Post by tincin on Dec 10, 2015 1:28:56 GMT
My brother passed away last night. My other brother found him today. I called his XW in another state to let her know. He was estranged from his children, due in large part to her. I don't have his two children's information to call them directly. I haven't spoken to any of them, XW, DD or DD, in several years. While he was in prison, I could not speak with them unless she listened in on the line to hear what was being said. I was required to talk to her both before and after I spoke with the children so she could tell me what a crappy brother I had, how horrible he was for being an addict (although drugs were not quite as bad when she was doing them with him) and how he owed her child support. I asked her to not talk about him like that in front of the kids, that wasn't why I called. I simply wanted to talk with the kids. I got tired of it and just quit contacting them.
Anyway, they would not answer his texts or phone calls. He hadn't spoken to them in years. His DD is 24, his DS is 20 and autistic but is capable of functioning and holding intelligent conversation. My DB was a drug addict and went to prison for it. He wrote to his kids and tried to call them while he was in, most of the time she would not accept the charges even though I offered to send her the money to pay for them. I just wanted him to be able to talk with his children. My DS and DBs and I visited him several times, each time we asked if we could take the kids with us to see him. She would not allow that. They were about 12 and 16 at the time so it wasn't as if they were small children. When he was released, I brought him home to live with me. He was in prison for around 2 years, 45 minutes from her home and she took his children to see him once during that entire time.
His DD was angry because he was a drug addict. I understand that. She was angry because he "lied to her" by telling her he would quit and then didn't. I tried to explain that he had not lied to her intentionally but he was honestly telling her that he would quit and was just not capable of doing it. I could not get her to understand that with a drug addict, the drugs become all they care about. That he was clean and he was trying to make amends but without her speaking with him it could never happen. Nope, according to her he was no longer her father and that her stepfather was more of a father than my brother had ever been. Which was BS because before he became a drug addict my brother was the sole support of the family, including my XSIL's 2 sons from 2 other men, her DIL and twin grandchildren. On top of that he was the one who did all the cooking, cleaning and school events. This I know, not just from personal observation but because both of them told me.
His DD would not speak with him or answer his texts. His DS was still a minor at this point and his XW would not allow him to talk with his son. After his son became of age, he still would not talk to him on the phone but would answer a text now and then.
While trying to make arrangements with the funeral home for cremation and a memorial service, we found out that his DD will have to sign for the cremation or it cannot be done. Now mind you, she is not footing one penny of the bill but she and his XW, who is the legal guardian of his DS, will have complete control.
When I called his XW, before we found out that his DD would have to sign for the cremation, she made a huge point of telling me that she wants to bring the kids to the service. I am so angry. These kids have had not a freaking thing to do with him all this time, for 6 years since he has been out of prison. He was not allowed to visit them because the terms of his probation prohibited him from returning to the state they live in for 5 years. That just lapsed last year and he still couldn't go back because he had tickets for driving without insurance in that state and we know she would have called the police if he had. She made that plain. She played a huge role in separating him from his kids, as big a part as his. Now she will have the final say about his funeral! I could spit nails. Everyone in our family distrusts and dislikes her. She is a habitual liar. If she tells you the sky is blue, you best go check.
If she does show up with the kids, it will get ugly. She had the nerve to show up for my Mother's funeral with her new husband about 6 months after she divorced my DB. She married his best friend less than two weeks after the divorce was final. He found out they had been sleeping together for months. We all just ignored her. I cannot imagine that happening this time. Everyone knows the role she played in driving a wedge between him and his children. I cannot see this ending well.
Anyway, they would not answer his texts or phone calls. He hadn't spoken to them in years. His DD is 24, his DS is 20 and autistic but is capable of functioning and holding intelligent conversation. My DB was a drug addict and went to prison for it. He wrote to his kids and tried to call them while he was in, most of the time she would not accept the charges even though I offered to send her the money to pay for them. I just wanted him to be able to talk with his children. My DS and DBs and I visited him several times, each time we asked if we could take the kids with us to see him. She would not allow that. They were about 12 and 16 at the time so it wasn't as if they were small children. When he was released, I brought him home to live with me. He was in prison for around 2 years, 45 minutes from her home and she took his children to see him once during that entire time.
His DD was angry because he was a drug addict. I understand that. She was angry because he "lied to her" by telling her he would quit and then didn't. I tried to explain that he had not lied to her intentionally but he was honestly telling her that he would quit and was just not capable of doing it. I could not get her to understand that with a drug addict, the drugs become all they care about. That he was clean and he was trying to make amends but without her speaking with him it could never happen. Nope, according to her he was no longer her father and that her stepfather was more of a father than my brother had ever been. Which was BS because before he became a drug addict my brother was the sole support of the family, including my XSIL's 2 sons from 2 other men, her DIL and twin grandchildren. On top of that he was the one who did all the cooking, cleaning and school events. This I know, not just from personal observation but because both of them told me.
His DD would not speak with him or answer his texts. His DS was still a minor at this point and his XW would not allow him to talk with his son. After his son became of age, he still would not talk to him on the phone but would answer a text now and then.
While trying to make arrangements with the funeral home for cremation and a memorial service, we found out that his DD will have to sign for the cremation or it cannot be done. Now mind you, she is not footing one penny of the bill but she and his XW, who is the legal guardian of his DS, will have complete control.
When I called his XW, before we found out that his DD would have to sign for the cremation, she made a huge point of telling me that she wants to bring the kids to the service. I am so angry. These kids have had not a freaking thing to do with him all this time, for 6 years since he has been out of prison. He was not allowed to visit them because the terms of his probation prohibited him from returning to the state they live in for 5 years. That just lapsed last year and he still couldn't go back because he had tickets for driving without insurance in that state and we know she would have called the police if he had. She made that plain. She played a huge role in separating him from his kids, as big a part as his. Now she will have the final say about his funeral! I could spit nails. Everyone in our family distrusts and dislikes her. She is a habitual liar. If she tells you the sky is blue, you best go check.
If she does show up with the kids, it will get ugly. She had the nerve to show up for my Mother's funeral with her new husband about 6 months after she divorced my DB. She married his best friend less than two weeks after the divorce was final. He found out they had been sleeping together for months. We all just ignored her. I cannot imagine that happening this time. Everyone knows the role she played in driving a wedge between him and his children. I cannot see this ending well.
