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Post by librarylady on Aug 15, 2015 15:36:27 GMT
That is a lot to manage at one time. I like the suggestion of sorting it all at a later date when you are not so emotional.
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,500
Location: London
Jun 25, 2014 22:33:20 GMT
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Post by uksue on Aug 15, 2015 16:16:52 GMT
I'm so sorry. I remember your history and you've really had it tough. Please accept my best wishes and prayers.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 15, 2015 19:00:18 GMT
Have you considered going to see and talk to your ex while you still can. Maybe tell him you forgive him for what he did to you. That might be good for both of you. So sorry everything is so difficult right now. It always seems to hit all at one. It will all work out. Just hang in there and take it one day at a time. I think this question is part of the reason I'm so stressed. I don't know if I can or should. My therapist last year advised that any contact should be because I felt it would help me in some way. One reason I've had zero contact with him was to make it clear we were over. He kept trying to call and write letters begging me to take him back. I knew in his state of mind he'd take any contact as a sign there was hope. Now he thinks we're together even though he's been told we are not. I don't know how much is brain damage from the strokes. The first thing he asked when my daughter and son walked in was whether I was with them. ( and by asked I mean pointing to letters on a board to spell out words). My daughter had prepared what to say with me on the way to Boise. She said we were divorced, but I forgave him and did not wish him ill. She did not let him know I drove them and was in the hospital lobby. If this were an episode of Grey's Anatomy, I would visit him and make my peace with him and he would realize he didn't want to drag out his hopeless life and become a vegetable on a ventilator and ask to be taken off life support. It would all be really moving. The reality is I can't see myself having the strength do do that, although I am haunted by the possibility.
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Post by tarheelgurl on Aug 15, 2015 19:23:12 GMT
I hope you find the strength to do it. Years from now you might look back and wish you had done it but then it will be too late and it will haunt you. He's the father of your children and you had many years together. I don't think you'll regret it if you talk to him one more time.Do it for your children's sake too. What a great example that would be to them to extend grace to him after what he's done. I'll be praying for you.
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Post by anonrefugee on Aug 15, 2015 20:59:42 GMT
lesserknownpea even though I was a lurker you were someone I thought about as 2Peas board was closing. You've been through so much and come out the other side, even if there's more to do with the house. I can't even presume to advise you on this. It is real life not a neat storyline- great thought about Greys. My approach is to do the thing that leaves least opportunity for regret, but Those actions aren't always a comfortable fit. Go with your gut. I mean this as a gentle question, because I really only know your Ex as a creep- but- what difference to you does it make if a delusional man thinks you are still married? is it because he has peace thinking you forgave him? Maybe that answer t(to yourself, we don't need to know) will help?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 17, 2024 4:42:59 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2015 21:20:56 GMT
Do you have a place to move to before the bank forecloses? You could take the necessary items to that place. That would be a big relief getting items like furniture, dishes, etc.. out of the way. Have a place for everything you need in your new place, then you're not as attached to the other things because there is no room.
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Post by mikklynn on Aug 15, 2015 23:42:01 GMT
I'm sorry. That is a lot to deal with! I'm sure you are feeling grief over the man he used to be.
I feel your pain regarding the grandchildren. It broke my heart when my son and DIL moved 850 miles away with our granddaughter. Like your situation, they lived with us 50% of the time her first 3 years. But, it was really a good move for them and I had to just deal with my grief over it.
I work really hard to keep a close relationship, despite the distance. I would read her favorite books to her over the phone at bedtime. I send randowm postcards and little gifts for no particular reason. Tango makes it really easy to video chat on a smart phone.
Hugs to you.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 15, 2015 23:47:48 GMT
lesserknownpea even though I was a lurker you were someone I thought about as 2Peas board was closing. You've been through so much and come out the other side, even if there's more to do with the house. I can't even presume to advise you on this. It is real life not a neat storyline- great thought about Greys. My approach is to do the thing that leaves least opportunity for regret, but Those actions aren't always a comfortable fit. Go with your gut. I mean this as a gentle question, because I really only know your Ex as a creep- but- what difference to you does it make if a delusional man thinks you are still married? is it because he has peace thinking you forgave him? Maybe that answer t(to yourself, we don't need to know) will help? I was ok with him taking comfort from the thought that we had reunited. I even suggested to the Dr who called me that there was no need to disabuse him of the idea. But my daughter was not comfortable with contributing to a falsehood, and sought the kindest way to also be truthful. It probably doesn't matter, my other daughter, the one who is moving, flat out told him "mom wants nothing to do with you", (her words), while he was recovering from the first stroke, and he just continued on with his delusions. I really didn't want to give him any false hope that would cause further pain down the line, but was comfortable with the idea of him dying in some peace. Now that he is on life support, I really don't know what would be best.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Aug 15, 2015 23:49:58 GMT
Do you have a place to move to before the bank forecloses? You could take the necessary items to that place. That would be a big relief getting items like furniture, dishes, etc.. out of the way. Have a place for everything you need in your new place, then you're not as attached to the other things because there is no room. I have one and a half rooms in my son's home. Which are pretty much already filled with necessary, day to day things. I have no money to rent a storage unit. I'm ok with letting things go, but it's the emotion that spills up when I go through the things that just overwhelms me.
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