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Post by bigbundt on Sept 25, 2015 13:10:59 GMT
"I don't finish someone else's task" sounds like a crappy attitude IMO when you have two people operating as a team and trying to run a household. My DH and I used to butt heads over the garbage. If he took the trash out to the garage, he expected me to put a bag in the can by the time he came back. Didn't matter if I was feeding a baby, working on a project, folding clothes, whatever, most of the time I was doing something else. I did push back on that because taking out the trash includes putting in new bag. If I wasn't doing anything or standing right there I would do it happily but it really buttered my buns that he EXPECTED me to finish his task when I was in the middle of my own. In general I think men expect women to "complete their tasks" and yet they expect teamwork when they do their own tasks, especially anything housework related. Drives me crazy.
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Post by darkangel090260 on Sept 25, 2015 14:58:22 GMT
we don't start it until everyone has had there bath/shower. If you started when someone is in the shower it like hell fire ..
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Sept 26, 2015 21:04:05 GMT
Why didn't you turn it on? THAT is what I find problematic about this encounter. You loaded it and, unless it wasn't a full load and you didn't want to run it, it should have been turned on right then and there. Why should he have to finish what you started? This is a similar situation to what my DH and I go through. He will take clothes out of the dryer and put the pile on the counter, unfolded. He doesn't finish the job (folding the clothes) but expects someone else (me) to do it when I see that it needs to be done. Should I not expect him to finish the job because I can do it when I walk past? Nope, not in my world. You start a task, you finish it. Let me think. I believe it was because I might have been able to fit one or two more things in and I was going to check later. Number of times DH has loaded/unloaded the dishwasher this year? Twice, I think. So I hardly think he has anything to complain about. Actually I'm shocked he noticed.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
Jul 7, 2014 19:36:30 GMT
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Post by zella on Sept 26, 2015 21:15:52 GMT
this happened with me and DH the other day. I asked him to turn off a fan and lower the blinds. he turns off the fan. I ask "why didn't you lower the blinds like I asked?". he says "why didn't you lower it yourself?". I say "YOU were standing right there." ugggg. This is exactly a conversation that could happen at our house.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 3, 2024 5:14:48 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 26, 2015 22:43:54 GMT
I think you're dead right that most women wouldn't put up with, seriously who wants to be married to a jerk who won't pull his weight? If he bobs your vessel though...
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Post by finally~a~mama on Sept 26, 2015 23:08:19 GMT
One of us is asking the other if the dishes are clean/dirty or if the dishwasher needs to be ran happens about every 3 days at our house. Sometimes we're waiting to put a few last dishes in. Sometimes we wait because the thing is loud and we want to watch something on TV. Sometimes we forget. No big deal. Now that trash bag thing a previous poster mentioned... why, oh why, can the man not remember to put a trash bag in the trash can when he takes out the trash? Just leaves the can sitting bagless in the middle of the kitchen. Seriously makes me feel a little bit stabby.. Yesterday, he actually took the trash out without being reminded, put a new bag in AND put the trash can back where it belongs. I nearly fainted.
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Post by mlynn on Sept 26, 2015 23:34:55 GMT
.... I do envy those who have true partnership marriages. then I am going to make you a veritable shade of forest green. My Dh not only loads and unloads the dishwasher from time to time, but he cleans the bathroom because he thinks I should not have to. And I NEVER have to take out the garbage. And rarely (less than once a year) have to put gas in the car. he cooks too! Almost exclusively. he will not even let me help. O yea... the laundry. he does that, too. But that is mostly because he does not want me seeing what he has done to the basement.
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Post by Pahina722 on Sept 26, 2015 23:50:08 GMT
.... I do envy those who have true partnership marriages. then I am going to make you a veritable shade of forest green. My Dh not only loads and unloads the dishwasher from time to time, but he cleans the bathroom because he thinks I should not have to. And I NEVER have to take out the garbage. And rarely (less than once a year) have to put gas in the car. he cooks too! Almost exclusively. he will not even let me help. O yea... the laundry. he does that, too. But that is mostly because he does not want me seeing what he has done to the basement. I will add mine. DS loads and unloads the dishwasher (part of his chores), but DH does at least half the cooking, cleans toilets and tubs, maintains the yard, and usually takes the cars in for maintenance and fueling. He also does the floors (sweeping and steaming the tile, vacuuming the carpet). My portion is doing the other half of the cooking, the laundry, dusting, and general straightening up. I really think I won the marriage lottery even though it took two tries to get the prize.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 27, 2015 1:36:13 GMT
When people say they load the dishwasher, does that mean that people just leave the dishes in the sink for someone to put them in the dishwasher? I am curious. After any meal, we always put our own dishes in the dishwasher. I haven't ever had to load it. No one in my house does. My boys had to get up on a stool and did this when they were young too. I was raised this way, so I guess that is what I thought most people do. Clearly I am wrong.
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Post by 950nancy on Sept 27, 2015 1:40:43 GMT
I told my soon to be husband that I wouldn't marry him if we didn't share the work (inside and out) 50/50. It seems to me that if both people work both people should take care of the home. I know that isn't what a lot of people do, but I hate housework and didn't think it was fair. To this date, I haven't ever scrubbed a toilet or shower. I do a lot of other things though.
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Post by jenb72 on Sept 27, 2015 1:41:44 GMT
Well, after your update, this sounds even more like my ex and my old marriage. While I was married to him, I also suffered from depression, although, at the time, if you'd asked me, I would have denied it. It's only in hindsight that I can see it.
ExDH never did any of the housework, even though we both worked full time for 95% of the time we were married, we had three kids and we had various pets. But he was more than happy to criticize my housekeeping skills if he felt things were getting out of control and weren't kept the way he wanted them. It was always my fault - never his. And because he didn't do any of the work and had absolutely no respect for me as a partner in our relationship, my kids didn't have any respect for me, either, and I did nothing to stand up for myself (again, because of the depression and a lack of self-esteem I couldn't see at the time).
I lived like that for 17 years - 19 if you count the two years we dated before we got married. It took a reunion with an old friend from high school to knock some sense into me and help me realize that I was worth so much more and that I was allowing myself to be emotionally and verbally abused. I had to take a long, hard look at myself and realize that it was my own choices that got me where I was and it was me that would have to make the choices to get myself out of it. So I began to demand better treatment from my DH. He refused to comply, so I took my kids and left him. I can honestly say that I am 100% happier in my life now and I don't regret my divorce at all. I only regret that it took me so long to stand up for me.
I'm not advising you to walk out on your marriage, but please remember that people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. If you allow your DH to get away with his behavior and you don't call him on it and demand to be treated better, it will never happen.
Of course, if you're happy with the status quo, that's fine, too. It's your life to live and no one else can tell you how to live it. Either way, I wish you well with it.
Jen
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Sept 27, 2015 2:27:30 GMT
LOL! I'll have to remember this! I always say "If it floats your boat." Don't know what happened...she said, "If he bobs your vessel...
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