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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 15, 2015 2:07:02 GMT
I'm having a hard time dealing. First, my ex, who's been in prison for 2 1/2 years, has been having multiple strokes ,was just put on life-support, and the doctor says it's just a matter of time.
While I'm not his biggest fan, seeing as he's in prison because of what he did to me, it's still been so hard watching my children deal with this, as well as being hit by so many memories of the 34 years we spent together. My older daughter is just full of grief knowing her dad is very sick and very sad and very alone. He's in a prison eight hours from where we live, and she doesn't drive because of vision problems. So a friend of mine and I and my oldest son drove all the way out so the kids could visit with him, most likely for the last time. It was hard, I didn't go in I stayed in the lobby of course, but my daughter told me about it because she needed to talk to someone and I'm pretty much all she's got. To complicate things more, several months ago when these terrible strokes started and he came so close to dying several times, he' become delusional and believes that he and I have made up. He even insisted that the doctor call me last week to ask what I thought he should do when the doctor recommended hospice. That was a difficult phone call. I had to explain to the doctor that we were divorced, he was in prison for assaulting me, but he is delusional and believes we're together. The doctor was very kind. But then my ex chose to decline hospice, and be put on a ventilator and a feeding tube. It's just a very sad situation no matter what.
Then there's my house. I moved back in here from my son's several months ago to sort through the many many belongings and try to figure out what I can sell what I can keep. I've made some headway but not nearly enough, I just become overcome with memories, and have to stop for the day. Andnow the bank is taking The house in a few weeks, and I'm not ready!!
Yes, I can ask for help from family and friends, but I have a hard time because these decisions are mine, it's hard to explain. But I will definitely be having to ask for help.
Now the kicker, which I just found out, is that my youngest daughter who has seven-year-old twin boys, is moving with her husband to another state over 1000 miles away. These boys have been close to me their whole life. They actually lived with us here in this home the first two years of their lives. I was a very vital part of their care when they were little, and the bond is very strong. It will feel as if someone tore a limb off of me when they go.
There are good things in my life too, and I'll beOK, but right now I'm just having a hard time dealing with it all
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tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,368
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
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Post by tincin on Aug 15, 2015 2:11:14 GMT
I'm so sorry. That is a lot to deal with all at once. Is it possible to just pack up the house and move it where you are now living? Stick it in a storage unit and deal with it after all this has passed. If not, put the stuff that is hardest to deal with in boxes and deal with the easy stuff like junk (we all have it) that you can easily toss or donate. Good luck.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 15, 2015 2:28:17 GMT
You're right, Tincin, there's plenty of junk.
There is very limited room to bring things over to my son's. I HAVE to make decisions. Now.
I tried to get an estate sale company interested, but none were interested.
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Post by penny on Aug 15, 2015 2:28:08 GMT
That's a lot of big things to face... As much as you can, set your own pace and care for yourself... Like the pp mentioned, if you put things in storage or otherwise spread out some of what needs doing... Ask for help - even if it's just someone to help move boxes in/out, or to drop by some groceries or run an errand... Maybe you could plan a trip to visit your youngest as a sort of break/reward... Something to look forward to...
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Aug 15, 2015 2:33:16 GMT
I'm so sorry. That is an awful lot to deal with. I would seriously consider taking it all to a storage unit and going through it when I was better able, and at my own pace - not the bank's. I am glad you are able to see the good things in your life during this. But it is completely acceptable to grieve hard over this stuff you're facing. (((hugs)))
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Aug 15, 2015 2:42:56 GMT
(((hugs))))
You have so much on your plate, and you have gone through so much.
You are a very brave lady and I'm proud of you for that.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,744
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Aug 15, 2015 2:43:13 GMT
I agree with tincin. So much to deal with. Get rid of what you know what you have no interest in, and if possible store rest until a time when you are ready to deal with the rest. And the grandbabies moving, tough. Hugs. Hopefully visits can be often or get skype at least. My best to you. |
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Nicole in TX
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,951 
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Post by Nicole in TX on Aug 15, 2015 2:52:33 GMT
Holy crap, that is a lot to deal with. Take it one day at a time and come vent here when you need to.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 15, 2015 3:56:57 GMT
You know the saying about boiling the frog? I think I did not really get how stressed out I am, just kept putting one foot in front of each other.
Thx for the reminder to look out for myself.
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PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,744
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
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Post by PLurker on Aug 15, 2015 4:01:37 GMT
You know the saying about boiling the frog? I think I did not really get how stressed out I am, just kept putting one foot in front of each other. Thx for the reminder to look out for myself. I didn't (or forgot) so googled. Yes, that's a good metaphor. Watch out for yourself. It is a bunch to deal with. |
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Post by femalebusiness on Aug 15, 2015 4:04:07 GMT
(((Hugs))) You have a lot on your plate. Do what you can and just let the rest go.
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Post by k8smom on Aug 15, 2015 4:11:50 GMT
Oh my. I cannot even imagine all of that happening at the same time. UGH! I'm so sorry! Just put one foot in front of the other and try, try, try to not let these circumstances define you, consume you, or overpower you. You are obviously a very strong woman!
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Post by ScrapsontheRocks on Aug 15, 2015 5:32:46 GMT
You can do this. I am not saying you should HAVE to, but you know you can. I know what you are capable of and I am just an unknown pea who remembers some of what you have overcome from an anonymous message board. Strength is in you and I hope more is given to you now when you need it most. All good thoughts.
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Post by JoP on Aug 15, 2015 5:38:22 GMT
You can do this. I am not saying you should HAVE to, but you know you can. I know what you are capable of and I am just an unknown pea who remembers some of what you have overcome from an anonymous message board. Strength is in you and I hope more is given to you now when you need it most. All good thoughts. I second what ScrapsontheRocks said above (((hugs)))) lesserknownpea |
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,768
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Aug 15, 2015 6:51:34 GMT
I'm sorry you have so much on your plate.
I'll be honest, when I read about your ex my first thought was he would never be able to hurt you again and I'm relieved that your future will not include worrying whether the knock on the front door is him.
With the house, my suggestion would be to make a video diary, start at the pavement/sidewalk, video everything and linger on the things that mean a lot to you. If you had a favourite spot to sit, video it and then sit down and video the view, open drawers and video the contents etc. As soon as you are done, copy the video to at least four places. I know it's not your actual house but perhaps it could be a help. You could play/pause it when you are sorting through your stuff.
I was the grandchild and later the child who moved away and whilst the relationships were different they were still strong, modern technology helps. Years and years after I moved, firstly across country and later to a new country I still spoke, wrote and visited my Grandmother on a regular basis and have tons of lovely memories of her. Guess I'm trying to say you will still be an important figure in your grandchildren's lives.
Be kind to yourself. ((Hugs))
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Post by lucyg on Aug 15, 2015 7:04:43 GMT
I'm sorry you're in the middle of such a difficult time for you and your family. Hang in there. The peas have your back.
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Post by KelleeM on Aug 15, 2015 8:16:41 GMT
You really do have a lot to deal with right now. I'm sorry your grandsons are moving away. The house situation would be overwhelming for anyone. I hope you find the strength you need...focus on the important things and don't worry about the "stuff." (((hugs)))
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Post by gar on Aug 15, 2015 8:35:40 GMT
You're stronger than you think you are!! I'm sorry you're having such a tough time (hugs)
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Post by scrappintoee on Aug 15, 2015 11:00:13 GMT
Oh WOW....you've got SO much happening at once....So sorry!!! ((( hugs ))) & prayers!!!!!
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Post by KikiPea on Aug 15, 2015 11:37:53 GMT
I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Hugs and prayers coming your way through this transition period in your life.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Aug 15, 2015 11:47:45 GMT
(((Hugs))). I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this at once, it must seem overwhelming. Another analogy is - like on an airplane - put your own life mask on first, before trying to deal with anything else, take care of yourself.
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Post by liya on Aug 15, 2015 12:00:04 GMT
I'm sorry. That's an awful lot to deal with all at one. Hugs to you.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Aug 15, 2015 12:12:33 GMT
One day at a time.
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Post by tomocus on Aug 15, 2015 12:37:18 GMT
I am sorry you are having to deal with so much sadness at one time. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Post by christine58 on Aug 15, 2015 12:53:49 GMT
Any chance you can move to be closer to your grandsons??
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Post by tarheelgurl on Aug 15, 2015 13:03:03 GMT
Have you considered going to see and talk to your ex while you still can. Maybe tell him you forgive him for what he did to you. That might be good for both of you.
So sorry everything is so difficult right now. It always seems to hit all at one. It will all work out. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time.
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Post by leannec on Aug 15, 2015 13:48:02 GMT
Hugs to you ... try to take care of yourself  |
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gloryjoy
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,332
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Post by gloryjoy on Aug 15, 2015 13:48:50 GMT
That is a lot for a person to deal with all at once.
Be kind to yourself, and I agree, maybe put some of it in storage for now.
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happymomma
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,078
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Post by happymomma on Aug 15, 2015 14:00:34 GMT
I'm sorry. There are periods in all of our lives when we are just overwhelmed!
I've had so many days in the past year that I seriously thought, "I can't do this!"
I saw this on FB one day and it sums it all up for me:
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Aug 15, 2015 14:11:45 GMT
Hang in there you sound like you are doing all the right things for your kids. One day at a time.
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Time to get off the internet!
