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Post by peanuttle on Dec 14, 2015 21:29:17 GMT
I am posting this here because I need to get it off my chest and don't want to vent to DH. Last month my 1st sweet granddaughter was born and passed after only 17 days. She was such a little light in our lives and we are so lucky to have had the time we did with her. To say it's devastating to our family is an understatement.
Close family and some close friends have been there for us and have been awesome, but it's really surprising how many people have not said more than a quick "I'm sorry" or even nothing other than a "like" on my FB post, when I finally posted something.
I'm not an outward, poor me type of person and I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but it keeps nagging at me.
If something like this happened to a friend or even acquaintance, I would offer up whatever they needed (food, help, support, etc) and would certainly send a card.
We had the memorial last weekend and it was nice with family and some friends, but it really hit me when a few of mine and DH's close friends didn't come. We didn't send out a formal invite, but it was word of mouth and FB invite that everyone received, so its not like they didn't know.
Sorry for venting, just makes me sad.
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Post by Zee on Dec 14, 2015 21:32:50 GMT
I'm sure that most of them just didn't know what to say. I'm very sorry for your loss  |
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Deleted
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Jun 1, 2024 11:18:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2015 21:34:08 GMT
I am sorry that happened to you and I am very sorry for your family's loss.  |
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Post by lancermom on Dec 14, 2015 21:39:33 GMT
When my niece was stillborn it was so hard. I was at the hospital, parents new I cared. But I didn't want to keep bringing it up. I really hate when something happens to me and people keep asking. So I may just do the sorry for your loss and move on. And we never know what is going on with them. Did something of like happen in their family and it is too hard for them to comfort you?? My SIL is going thru cancer /treatments. She said she just wants normal conversations. I really wish FB had a dislike button. Because it is weird liking a status that is clearly not likeable. Sometimes in jest depending on circumstance I will say I liked it, so I could unlike.
So very sorry for your loss. It is always hard when a child passes. ((Hugs)) to your family.
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Post by jenjie on Dec 14, 2015 21:41:37 GMT
Ahhh I am so so sorry for the loss of your precious grandchild and for the lack of support you are feeling. Gentle hugs.
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valleyview
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,816
Jun 27, 2014 18:41:26 GMT
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Post by valleyview on Dec 14, 2015 21:44:55 GMT
I'm very sorry for your loss. It is difficult for people to always understand grief, so assume that your friends do not know how much that little girl really meant to you. Her life was a blink to them, but not to you.
I hope you find peace. Hugs.
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basketdiva
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,622 
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Post by basketdiva on Dec 14, 2015 21:47:44 GMT
"I'm sure that most of them just didn't know what to say"- what a lame excuse. I simple I'm sorry for your loss is all that is necessary.
Peanuttle- I'm sorry for the loss of your granddaughter
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Post by ChicagoKTS on Dec 14, 2015 21:49:02 GMT
I am sorry for your family's loss.
In these types of very sad and inexplicable situations, I know I am usually at a loss for words. And I am also afraid of "over-talking" so I keep it simple. I am sure others react in the same manner.
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mommamagoo
Junior Member
Posts: 60
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Post by mommamagoo on Dec 14, 2015 21:52:41 GMT
I am so, so sorry for your tremendous loss. I am also sorry you haven't felt more support. I'm sure all of us are willing to listen whenever you need to talk.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 11:18:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2015 21:52:57 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I genuinely do think some people have a deep fear of these situations, that what they say will be the wrong thing, will cause tears or that it can never be enough so they stay quiet.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Dec 14, 2015 21:54:18 GMT
Hugs to you. I know for me, I rarely know what to say. I would have gone to the memorial for sure to show my support for the family if it was a close friend that lost a child or grandchild, though.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Dec 14, 2015 21:56:36 GMT
I wish that you were getting the support that you need! And I'm sorry for your loss.
Is there something specific that you'd like people to offer? Or is it just the lack of general reaching out to you that's bothering you?
Threads like this help readers like me learn to be better friends in these situations.
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Post by Tamhugh on Dec 14, 2015 21:57:04 GMT
"I'm sure that most of them just didn't know what to say"- what a lame excuse. I simple I'm sorry for your loss is all that is necessary. Peanuttle- I'm sorry for the loss of your granddaughter Basketdiva, she said in the OP that many of them did say this, but she was hoping for a little more. After reading all of the posts on here from people who were bothered by what people have said at times of loss, I find myself saying less in many cases so I don't say the wrong thing. Peanuttle, I am so sorry for your loss. It must be heartbreaking to go through something like that. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 11:18:29 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 14, 2015 22:00:39 GMT
Oh my, I'm so sorry for your family's loss. I'm also sorry that you didn't feel supported by those who should have been there for you.
When it comes to infant loss, many people don't know what to say or do because they know nothing will make it better. And so they do nothing. I'm not excusing them, but maybe trying to help you understand why they wouldn't say or do anything.
Just know that you can come here and we'll support you. Again, I'm so sorry.
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 14, 2015 22:01:13 GMT
I'm so sorry that you're feeling abandoned by friends after the tragic loss of your granddaughter. When people make the the excuse that they didn't call, because they didn't know what to say, I always think that it's Okay to say that they feel such sadness over your loss that they are w/o words. There is nothing that will help after such a loss, but just knowing that your loved ones are there for you is huge. That's my my opinion, though. My thoughts are w/your precious granddaughter and your family.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 14, 2015 22:01:51 GMT
I'm so very sorry for your family's loss, it must be heartbreaking to lose a child you love. If it was someone I knew personally I would at the very least send a card.
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,022
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Post by mimima on Dec 14, 2015 22:03:29 GMT
I'm so very sorry. May that sweet babe's Memory be Eternal.
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Post by SnowWhite on Dec 14, 2015 22:06:11 GMT
I am posting this here because I need to get it off my chest and don't want to vent to DH. Last month my 1st sweet granddaughter was born and passed after only 17 days. She was such a little light in our lives and we are so lucky to have had the time we did with her. To say it's devastating to our family is an understatement. Close family and some close friends have been there for us and have been awesome, but it's really surprising how many people have not said more than a quick "I'm sorry" or even nothing other than a "like" on my FB post, when I finally posted something. I'm not an outward, poor me type of person and I don't want to sound selfish or anything, but it keeps nagging at me. If something like this happened to a friend or even acquaintance, I would offer up whatever they needed (food, help, support, etc) and would certainly send a card. We had the memorial last weekend and it was nice with family and some friends, but it really hit me when a few of mine and DH's close friends didn't come. We didn't send out a formal invite, but it was word of mouth and FB invite that everyone received, so its not like they didn't know. Sorry for venting, just makes me sad. I'm sure you're hurting, but I think it's unreasonable of you to expect others to react the way you want them to react. Not everyone deals with loss in the same way, not everyone needs the same things in time of loss. Your friends are mind readers. |
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,764
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Post by scrapngranny on Dec 14, 2015 23:16:48 GMT
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby granddaughter, it is such a painful loss. I hope you and your family find peace and comfort.
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QueenoftheSloths
Drama Llama
Member Since January 2004, 2,698 forum posts PeaNut Number: 122614 PeaBoard Title: StuckOnPeas
Posts: 5,955
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Post by QueenoftheSloths on Dec 14, 2015 23:25:31 GMT
I have seen so many rants and handslaps on FB for saying the wrong thing to the bereaved, I know it makes me very hesitant to say anything at all beyond the simple "I'm sorry".
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MorningPerson
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,506
Location: Central Pennsylvania
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Post by MorningPerson on Dec 14, 2015 23:26:45 GMT
I'm so very sorry for the loss of your precious granddaughter. I think that until a person has gone through a similar situation, more often than not they have no idea how they should reach out and comfort someone who has experienced loss. I know that until I had to experience some very painful losses I had no idea what to do. Unfortunately, now I do. But thankfully one of the best things about our little message board is that we can help each other learn what to do without having to go through the pain ourselves. I agree with Sharlag: I wish that you were getting the support that you need! And I'm sorry for your loss. Is there something specific that you'd like people to offer? Or is it just the lack of general reaching out to you that's bothering you? Threads like this help readers like me learn to be better friends in these situations. |
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Post by christine58 on Dec 14, 2015 23:29:18 GMT
We had the memorial last weekend and it was nice with family and some friends, but it really hit me when a few of mine and DH's close friends didn't come. We didn't send out a formal invite, but it was word of mouth and FB invite that everyone received, so its not like they didn't know. They may have felt it was just for family. Sometimes people are afraid to say/do anything when a child dies. Don't judge them for not coming. The death of a child is tragic and for that I am sorry for you. People honestly do not know what to say and think that an "I'm sorry" isn't enough. Wrap your arms around your son or daughter who lost this precious child and give no thought to anything else. What was her name??? Not that it matters but was this expected??? |
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inkedup
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,837
Jun 26, 2014 5:00:26 GMT
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Post by inkedup on Dec 14, 2015 23:39:43 GMT
I'm so sorry for your family's devastating loss. Grief can be so lonely. Many people are so afraid of somehow hurting an already vulnerable person that they stay silent, not realizing that their silence hurts more than a simple "I don't know what to say."
Maybe you could reach out to support groups for bereaved grandparents, either in person or online? I hope you are able to find a circle of support as you mourn your grandbaby and hurt and grieve with (and for) her parents. I am so very sorry.
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scorpeao
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,521
Location: NorCal USA
Jun 25, 2014 21:04:54 GMT
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Post by scorpeao on Dec 15, 2015 0:06:59 GMT
I wouldn't know what to say so I'd probably say nothing other than a quick "I'm sorry." As for a memorial I probably wouldn't go, FB invite or not. It seems like something that is for close family or friends. So, unless I fit into one of those categories I would think the FB invite wasn't meant for me
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Post by manomo on Dec 15, 2015 0:09:22 GMT
I am so very sorry for your family's loss. I also am a grandmother with an angel grandbaby. To me, there's nothing as sad and unexplainable as a baby's passing.
Know that people are truly without the words to express their condolences, especially with the tender topic of a baby's death. Know also that many, many people have similar stories and just can't "go there" with their own grief. Because we were left alone in our grief, I have become better at reaching out to others in the same situations. I have also learned that when I opened up about my grief, it almost gave others permission to join the conversation, if you know what I mean.
My thoughts are with you all.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 15, 2015 0:11:56 GMT
I suck at the niceties. I mean well, but my follow through sucks.
Also, I'm afraid I will say the wrong thing, so I wait for someone to bring it up.
I am sorry for your loss.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,675
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Post by Rhondito on Dec 15, 2015 0:14:48 GMT
How awful. I'm so sorry for your family's loss. Don't assume that everyone knows what has happened. When my dad died there were several friends I grew up with who didn't comment on FB or say anything. It bothered me a bit, but then months later I would get messages from them saying they had just found out. Again, I am so sorry this has happened - I can't imagine how hard this is on the parents. |
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 15, 2015 0:14:59 GMT
My friend's 1st granddaughter died in utero due to a cord wrapped around her neck. They found out a couple days before her due date.
They had a memorial and none of us friends went. We might have had it been our friend's daughter rather than granddaughter, but I felt like it should be family and the moms friends.
I did text on the day of the memorial that I was thinking of her and her family.
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Post by stingfan on Dec 15, 2015 0:25:26 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't even imagine the pain.
I'm not a grandparent. I'm in my 40's. But I would be really surprised if my child died and people sent cards to my mother. I can see her friends calling her to talk about it and to offer condolences. But I wouldn't think it would go much farther than that. And I wouldn't expect my parents' friends to be at a memorial unless I also had a close relationship with those friends.
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~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Dec 15, 2015 0:37:10 GMT
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I feel that your friends and those of your husband should respond to your loss. I don't feel the friends of the parents should.
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My original pea date was November 1999 and my number was 1803