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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2015 1:46:14 GMT
I have a decent amount of friends/social life to keep me busy, but I have this fantasy that somewhere out there is the BFF/soul mate that I never really had. The Ethel to my Lucy. The Shirley to my Laverne. (I'll be 50 next year, but I'm not giving up, dammit!) So once in awhile, I will attempt to expand my social circle but I have never had much success joining clubs/groups/meetups. Whenever I've tried, at the first meeting I always seem to develop an intense, mutual dislike for a particular woman, who then turns out to be the Queen Bee of the group, around whom all the others orbit. The consistency of this phenomenon is really quite amazing.
So my point is, I finally found a book club that meets at my local library and it has been going well, in the sense that so far, no one seems to actively loathe me. It's been almost a year - this is real progress! The women are very likeable and we have nice if not terribly interesting discussions. It's not really what I was looking for. We just sit down and start talking about the book, which in one sense is probably what you want in a book club. But I pictured it more like the clubs I've read about, where you meet at a different house each time, maybe serve food related to the book, have a glass of wine, get to know each other, become friends. After all this time I still don't know any of the women's names, and there is never any individual talk or discussion of doing anything outside of the book club. So I don't think my elusive BFF is there. And I have hated about 50% of the books chosen. I love to read, there are so many great ones out there and I hate wasting time on books that I don't like. I'm considering dropping out of the club, which would not be a big controversy or anything like I said, it's a very loose knit kind of thing.
I'm wondering if maybe my expectations are too high. Do you belong to a book club? What is it like?
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Post by annabella on Oct 1, 2015 1:58:14 GMT
At the beginning of this year I joined several bookclubs through meetup. This is my first experience with a bookclub and like you we meet in public spaces and I only know the name of the organizer. I do no show up every month, just when the book interests me, other people do that as well so it's not always the same faces. I think it's a completely different dynamic when a book club is formed among already existing friends and meets in their home. I like being in the book clubs as it exposes me to books I haven't heard of or would have thought to read. I have no expectation of meeting my new bff.
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Post by RobbyKay on Oct 1, 2015 2:24:56 GMT
Maybe your new BFF is in your book club, but you need to draw her out. Ask if anyone would like to meet for coffee afterwards, or bring a snack to share that was inspired by the book you are discussing.
My book club is not like the clubs you read about. it's in a classroom at a church, no wine is served, and snacks are rare. But out of that group, a few of us meet afterwards for a little sipping and socializing at a local restaurant. We probably wouldn't meet up if we didn't have book club first, but it's a nice way to get a little girl time in.
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SabrinaP
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Post by SabrinaP on Oct 1, 2015 2:32:37 GMT
I joined my friend's book club about 3 years ago and brought my BFF with me. We have 8-10 consistent members. We almost always meet at a restaurant. We spend about 50% of our time talking about the book and 50% on chit chat. I only knew my friend when I joined and now I consider all of them friends.
We take turns hosting which means that person picks the book and the restaurant. I love my book club. I look forward to the meetings every month!
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Post by anxiousmom on Oct 1, 2015 2:40:51 GMT
I have been in my book club for 10 plus years all with pretty much the same group of women-there have only been about three over the years that have moved on. Not all of us were friends prior to the formation of our club, but we are now. We have been through marriages, divorces, births, deaths, all that life has to throw at us. At the first meeting of the year, we choose a leader who tries to keep us all in line. We also sign up who will be the hostess with the mostest for each month (she also chooses the book.) At the same time, we sign up for who will bring the food and who will bring the wine for each month. We meet, we eat, we chitty chat, we discuss the book, we laugh (and sometimes cry.) I  my girls. |
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Post by ntsf on Oct 1, 2015 3:16:32 GMT
my friend was in a book club for 10 yrs..she invited me about 3 yrs ago. this summer, I was asked to leave and my friend went with me. it was the meet at a house, drink wine and talk about the book book club. a little different since it was about 50/50 women/men. after we left, we realized that we were never really accepted (seen as a different class of persons)..and the others in a way were terribly lazy and snobby. so what you see in movies can be just that...a movie. we are continuing to read books and discuss them..just the two of us. my friend suggested it was very liberating to be on our own..and choose any kind of book with no one being critical, no one not reading the whole book..etc.
so it can sound good, but it doesn't always work out so well.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Oct 1, 2015 3:20:58 GMT
my friend was in a book club for 10 yrs..she invited me about 3 yrs ago. this summer, I was asked to leave and my friend went with me. it was the meet at a house, drink wine and talk about the book book club. a little different since it was about 50/50 women/men. after we left, we realized that we were never really accepted (seen as a different class of persons)..and the others in a way were terribly lazy and snobby. so what you see in movies can be just that...a movie. we are continuing to read books and discuss them..just the two of us. my friend suggested it was very liberating to be on our own..and choose any kind of book with no one being critical, no one not reading the whole book..etc. so it can sound good, but it doesn't always work out so well. Wow. I can't believe they asked you to leave! |
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Post by leannec on Oct 1, 2015 3:25:23 GMT
I run a meetup.com ladies group and one of my monthly events is Book Club ... it is my most popular event, I always have a waiting list  My Book Club is super casual ... we only spend a short time talking about the book ... the rest of the evening is spent drinking wine, eating food and chatting about whatever  A couple of years ago a woman joined my Book Club ... she is now my bff Have you thought about joining a meetup group or starting one of your own? |
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Post by ntsf on Oct 1, 2015 3:25:38 GMT
it was not pretty..but I don't want to be part of something where I was not welcomed....over email...pretty tacky.
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Oct 1, 2015 3:26:27 GMT
I started my book club in May 2005. I had always wanted to be in one but I'm afraid of strangers (meaning meeting new people and making friends). So I chose a book, picked a date and invited all my reading friends. I think 10 showed up. We are very loose, no rules, well except the book has to be at least 300 pages and NOT an Oprah book. LOL! Anyway someone picks a book and we meet at their house to discuss. It's usually 5-6 weeks between meetings, but could be longer. The host provides drinks and dessert or snacks or whatever. We usually have meetings in the evenings, but have been known to do a weekend brunch or late afternoon. Since I started the group I'm kind of the leader. Which only means that I keep the list of books we've read and remind people whose turn it is. There are no rules about what kinds of books, genre, etc. We meet for about 1.5 - 2 hours, talk about the book, ask/answer discussion questions, then chit-chat about other things and then it's over.
We now have six regulars, one comes when she's in town and another when there is no kid activities going on. And we actually have one member who has NEVER been to a meeting but reads every book. BTW, we all knew each other before book club.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Oct 1, 2015 3:30:33 GMT
I joined my friend's book club about 3 years ago and brought my BFF with me. We have 8-10 consistent members. We almost always meet at a restaurant. We spend about 50% of our time talking about the book and 50% on chit chat. I only knew my friend when I joined and now I consider all of them friends. We take turns hosting which means that person picks the book and the restaurant. I love my book club. I look forward to the meetings every month! Mine is similar to this. My friend started it with a bunch of women she knew from her church. She is the only one I knew in the group. They weren't all besties either and I think they don't all go to the same church. A good number of them live about 20 mins away. So there is diversity, we mainly meet in restaurants. But there is friendship and we talk about the book, and life. I joined a book club when I moved to the Cayman Islands, I enquired at the local book store they gave me a woman's name.. I thought she organized "book clubs" nope. It was a very specific group of friends.. that I quite rudely pushed my way into ( they agreed to let me try it once.. only then did I realize what I had done).. but they had lost their token American and after one meeting they welcomed me. it was a fantastic group., It is hard to find the right chemistry. If you enjoy the group you are attending keep going but maybe put yourself out there a bit. I have lived here in Asheville for almost 5 years and I am still trying to find my BFF. I know what that is like. Keep looking she is out there for you. |
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Post by beaglemom on Oct 1, 2015 3:35:28 GMT
I got invited to join a book club in my neighborhood. They had been meeting for at least 10 years. I am a couple years younger than the youngest of their children. They have grandchildren around the ages of my kids. They have been fabulous. They threw me the most fabulous baby shower when I had my first and are a wonderful wealth of knowledge. We meet once a month, rotating between different people's homes. One person hosts and another is in charge of reviewing the book. One of the women - who is in the wine business - is in charge of bringing the wine. Most of the rest of the people bring appetizers. I always (by request) bring dessert. Some times (most of the time) the hostess does some sort of main dish - lately it has been soups. Every 6 months we all nominate books and then go through them together and vote on them. I love it! And they are also fabulous that I don't always read the books (2 little kids and another on the way) but they love my desserts so much that I get to go anyways!
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Post by sugarmama on Oct 1, 2015 4:04:59 GMT
I love reading about all your book clubs! Crankypea, I think some of the other posters are right--maybe you could ask if anyone would like to go to lunch, etc? I started a book club with a few friends about 8 years ago. We are usually a group of about 6-8, with a couple of gals who sometimes show up. I prefer the smaller number because it is easier to have a discussion and get a table at a restaurant. Sometimes we go to someone's house. When we began, I was the only one who knew everyone, but now we are all friends and it's great because each woman has something in common with the others. We all agree that some of our favorite books were the ones we never would have picked up on our own and didn't really want to read. Crankypea, I believe you can do a search on goodreads and see if there any other book clubs in your area. |
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MaryMary
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Post by MaryMary on Oct 1, 2015 4:14:23 GMT
My book club is kinda like the one you described minus the wine (Mormons). We rotate houses, have treats that relate to the book if possible (I hosted when we read "Persuasion" and had a tea party. It was awesome.).
We have become friends and spend quite a bit of time chatting. My only complaint is that it is not uncommon for them not to finish the book.
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Post by PolarGreen12 on Oct 1, 2015 4:19:56 GMT
I joined one through Good Reads in August. I couldn't get into the book they chose for September, What Alice Forgot, so I didn't attend the meeting. I completely brain farted and never even bought Octobers book, and the meeting is tomorrow. Looks like I'm a sucky member already. The only thing is it is an all female group, I wish I could find a both sexes group that didn't just read Chick Lit.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2015 6:57:48 GMT
Soon after I moved here 1 1/2 years ago a neighbor/church friend and I were talking about our love of books. We decided to do a book club.
We posted on favebook and started the group at her house. We take turns hosting. Hosting means you choose the book and lead the discussion. If you don't want to have the group at your house you can have it at my house or the house of the other woman who started it.
We have no wine (at this point we are all LDS). I made it a point that the host can choose to do snacks or not -some of the women in our group are on a very tight budget. So for our first meeting we had snacks and for the second meeting at my house we didn't have them so the tight budget women would feel comfortable if they didn't have them.
One if the rules is we discuss the book. I know, sounds like an odd rule, but in my last book club it became a thing where the host gives a run down of the book for an hour.
So we discuss the book, sometimes really getting into it, sometimes not and that just naturally flows into conversation.
Tomorrow, I host. "To Say Nothing of the Dog". This time I'm wanting snacks, but I'm stuck. I'm thinking eel pie wouldn't got over well even if I knew where to get the eels or the pie and eggs just won't work well. Hmmm.
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Post by manda on Oct 1, 2015 7:24:03 GMT
I belong to a book club that is like what you imagine. We rotate hosting in homes, we all bring food/drinks, and then we discuss the book. Then lots of non book related conversation within the various clusters of women.
We all belong to our running club and we average probably 20 each time we meet, which is about every six weeks.
Some books, almost all of us read them and some books, almost all of us have not read them. The book conversations still seem to spark some great conversations among everybody, regardless of whether they read the book or not.
Honestly, I'm a follower so just thankful I followed my friends to join the running club and then the book club that one of my friends leads. I would never have had the guts to start one on my own.
Isn't it funny how as we get older, the more difficult it is to make friends?
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2015 11:41:01 GMT
Thanks for sharing your experiences - they run the gamut, don't they? it sounds like some of you are part of really wonderful groups, so feel blessed!
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2015 11:42:48 GMT
Have you thought about joining a meetup group or starting one of your own? Yes, but I refer you to paragraph one of my post, LOL. I think if I ever get invited to join an existing book club that seems like the kind of thing I'm looking for, I'll give it another shot. But otherwise I guess it's not meant to be. |
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Post by freeatlast on Oct 1, 2015 12:03:42 GMT
I joined a book club at the library. We meet monthly but take off December and 3 months of summer. The librarian selects the books, although she is open to suggestions. Since I read many other books, I'm ok with someone else picking one. As a result, I've read books and authors I would never have picked on my own. We typically have 6 to 8 women attend and there is probably a 20 year age difference between the youngest and oldest.
We have the best discussions when everyone hated the book! LOL
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Post by brina on Oct 1, 2015 12:09:00 GMT
My Book Club is super casual ... we only spend a short time talking about the book ... the rest of the evening is spent drinking wine, eating food and chatting about whatever This is what my book club is like - we do have one member who does her best to keep us on track discussing the book . We rotate whose house we will meet at - the host chooses the book and supplies the food and wine for the night. I love my book club. |
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Post by Sarah*H on Oct 1, 2015 12:26:36 GMT
I have been in a book club for over 8 years and for most of that time, we met at Panera and just discussed the book. For some complicated/sad reasons, the book club went on hiatus about 18 months ago. We met a few months ago to try to get it going again and that meeting turned into what you're describing - chatting, more about friendship, the book was a conversation starter but not the focus of the meeting. So next week we are officially relaunching and that's the direction we're moving in. I'll be hosting the first meeting at my house with lots of wine and good things to eat. Everyone seems really excited about doing it this way instead of the formal, public meetings.
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peppermintpatty
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Post by peppermintpatty on Oct 1, 2015 12:32:45 GMT
I belong to one and we meet every 4 weeks at a local restaurant. I am not crazy about it because it gets so loud in there that we can't really talk or get to know anyone. The other problem is a lot of people are fast readers but I am not. I can read fast but I don't have the time to spend 4 hours reading a book plus I have an eye condition that limits me to about 1 hour at a time before my vision goes wonky. I like the idea of doing the club but I would rather have it at a house.
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Post by agengr2004 on Oct 1, 2015 13:07:12 GMT
I joined one about a year ago. It's about 15 women in our neighborhood and we do the whole meet at a different house, have wine, themed foods, book chat, etc. The hostess chooses the book and the direction for the food and then it's potluck from there. The first book we read after I joined was Outlander and one of the ladies hosted a watch party at her house for all the episodes last season. We also go to happy hour or a movie once a month.
Ours is a tight knit group and we've truly become a group on very close friends. I know that if I need help they are the ones that I can count on and there's not a day goes by that I don't at least text or facebook chat with them.
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Post by lbp on Oct 1, 2015 13:10:42 GMT
I have been in my book club for 10 plus years all with pretty much the same group of women-there have only been about three over the years that have moved on. Not all of us were friends prior to the formation of our club, but we are now. We have been through marriages, divorces, births, deaths, all that life has to throw at us. At the first meeting of the year, we choose a leader who tries to keep us all in line. We also sign up who will be the hostess with the mostest for each month (she also chooses the book.) At the same time, we sign up for who will bring the food and who will bring the wine for each month. We meet, we eat, we chitty chat, we discuss the book, we laugh (and sometimes cry.) I my girls. This! Our book club has been going strong for over 10 years. We started mostly with ladies from the PTA board and have expanded tremendously. We take turns hosting and whomever is hosting usually fixes an entrée or heavy appetizer and everyone else brings whatever. One of our members husband says we are an eating club that just happens to read!
We choose a book at the end of each meeting for the next month or two. We are very informal and very close.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 1, 2015 13:27:10 GMT
I'm enjoying reading about everyone else's book clubs! OP, I hope you find a good fit eventually.
The book club I belong to is in its 17th year. It started out as an offshoot from a Catholic moms group, although our membership has expanded through friends to include people who are neither moms nor Catholic. (Although we have had a few religious reads over those years, the vast majority of our selections are secular).
Over the years we've evolved – for example, we've decided as a group that self-help books get too personal, we try to get a variety of genres in there, and December is our poetry night since we found that most people found it difficult to read a novel with all of the holiday activities. And as a group we've set some basic ground rules to keep things civil.
We are probably more formal than a lot of book clubs, but with a large membership it's necessary. We meet in January and everyone is asked to bring a book or two to vote on for the year. There is a formula as to how our choices and alternates are chosen, but not being a math brain I couldn't tell you – and then we put together the calendar, usually we meet the first Friday in the month unless there's something major on that day, and usually the person who suggested the book facilitates and someone else volunteers to hostess. There is always wine and a few of our members really enjoy going all out with food related to the theme of the book.
I think what's been part of our long-term success is that we have a large membership, so even on the worst months at least a few people are able to attend, and there is no pressure to attend. It's pretty much a standing date for me, not only because I enjoy it but because it's one of the things in my life that I do that is solely for me. Even though there have been times that I really dislike the book, I have also discovered some fantastic authors (Marilynne Robinson, Elizabeth Strout, Jhumpa Lahiri) and I like that I read things that I wouldn't choose for myself.This month's selection is "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks" and I can't wait to meet Friday to discuss it. |
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Montannie
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Post by Montannie on Oct 1, 2015 15:36:27 GMT
I've been in a book group for several years that meets weekly to discuss books on theology. We're led by two Ursuline nuns, but the group is ecumenical, and we read a wide variety of authors. It's usually pretty interesting.
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Post by scrappersue on Oct 1, 2015 15:45:51 GMT
I just turned 50, single, still looking for my BFF and suffering from pre-empty nest syndrome. My daughter is a senior this year I am realizing that next year at this time it will be just me. Wishing I had a BFF to do stuff with. My social circle consists of people I work with and people from my daughters activities - soccer, girl scouts, etc. All those will end soon. Although I do like to be by myself and have tons of stuff to do at home to keep me busy (work full time also) I am feeling a little down lately when I think of being really alone next year. I was thinking of trying to start a book group also - thinking at least once a month I would get out of the house I would love to get a neighborhood group together - just trying to figure out how to do that. |
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Post by mom2luke on Oct 1, 2015 15:56:59 GMT
I joined my friend's book club about 3 years ago and brought my BFF with me. We have 8-10 consistent members. We almost always meet at a restaurant. We spend about 50% of our time talking about the book and 50% on chit chat. I only knew my friend when I joined and now I consider all of them friends. We take turns hosting which means that person picks the book and the restaurant. I love my book club. I look forward to the meetings every month! Mine is similar to this. My friend started it with a bunch of women she knew from her church. She is the only one I knew in the group. They weren't all besties either and I think they don't all go to the same church. A good number of them live about 20 mins away. So there is diversity, we mainly meet in restaurants. But there is friendship and we talk about the book, and life. I joined a book club when I moved to the Cayman Islands, I enquired at the local book store they gave me a woman's name.. I thought she organized "book clubs" nope. It was a very specific group of friends.. that I quite rudely pushed my way into ( they agreed to let me try it once.. only then did I realize what I had done).. but they had lost their token American and after one meeting they welcomed me. it was a fantastic group., It is hard to find the right chemistry. If you enjoy the group you are attending keep going but maybe put yourself out there a bit. I have lived here in Asheville for almost 5 years and I am still trying to find my BFF. I know what that is like. Keep looking she is out there for you. KTdoesntscrap - My husband and I lived in Asheville for 5 years. And I found it very difficult to meet friends. I worked and I had work acquaintances but not really friends per se. That being said we enjoyed our time in Asheville we actually lived in Fletcher the last three years. There is that really neat bookstore in downtown Asheville, I can't remember the name of it right now! |
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Post by sugarmama on Oct 1, 2015 16:42:44 GMT
I just turned 50, single, still looking for my BFF and suffering from pre-empty nest syndrome. My daughter is a senior this year I am realizing that next year at this time it will be just me. Wishing I had a BFF to do stuff with. My social circle consists of people I work with and people from my daughters activities - soccer, girl scouts, etc. All those will end soon. Although I do like to be by myself and have tons of stuff to do at home to keep me busy (work full time also) I am feeling a little down lately when I think of being really alone next year. I was thinking of trying to start a book group also - thinking at least once a month I would get out of the house I would love to get a neighborhood group together - just trying to figure out how to do that. scrappersue, that is precisely when my book club got started! I had been on a business trip along with a co-worker who was also a friend. We discovered we both loved to read, and there was another woman in our group who lived nearby that was interested. So the group began with the three of us and a few others that I invited. Most of us were entering the "pre-empty nest" years at that time, although we do have a few that are younger. Now, as more of us are starting to enjoy more freedom, we are tossing around the idea of traveling to places we've read about or that have some fun things to do and see. Asheville is one place that was mentioned. I've been there before and just loved it! |
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my girls.
