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Post by corinne11 on Dec 21, 2015 22:02:16 GMT
This happened to me a few years ago. Except I was on a plane heading home to Australia from Hawaii and not checking Facebook. When I got home I asked my grandson if anything exciting had happened while we were away- he casually replied "oh I think someone said Nana died" Turns out a cousin of mine in India met someone at the shops who said my mum had a fall a few months ago and had now passed away so she posted condolences on my wall and those of my two sisters.
However, no one commented on it as it was on my wall and my friends obviously just check their news feeds. My younger sister did make a statement on her page, only because her 15 yr old son was in Switzerland and she was worried he might see it before she could ring him. I privately messaged the cousin who was mortified and very apologetic. Considering she is friends with all 3 of us, surely she should had noticed there was no announcement. Of course my older sister, queen of the drama rang the nursing home and insisted they bring my mum to the phone at midnight and then made a big, dramatic post on facebook. She then actually went and visited my mum the next day (so she could post the photos of course - "Here she is, alive and well!") She hadn't visited mum in months so this was a good thing.
Corinne
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Post by lisae on Dec 21, 2015 22:08:25 GMT
When will people learn to stop using Facebook as a way to notify about or send condolences on loss? It is just plain rude! And this was inexcusable. I'd be very, very upset.
I'm glad your mom is ok.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Dec 21, 2015 22:58:07 GMT
I'm not quite grasping the outrage here. This person isn't someone who lives next door and would know. She's in another country. She clearly doesn't talk to the OP or her mother every day - or every week for that matter. For all she knew she'd missed getting word of something that happened months ago. By that amount of time, condolence on FB are perfectly legit.
It was an honest mistake. I just hope for her sake it wasn't someone trying to scam her.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Dec 21, 2015 23:05:55 GMT
This happened to me but I was the one that had passed away. A crazy coworker where I use to work started a rumour. She got her son to text my cousin daughter to see what happened to me and everything, who daughter in turn called her Mom all in a panic that something happened. My cousin then called my husband at work to see what the heck was going on. It was crazy when it was happening but about a week after I was finding out more people she told the rumour to and was really pissed..... This happened to a lady from my church, only it was an accident & not done out of spite. She's a teacher in the Jr Hi here (small town/community), and apparently one of her students had seen an obit or death notice of someone with the same/similar name. The poor kids were devastated and were all writing tributes on her FB and she was like, "WHAT???!!!". We had just lost a jr hi teacher to a traffic accident a year or so before, so no doubt the kids were still jumpy from that. After they got it all figured out she said she thought it was kind of sweet that they were all saying nice things about her.
O/P, I hope it's not a scam and that everything is ok!
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Post by anniefb on Dec 21, 2015 23:23:08 GMT
How horrible - glad you found out what happened.
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MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
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Post by MizIndependent on Dec 22, 2015 0:10:51 GMT
I'm not quite grasping the outrage here. This person isn't someone who lives next door and would know. She's in another country. She clearly doesn't talk to the OP or her mother every day - or every week for that matter. For all she knew she'd missed getting word of something that happened months ago. By that amount of time, condolence on FB are perfectly legit. It was an honest mistake. I just hope for her sake it wasn't someone trying to scam her. The outrage comes from this person thoughtlessly posting without even looking at the person's feed to find out if something happened. She just posted, causing the OP to panic in the process. Who does that without checking first? Thoughtless, stupid people, that's who.
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Post by **Angie** on Dec 22, 2015 0:19:43 GMT
I'd at least find out where the person got the idea before lambasting them. If I was explicitly told someone's mother passed I wouldn't be verifying the information, I'd just reach out to the friend. It's a crappy mistake but I'd find out how it happened before writing the friend off entirely. I've learned over the years, you never EVER post condolences on facebook until you see a family member has posted first.
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Post by 950nancy on Dec 22, 2015 0:20:00 GMT
I can see that as a new scam for sure. People will try anything to get money out of others for sympathy. Thankfully it was just a scare and she is fine.
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Post by seikashaven on Dec 22, 2015 2:12:47 GMT
I'd at least find out where the person got the idea before lambasting them. If I was explicitly told someone's mother passed I wouldn't be verifying the information, I'd just reach out to the friend. It's a crappy mistake but I'd find out how it happened before writing the friend off entirely. I've learned over the years, you never EVER post condolences on facebook until you see a family member has posted first.
Agreed. It was a terrible mistake. I don't know if it makes them a terrible person though.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Dec 22, 2015 5:01:43 GMT
I'm not quite grasping the outrage here. This person isn't someone who lives next door and would know. She's in another country. She clearly doesn't talk to the OP or her mother every day - or every week for that matter. For all she knew she'd missed getting word of something that happened months ago. By that amount of time, condolence on FB are perfectly legit. It was an honest mistake. I just hope for her sake it wasn't someone trying to scam her. The outrage comes from this person thoughtlessly posting without even looking at the person's feed to find out if something happened. She just posted, causing the OP to panic in the process. Who does that without checking first? Thoughtless, stupid people, that's who. I feel like I'm missing something here. If my mother died, I'd be the first one notified, so it wouldn't occur to me to panic. It doesn't compute to me that a non family member could find out a person's parent had died prior to that person's child. I'd know the person was wrong and if anything, I'd let them know someone might be trying to scam them. Again, my reading of this is that the person didn't think this 'death' had just happened a day or two ago; I took as one of those things where she was thinking Mom had died months ago, and she'd somehow missed the news, and she felt badly she hadn't offered condolences when it happened. I can't fault her in that kind of a case.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,304
Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Dec 22, 2015 8:12:34 GMT
I really think you're stretching there, cycworker. If the person knows enough to post on Facebook then they should know enough to at least send someone a private message. However rational I can be, if someone posted that my mother had passed away my first thought would be panic that something HAD happened and somehow I hadn't been told.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 3, 2024 9:18:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2015 11:05:50 GMT
How horrifying for you!
It seems to be common sense, for me at least, to wait until you see the family post or announce the death before you offer condolences.
Last spring, my dear friends husband fell very ill and was hospitalized . She asked me to go pick her daughter up and let her spend the night with my girls (they are best of friends) one Friday night.
About 3 hours after she got here, her grandmother called me to tell me that her father had passed away. I had to keep it together for over 2 hours until the grandparents could get here. 20 min after she called, I looked at FB to see three people already posting messages to my friend! I absolutely freaked out! Neither of my friends daughters new their dad was gone, and both have Facebook! Thank god all three girls were occupied with other things, the daughter left her phone on the couch so I grabbed it. Then I made up an excuse to take DDs phones from them. Thankfully they didn't argue, but they knew something was weird. The grandparents got here finally, and told her in my living room. Worst moment of my life. But I can only imagine what would have happened if she or my girls if seen it on Facebook.
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cycworker
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,376
Jun 26, 2014 0:42:38 GMT
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Post by cycworker on Dec 24, 2015 5:37:32 GMT
I really think you're stretching there, cycworker . If the person knows enough to post on Facebook then they should know enough to at least send someone a private message. However rational I can be, if someone posted that my mother had passed away my first thought would be panic that something HAD happened and somehow I hadn't been told. Maybe. I don't know. I can't wrap my head around this one... the idea one's mother could die and you wouldn't know is unfathomable to me. But I'm my mother's emergency contact, so I'd know the person was wrong. And again - I'm not reading it that the person posting the condolences thought the death had just happened. I read it as she had just heard about something that she thought had occurred many months ago and she was so shocked she'd missed the news, and felt guilty for missing the funeral and she just instinctively posted.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 3, 2024 9:18:20 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2015 7:58:37 GMT
I am so sorry that happened to you. I can't imagine how tough it was for you before you knew what was going on. I really think you're stretching there, cycworker . If the person knows enough to post on Facebook then they should know enough to at least send someone a private message. However rational I can be, if someone posted that my mother had passed away my first thought would be panic that something HAD happened and somehow I hadn't been told. Maybe. I don't know. I can't wrap my head around this one... the idea one's mother could die and you wouldn't know is unfathomable to me. But I'm my mother's emergency contact, so I'd know the person was wrong. And again - I'm not reading it that the person posting the condolences thought the death had just happened. I read it as she had just heard about something that she thought had occurred many months ago and she was so shocked she'd missed the news, and felt guilty for missing the funeral and she just instinctively posted. There are so many sceneries where it could happen. Mom gets its a wreck and her friend drives past. Mom collapses in the front yard and her neighbor finds her. Mom goes to the store and gets hit in the parking lot and cousin is there. Mom goes to dinner with coworkers. I may be the emergency contact, but there is a whole lot of people that could know before the contact us contacted.
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