Deleted
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May 17, 2024 17:09:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2016 22:45:33 GMT
 1/20/16 My daddy is gone. ** Hi all. Sorry I have not been back. Yesterday was more than I could handle and today I had work. I wanted to thank everyone who chimed in with their thoughts on the subject and also all the kind words. **I also want to thank all who have shared their personal stories. I think my dad may not have much more time. The last few days he has been very week and fallen a few times. He is stubborn about staying in a wheel chair. Yesterday the nurse could not wake him. He was lethargic and incoherent. Slept the whole day. He did wake this morning and eat breakfast. When my mom and I went to see him, he did not wake up at all. His face looks very puffy. The tumor on his wrist has gotten very large. He has gained some weight back, but I think it is fluids building up. And of course google is my enemy since I looked up what to expect from someone dying from cancer and it hit most of the points I saw today. We are scheduled to go out of town for my dd's bday. A 4 day cruise. My mother insists that we not cancel our plans, as my dad would not want that. We also are traveling with another family. This just sucks. My mom's heart is breaking. I feel like I can't breath. I also pray he doesn't die on my dd's bday. Thanks for taking the time to read this. |
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mimima
Drama Llama
Stay Gold, Ponyboy
Posts: 5,019 
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Post by mimima on Jan 3, 2016 22:50:42 GMT
Hugs. I'm sorry
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Post by Linda on Jan 3, 2016 22:53:35 GMT
((((Hugs)))) I'm so sorry.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,763
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Post by scrapngranny on Jan 3, 2016 23:01:24 GMT
I'm sorry your family is hurting.
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Post by jenjie on Jan 3, 2016 23:11:42 GMT
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Post by Darcy Collins on Jan 3, 2016 23:11:58 GMT
I'm sorry. I will say make your decision about your plans based on what YOU want to do - not what you think your dad would want. If you want to go on the trip and know that your mom is supported even if the worst happened in your absence - go. But we were in a similar situation a few years ago (although the planned trip was longer) and despite many who encouraged us to go - we decided to cancel. I was so glad that we did. Things deteriorated rapidly and it meant a lot to us to be there - not so much to say our goodbyes, as to support the surviving family members. Others may make a different choice - make whatever choice works for YOUR family and you.
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 17:09:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2016 23:26:48 GMT
The trip is actually a 4 day cruise, Disney Cruise. I do have a very good friend who is going to check in on my mom daily. My brother will also be available. If he passes, she wont bury him until we come back. DH and I truly need a mental break. 2015 was a very stressful year all the way around. I know we need to recharge or we both may crash and burn.
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Post by cmpeter on Jan 3, 2016 23:43:54 GMT
Hugs...what a tough situation to be in.
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Post by txdancermom on Jan 3, 2016 23:46:21 GMT
Follow your heart, and what you know your father would want you to do. My dad (who passed a month ago) would have not wanted us to interrupt a trip that had been planned just to be with him if he was dying. My dad did not like me hovering, and it was hard not to when I was with him (we lived in different states).
In your shoes, my dad would have insisted that we go on the trip, make good memories for the granddaughter, and then honor his memory later. If your mom has other support while you are gone, go, and make those memories.
(and in our family just days after my stepmom passed, my dad came to my ds's wedding, he had cancelled because she was not well, it was the best thing for him, he was with family since there was no way we could be with him due to the wedding commitments. We had her memorial service about 2 weeks later).
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kate
Drama Llama
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Jan 3, 2016 23:47:43 GMT
I'm so sorry about your dad - and about your difficult 2015. It sounds like you know what's best for you and your family. Trust yourself, as only you can make those decisions!
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Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
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Post by Mystie on Jan 3, 2016 23:48:42 GMT
I'm really sorry you're facing this hard time and feeling so torn. I'm sure your dad would want you to take this precious time for yourself and your family. I hope you can find some relaxation.
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Post by cadoodlebug on Jan 3, 2016 23:49:44 GMT
((((Hugs)))) I know how hard it is. My daddy passed the day before DS's 3rd birthday. Blessings to you and your family.
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Post by llinin on Jan 4, 2016 0:42:29 GMT
As someone who lost both parents, I can honestly say I would always regret not having been there for my dying parent and my surviving parent. There are no do overs, not another chance to be there at the end, but you can always go on another cruise. I think it would be hard to enjoy a cruise knowing my dad was dying and I wasn't there to support my Mom. Sorry about your dad. Sorry I can't say anything to make this sound positive, but I think you need to hear all perspectives.
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Sue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,234
Location: SE of Portland, Oregon
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Post by Sue on Jan 4, 2016 0:44:39 GMT
I'm so sorry.  |
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Jan 4, 2016 1:34:25 GMT
Hugs
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TwentyThree
Shy Member
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Post by TwentyThree on Jan 4, 2016 1:44:19 GMT
I am so sorry.
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Post by Blind Squirrel on Jan 4, 2016 1:50:36 GMT
I'm so sorry you are in this difficult time. Prayers for your family.
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Post by mom on Jan 4, 2016 2:07:29 GMT
I am so sorry!
Something you said, up thread, though, has stuck with me.
You said you needed a mental break. Perhaps getting away for 4 days and concentrating on your family is a good idea. Rest and catch your breath, knowing you will need lots of energy for the future.
Again, I am so sorry. Take care of yourself.
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Post by olbrwneyedgirl on Jan 4, 2016 3:21:25 GMT
Oh gosh, Tishy. That's horrible. It sounds like your dad is in good hands. I wish you peace in whatever decision you make.
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Post by nlwilkins on Jan 4, 2016 7:35:14 GMT
Before making up your mind, you might talk to his doctors. They are the ones who could give you more information. For all you know he just might need to change a few medications, or shed some fluid. If he is not awake and eating though, then it seems the end might be close. Or maye he is eating, you just said he missed breakfast.
How much fun and relaxation would you be able to get on a cruise in these circumstances? I know I would not be able to enjoy myself and my thoughts would constantly be with my parents. Perhaps, there is something else you and your family could do to get away but still be close enough to rush to his side if need be.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jan 4, 2016 14:49:49 GMT
Im so sorry. I know what a tough choice it is.
What if you stay behind with your Mom and Dad and your DH takes your daughter?
Not ideal I know but I don't think you'll get any money back from your cruise that way its not wasted DD still gets a birthday trip and you have the peace of mind to be with your Dad.
Whatever you do. Accept it and try not to second guess yourself.
I am sure both of your parents would not want you to cancel the trip.
When I was in a similar situation, I knew what my Mom would want, and what I wanted. I went with my heart.
Whatever you choose to do is the right answer.
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 17:09:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2016 22:41:14 GMT
small update in op
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 17:09:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2016 22:43:58 GMT
I am so sorry! Something you said, up thread, though, has stuck with me. You said you needed a mental break. Perhaps getting away for 4 days and concentrating on your family is a good idea. Rest and catch your breath, knowing you will need lots of energy for the future. Again, I am so sorry. Take care of yourself. Yes, a mental break is badly needed. I am at a breaking point mentally. We discussed further with my mom, and we are going to go on the trip. We know he is dying, and that will not change. I need to be able to help my mom with the aftermath. Thank you all again. |
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Post by mom on Jan 4, 2016 23:15:47 GMT
I am so sorry! Something you said, up thread, though, has stuck with me. You said you needed a mental break. Perhaps getting away for 4 days and concentrating on your family is a good idea. Rest and catch your breath, knowing you will need lots of energy for the future. Again, I am so sorry. Take care of yourself. Yes, a mental break is badly needed. I am at a breaking point mentally. We discussed further with my mom, and we are going to go on the trip. We know he is dying, and that will not change. I need to be able to help my mom with the aftermath. Thank you all again. Hugs, @tishy I have been in your shoes and it is hard. Take care of yourself. I am praying specifically for you! |
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nylene
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,469
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Post by nylene on Jan 4, 2016 23:21:31 GMT
I am so sorry about what you are experiencing. It's not easy to lose a loved one, even when you see it coming. Hugs and prayers for you and your family. Go enjoy your cruise. You know your dad would want you to.
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Post by peanutterbutter on Jan 4, 2016 23:22:33 GMT
I feel for you, those decisions are hard. Take your break, you will be a better support to your mom when she needs you. It really is okay to take care of yourself and your family needs you too.
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Post by gailoh on Jan 4, 2016 23:25:02 GMT
hugs , honey...
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 17:09:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 5, 2016 0:13:58 GMT
Yes, a mental break is badly needed. I am at a breaking point mentally. We discussed further with my mom, and we are going to go on the trip. We know he is dying, and that will not change. I need to be able to help my mom with the aftermath. Thank you all again. Hugs, @tishy I have been in your shoes and it is hard. Take care of yourself. I am praying specifically for you! mom, you are so very kind. Thank you so very much. |
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Deleted
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May 17, 2024 17:09:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 20, 2016 17:24:34 GMT
update
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,791
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Jan 20, 2016 17:28:40 GMT
So sorry @tishy , it is so hard to lose anyone.
My thoughts are with your family during this time. |
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1/20/16 My daddy is gone.
