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Post by hop2 on Nov 2, 2015 23:05:14 GMT
OK..I'm going to disagree. HA. IF they have been allowing minors with an adult to an ADULT only game night, what is the differance? What exactly are they doing? at a church game night? that needs an adult there? what would be the differance? KWIM? They should NEVER have allowed kids at adult only game night. So that ship has sailed. That box has been opened, etc, etc They either need to bring it back to no kids at all, or open a seperate night, or room for kids game night. Do they have a kids game night? Sounds like this is needed. The difference is that if the child is there with parents and something hapoens the parents are there to attend to it. An unaccompanied minor is a whole different responsibility, You'd need permission slips and medical permission forms and all sorts of paperwork you do not need if a parent is present. Totally completely diffetent.
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Post by originalvanillabean on Nov 2, 2015 23:11:30 GMT
You aren't wrong at all.
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Post by cindyupnorth on Nov 3, 2015 0:52:12 GMT
Oh, I totally get the permission slips, and all, etc. What I'm saying is that if a child gets hurt there, and the parent isn't watching, because they are playing games, is the church responsible? same is if the parent wasn't there. Get what I am saying. The kids there should have never started, esp if he never wanted kids there, and that should have been spelled out. Which it doesn't sound like it has. In terms of the games played being adult. These days some parents don't get that. It all needs to be written out, vs assumed.
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Post by epeanymous on Nov 3, 2015 1:17:03 GMT
My older kids love Pandemic. The idea that I would drop them off to play it with unrelated adults is just plain bizarre. I know everyone is focusing on how this is from the adult perspective, and I agree with all of that, but holy weirdness, being the ten year old in a room full of adult game players. Some kids might enjoy that, but I imagine most would end up pretty uncomfortable over the course of the evening. And responsibility for the kids isn't just literally making sure they don't get into physical danger or get molested -- sometimes kids get pretty emotional when they are playing games, and it isn't reasonable to ask people who aren't their parents to have to deal with that without volunteering for it,
Look, I have kids and it makes it so that I miss out on things I would like to do on occasion if I can't get a sitter. My problem, not anyone else's.
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Nov 3, 2015 1:18:40 GMT
OK..I'm going to disagree. HA. IF they have been allowing minors with an adult to an ADULT only game night, what is the differance? What exactly are they doing? at a church game night? that needs an adult there? what would be the differance? KWIM? They should NEVER have allowed kids at adult only game night. So that ship has sailed. That box has been opened, etc, etc They either need to bring it back to no kids at all, or open a seperate night, or room for kids game night. Do they have a kids game night? Sounds like this is needed. Because the adult bringing the child is the one responsible for the child. If the adult isn't there, then the responsibility falls on the host and he becomes a babysitter. The host doesn't wish to take on that responsibility and shouldn't be forced to. by your logic, since grocery stores allow me to bring my child with me, then they should just be ok with me dropping them off while I do other errands. i agree with those who say abandon the "we aren't cleared" avenue and go with the "we don't want children without parents" route.
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back to *pea*ality
Pearl Clutcher
Not my circus, not my monkeys ~refugee pea #59
Posts: 3,149
Jun 25, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
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Post by back to *pea*ality on Nov 3, 2015 1:23:29 GMT
I think your husband has the right to set the rules. That children must be accompanied by a parent or a designated guardian for the evening.
DS went to Catholic elementary school. In the aftermath of the Priest scandal, all parents/parishioners who were involved with any event involving children had to agree to a background check and attend a training class. It was mandatory.
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tduby1
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,979
Jun 27, 2014 18:32:45 GMT
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Post by tduby1 on Nov 3, 2015 1:28:33 GMT
Oh, I totally get the permission slips, and all, etc. What I'm saying is that if a child gets hurt there, and the parent isn't watching, because they are playing games, is the church responsible? same is if the parent wasn't there. Get what I am saying. The kids there should have never started, esp if he never wanted kids there, and that should have been spelled out. Which it doesn't sound like it has. In terms of the games played being adult. These days some parents don't get that. It all needs to be written out, vs assumed. No, I don't get what you are saying. It is only logical that if a child gets hurt in the parent's presence because the parent is not paying attention, the parent is still responsible. Back to my grocery store analogy, if I am ignoring my child in the grocery store that doesn't magically make the store responsible for my child's behaviour. That is called entitlement.
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flopsykitty
Full Member
Posts: 180
Jun 26, 2014 18:08:12 GMT
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Post by flopsykitty on Nov 16, 2015 18:38:31 GMT
UPDATE: We had a meeting with our minister about the issue with the woman planning on "dropping off" her child at the game night my husband hosts. Turns out, he had already heard about the incident, because he had attended the same dinner she went to that night. She didn't give him the whole story, though, because he was surprised to read the email she sent me (I showed it to him at my husband's request), and said he felt it was an inappropriate "request". He suggested we change the name of "Game Night" to "Adult Game Night", so that there was no confusion as to age limits (but now there might be some confusion as to what "ADULT" game night entails), and said with our permission, he would speak to her about her actions (assuming we would be okay with taking on the responsibility of watching her child, and not telling her daughter that she would not be attending game night, thereby putting my husband in a very uncomfortable position). He also asked if my husband would be willing to host a "Family Game Night" at the church, and he's considering it, but it would be advertised in such a way that it is expected adults stay with their children for the entire event. He's considering it. We did not sign a CORI, and we were not asked to sign one at our meeting with the minister. My husband did speak with this woman after church this weekend (after our minister spoke with her), and he said she apologized for putting him in an awkward position. I spoke with her briefly about some committee work we were doing, but neither she nor I brought up the subject of Game Night. All in all, I feel the issue has been resolved. Thanks again for all the advice. I appreciate it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
May 4, 2024 3:54:38 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 16, 2015 19:03:47 GMT
UPDATE: We had a meeting with our minister about the issue with the woman planning on "dropping off" her child at the game night my husband hosts. Turns out, he had already heard about the incident, because he had attended the same dinner she went to that night. She didn't give him the whole story, though, because he was surprised to read the email she sent me (I showed it to him at my husband's request), and said he felt it was an inappropriate "request". He suggested we change the name of "Game Night" to "Adult Game Night", so that there was no confusion as to age limits (but now there might be some confusion as to what "ADULT" game night entails), and said with our permission, he would speak to her about her actions (assuming we would be okay with taking on the responsibility of watching her child, and not telling her daughter that she would not be attending game night, thereby putting my husband in a very uncomfortable position). He also asked if my husband would be willing to host a "Family Game Night" at the church, and he's considering it, but it would be advertised in such a way that it is expected adults stay with their children for the entire event. He's considering it. We did not sign a CORI, and we were not asked to sign one at our meeting with the minister. My husband did speak with this woman after church this weekend (after our minister spoke with her), and he said she apologized for putting him in an awkward position. I spoke with her briefly about some committee work we were doing, but neither she nor I brought up the subject of Game Night. All in all, I feel the issue has been resolved. Thanks again for all the advice. I appreciate it. I'm glad things are working out!
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The Birdhouse Lady
Drama Llama
Moose. It's what's for dinner.
Posts: 7,159
Location: Alaska -The Last Frontier
Jun 30, 2014 17:15:19 GMT
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Post by The Birdhouse Lady on Nov 16, 2015 19:08:45 GMT
UPDATE: (assuming we would be okay with taking on the responsibility of watching her child, and not telling her daughter that she would not be attending game night, thereby putting my husband in a very uncomfortable position). So wait, the kid gets to come to the game night unsupervised after all??
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wellway
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,760
Jun 25, 2014 20:50:09 GMT
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Post by wellway on Nov 16, 2015 19:20:21 GMT
UPDATE: We had a meeting with our minister about the issue with the woman planning on "dropping off" her child at the game night my husband hosts. Turns out, he had already heard about the incident, because he had attended the same dinner she went to that night. She didn't give him the whole story, though, because he was surprised to read the email she sent me (I showed it to him at my husband's request), and said he felt it was an inappropriate "request". He suggested we change the name of "Game Night" to "Adult Game Night", so that there was no confusion as to age limits (but now there might be some confusion as to what "ADULT" game night entails), and said with our permission, he would speak to her about her actions (assuming we would be okay with taking on the responsibility of watching her child, and not telling her daughter that she would not be attending game night, thereby putting my husband in a very uncomfortable position). He also asked if my husband would be willing to host a "Family Game Night" at the church, and he's considering it, but it would be advertised in such a way that it is expected adults stay with their children for the entire event. He's considering it. We did not sign a CORI, and we were not asked to sign one at our meeting with the minister. My husband did speak with this woman after church this weekend (after our minister spoke with her), and he said she apologized for putting him in an awkward position. I spoke with her briefly about some committee work we were doing, but neither she nor I brought up the subject of Game Night. All in all, I feel the issue has been resolved. Thanks again for all the advice. I appreciate it. Why am I not surprised? Glad you are happy with the outcome.
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flopsykitty
Full Member
Posts: 180
Jun 26, 2014 18:08:12 GMT
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Post by flopsykitty on Nov 16, 2015 19:25:03 GMT
UPDATE: (assuming we would be okay with taking on the responsibility of watching her child, and not telling her daughter that she would not be attending game night, thereby putting my husband in a very uncomfortable position). So wait, the kid gets to come to the game night unsupervised after all?? No, she did not go to game night, but my husband was the one who had to tell her, because the mother did not. He told her the next day after church (we told the mother no the night before), because she had approached him all excited about it.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 16, 2015 19:31:30 GMT
UPDATE: (assuming we would be okay with taking on the responsibility of watching her child, and not telling her daughter that she would not be attending game night, thereby putting my husband in a very uncomfortable position). So wait, the kid gets to come to the game night unsupervised after all?? You're reading it wrong. The part in parentheses is the woman's misbehavior, which OP's pastor agreed to talk with her about. Good update OP. "with our permission, he would speak to her about her actions (assuming we would be okay with taking on the responsibility of watching her child, and not telling her daughter that she would not be attending game night, thereby putting my husband in a very uncomfortable position)."
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caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
Jun 26, 2014 14:10:36 GMT
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Post by caro on Nov 16, 2015 20:16:36 GMT
I'd also be concerned about the appearance of a minor child with adults that are not their legal guardians. You could get into a quagmire if the child is in a room with one adult--that opens the door to accusations of impropriety. It's better to not open the door to that at all. I agree with nipping the "free" babysitting in the bud. These bully parents are the ones who have kids that can't entertain themselves, want to play the adult games, make everyone crazy and complain the whole time. Having a parent there can eliminate all that. I also wonder what your church's liability insurance would say about having minors present without their parents or under the guidance of church leadership that has been vetted by the police. I'm friends with a woman who helps survivors of child abuse and have heard so many stories of rape and molestation in churches. There are also cases where church leaders are innocent but have their ministries ruined because of accusations. I don't think you're overreacting at all. Exactly! I was in charge of Children's Ministries at our church. I had 18 staff members that worked for me. We had a huge program. Anywya, one thing I changed as soon as I was hired was that NO child would ever be left with one staff member or volunteer. There would always be two staff members working even if just one child was in childcare for that evening. Accusations could be made and there could be a lot of trouble having just one staff member and one child. Our church and preschool NEVER allows a child and one adult to be together. Always two adults present. My thought is this, will the child be able to leave the game area to go to the restroom alone or roam the halls of the building unsupervised? If so, that is a dangerous situation for all concerned and I would not assume that responsibility. Eta. Just saw your update. I hope it all works out.
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Post by Jockscrap on Nov 16, 2015 20:18:11 GMT
That's a good update but I would suggest calling it a "game night for adults" and not an "adult game night" which has very different connotations and probably isn't what you want for your church socials
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flopsykitty
Full Member
Posts: 180
Jun 26, 2014 18:08:12 GMT
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Post by flopsykitty on Nov 16, 2015 20:41:51 GMT
That's a good update but I would suggest calling it a "game night for adults" and not an "adult game night" which has very different connotations and probably isn't what you want for your church socials Yeah - we're working on an appropriate name. Hee!
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Post by sunraynnc on Nov 17, 2015 0:52:44 GMT
How about Game Night for Grown-Ups?
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Post by LavenderLayoutLady on Nov 17, 2015 11:06:00 GMT
Thanks for the update!
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Post by myboysnme on Nov 17, 2015 16:44:32 GMT
Very late to the thread and I know it is resolved, but many people do not understand adult board games. They think it is Monopoly and trivial pursuit. As a nongamer in a family of gamers, we frequently have game night at our house and it is role play games and wargames. I was thinking he could somehow identify in the title what type of games it is, like Adult Role Play Gamers or something like that. I recall when I started a scrapbook/crop activity at my church and someone dropped off 2 teen girls with no supplies at all. We helped them the first night and told them how to get supplies, but they showed up the next week again with nothing, so I put in the parish bulletin - Adult Scrapbook Crop, must have own supplies. So many times you just have to be absolutely explicit. And flopsykitty, running a family game night is nothing like an adult game night so if I was your husband I would totally leave that up to someone who likes that sort of thing.
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Post by peasful1 on Nov 17, 2015 17:27:51 GMT
I would not use "not CORI checked" as an excuse because of what is happening right now. You are being pressured to get checked. If the pastor wants it to be a kid night, then DH can accommodate the kids or no longer be the one in charge of the event. If your husband has total autonomy over this event and how it is run, then it is up to him to set the parameters. If he doesn't want to be a babysitter then it is simply a "no minors allowed" event. Whether you are CORI checked or not is immaterial.
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Post by farmdpea on Nov 17, 2015 17:36:22 GMT
So glad you were able to get a satisfactory resolution. Just this morning I emailed our pastor about a current "stink" and church drama is just extra distressing.
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Post by lovetodigi on Nov 17, 2015 17:46:20 GMT
UPDATE: We had a meeting with our minister about the issue with the woman planning on "dropping off" her child at the game night my husband hosts. Turns out, he had already heard about the incident, because he had attended the same dinner she went to that night. She didn't give him the whole story, though, because he was surprised to read the email she sent me (I showed it to him at my husband's request), and said he felt it was an inappropriate "request". He suggested we change the name of "Game Night" to "Adult Game Night", so that there was no confusion as to age limits (but now there might be some confusion as to what "ADULT" game night entails), and said with our permission, he would speak to her about her actions (assuming we would be okay with taking on the responsibility of watching her child, and not telling her daughter that she would not be attending game night, thereby putting my husband in a very uncomfortable position). He also asked if my husband would be willing to host a "Family Game Night" at the church, and he's considering it, but it would be advertised in such a way that it is expected adults stay with their children for the entire event. He's considering it. We did not sign a CORI, and we were not asked to sign one at our meeting with the minister. My husband did speak with this woman after church this weekend (after our minister spoke with her), and he said she apologized for putting him in an awkward position. I spoke with her briefly about some committee work we were doing, but neither she nor I brought up the subject of Game Night. All in all, I feel the issue has been resolved. Thanks again for all the advice. I appreciate it. Perhaps they could call it Adults Night Out instead of Adult Game Night. I am glad that the issue has been resolved.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 17, 2015 21:14:11 GMT
It's intended as an adult game night meaning if I were a regular and kids started showing up then it totally changes the dynamic. Same at crops. I love kids but there are times I want to get away and have adult time. I would stop attending if it changed into a kids game night. I would talk to the pastor and quick. I agree she just wants free babysitting. I 100% agree with this. I would stop going if children were allowed. I think the children need an activity that is for their age group. I do wonder what that mom is thinking. She had to notice there weren't other children there.
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Post by RiverIsis on Nov 17, 2015 21:40:22 GMT
That's a good update but I would suggest calling it a "game night for adults" and not an "adult game night" which has very different connotations and probably isn't what you want for your church socials Yeah - we're working on an appropriate name. Hee! Maybe something like Role Play Games Night (age 18+) and then describe which games specific games are being played.
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