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Post by cmhs on Nov 26, 2015 19:51:04 GMT
I'm sorry for your loss.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Nov 26, 2015 20:26:02 GMT
How are you doing? Are you getting by? Wishing you the best.
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M in Carolina
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,128
Jun 29, 2014 12:11:41 GMT
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Post by M in Carolina on Nov 26, 2015 20:43:25 GMT
I'm so sorry, Sharl.
I agree that it's not helpful for people to tell you to "stay strong". I also hated it when people told me that "I should be over my grief" when it had only been 6 months after my dad died.
I really had a hard time, even though I was glad my dad wasn't suffering anymore--he had heart disease for several years and had 11 stents and many trips to the hospital with blockages. His death was unexpected after bypass surgery, but he had really declined the last year--even though he was still active. He wouldn't have been happy at all to have to sit around and not be able to be outside and work with his dogs. His mother and brother had Alzheimer's, and I know my dad really feared he was going to get it as well.
Everyone grieves at their own pace, and there's no right or wrong way to grieve. It really did help me to talk to a grief counselor, because she validated that what I was going through was normal. The fact that I hadn't bounced back in under six months wasn't uncommon--my mom and stepmom fighting over my dad's estate made my grief worse.
I understand a bit about helping your mother with her pancreatic cancer. My grandmother died of that. It was so hard to watch her decline and be in so much pain. She declined quickly over a couple weeks after doing well for 4 months after her diagnosis. She had local relatives that didn't visit or spend time with her when she still felt well, and they camped out and refused to leave the last weekend. My grandmother didn't want them to see her that way. The hospice workers and one of her good friends from church ran interference and told them they should have come sooner and wouldn't be seeing her the way she was.
I still miss my grandmother. My mom and I were talking about her today. As much as I'm glad she's in heaven and isn't in pain, we still miss her. She would have loved my dh, and I hate that she never got to meet him.
I pray that you will feel peace and know that God is there for you in your grief. There's nothing wrong with grieving. Jesus wept when he saw Mary and Martha after Lazarus died. Jesus already knew that he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead and everyone would be rejoicing. Instead of chastising Lazarus' family and friends for not "trusting in God's plan and grace" and not being sad over their loss, Jesus wept with them and felt their pain. That's what I clung to when people told me that I shouldn't be sad or should get over my grief.
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