hurt. xx

CarolT UnstopPeable Posts: 1,162 Jun 29, 2014 5:30:23 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 5:59:56 GMT mokie likes this Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by CarolT on Jul 24, 2015 5:59:56 GMT I'm so sorry ((((hugs)))) You deserve so much more!
	**************************************** Original Pea #857 Refugee Pea #2130

Nink Pearl Clutcher Posts: 4,947 Location: North Idaho Jul 1, 2014 23:30:44 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 6:02:34 GMT via Tapatalk Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by Nink on Jul 24, 2015 6:02:34 GMT So sorry. We love you and are sending hugs your way. You are beautiful and funny. Don't let his careless and thoughtless actions define you.
	PeaNut 85,669 May 2003 Posts: 2,781

Deleted

Posts: 0

UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 6:05:00 GMT

Quote

Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 6:05:00 GMT

Polly, I don't know how you feel as I haven't been there (I hate it when people say, "I know how you feel").

I do know how to send a big hug! :love:

X1000000000 :kiss:

I wish you the best. I don't know what time of day or night it is there, but my dad always has told me to sleep on something to see how you feel the next day. I am not trying to minimize your hurt. I hope it gets better in your heart very soon.

gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher

Posts: 4,080

UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 6:05:58 GMT via mobile penny likes this

Quote

Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 24, 2015 6:05:58 GMT

(((((Hugs)))))

Cry as much as you need to. Your feelings are real.

And don't think that because it was not physical you should not feel this way. The knife of betrayal is sharp and cuts deep.

I'm sorry.

Deleted

Posts: 0

UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 6:06:54 GMT crimsoncat05 likes this

Quote

Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 6:06:54 GMT

I am so sorry. You are not any of the things you are feeling right now. HE is the idiot in the situation, not you. Don't let his behavior make you question your worth! You are valuable and special and worthy of love.

We're here to listen and support you.

conchita
Pearl Clutcher

Posts: 3,141

UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 6:08:45 GMT

Quote

Post by conchita on Jul 24, 2015 6:08:45 GMT

I care! You deserve better. You've been faithful and loving and if that isn't enough then nothing ever will be for him. Don't you think for one minute that you don't measure up. He's deficient and needs to get himself straight. Sending you big hugs!

Last Edit: Jul 24, 2015 6:10:00 GMT by conchita

alexa11 Prolific Pea Posts: 8,091 Location: South Carolina Jun 27, 2014 14:53:13 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 6:11:46 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by alexa11 on Jul 24, 2015 6:11:46 GMT There is nothing wrong with you!!! Sending hugs- you will get through this.

AussieMeg Eternal Pea How about you, Lash La Rue? Posts: 21,537 Location: Melbourne, Australia Jun 26, 2014 2:27:06 GMT	UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but Jul 24, 2015 6:15:11 GMT Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by AussieMeg on Jul 24, 2015 6:15:11 GMT Polz I'm really sorry to hear that. Take care of yourself and we're here for you. xx
	7, on Flickr

UPDATE IN OP: Probably regret oversharing but

Post by polz on Jul 24, 2015 5:22:11 GMT

Post by JoP on Jul 24, 2015 5:24:04 GMT

Post by bandjmom on Jul 24, 2015 5:25:41 GMT

Post by marmargirl on Jul 24, 2015 5:25:42 GMT

Post by katybee on Jul 24, 2015 5:27:33 GMT

Post by belgravia on Jul 24, 2015 5:27:26 GMT

Post by 950nancy on Jul 24, 2015 5:28:31 GMT

Post by marianne on Jul 24, 2015 5:30:38 GMT

Post by lucyg on Jul 24, 2015 5:31:51 GMT

Post by myshelly on Jul 24, 2015 5:32:42 GMT

Post by LeaP on Jul 24, 2015 5:34:05 GMT

Post by peatlejuice on Jul 24, 2015 5:35:34 GMT

Post by chaosisapony on Jul 24, 2015 5:37:52 GMT

Post by paget on Jul 24, 2015 5:38:06 GMT

Post by miominmio on Jul 24, 2015 5:38:21 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 5:42:53 GMT

Post by gmcwife1 on Jul 24, 2015 5:43:48 GMT

Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jul 24, 2015 5:47:56 GMT

Post by freecharlie on Jul 24, 2015 5:48:22 GMT

Post by jumperhop on Jul 24, 2015 5:54:06 GMT

Post by patin on Jul 24, 2015 5:54:29 GMT

Post by anniebygaslight on Jul 24, 2015 6:00:09 GMT

Post by CarolT on Jul 24, 2015 5:59:56 GMT

Post by Nink on Jul 24, 2015 6:02:34 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 6:05:00 GMT

Post by gsquaredmom on Jul 24, 2015 6:05:58 GMT

Post by Deleted on Jul 24, 2015 6:06:54 GMT

Post by conchita on Jul 24, 2015 6:08:45 GMT

Post by alexa11 on Jul 24, 2015 6:11:46 GMT

Post by AussieMeg on Jul 24, 2015 6:15:11 GMT